After
by Readqueen15
Summary: Bella Swan is raped. She was always the quiet, little sister of Emmett Swan, but now her life has ben turned upside down. She hates what has happened to her and hates who she has become. She chooses to ignore her pain and tries to act as normal as possible. However, that comes at a cost. By burying her pain, she buries the girl, she once was and all there is, is the Bella, after.
1. Freshman Year

**Disclaimer: This is not a Bella•Jacob story**

**Freshmen Year: **

* * *

Sometimes I feel like I have no more tears left to cry. The energy has left my body and I'm just left an empty shell of who I once was. The world moves in slow motion as I'm stuck in the past but all around me, everything's moving at rapid speed and I can't keep up.

I've honestly, truly tried to forget that day. I try to forget the feel of his hands on the small of my back. I try to forget the smell of his minty breath attacking my mouth. I wonder why I didn't stop him. I wonder why I didn't see it coming. After all it was just a little study session. The only thoughts on my mind were passing the Geometry quiz and getting Edward Cullen to finally notice me. It's what every teen girl thought about. I was young and naive and my only thoughts were about starting my freshman year of high school.

So, I didn't mind when Jacob Black sat down next to me. I felt the seat cushion weigh down. It didn't bother me when he reached for the dip and chips. I just continued working on my homework. I didn't mind when he brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

I blushed.

Jacob was being nice like he always was. That's why he was one of my best friends. He was always so nice. So when his hand brushed my hip, I didn't register anything abnormal. Then, he whispered how beautiful I was.

I blushed again, thinking he was being sweet.

His hand moved to my thigh and he felt up my skirt. I tried to shift away from him but he pulled me closer. I was so close that I could feel the heat radiating off his body.

Something was wrong- dreadfully wrong- but I didn't scream. All I did was look at the exit of the living room, wanting Angela to walk back through the front door of my house but I knew that we were all alone. She had gone home. I was frozen on the couch, the tv was playing in the background. The Office theme song sounded throughout the room and now I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Jacob lightly kissed my cheek and I gripped the pencil in my hand. My homework was forgotten. His hands became rougher and he pushed me down on the couch. I opened my mouth to scream but he told me what would happen if I said anything. He told me that I would deeply regret it, so I stayed quiet.

I stared into his cold brown eyes. He laid on top of me and without another word, ripped my underwear down. Unshed tears sat in my eyes and I couldn't find the will to scream for help. He stuffed his sock in my mouth; his dirty- unwashed- stinky sock. With one of his hands, he held my wrists together above my head and with his other, forced himself inside me.

I don't remember the pain but I remember crying. I remember screaming but it was muffled by the gag. Nobody could hear me, he made sure of that. The weight of his body, the smell of his Axe cologne, and the muscles bulging in his arms was everything I could remember. It felt like I was about to break under the pressure of his body. He was the cat and I was the mouse and this was all just a game where there was only one winner.

That much was obvious.

Five minutes and thirty-four seconds was all it took for him to rape me. It had started at 2:33 and ended at 2:38. My underwear was tangled at my ankles and my hair unkempt. He removed the sock from my mouth and got off of me. I tried to sit up but was met by a stabbing pain from down below. A strangled cry escaped my mouth and Jacob glared.

"Do you remember what I told you?" He demanded.

I nodded my head, wide-eyed.

"Don't think that I won't hurt you," he hissed in my ear, "I'm stronger than you think."

He gathered up his backpack and laptop and left my house without another word. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I pulled my underwear back up and flattened down my skirt. My shoulders shook and I felt the racing of my heart. Blood covered the inside of my thighs and my homework sat half done on the coffee table.

All I could do was cry.

* * *

It was only another half an hour before my mom and brother got home. All evidence of what had happened was cleaned up and I sat at the kitchen table nursing a mug of Chai tea, dressed in my pajamas.

My family tended to have dinner early, don't ask me why we just did. Salmon and mixed veggies was a Friday night regular, and no matter how many times I told my parents how much I hated fish, they never listened. I sat at the dining room table with my big brother. My mom was cleaning up in the kitchen, and my dad was still at work at the police station.

"... James said that, so I socked him in the face. It fucking hurt but that idiot deserved it… Bella, are you even listening?" Emmett raised his eyebrows.

All I did was stare at him. Everything seemed to move in slow motion and I felt unbelievably exhausted. My mind wouldn't stop replaying what he told me. I knew that Jac- _he _was serious. I couldn't even say his name without wanting to vomit.

I wondered if I looked any different. I'd taken a shower after _he _left. All physical traces of him left on my body were now washed away. Yet, I still felt dirty. Impure. I wasn't as innocent as I once was.

"Why are you acting so weird?" He asked as he stuffed his mouth with food.

I stiffened in my seat and didn't respond. I didn't know what to say.

Since we were young, everyone always said that Emmett and I must have been born twins in another life. Despite him being three years older, we were two peas in a pod, as my mom liked to say. Emmett was my other half and he would know that something was wrong. He would want to know what happened. He would pull me aside and demand to know why I was being so quiet. I would tell him and then he would go murder, Jacob. Emmett, my overprotective, goofy older brother, would fix everything. Then I'd be alright.

However… none of that happened. Instead, Emmett rolled his eyes and jabbed his fork at another piece of fish. His face contorted into a smirk as something lit up on his phone. His eyes flashed to me and back, waiting for me to ask like usual, "_What are you looking at?" _

I didn't do that. I stared at my full plate of food, not eating. I was too sick. I couldn't eat after what just happened. I didn't think I could ever eat again.

Emmett let out a loud annoyed sigh. His face asked, what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you. The feeling of dread sunk to the pit of my stomach. I couldn't talk. I couldn't smile. My eyes had a faraway look. It was like when someone witnessed a gruesome accident or finds out their grandma had died. The look of complete shock sets in and you're frozen. That's what it was like for me- except a hundred times worse.

At a turtle's pace, I slowly pushed myself up from my seat. My food was cold and my mom was still in the kitchen. Emmett mumbled that I was just having girl problems and barely regarded me as I left the dining room. I ignored my mom's calls and went up to my room. I told myself that it was just a normal night like every other Friday. I tell myself to suck it up and go back downstairs. But I couldn't do that. I physically couldn't force myself to sit up. My body felt like dead weight as I sunk deeper into the bed. I was just so tired.


	2. Chapter 2

**Isabella **

"You feeling alright, sweetie?" My mom stood over me with a basket full of laundry. I squinted as I opened my eyes. The sun shined throughout my room. I tried to block it from my eyes. I must have fallen asleep last night. I didn't respond and pulled the covers up over my face. I was exhausted, despite going to bed at like 7:00 pm. My mom sighed and sat down at the edge of the bed. She pulled the blanket back and felt my forehead to check if I was sick. I groaned and rolled the other way.

My bedroom was grey and white. I liked the neutral colors. My queen sized bed took up most of the room and there wasn't much else besides a few pictures hanging on the wall.

I stared at the picture of me and _him_. Our laughs and joy were frozen in the moment; his arm was slung around my shoulders. I leaned into his side and the two of us smiled at the camera. We were only twelve years old in that picture. I wondered if that's when he started planning it. I wondered when his thoughts of me turned from friendly to lust. Or maybe he'd always been like that and I just hadn't noticed.

It was impossible to think that your best friend could be capable of committing such an awful crime. You thought that you knew everything about them. You thought that there were no secrets kept between the two of you. Surely, I would've noticed if there was something off about him. If there was something dangerous.

However, I didn't. He was the devil in disguise and no amount of clues would have lead me to the questions I was asking now.

"Mom…," I finally whispered, my voice scratchy and rough. I wanted to tell her what happened but the words stuck in my throat. How did I tell her that the impossible happened to me?

"Mom-"

The ringing of her phone cut me off.

"Sorry honey," she mouthed. She picked up the call, leaving my room.

"Mom…"

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I sat in my bed and traced the newly formed bruises on my arm. My jaw ached and a sharp pain shot through me from down below as I tried to move my legs to stand. I clutched my stomach and hunched over. My eyes closed as I sucked in deep breaths of air.

_Inhale. Exhale._ In through the nose and out through the mouth. I tried again, slower, this time. My aching limbs screamed in protest. My bare feet touched the hardwood floor, sending shivers down my spine.

I looked around my room and saw my stained underwear on top of the laundry basket. Yesterday's clothes were strewn on the floor. My favorite skirt was now tainted and my pink blouse was covered in his sweat and germs.

Did I provoke him? Was I too dressed up?

I don't know what I did. I don't know what I was thinking, acting the way I did; dressing the way I did. The pain throughout my body was the never-ending reminder of what happened yesterday. The hand printed bruise on the inside of my thighs, my legs, my hips, my arms. The wet sticky blood that coated my skin and my bleeding lip- was a reminder of what happened. Now the picture of his angry face burned into mind.

This was supposed to be a normal Saturday morning.

I was supposed to get up, get dressed and eat breakfast with my family. My dad would read the newspaper before he went fishing on the lake with Jacob's dad, Billy and my mom would try to plant new flowers in the garden, which ultimately ended up dying. Emmett would go hang out with his best friends, Edward and Jasper and wouldn't invite me. He claimed that they were doing big kid stuff that, "little kids" like me weren't allowed to do.

I was, Emmett Swan's clumsy-dorky-unpopular-little sister. My brown eyes were identical to his but he was born with all the looks. With Emmett being a star football player, everyone expected me to have the same amount of athletic ability as my brother.

However, everyone was very disappointed when they met me. I would never live up to my brothers' talent.

* * *

After breakfast, I would take a shower before walking over to Angela's house. We would practice singing along to our favorite musical, _Dear Evan Hansen_ just in case we were ever spotted by a talent agent, and then Jacob would come over and the three of us would head over to the Carver Cafe for lunch.

But today is different. Tomorrow will be different and Monday will be different. I stared at my bloody underwear in disbelief. My hands trembled as I pressed them against my mouth, trying not to make a sound.

I jumped at the sound of the front door slamming from down below. It's Emmett leaving, going to do his "big kid stuff."

With the house, finally quiet I went to the bathroom. My body revealed dark bruises forming around my ribs and purplish marks on my throat, not yet very noticeable. I left my clothes in a pile on the ground before stepping into the shower. The knots in my hair seemed tougher to get out than usual. I could cover the damage on my body by clothing and so I basically looked the same except for my busted lip.

An hour had passed by the time I get out of the shower. New raw, red marks covered the only untouched skin on my body. Now, I was completely broken. Thinking, I could wash the bruises away, I scrubbed my body dry until the voices in my mind told me to stop. But I still felt dirty. I felt dirtier then before because the bruises were still on my body and they wouldn't go away.

Getting dressed, I knew that I would have to face my family at some point. I wore the one turtle neck I had and jeans and headed downstairs. I knew that I looked ridiculous, wearing this at the end of August but it was the only thing that covered all of the bruises. I leaned against the doorway of the kitchen and watched my mom put away the dishes.

_I guess I missed breakfast. _

It's a full two minutes before she noticed me.

"Damn it, Bella," she jumped. "Don't just stand there like a creeper. You know you can help me right? These dishes aren't going to put away themselves." She handed me a plate and the cramping in my stomach starts again. At a turtle's pace, I helped her unload the dishwasher. Each movement, hurt more and more. I ground my teeth together and sucked up the pain.

"Honey, what on earth are you wearing?" She finally noticed. "You do know that it's going to get up to 90 degrees today, right?"

I nodded my head. I dried the plate off, wiping harder and harder. She sighed and handed me another dish to put away.

"I don't understand you, kids," she muttered. "Are you doing anything with Jacob and Angela today?"

I flinched when I heard his name. She didn't notice.

"No," I whispered.

Angela hadn't texted me and I'd heard nothing from Jacob. I assumed they must have gone out with each other. Not that I cared. There was no way I could be near him. I couldn't let myself get close to him.

"Oh, well then maybe you could do some of that summer work," she said. "Or have you already done it?"

"I did it yesterday with Ja-Jacob and Angela." She didn't hear me stutter and just grumbled out loud.

"I honestly can't believe how much work the school gave you. Plus, you have a quiz the very first week of school!" She ranted. "It's your freshman year for Pete's sake! You've already got enough stuff to be worried about like starting at a brand new school. I don't care if you are in that honors math class or whatever. You shouldn't already have this much work."

It felt like I'd been run over by a bus. My head throbbed and my mother's complaints only made it worse.

"At least you'll have Angela. I'm sorry about Jacob," she sighed.

The plate dropped from hand, clattering in the sink.

"Bella!" my mom gasped.

"Wha-" my eyes were the size of saucers.

"Oh, he didn't tell you?"

I shook my head.

"He's going to that school on the reservation now instead of Forks High."

Suddenly, it was as if a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My breath hitched and the thought of having the next four years free of Jacob couldn't have sounded better.

"I thought you would have been upset," my mom sounded surprised. "But, between us, I think he has a little crush on you. Why else would he be coming to study with you every day?" She giggled.

I swallowed down the puke threatening to come up. I could feel him breathing down my neck. His lips touched my ear and he whispered, "_You're going to stay quiet."_ It wasn't a question. It was an order. It was a command that I couldn't break.


	3. Chapter 3

**Isabella**

I was standing in the living room, looking out the window. I watched two cars drive by before a Jeep pulled into the driveway; It's Emmett, Edward, and Jasper.

_Don't come inside_. I prayed but my pleas fall on deaf ears. I watched them get out of the car and walk toward the front door. I was all alone with them. My mom went to the supermarket and my dad had extended his fishing trip.

My heart pound against my chest as I stepped away from the window. The door opened and immediately I heard their loud voices. The three of them headed to the kitchen not noticing me. I exhaled in relief, hoping I could make an escape to my room. I cautiously walked into the hallway, past the kitchen, and just as my foot raised, I heard my name.

"Bella?!" Emmett shouted with a mouth full of food. I froze, wanting to run to the furthest place possible. I forced myself to turn around, taking slow, deliberate steps to the kitchen. The three of them, wearing their varsity football jackets, sat around the table eating a bag of chips.

"Hi," I mumbled, looking away from Edward and Jasper.

My brother and them had been best friends for as long as I could remember. I basically grew up with them, always viewing them as older brothers, but as I got older, my feelings of Edward grew stronger. I started to notice his bronze tousled hair, the way his emerald eyes glimmered, and how his crooked grin made my heart flutter. A feeling of pure joy would flare up inside of me that I couldn't suppress. Jasper and Edward were part of the family.

"Bellaboo, why you so down?" Jasper laughed. I blushed at the ridiculous nickname he had come up with when I was five.

I shrugged in response, but I don't think he noticed. Edward looked down at his phone and barely glanced at me.

"I thought you were out with mom," said Emmett.

"I'm tired."

Emmett quirked his eyebrow in disbelief. It was an awkward silence in the room for a few moments before Edward broke the tension and asked, "What happened to your lip?"

My fingers flew up to my bottom lip only to feel a scab forming. I didn't think anyone noticed.

"I tripped," I mumbled. I was such a klutz and everyone knew. I managed to trip on air and my brother found great amusement in that.

"Jesus Bells, you're a danger magnet." He snorted.

My face flushed bright red. I didn't have to stand here and take this humiliation from my idiot brother. They were the popular jocks and if I wasn't Emmett's sister than they wouldn't have given me the time of day. I wanted them to see me as more than his sister; I wasn't the same little girl who used to follow them around like a little puppy.

I ran up the stairs and locked myself in the bathroom, feeling the anger course through my body. My eyes were closed tight as I ran my fingers through my hair. _Don't cry. Don't cry_. Nobody would believe me. Nobody has even noticed. They think that I'm some little kid and who would believe a kid?

_Nobody would._ I laughed at my pathetic attempt to hold back the tears. My eyes were blinded as hot water ran down my cheeks; I wiped them away but they fell like raindrops down my cheeks, pounding against the concrete ground. I was being torn apart over and over again. I screamed for help only for no one to hear because nobody was there. I was all alone with this monster who wouldn't stop tormenting me. It repeated over and over again in my mind, never giving me a break. There was nobody to save me.

"Bella, are you alright?" A velvety voice sounded from the other side of the door.

_Shit. It's Edward. _

I tried to clean up my face but it was all blotchy and red. My hair fell in front of my face, doing nothing to hide the fact that I'd been crying. It was pointless; I was a mess.

"Bella?"

"I-I'm, fi-fine," I stammered

With a shaky hand, I opened the door knowing he wouldn't go away until I came out. I tried to smile and act as usual. "I just needed a minute."

His eyes widened at my disheveled state as he took in my red puffy eyes to my long tangled hair. His face screamed, you-are-not-fine-whatsoever-I-don't-believe-you. "You're acting," he struggled to come up with the word, "...different."

I clenched my jaw and looked away. He noticed; Edward Cullen noticed and my own family didn't. I couldn't tell Edward what happened. I couldn't tell him what Jacob did to me.

_ But Edward would protect me; he would show Jacob that he couldn't hurt me. I would be safe._

However soon as the thought entered my mind, it was gone. I can't tell anyone. I can't risk it. Who knows what Jacob would do?

"Are you alright?" His voice is tentative

I nodded my head and forced a laugh. "Yeah. I'm just kinda tired."

"It's the middle of the day."

I muttered, "I had a rough night," and walked around him out of the bathroom. I could feel his eyes on my back and shivered involuntarily. I wanted to get out of this house.

"Bella!" Emmett called.

I ran downstairs and out of the front door, ignoring him in the process. My legs began to move on their own as I got faster, running down the sidewalk. Sweat dripped down my forehead but I had to keep running. I had to get out of that goddamn house.

* * *

I ended up at Liberty Park; swinging back and forth on the old rusty swing. The park was behind some old buildings that hadn't been used in years. There were swings, a seesaw, and a sandpit, that was littered with needles and god knows what else. This is where everyone comes to get high, drunk or deal.

Any sensible parent would keep their child away from here but I didn't need protecting. I've already been damaged. Needles littered the ground and trash sat on the grass. I knew that Emmett would have a fit if he knew I was here. He wanted to protect me from all the evil and bad I would experience in the world but he didn't realize that the evilest thing occurred right under our roof.

I don't know how long I stayed but I was pretty sure I was going to have a heat stroke soon. It was about 90 degrees and I had sweated through my sweater. I hopped off the swing, knowing that it was going to get dark soon. I started walking but stopped suddenly; out of instinct I turned around and looked around the park, making sure that I was alone.

My pulse increased in speed as I noticed a black car that hadn't been here before. I was frozen in fear when a man emerged with a cigarette in his hand. He looked my way and all I could do was stare at him. He raised his hand slightly in acknowledgment, and when I didn't respond, walked towards me.

It took about five minutes to reach me and my stupid mind told me to stay put. He was wearing a Linkin Park T-shirt with baggy shorts. His blonde hair was covered by a Seattle Seahawks hat and he threw his cigarette on the ground, putting it out. His eyes were almost grey and stared at me curiously.

"I haven't seen you around," he said in a gravelly voice. He cracked a smile showing off his perfectly white straight teeth. He seemed to clean to be a drug dealer. He seemed to normal. However, I wasn't one to judge. Look what happened the last time. My chest rose up and down, the nerves spreading throughout my body but I stayed where I was. I didn't want to be weak.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Bella," I whispered.

The park was empty except for the two of us. If he wanted to do something to me, he had every chance. There was no one here to stop him. I wouldn't even be able to fight him off.

"My name is Mike," he stuck out his hand. It happens so fast that I can't contain my body's response. Like an elastic band, I snap away from the fast-approaching man, not wanting to get hurt again. He slowly pulls his hand back, taking in my scared expression.

"Chill out," he sighs. "I'm not some rapist or serial killer."

I flinch out of habit, my mind wandering to Jacob.

"I'm in high school at Newtown Christian Academy."

_Ahhh. The fancy private school on the other side of town. _That's where the rich people lived. What was someone like him doing on this side of the town? We were considered to be ghetto, just because there were no high-end boutiques and we didn't live in mansions.

Don't get me wrong there were some wealthy families, like Edward's and Jasper's family who lived in luxurious houses on this side of town. Their parents wanted them to be more connected to the community so they chose to have them go to Forks High instead of that elite private school.

"I haven't seen you around. Where do you go?" He wondered.

"Forks High," I softly said.

He nodded his head thoughtfully. "I know it seems weird- a kid like me- over here," he says.

I nod my head.

"I just need to blow off steam, sometimes. My parents can be so fucking annoying with all of their rules and parties and those stupid charity events they host."

_Yeah, like that happens all the time around here. _

"I'm meeting some other guys in a few minutes if you wanna stay," he blushed. "We're heading to a party at Edward Cullen's. You can join us if you want."

What did he say?

"Ed-Edward Cullen, did you say?" My eyes widen. Shit. I've gotta get out of here. I can't let them know I was here. I don't want to know what Emmett would do.

"Yeah," he says slowly. "Do you know him?"

"Yeah," I snort. "I know him."

"Well, that's great! We can go to the party together!"

I shake my head back and forth, looking like a bobblehead. "No, I can't go. I can't go anywhere with you. I've gotta go."

Without another word, I take off running back to the house. The sun is already setting and I need to get home before my parents.

But it's too late. They're already home.

* * *

Several hours later, I came home. I entered the house quietly and slipped off my shoes. I was prepared to make a mad dash for my room but was confronted by the sight of my mom and dad. They stood at the doorway to the living room. I could feel the anger radiating off their bodies. They glared at me until I was cowering under their heated glares. I followed them to the kitchen and took a seat, prepared for the lecture.

"Where were you?" My dad demanded.

"I was out," was all I said.

"You didn't answer my question, Isabella."

I shuddered at his tone.

"Where the hell were you?" His voice raised an octave. "Your brother called us in a panic saying that you ran out of the house and he didn't know where you went!"

I looked down at my hands, feeling the tears sting in my eyes.

"You know that you're not supposed to leave the house without telling us where you are going. You can't just go and disappear for three hours and not answer your phone!"

"It died," I lied. _They didn't believe me._

"I never expected this kind of behavior from you…" my mom's voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry," the words felt numb on my tongue. "I didn't mean to worry you."

I stood up, wanting to leave the room. I didn't want to hear about how much of a disappointment I was. I didn't need them to tell me. I already knew.

"This behavior needs to stop right now," my dad said angrily. "Billy and I were talking on the lake today and he told me what you did to Jacob."

I was taken aback. My voice was just above a whisper. "What are you talking about?"

"Jacob told his father that you bullied him and that you don't want to be friends anymore. He said that you constantly made fun of him and left him out."

"What?" I said in an airy whisper. Through a teary vision, I could see my dad's irate face. Jacob had gotten to my parents. He convinced them that I was the perpetrator. He turned my family against me, making sure that I had no one left on my side.

"Dad…" I whimpered.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and told me to go to my room. Both of them refused to listen to what I have to say. I walked away, feeling more alone than I'd ever felt before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bella **

Two weeks passed. Two painfully slow weeks passed and every day was hell. My family thought that I must have had a mental breakdown because I spent the last week of summer locked in my room. I didn't have to face the world and could cry all I wanted. Except that today was the first day of school. Today, was the first day and I couldn't leave my room. How could I leave my house when I couldn't even leave my room?

The bruises had started to fade so I wore a light blue sleeved shirt and jeans. My hair limply hung in my face and I hugged my backpack tight. It was 7:00 and I had to be at school by 7:30. It only took five minutes to drive but Emmett was my ride and if he left without me than I was walking.

_I did not want to walk the first day._

"Bella," my brother opened the door without knocking. "What the hell are you doing? Are you ready to go?"

He had a pissed off look on his face and stomped down the stairs, not waiting for an answer. With a sigh, I headed downstairs. I grabbed a pop tart and hopped into his humongous Jeep. Emmett was already in the car waiting for me, and took off as soon as I closed the door. He turned the radio to his punk rock music that he loved so much and we rode to the school in silence.

My heart pounded against my chest as we came closer and closer. All I could think of were all of the possible things that could go wrong today. Despite my brother's popularity, I was the exact opposite. Nobody noticed me and that's how I wanted to keep it. I didn't need or want attention but it always seemed to find me.

"Bella." Emmett sighed.

"What?"

"I've got football practice after school so I can't drive you home."

I suddenly turned to glare at him. "Why the hell are you just telling me this now?!"

Did he expect me to walk home because I sure as hell wasn't doing that.

He rolled his eyes. "Jesus, calm down. I talked to Alice and she said that she and Rose could give you a ride home."

My eyes widened. I did not want to be stuck in a car with Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale.

Alice was Edward's sister and Rosalie was my brothers' girlfriend as well as Jasper's twin. They were the definition of popular and beautiful. They were both juniors and were the ones either going too or throwing the wildest parties. All the girls wanted to be them and all the boys wanted to date them. There wasn't a single person in Forks that didn't envy them, myself included.

As much as they were over at my house, Alice and Rosalie terrified me. They intimidated me. I would never be as pretty or cool as them. They would always view me as Emmett's little sister.

"Thanks for telling me sooner!" I snorted

"Well, maybe if you hadn't locked yourself in your bedroom I could have told you!"

"Well, maybe if you ever stopped hanging out with Edward and Jasper, I would talk to you more! Did you ever think about that?!" My face was bright red and tears swam in my eyes.

"Where the fuck is this coming from? You're obsessed with Edward and now you don't want him around?"

I gasped. "I- I don't know what you are talking about."

All he did was scoff. "You didn't think that we know about your little crush? It's been obvious for years."

"I'm done with this conversation. Maybe if you ever thought of your sister then you would actually notice me." a snarl escaped my lips. We pulled up to the school and I didn't even wait for him to park. I hopped out in the line of traffic and slammed the door shut.

* * *

"Bella!" Angela exclaimed from the back of the room. Her hand is frantically waving in the air as I collected the papers at the front desk and made my way towards her.

Students were still trickling into homeroom as many of us were trying to find our way around this new school. My schedule was stuffed in my pocket, as I had memorized all my classes and room numbers. I didn't want to be that pathetic person standing in the middle of the hallway lost.

A huge smile spread across her face as I sat down. Her black hair was pulled back into a ponytail and was wearing a cute summer dress.

"Hey," I mumbled.

Angela Webber and I had been best friends since we were three. After moving in down the street, we were inseparable. We were both quiet and shy and hated attention. It also helped that we were both book obsessed. There wasn't any chance that I would have made it through middle school or band without her. We were the misfits on the island of misfit toys and were content with staying that way. It worked for us and that's all that mattered.

"I'm so happy that we have homeroom together! It feels like I haven't seen you in forever," she sighed. "I feel really bad because Jake and I have been hanging out the past few weeks and I tried texting you but you never responded."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I mutter. "I was busy."

"With what?"

"I was just busy with homework and stuff," I lied.

"Oh," was all she can say. "Well, do you notice anything different about me?"

I looked at her smiling face and brown eyes. I racked my mind trying to think but came up empty.

"I got contacts!" She exclaimed.

I raised my eyebrows, noticing now that her glasses were gone. She looked different. She looked more mature like a… like a teenager.

"You look good!" I attempted to smile.

She blushed and pulled out her pencil pouch and twirling around a pen. "It feels so different but like in a good way. I figured it was time for a change since we are in high school now."

"Yeah," I muttered, sinking down in my seat.

She continued to ramble on about summer as I watched more people walk into the room. Guys in letterman jackets come in laughing and joking about something. I unconsciously straightened my back and watched them warily. _They could be like Jacob. _The three boys sat towards the front of the room. I focused my eyes on them, making sure that they stayed where they were sitting.

"...and then I went to the lake house with my parents."

I focused back in on the conversation, having missed almost all of it. Everything seemed like it's happening in slow motion and her voice was just an echo at the back of my brain.

I nodded my head, showing her that I've heard her and doodled in my notebook. I think that she got the picture that I didn't want to talk because she didn't say another word the rest of the class.

The time passed by slowly and all we learned were the rules and the expectations of being in high school. This was really the time for us to work our hardest because how well we did in the next four years would determine our future. It was hard not to worry.

"What class do you have next?" Angela asked as the bell rang.

"History."

"Dang it," she grumbled. "I've got gym. Maybe we've got lunch together?"

"I've got fourth period."

She shook her head and pouted. "I've got third period."

I stuffed everything in my bag and we walked out the door together. We stuck next to each other as we made our way through the crowd before separating at the stairs.

"I'll see you later hopefully!" She shouted. I smiled before turning away and headed in the opposite direction.

History passed by painfully slow as I sat at the back of the classroom by myself. We were learning about the Cold War and my teacher, Mr. Smith's voice was as boring as his personality. He was too deaf to hear the side conversations going on and kept his back turned, writing on the board the entire time. I stared out the window, taking no notes, and waited for the bell to ring but it seemed as if it never would.

"Can anyone tell me when the Cold War started?" He turned back around. Everyone looked at each other hoping their friends had the right answer so they didn't get called on.

"I don't know like the 1800's?" A pimply faced boy laughed. The rest of the class giggled which earned a disapproved glare from the teacher.

"Very funny young man. Now if anyone has a real answer I'd like to hear it before I give you all a three-page essay to write on the reasons the war started!"

"That's so not fair! It's the first day of school! You can't already make us do work!" A blonde girl complained.

Mr. Smith raised his eyebrows, contradicting her statement. "I can do whatever I want and you are in no place to tell me any different. I've been teaching for fifty years and have given out worse punishments than a silly essay."

He stared at the girl, daring her to something else. She mumbled out an apology before focusing back on her desk.

"You girl, in the back!" he called out. Everyone turned around and looked right at me.

I froze in my seat.

_Shit. _

_This couldn't be happening. _

"Tell us when the start of the Cold War was."

I vigorously sucked on my lip trying to think of the answer. I couldn't screw this up. It would be my fault if we all got punished and then everyone would hate me and I couldn't start high school with everyone hating me.

"Nineteen forty-seven?" I whispered.

A look of surprise crosses his face. "Y-yes, very good. The start of the Cold War was in nineteen forty-seven."

He wrote the date on the board and everyone copied it down. The sound of the pencils on paper and erasers filled the quiet classroom.

"Tell me. What is your name?"

"Bella Swan," my cheeks turn red and I sunk down in my seat.

_Why couldn't he leave me alone?_

"Emmett Swan is your brother, correct?"

I nodded my head. _What has he done now?_

Mr. Smith laughed before muttering, "At least someone in your family has some brains."

The rest of the class snickered.

I just wanted to disappear.

* * *

I was out of the room as soon as the bell rang, trying to get away from the other students. I walking so quickly that it felt as if I was gliding down the hallway and I couldn't feel my legs. My face burned in embarrassment.

The rest of the morning didn't go any better. Physics and Geometry were torture because word had spread around that I was Emmett Swan's sister and now suddenly I was the center of attention with everyone wanting to be my friend. My plans of going unnoticed failed miserably.

People knew that if we're friends then they would get to see Emmett, and he's not only the linebacker on the football team, but everyone is obsessed with him. That's the only reason anyone wanted to talk to me.

Now, I was standing in the middle of the cafeteria with nowhere to sit. Everyone had their group and their friends and knew where they belonged. I thought that I knew who I was. I thought that I had my two best friends, and that the start of the school year would be so much fun, and we would make so many memories, but nothing was turning out how it was supposed to. I made my way through the throng of people, outside to the tables. My racing heart slowed as I was out of the chaos and noise. The only table that had not been taken was by the trash cans.

I reluctantly make my way there.

"Wait, Bella!" A voice yelled.

I whipped my head around to see Jasper running towards me. He was sitting at the corner of the courtyard with all of the jocks, cheerleaders and anyone who was popular. It was a known rule that you could only be invited to sit there and freshman were basically excluded except for a select few. That is where my brother belonged. Not me.

"What are you doing? Come sit with us!"

"I was going to, uhh, I was going to sit over there," I point to the trash cans. Jasper shook his head and grabbed my arm before I could protest.

I gasped in shock at the sudden movement. My heart pounded against my chest and I could feel the blood rushing through my ears. _Let go. Let go. Let go. _

Jasper didn't let go. He walked with confidence and stride, oblivious to the looks we were getting. I could feel eyes burning into our backs as we made our way to the table. People whispered all around and pointed. I was about to puke.

_Bella Swan, a nerdy little freshman, is hanging out with Jasper Hale and sitting at the popular table._ I could only imagine that's what everyone was tweeting.

He let go of my arm when we finally sat down. Edward was to my left with a blonde girl at his side and Jasper on my right. The girl with Edward and two others across the table, were glaring daggers at me. Their faces were covered in so much makeup and were wearing the tightest shirts known to man. I felt my stomach do a flip when I noticed a group of guys at the other end of the table, looking me up and down. I quickly looked away, wanting to be invisible. This was too much attention; way too much attention. Rosalie and Alice sat across from me, looking at their phones.

My chest rose and fell and I dug my nails into my arms. I wanted to leave. I wasn't meant to be here. I wasn't meant to be anywhere. _Why couldn't I just be invisible?_

"Hey Bella," Edward smiled. I couldn't smile back at him. It felt like I was about to hurl all over the place.

"Hi," I whispered as I picked at my food.

"How's your first day?"

I shrugged. It had gone worse than I imagined. I thought that I had already experienced the worst thing in the world, being attacked by your best friend, but high school may just kill me.

"You know, I hated high school at first. It's hard for everyone. I got lost probably about a hundred times the first day."

That had to be a lie. He was perfect; too perfect. Someone like him didn't have to worry about finding a seat in the lunchroom or having no one to sit with. _Everyone liked him_.

"It's true! He came home the first day a blubbering mess. You should have seen him!" Alice let out a giggle.

Her brown hair was cut short and she only wore designer clothing. Her green eyes were identical to Edward's and while he was big and had a masculine build- Alice was tiny and slim. She was the girl to go to if you needed fashion advice or anything related.

Alice had a friendly and bubbly personality which made her approachable. She was as hyper as a child who'd had too much sugar yet somehow she and Jasper seemed to fit perfectly together. Jasper was calm, quiet and could calm a room with just his presence. I don't understand how they did it.

Edward groaned, making everyone chuckle.

Rosalie smirked at him, obviously enjoying his embarrassment. She and Jasper were both equally as beautiful. Their platinum blonde hair and ice blue eyes were all you needed to see to know that they were related. Rosalie Hale was possibly the most beautiful girl in the world. She had a fierce and blunt attitude. Everyone was terrified yet wanted to be her. She could command anyone's attention with just a look and trust me when I say… _you didn't want to get on the wrong side of her._

"Edward, babe…" the blonde girl drawled. "Who is this girl…?" She said with obvious distaste.

My cheeks turned bright red when I realized everyone was looking at me. Alice and Rosalie glared at the girl while Jasper rolled his eyes.

"This is Bella," Edward patted her hand. "Emmett's younger sister."

She quirked her eyebrow up and stared at me up and down. Her lip curled up in disgust but Edward grabbed her hand, giving her a silent warning.

"This is Tanya Denali-"

"His girlfriend." She cut in. I gave a tight-lipped smile and mumbled, hello. It was obvious that I would never be with him. Edward was perfect in every way and dated girls like Tanya, even if she did look like a first-class whore, that's what guys liked.

"Speaking of Emmett," Alice tried to calm the tension. "Where is he?"

Jasper and Edward looked at each other before bursting into laughter. W_hat did he do now? _

"He started a game of football in Calc and nearly took the teacher's head off!" Jasper burst out laughing.

_Oh, Jesus Christ. _

Edward chuckled, "he's got lunch detention today and tomorrow."

"Of course he does," I muttered. Edward smirked and playfully hit my bruised shoulder.

_Shit. That hurt. _I tried not to wince but of course, Edward noticed. He noticed everything. "Are you okay?" He whispered softly so only I could hear.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" I shrugged my shoulders, trying to appear casual.

"Well… I was just worried. You didn't look so great a few weeks ago and you kind of ran out of the house all of a sudden. We searched for you but your parents said that you'd come home eventually. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"Well, I'm fine," I attempted to make light of it. "Guess, I was just kinda nervous for school and everything."

Edward didn't look convinced. _Why was he always so observant?_ "Are you sure everything's alright? You can talk to me you know." My stomach did a flip and my need to leave became even more urgent.

"Actually, I've got to go. I promised my friend that I'd meet up with her." I said in a rush.

"Wait-!" Edward shouted. I was already out of my seat, walking toward the doors. I could feel the stare of a hundred eyes on my back. I needed to get out of here. I needed to breathe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bella**

People stared as I ran down the hall. I looked a mess. My eyes were red and puffy and my hair stuck to my wet cheeks. I run into the bathroom prepared to hide the rest of lunch but I'm met by two girls. They're smoking cigarettes letting the smoke out the open window.

"Hey," the blonde girl smiles at me. She has straight long blonde hair and hazel eyes. The other girl has long brown hair and brown eyes. They are both beautiful. I timidly smiled back, wanting to leave. They seemed to be preoccupied.

"Don't worry. We don't bite," the other girl laughs. My lips twitch, trying to fight a smile.

"Want a smoke?" The blonde girl holds a cigarette out to me. My eyes widen and I take a few steps back. I didn't want to be caught with that thing in my hand.

"N-no, thank you," I stutter.

The two of them laugh and I suddenly feel like the biggest loser. I was in high school now and people smoked and did drugs and drank alcohol and I was too much of a chicken to try it. I was weak.

"You're such a freshman." the brown haired girl says. The other girl nods in agreement.

"How-how did you know?" My eyebrows furrow.

"Only a freshman would get freaked out by this. Trust me, by the time you're a senior you'll be doing much more than smoking."

I internally shivered. I didn't even want to think about what that meant. I wasn't like these girls. I was nerdy and quiet and damaged. I didn't do stuff like that.

"What's your name?" The blonde asks with curiosity.

"Bella Swan."

They raise their eyebrows looking me up and down. Not maliciously, like Tanya but as if they were interested in me.

"You're Emmett Swan's sister?"

Unfortunately.

"I'm Kate Denali," the blonde haired girl says.

"And I'm Bree Tanner."

Kate said her last name was Denali. Just like Tanya. They couldn't be sisters, could they?

"Is Tanya-" I start.

"Yes, Tanya is my younger sister." She rolls her eyes. "You don't have to hide your displeasure for her. I know she's a bitch."

"Oh, um, I wasn't, um, Tanya is, um-" what the hell was I trying to say? I'm just digging myself a bigger hole. Kate and Bree burst out laughing. My face is bright red as I stutter over the words. Apparently, they found my suffering funny.

"Don't worry about it. Feel free to trash her sister. That's what we do every day. As you can see, Tanya doesn't control us like she does the rest of the school."

I crack a smile and bite my lip. They were actually cool. They weren't anything like Tanya and her minions. They seemed to genuinely like me. I think I liked them.

Kate brushes her hair out of her face and her sleeve slides up. I see the beginning of something on her wrist.

"What is that on your wrist?" I ask.

She pulls up her sleeve, showing me a tattoo. It was really simple and small but it seemed to fit her personality. It seemed to define her.

"It's a Yin and Yang tattoo. I got sophomore year after I broke up with my boyfriend; I wasn't in a good place. The white symbolizes everything good that will come out of the dark. There is always something positive in times of darkness, you just need to find the light."

Her voice was nostalgic. It was as if she could see right through my soul. She could see how I was slowly falling apart. I wanted to believe her logic but I found it hard to.

"That's cool," I mumbled.

"Do you want to get one?" Bree questioned.

I immediately shook my head back and forth. "I don't like needles."

"Don't worry. I don't either. Kate's the daredevil here." Bree said.

She flashes a wide smile before tossing the cigarette out the window. I watched the smoke rise into the air. It was calming.

"I can hook you up with a guy for free if you ever want to. Age doesn't really matter with him."

"That's, um, alright." I awkwardly laugh.

I twirl my hair around my finger, realizing that I've gotten comfortable with them. Kate and Bree weren't that bad.

"Are you sure you don't want a smoke?" Bree asks. I stare at the cigarette in her hand. I know that I shouldn't. I know that if I start now, it'll become a habit that I won't be able to break and my parents would kill me. My dad's a cop and I was taught never to break the rules. But at the same time, they seemed so relaxed. They seemed so content and I wanted to feel that way. I wanted to be that way.

Without thinking, I take from her hand and she lights it. I suck in a deep breathe, immediately choking as it entered my throat. Oh god. What the hell was this?

"Don't worry, it feels weird the first time. Just try again."

I do as she says, taking in another, this time successful, breathe. The smoke comes out of my mouth and I lean against the wall and close my eyes. I didn't want to think about anything else right now.

* * *

I made two new friends. Two new senior friends and they thought that I was cool. They thought that I was cool enough to hang out with. They invited me to a bonfire with them on Friday night. I was going to ask Angela to come because no offense to them, but I didn't trust them to drive if they were going to be drinking.

After that, the rest day was a blur. All of my teachers gave the same lectures about what we would be doing in class this year and why it would be a great year. I couldn't care less. It was already awful for me Half of the time, I either had people wanting to sit next to me or avoiding me like the plague. I don't know what their problem was because I had never seen them let alone talk to them before. Everyone had already seemed to make up their minds about me. Why doesn't everyone just join the Hate Bella Swan Club? That is literally what my life felt like.

"Hey, Bella!" Angela showed up beside me. I was sitting on the ramp outside the front doors in the parking lot. Everyone was either driving away, meeting up with friends, or going to sports practice. It was chaotic. This was our rare sunny day in Forks and everyone wanted to make good use of it.

"How'd today go?" She asks excitedly.

I shrug my shoulders. It could have gone better. I'm already on Tanya Denali's hitlist and I've got half of our grade hating me for some unknown reason. I did make friends with a couple of girls but I wonder how long that'll last until they realize what a freak I am. Other than that, my day was fantastic. _Not. _

"It was fine." I sigh. "How was your day?"

Angela squeals. "Well, I joined the Art Club and Save the Planet Club. Omg, I also met this really cute guy! He's all into protecting the earth and stopping climate change and I get these really artsy and mysterious vibes from him."

"Angie, you're blushing," I laugh. "So that's why you joined those clubs. So you can be with this dream boy of yours."

Her cheeks turn even redder and twirls her ponytail around her finger. "He's amazing and so mature. He's not like all the other boys around here. He's different."

I quirk my eyebrow. In all of my years, I never would have guessed that Angela Webber would be fawning over a boy. This was so unlike her.

"What's his name?"

"Ben Cheney," she whispered. Her eyes wandered the parking lot, making sure she wasn't overheard by anyone.

I'd never heard of him before in my life. But if she was happy then I was happy for her. At least one of us had a good day.

"Enough about me!" She exclaims. "Tell me about your day. I heard you ate lunch at the popular table?" Her eyes were as wide as saucers. Did everyone know?

"Yeah, Jasper invited me over. It really wasn't a big deal." I try to change the subject.

"Bella this is a huge deal! You are already the hottest topic of the school. You should be hearing what the guys are saying about you," she whispers.

"I honestly don't want to know. I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life," I hiss. With a huff, I sit down next to her.

"Oh my god, Bella. When are you ever going to learn to have fun?" Angela laughs. I roll my eyes, tired with this conversation. I have plenty of fun! "Please, if you consider going to book club meetings at the library fun then you are delusional."

"Hey! You were the one that suggested it! Where has this change come from all of a sudden? We were always happy just being together."

Angela looks at the ground, pressing her lips into a thin line. "We're older now and I want to try new things. I want to experience everything high school has to offer. It's not always going to just be us, Bella."

I know she is right. Things won't always stay the same. Things already aren't the same anymore. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Before my life got completely screwed up.

"Well, actually, there is this party I was invited to Friday night. I'm going with Kate Denali and Bree Tanner. Do you want to come?"

"Yeah, it should be fun. I'll meet you at your house. Do you think that your brother could drive us?"

_Shit!_ It didn't even occur to me that Emmett would probably be going with Jasper and Edward. Lord help us all when Emmett finds out. He's going to blow a casket.

I shake my head. "I think it would be better if we get a ride with Kate and Bree. You know Emmett."

Angela laughs in understanding. She picks up her backpack and throws it over her shoulder. "This should be fun, Bells," she says. I've got to go now, I promised my mom that I would babysit my brothers."

I nod my head and stay seated.

"Is everything alright with us now?" She asks. "I wasn't trying to hurt you before in any way."

"I'm fine," I attempt to smile. "Everything is fine."

"You know that you'll always be my best friend right? That won't change."

I nod my head, not believing her. It already feels like we're drifting apart.

* * *

Rosalie and Alice got me shortly after Angela left. I was quiet the entire ride, listening to their conversation. They were talking about the party this weekend. All I picked up from it was that there would be a keg and they would be getting drunk. I didn't want to hear anymore because I didn't want to have to rat them out to my father. Whenever there was drinking involved there were police. I didn't want to be known as the girl who broke up a party and got everyone arrested.

"I saw you talking to Kate earlier Bella," Alice suddenly says to me.

I raise my eyebrows. Why did it matter that I was talking to Kate?

"Kate Denali?" Rosalie questions.

Alice nods her head. Rosalie snickers and I give them confused looks. Did they have some vendetta against her? Why were they being so mysterious?

"She and Bree are my friends." I firmly state.

"Bella…" Alice sighs. "I'm not saying you couldn't be friends with them but they can be intense. They are both great people and extremely nice but they are older. They've got a lot of, um, experience in, um, stuff you haven't experienced before…"

Rosalie rolls her eyes, cutting to the chase. "Bella, what Alice is trying to say is that the two of them go through guys like Alice goes through clothes. They drink, smoke, and party. They've been arrested more than once. We're just saying be careful with them."

"It's not like you guys don't do the same!"

"Yeah but some of the people they hang out with are not good people. You don't want to get caught up in that crowd. It's easy for someone to take advantage of you." Alice tries to reason with me.

That's rich coming from them. Everyone knew that they never missed a party. If there was alcohol Alice and Rosalie were there. I don't know how they never got caught. Besides, my virginity has already been taken. What left is there to take?

"Well they invited me to that bonfire on Friday," I said. "I told them that I would go."

The two of them share a look. It was the type of look parents gave their children when they've just done something bad and they are worried about them. Or if a grandparent has died and they're trying to think of the best way possible to break the news, without upsetting their child. It was a look of concern.

"Does Emmett know that you are going?" Rosalie asks.

I shake my head. Why should I have to inform my brother of every single thing I do? He's not my father.

"You know how protective Emmett is of you. Do you think that he'll be fine with you going to this party?"

"I honestly don't care what he thinks. He just has to suck it up and deal with it. I'm older now and I can make my own decisions. If I want to go to this party than I am going!"

"Bella-"

"Save it! I don't want to hear any more about this. I'm going to this with my friend Angela whether you like it or not. Nothing is going to change that!"

Alice's yellow Porsche stops in front of my house. I get my bag and slam the door shut. Before I can leave, Rosalie grabs my wrist from the open window. I freeze. Let go. Let go. Let go.

She doesn't let go.

"I'm not going to start lecturing you again," she sighs. "But you should know that I wish that I had someone to tell me these things when I was your age. I wish someone had warned me of the dangers. We're just trying to help."

A sob catches in my throat and tears well up in my eyes. I rip my hand away from her and run into the unlocked house. It was too late for help. I was already damaged. Now, if only I could forget.


	6. Chapter 6

**Isabella**

The rest of the week wasn't any better than Monday. I overslept on Tuesday because my alarm clock never went off and no one bothered to wake me up. Of course, Emmett had left without me and I had to walk fifteen minutes to school. Needless to say, I was late and narrowly avoided receiving detention. Tanya and her minions glared at me every day at lunch, making it very clear that I was not wanted. Edward was oblivious to his _girlfriend's_ hatred of me so I resorted to spending the second half of lunch every day in the bathroom with Kate and Bree. They were the only thing I had to look forward too.

Finally, Friday arrived and I was in a daze. First period had ended and my only thoughts were making it through the rest of the day unscathed because if anything else were to go wrong, I was going to insane. People rushed past me, some smiling and others glaring. I was tempted to shoot them a nasty look but decided against it and kept my head down. I wasn't to draw any more attention to myself. I was to stay invisible because people couldn't hurt me if they didn't see me.

I arrived ten minutes early for English and opted for the seat furthest in the back. Slowly, people started to trickle in and either outright stared at me or walked past as if I didn't even exist. Everyone rushed to see their friends, knowing very well that the teacher would switch our seats. She had been kind enough to let us choose up until today. I was content with sitting alone and didn't want anyone to burst my little bubble.

"Quiet down, quiet down," our teacher, Ms. Reneta says. She comes to the front of the class with a clipboard in hand. Her hair was as dark as the night sky and her chocolatey eyes searched the room, making sure everyone was listening. She's wearing a blouse and jeans. _She certainly didn't dress to impress._

"I know that you've gotten comfortable but I'm sorry to say that we are going to be changing seats today." A series of groans sound throughout the class and students reluctantly pack up their bags, preparing to be separated from their friends as if it were the worst thing in the world to happen. She read off the list of names. "Diego and Jane, Riley and Alec, Bella and Jessica…"

A scowl appears on my face as this skimpily dressed girl walks to the back of the classroom and dumps her bag on the ground. She tosses her long brown hair over her shoulder and turns to me. She had been sitting next to the blonde bimbo, Lauren Mallory.  
"I'm Jessica Stanley!" She chirps. "You must be Bella Swan!"

I nod my head and she flashes me a sickly sweet smile. Her perfectly manicured fingernails are a bright pink just like the rest of her outfit. Her face was caked with makeup which made her seem even faker. Her nasally voice hurt my ears and I knew she wasn't looking to be my friend. Her only intentions with me were to become popular because she knew that I was a key into that world.

"You are so pretty! I… love your, um, outfit…" She sounds anything but impressed as she scans over my stained sweatshirt and sweatpants. "Is that Calvin Klein?"  
"It's Old Navy," is all I say.  
"Oh…"

She continues to talk throughout the class, clueless to what is actually going on. Question after question is about my brother. She knows that he and Rose would never break up and it would be incredibly stupid to get on the wrong side of her, but her tiny brain doesn't take the hint. My only wish right now is to push her out the window. That's the only way I could get her to shut up. Finally, after forty minutes of reading Romeo and Juliet and Jessica's nonstop chatter, the bell rings. I jump out of my seat and run for the door with her hot on my heels. "Bella, wait!"

I speed up and disappear into the crowd, ignoring her whiny voice. I smile to myself at this small victory. Maybe now, I could finally think.

* * *

I didn't go to lunch today. I didn't want to face the cold stare of Tanya and Emmett's overbearing behavior concerning everything I do. I hadn't told him about the party because I knew that he would flip his shit. Emmett either wouldn't want to be seen with me at the party or he'd say that I'm too young to handle the experiences of high school.

_Too young my ass._ I thought bitterly as I stood in the hallway at my locker. I was getting out my bag for gym when someone walked up next to me.

It was Edward.

"Hey Bella," he smiled. Edward leaned against the lockers intensely staring at me. His arms were crossed as he watched me close my locker and put away my books. "What are you doing here? I've missed you at lunch the past few days."

My heart thumps against my chest. _He missed me?_

"I've just been at the li-library." I lie. My cheeks blushed bright pink and his throaty laugh made me even more embarrassed. "The Cafe is a little too crowded for me sometimes."

"The Cafe is too crowded?" He repeats, not believing me. Edward shakes his head and a smirk appears on his lips. I want to smack that smile off his face and show him that his girlfriend is such a bitch. _That's why I didn't sit with him_. But I clench my fists and narrow my eyes, controlling the urge to punch something… or someone.

"Yes. There are too many people," I hiss. "Now, if you'll excuse me… " I try to walk around him but his hand grabs my hip. I gasp as sudden pain bursts through my side. He immediately lets go and has a look of confusion.

"Did I hurt you?" His voice is rushed. His green eyes sparkle and his mouth is slightly open. I manage to slow the thumping of my heart down but my body is still shaking. "What did I do?"

"I-I'm fine. It's just, um, a bruise," I awkwardly laugh. Tears prick at my eyes and before I can turn around and leave, a voice rings out through the hallway. It's the stuck up snobby voice, I've come to hate.

"OMG, Bella!" She squeals. Jessica runs up to me but stops short when she sees Edward. Her eyes are wide as saucers and she stutters like an idiot. "I'm, um, I'm, J-Je-"

"This is Jessica," I said gritting my teeth. "Jessica Stanley."

A cheshire cat grin spreads across her face. She twirls her hair seductively, non discreetly, pushing out her boobs in his direction._ She is such a try hard._

"Hello," he responds politely, paying her no attention. She pouts, obviously annoyed that the _hottest guy_ in school was ignoring her.

"What are you guys talking about?" She licks her lips and steps closer to him. Edward glances at her, uninterested, and keeps his eyes on me.  
"Nothing that concerns you, Jessica. So if you'd be so kind as to give us some space, I'd greatly appreciate it." He snaps at her. His jaw is clenched and I know that he's at his breaking point.

Jessica gasps as if he's just insulted in her. "Bella and I are friends. Anything you say to her you can say in front of me." She suspiciously looks back and forth between the two of us. Her blue eyes suddenly ice. I know Jessica isn't going to back down until she gets what she wants, and what she wants is Edward. _Which is never going to happen._

"Actually, Bella and I were just leaving. Now, if you'll excuse us." Edward takes my bag before I can protest and I can do is follow him like a lost puppy.

We're almost to the door when Jessica's voice rings throughout the hall. "I bet Tanya will want to know where you are going."  
Edward's hand freezes above the door handle. He inhales a deep breath before turning around to face her.

"She doesn't know, does she?" She says with a smug look on her face. Edward's about to blow a gaskat but instead of contradicting her, he gently takes my arm and guides me out of the school. We're halfway across the parking lot when I finally come to my senses. I yank my bag from his hands and with a loud grumble, stalked away in the opposite direction, back to the school.

"Bella, where are you going?" He sighs. He's caught up to me within a few seconds and my scowl deepens.

"I'm going back to class. It's against the rules to skip class don't you know?"

Edward rolls his eyes, stopping me from walking. He's always made fun of me at what a goody- two shoes I was. He didn't understand the concept of rules. His motto was, _"rules are meant to broken because that is the only way you will learn your lesson."_  
I don't know how many times he has recited this to me but I know that for every rule he has broken, no lesson has been learned.  
"It's healthy to skip everyone once in a while. You know that-"

"... rules are meant to be broken because that is the only way you will learn your lesson."

"Ahhh. The words of the wise man. You've been listening. He's always right, you know." He laughs. Edward stares at me with a look I can't even describe. His smile seemed genuine. He actually seemed interested in me. I don't know what game he was playing but I didn't like it.

"Edward, what are doing?" I ask frustrated. "You have a girlfriend. Why don't you go spend time with her."

"Well, what if I don't want to spend time with her?" He says. "What if I want to spend time with you?"

A feeling that I can't describe flutters in my stomach. Edward sounded so passionate. So serious. I didn't want to corrupt his perfect world with my craziness. I couldn't do that to him. "Edward, trust me. You don't want to spend time with me." I walk away, leaving him stumped. I couldn't let him get close to me because I didn't want to hurt him in the end. He was too good of a person to be corrupted by me.

* * *

I ended up going back to class. Gym was a disaster and I didn't even want to talk about Health Class. Learning how to put a condom on was not something that should be done while sitting next to a fifteen-year-old, horny boy.

"Earth to Bella!" Angela waves her hand in front of my face. "Hello? Anyone up there?" She knocks on my head. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind. I lean back in my chair and watch Angela straighten her hair. She picks up an elastic off of my messy bureau and does a long braid in her hair. This is her attempt to get Ben Cheney to notice her.

"What do you think?" She smiles widely and shows herself off. This was our first high school party and she wanted to dress to impress. She was wearing jean shorts and an off the shoulder baby pink top with Birkenstock's. I, on the other hand, was wearing my brother's football sweatshirt that was so big, it looked like I wasn't wearing any pants.

"You look good!" I give her the thumbs up. It's true though. She looked confident, pretty, and approachable. Angela was the fun one between the two of us. She could make friends with anyone.

"Are you really going to wear that?" She sighs. "Pleaseee, let me choose a different outfit for you. You'll look really cute!"

I groan, shaking my head. "Nooo. It's going to get cold later and I'd rather not freeze to death. I'm comfortable like this-"  
"But you have a bunch of pretty dresses in your closet! You never wear them anymore," she pouts.

Content with my response, I refuse her offers, opting to be dressed comfortably. "I don't really wear dresses anymore, Angela."  
"But-"

"Angela, no." My voice is firm, trying to get my point across. She finally understands and drops the subject. I slump back into the chair and watch her put on makeup. I would never be the girl she is. I'll never be normal like her.

An hour later the sound of horn comes from outside. I look out the window to see Kate and Bree sitting in a blue Maserati sports car. Angela and I run downstairs and grab our shoes. We're almost to the door when my mother stops us. She's sorting through papers at the kitchen table but pauses when she sees us at the door. "Where are you girls going?"

All eyes are on me, waiting for a response. "Is it ok if we go to the beach? We're going with some friends and meeting others."  
I bite on my lip, nervous that she is going to say no. I've never been one for going to parties or hanging out with friends on weekends. I always stayed in and read.

My mother looks shocked and with surprise, she says, "Yeah, go ahead girls! I think Emmett left like fifteen minutes ago. "  
A smile radiates across our faces. I grab my phone and Angela and I run out the door. "Thanks, mom!"

"Have fun and be safe!" I hear her yell from inside the house. I don't respond because we're already in the car with the music blasting. The night was just getting started.

"Hey girls!" Bree turns smiles at us. Kate grins before turning a sharp corner, making us fall on top of each other.

"This is Angela," I say. Bree and Kate are immediately taken with her. The talked the entire ride about Ben Cheney, who was apparently a senior. This made Angela blush even harder. If I didn't know, I'd say she was in love. _Note the sarcasm._

We pull into a parking lot ten minutes later. We've got to switch cars because Kate's car can't handle the off road driving to the beach. Several other cars are already here and people are standing outside in groups. I see Emmett's humongous Jeep and then, of course, he's standing with Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice. He's leaning against his car, laughing at something. Knowing that, Emmett would see me any second, I hid behind Angela. I hoped that he would save me the embarrassment and leave me alone for now. I wanted to try to fit in.

"Is that Bella?" Jasper looks our way. He waves his hand and Kate and Bree turn in their direction. _No no no._ This couldn't be happening. I duck my head and try to head the other way but Bree grabs my arm, stopping me. _Damn it._

"What the hell are you doing here?" Emmett growls. His arms are crossed against his chest and he glares at me. _What crawled up his ass?_

"Really, Kate? Did you really think it was a good idea to bring a _fourteen-year-old_ girl to a party?" Emmett yells.

"Hey! I'm almost fifteen!" I try to stand up for myself. "I'm here for the same reason as you. Do you have a problem with that?"  
Emmett not amused, glares at me. "Bella, do you really think this is a good idea? If you're trying to prove yourself or some-"

"She doesn't need to deal with your crap right now. All she's trying to do is have a good time like the rest of us. So I suggest you shut your mouth before I do it for you." Kate announces, nose to nose with Emmett. Both of their hands are clenched in fists, enraged with each other.

"What the fuck did you say to him?" Rose pushes Emmett back and gets in her face, suddenly furious.

Kate smirks and that's all Rose needs before hell breaks loose. With a sudden swing, Kate's head snaps to the side and bright red mark lays on her cheek. It's almost as if she's shooting laser beams out of her eyes at Rosalie. I doubt that this will end peacefully. There is going to be some bloodshed.

"Did you actually just do that?" Kate growls. Emmett and Jasper pull Rose back as she claws and screams. By this time, a crowd as formed around us, impatiently anticipating what will happen next. Suddenly, as if the Red Sea has parted, everyone turns in the opposite direction, watching Tanya stalk over to us. She was angry and I had no doubt that she would focus her wrath on me.

"What the hell is going on?" She hissed. Her two cronies had abandoned her to talk with some other guys. Tanya's ice blue eyes seemed to turn my insides to stone. I stood to the side, quietly, trying to stay invisible.

"This doesn't concern you," Kate snapped. Tanya rolls her eyes as if suddenly this all makes sense. "Of course you have something to do with this. I'm sorry about her, she has anger issues."

"And I'm sorry about my sister. She's got insecurity issues. She never knows when to stop acting like a slut." Kate says in a sickly sweet voice. Everyone's trying to contain their laughter. _Even Edward._

Tanya's face is as red as a tomato and with an angry screech, she has dragged poor Edward away by his shirt. "Babe, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to get drunk."

Edward, knowing it's better to not to fight her, lets her take him away. I stare at them with a feeling of envy. _I should be with Edward._ I should be the one in his arms. _He could protect me. _Suddenly as if Edward could hear my thoughts, he turns his mouth pressed into a thin line. He didn't seem very happy to see me.

"Bella are you alright?" Angela whispers beside me. Startled, I turn to her. I had almost forgotten that she was here.

"I'm fine," I whisper.

_No, I'm not._

* * *

I'm riding in Emmett's Jeep with Rose and Angela. My brother wanted to keep an eye on me which I very much protested, and Kate and Rose couldn't stand to be within a mile of each other. She and Bree had gone with Alice and Jasper in his pickup truck and were meeting us there. Edward and Tanya had gone with some other guys and I assumed that they must be already at the beach, assuming they left after Tanya temper tantrum. I had escaped her for now but I doubt I could stay invisible all night. She was bound to find me and when she did, Tanya would end me.

We got to the beach in fifteen minutes. It seven o'clock and I already wanted to leave. We pulled into a crowded parking lot in front of the beach. Emmett cut the engine and I hopped out of the car. I saw a cloud of smoke rising into the sky, creating a sense of darkness and my impending doom. Emmett slammed the door shut and walks towards the beach. I quickly followed after him, my stomach was doing somersaults as we neared the very crowded beach.

Voices and music combined made the sound deafening. Rap was blaring from someone's speakers and red cups were littered all over the sand. A keg had been set up and a small crowd was already cheering someone on in a game of Beer Pong. "Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!" They chanted. I internally threw up in my mouth knowing that they'd regret this all tomorrow. I, for one, wouldn't be going home with a wicked hangover.

"Angela!"

The boy's voice was so deep that I wouldn't have believed he was in high school. Angela furiously blushes as the Asian guy in a grey crew neck wearing white shorts jogged over to us, kicking sand up in the air behind him.

"Ben!" Angela waves back.

_So this was the infamous Ben Cheney._ I could see what Angela saw in him. From what I could tell he was muscular, handsome, and charming. He wraps his arms around her waist, giving her a quick hug before letting her go. They smile at each other like two idiots in love and that incites high pitched giggles.

I stand to the side, feeling like a third wheel. Ben notices me and sticks his hand out for a handshake. Sucking up my nerves, I place my hand in his large one and let him squeeze it. _He's not Jacob. He's not Jacob._ He lets go of my hand within a second and I exhale in relief.

"You must be Bella?" Ben smiles, stating more than asking. Angela turns back to me, remembering that they weren't the only ones here."Angela has talked a lot about you." He looks adoringly at her.

If I didn't know any better I'd say that they were already a couple. _It was only a matter of time._ Angela sheepishly smiles and fiddles with her fingers.

"It's nice to meet you," I sincerely say. I mean it. I want Angela to be happy and this boy does this for her then I'm happy for her. I'll just kill him if he does anything to her.

"I was hoping that I could steal her away for a bit," he quirks his eyebrow up. "We never did get to find our conversation about climate change the other day."

Now it's my turn to laugh. _Climate change?_ This is why Angela wanted to come. She knew that he would be here tonight.

"I'm sorry Bella," she mumbles. "Do you mind?"

With a sigh of resignation, I know that I'll most likely be spending the night sitting alone. "Go have fun kids!"

A smile breaks across her face before dancing over to give me a tight squeeze. She whispers in my ear. "Thank you."

"Don't worry, I'll have her back by a reasonable hour," Ben jokes. Emmett and him fist bump before him and Angela run off together.  
I turn to Emmett to his arms folded over his chest and glancing down at me. I roll my eyes and walk away only to have him grab my arm. Startled, I flinch away and he immediately lets go. My heart thumps against my chest as he and Rose both look at me in concern.  
"I'm fine," I mumble. My lips quivering, I say, "I'm just gonna sit by the bonfire- roast marshmallows or something."

"Bella-"

I go to the bonfire- a few feet away before he can say anything. My hands shaking, I stick them in my pockets and sit down on the wooden log. _I'm fine. I'm fine. Just act normal._

It's been two hours, I've been sitting here. I don't know how much fruit punch I've drank but I ate three s'mores and felt bloated. People sit all around me, making out, talking, laughing with each other. I'm the odd one out. I'm playing candy crush on my phone, trying to tune out the noise, when I see a group of rowdy boys coming from the opposite direction of the party. They were all tan, muscular, and looked familiar but I couldn't place my finger on them.

"Who are they?" I ask a girl, eating a hotdog beside me. She follows the direction I'm pointing in and sees the guys.  
"Oh! They are the Quileute boys. They go to school on the reservation but always come down when we have these parties."

My heart drops to the stomach. Blood rushes through my ears and I'm frozen in fear. It's as if time has stopped and I'm the only person in the world. Everyone else has disappeared. I'm searching through the crowd of boys when I see him. Jacob, standing proud and tall in a blue navy t-shirt and khaki shorts, is staring right at me with a smirk plastered on his face. He truly was a devil in disguise.

* * *

"Hey, Bella!" Jacob sits down beside me. He's wearing that same god awful cologne. My stomach does flips when he's standing in front of me. My eyes are glassy and scan around looking for an escape. There is none around. I sucked in a shaky breath, feeling my throat constrict. Panic rose in my body. I suddenly didn't know how to speak. Or walk. I just sat on the log, blankly, staring up at him in terror. My palms were clammy, and it was all I could do not to knot my fingers together.

"What, no, hello?" He says in a low voice. He stares me down, daring me to say something. To shout for help. To reveal what he's done to me. But I stay quiet, unable to move. Everyone is too drunk to notice what is going on. Emmett had said that he would check on me later but I didn't see him anywhere. Angela was with Ben talking about god knows what and I had no clue where Edward was. Last time, I saw Kate and Bree, they were already drunk, going off with some guys towards the woods.

"Angela was getting comfy with some guy back there. I never thought that I'd see her with one." He laughs. "How have you been?"  
I don't respond. It's as if I've just witnessed a murder and I'm frozen in fear. He wouldn't try anything in front of everyone, would he? _No. No, he wouldn't._ I try to convince myself. But I'm not sure I can believe that.

"Cat got your tongue?" He raises his eyebrows. If I open my mouth I think I'll throw up. I don't think it can get any worse but suddenly, he's grabbed my arm and is dragging me through the crowd.

I open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out. I try to yank my arm away but he holds onto me tighter. My head turns every which way, trying to get someone to notice my distress but nobody does. They're all drunk idiots that won't remember any of this in the morning. Tears pour down my cheeks like rain falling from the sky. My head thunders in pain and I lose my footing, stumbling along the way. Everything was spinning around and around like I was on a tilt a whirl. All I had to drink was the punch. The sour tasting fruit punch. _Something was wrong._

The noise fades away and we're encompassed by the ominous dark forest. I look behind me to see we've walked further than I originally thought. I couldn't see the party anymore.  
Jacob pinned me against the tree as I repeatedly punch his chest, struggling to get away. He grabs a fistful of my hair, forcing my head back.

"Ahhh," an animalistic scream resonates from my chest. "Jacob plea-"

He slaps his hand over my mouth, yanking my head back harder. "Don't you dare say another fucking word. Now stay quiet and it'll hurt less."

His hands roam my body, leaving no part untouched. His mouth, sucking the side of my neck, moaning in delight. Then he moves his hands up my sweatshirt to the hem of my shorts.

"Stop!" I breathe. "Stop it!" Jacob pulls back as if he'd been submerged into hot water. The furious glint in his eyes says it all.  
Unprepared for his reaction, his fist connects with my side and I fall to the ground in pain. It felt as if the life had been knocked out of me. My fingers wrap around a pointy rock and I consider jabbing him in the eye. However, he yanks me up by the hair, entrapping me against the tree with his arms. My fist is curled around the rock, unnoticed by him.

I'm prepared to fight him suddenly, he lets me go. My heart is pounding so hard that I can hear it in my ears. _What was he doing?_  
Finally, I hear voices. A girl and a boy, far away but still close enough that they will see us any second. Jacob's eyes darken more if that is even possible. The smirk reappears on his face as he looks me up and down. "Don't think this is over."

With nothing left to say, he walks away, leaving me huddled on the ground in a drunk disorderly haze. I didn't know if I could move on from this. I was saved this time but I wouldn't be so sure about the next. Jacob was coming back to finish what he started.


	7. Chapter 7

**Isabella**

"Damn it," a voice muttered. I felt myself hoisted into the air and the only thing I could do was snuggle against their warm body. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I wanted to stay asleep forever. Life was too hard. Death was easier.

"Can't weee just leaveherrr here?" a voice whined. The girl sounded familiar. A feeling of hate surged throughout my body. It multiplied when I heard her name.

"Tanya, shut the fuck up! Do you want her to die? I didn't think you were that selfish. We've got to get her back to the beach. Try calling Emmett again." he hissed.

"I've, like, already, called, like, ummm, threee, times." she slurred. "Emmettdoesntlikemeee."

"Yeah, I wonder why," Edward muttered sarcastically. He shifted me in his arms and like a bullet, a sudden burst of pain shot through my ribs. A soft whimper escaped my lips and Edward froze. "Bella?" he whispered "Bella, c'mon, you're safe. Just wake up." his voice was full of anxiety and continued to whisper sweet things in my ear. _I knew I was safe._ I knew that I was safe with Edward but I didn't trust the Wicked Witch of the East: _Tanya_. She wouldn't hesitate to leave me for dead.

"Bella, it's Edward," he said. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

My eyes fluttered open but quickly shut as I felt the pounding pain return to my head. I groaned and pressed my face into Edward's rock solid chest. He had a firm grip on me so I trusted him not to drop me. _I was safe_.

I tried again to open my eyes and finally successful, I stared into his warm ones. He sighed in relief and muttered my name. It's as if we were the only two people in the world and all the stars and the sun had aligned. Nothing could tear us apart. _Except for the witch._

"What did you drink?" he breathed.

"Fruitpunch," I mumbled into his chest. My eyes began to flutter shut.

"Shit." he muttered. "Do you know how much you had?" I shook my head. It felt like I was about to die of heatstroke. I was sweating and could barely breathe in this heavy sweatshirt.

He put the back of his ice-cold hand against my forehead which instantly woke me up. The coldness felt so nice. I almost wished it was winter. I hated the heat. I hated the way it clung to my skin as I so desperately tried to get it off. I hated Jacob's hot body the most. It suffocated me as I struggled to find some comfort. I didn't like the heat.

"I'm not letting you go back to sleep. You've got to stay awake," he said in a firm voice. I whimpered, wanting to be put down.

"Let's get this sweatshirt off of you," he said. "You're sweating."

Edward stood me up against a tree and lifted my arms into the air. It was dark out but I could see Tanya standing to the side, seething, watching Edward and me together. Her hands were clenched in fists and it looked like she was about to murder somebody. And not in my right mind, my head lolled to the side and I smirked at her.

_I bet she wished she was me right about now._

Edward tugged the sweatshirt over my head which left me in temporary state darkness.

"Edwarddd," I slurred. I attempted to take a step forward but stumbled into his arms. He caught me and picked me up, bridal style once again.

"Tanya take her sweatshirt," he tossed to her but she let it drop to the ground.

"I don't take orders from youuu!" she hissed. Her eyes were ablaze. She glared at the two of us before she kicked my sweatshirt aside and covered it with the dirt. "Gooo, have fun with this attention seeking whooore! I'm going to back to the partyyy. Maybe I'll see what Tyler isss up tooo."

"Tanya, don't you fucking dare!" Edward's jaw clenched. "I'll end this right here!"

She snorted obviously not believing him. I snuggled into his chest, trying to get comfortable. Edward's eyes flashed down to me and he gently rubbed my back.

"Gooo ahead, Edward. Don't expect meee, to comeee crawling back to you." Tanya stalked off, leaving us stranded in the forest. I was an even deeper pile of shit.

* * *

I laid in the backseat of Emmett's Jeep. As soon as we made it out of the woods, Edward found my brother. Soon word spread to the others about what had happened.

"What was she doing in the woods?" Emmett demanded. "I was only gone for an hour. How much trouble could she get into?"

"I don't know. Tanya and I were walking back to the beach and we found her lying on the ground unconscious."

"She has hickeys all over her neck. She must have gone off with some guy," Rose said in a grave voice. I knew what she was thinking. _I'd been taken advantage of._

"No." Angela shakily said. "Bella's not like that. She doesn't drink. She doesn't do that stuff."

"Well, she's as drunk as fuck right now! Obviously something has happened. She told me that all she had was fruit punch." Edward growled. My head was in his lap and he drew circles on the back of my hand.

"Well she obviously didn't know the punch was spiked," said Jasper.

My breathing was heavy and labored like when someone had just finished running a marathon.

I was going to puke. "Ed-"

I clumsily pushed myself up and let my head hang low. Everyone was now silent and watched me like a hawk.

"Bella?" Emmett reached his hand out but I pushed him away as I tried to get out of the car.

"What-" before he could finish, I hunched over and puked all over his shoes as Edward held my hair back.

"Shit!" Emmett yelled and jumped out of the way. I heaved in deep breathes and tried to hold in the bile that was rising in my throat.

"It's alright," Edward's calm voice soothed my nerves. Certain, that nothing more was going to come out, I groaned and fell back on the seat. _I wanted to go home._

"What's going on?" I heard a new voice. Everyone turned around to see Jacob Black. "Is Bella alright?" Jacob walked forward; false concern coated his voice.

He may have fooled everyone else but he didn't fool me. He wanted me to know how much power he had. I wouldn't say anything in front of everyone. He knew that I was terrified. Jacob could smell my fear from a mile away and used that against me. I was right to be terrified. _Who would believe the drunk girl?_

"She's just had a bit too much to drink." Edward's response was short and annoyed.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at Edward as he pretended to be the concerned best friend. "Is she going to be alright?"

Emmett sighed. "She's going to be fine. You can go back to the party."

He didn't listen to my brother. Emmett had always made it clear of his dislike of Jacob. I never knew why he hated him so much. I assumed it was because he was jealous. Ever since I became best friends with Jacob, Emmett and I spent less and less time together. It was always the two of us and I knew he was hurt that I ignored him. _I was a horrible sister._

"This is all my fault. I saw her drinking with this guy and I tried to tell her that she should slow down but she wouldn't listen to me." Jacob cried. "I should have tried harder to stop her."

"Why the hell didn't you find one of us?" Emmett roared. "Do you know what happened? She was found unconscious in the woods. She could have died out there if Edward hadn't found her!"

Jacob, taken aback, cowered under Emmett's deadly glare.

"I'm s-sorry," He stuttered. "I didn't know what to d-do."

"You idiot-!"

"Dude, back off the kid! He didn't know any better. Yelling at him isn't going to help anyone." Jasper stepped in and broke apart the fight that was most likely about to occur.

Panic was all I could feel. My heart raced because he was too close. Jacob, sputtering lies about me that everyone seemed to believe, made me sick to my stomach. Everyone believed him. I was just the drunk girl.

"Let's just get the fuck out of here before something else happens," Emmett grumbled.

"How about we go to my house? My parents are out of town for the weekend." suggested Edward.

"Yeah, let's do that. My parents will freak if they see Bella like this." Emmett agreed and got in the car with Rosalie.

"We'll meet you guys at your house!" Jasper said referring to him and Alice.

"Yeah that sounds good!"

The sound of the engine broke me out of my thoughts and watched as we drove away from the beach. I could still feel the imprint of Jacob's hands all over my body. I could still hear his voice in my mind, telling me to shut up. The bruise from his kick made me want to scream in pain. But I couldn't. I couldn't be weak because when I'm weak, I'm vulnerable and I don't want to be vulnerable.

* * *

"What happened last night, Bella?" Emmett sat down at the edge of the bed. It was 9:00 in the morning, officially the next day. My insides twist and churned as I sat up. The pain increased in my side with every move but was unwilling to ask for Advil. I didn't want to reveal the pain because there would be questions that I couldn't answer.

I was in Alice's bedroom. I'm not exactly sure what happened after we left the party but I'm pretty sure I threw up on Emmett and then Alice and Rose helped me into the bath. Everything was kind of blurry.

"I don't know." I sighed, crossed my arms over my chest, and stared at the ground.

"You don't know?" he muttered. "Well, the last time I saw you, you were sitting by the bonfire eating s'mores," he whisper-shouted. "The next thing I know, Edward was carrying you out the forest, half awake with fucking hickeys all over your neck." he paused trying to control his temper. "Jacob Black told me that you were hanging out with some guy and that you were drinking. He tried to get you to stop but you wouldn't."

He waited for my reaction but I had none. Jacob Black was a fucking liar and knew he could get away with it.

"Is Jacob telling the truth?"

I shrugged my shoulders and picked the lint off of my t-shirt. I knew what he wouldn't let me go until I told him the entire story- _every little detail._

"You have to talk to me Bella!" he raised his voice. "You could have died last night! Do you know what alcohol poisoning is?"

I shook my head, never having heard the term before.

"It's when you've consumed large amounts of alcohol in a short period of time. It can have serious consequences and from what I saw last night you had more than a few drinks." his face was a mix of purple and red. "You could have fallen into a coma or died or started having seizures-"

"Emmett, I'm fine! I've just got a fucking headache!" I screamed from the rooftops. He stared at me shocked. I was also shocked. It's my first time saying the _f- word_ out loud. I was never one to swear.

He opened his mouth but suddenly began to laugh; tears brimmed in his eyes. "What the hell is going on with you?! You're swearing and drinking and having sex with a random guy-" he threw his hands up in the air. "Did someone hurt you at the party? Is that why you're acting so weird? Because you are nervous to tell me?"

The color drained from my face as I remembered what Jacob did last night. "Nobody hurt me," I lied through my teeth. "I wanted to go with the guy. I didn't know the punch was spiked but I felt good once I drank some. I was having a good time and didn't want it to end."

Emmett doesn't say another word. He stared at me like I'd become a stranger. His jaw was clenched and I could see the hope in his eyes that I just joking- that this is all a sick joke and I'd go back to being the perfectly naive little sister of his.

"That guy left you unconscious in the middle of the woods," he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Anything could have happened. You were a mess when I first saw you. You can't possibly say that you had a good time with that douche bag."

It was silent- deadly silent.

I usually enjoyed the silence but this silence had a bad feel to it. Emmett was silent because he didn't know how to react. His little sister had turned into a whore overnight and now he had to deal with the fact that I was a changed person. He couldn't control me like he used to. I wouldn't let him.

"You're lucky that I'm not telling mom and dad. Most of those guys were seventeen, eighteen! You are just _fourteen_.! You're still a kid for fuck's sake! You are just a fucking kid who's acting like a fucking slut! This isn't you, Bella!"

"I'm hardly a kid anymore," I scoffed.

"You can't do this, Bella!"

"You can't control me! You're not dad!"

"Yeah, I'm not dad- I'm your brother! I know what all of those guys like! They like girls like you-!"

"Girls like me?! Please tell me, what that's supposed to mean!?"

"Naive and young and stupid girls who don't know any better! They'll use you and then dump you like garbage when they've gotten what they want!"

"I'm a big girl," my voice was monotone. "I'll survive."

Emmett snorted, not believing what he was hearing. "I don't want you hanging out with Kate and Bree. They're bad influences and if they hadn't brought you to that party then none of this would have happened!"

"You don't get to tell me what to fucking do." I hissed. My face was bright red- partly from the pain of my bruised ribs and partly because I was furious. "Now get out of this fucking room! I'm tired of this conversation!"

"I'm just worried about you, Bella." his voice was sincere. "This isn't you. For the past month, you've been so different."

The truthfulness in his voice was like a punch to the gut. Everything hurt from my ribs to my lungs to my heart. My hurt heart the most knowing that it would never be whole again. The most I could do was mask the pain, hoping I didn't completely fall apart.

"Now you're worried? I thought that I was just a slut. Where were you before when I needed you?" I growled.

"I didn't mean that." he breathed. "But wait, what the hell are talking about?"

I've said too much. "Just worry about yourself. I don't need anyone looking after me." I muttered. "Now if you would please leave."

Emmett didn't move.

"Now! Go! I don't want you here anymore!"

He threw his hands up in the air, exhausted with me. He stalked to the door and before he left, turned around and said, "I don't even know who you are anymore."

And then he was gone.

I pushed myself out of bed and clung to the wall. Every step sent another shot of pain up my side. I locked the door, making sure that no one can get in.

* * *

_I'm the slut. I'm the school slut that's trying to get into Edward Cullen's pants_. I'm now the evil witch who broke up Tanya and Edward: the _It_ couple. I'm the crazy drunk girl trying to steal everyone's boyfriends. At least that is what Tanya's spreading around on Twitter and everyone believed her.

I flung my phone across the room, watching it hit the wall and crack. Pings keep sounding from the growing number of people messaging me; telling me how they hate me.

I already hated myself so it didn't surprise me as much as it should have. It just confirmed what I already thought. There is no one you can truly trust.

The sound of the door handle rattled, startling me from my thoughts. Somebody was trying to get in.

"Bella?" Edward said. "Please open the door. We need to talk."

"You can say what you need to say through the door." tears stained my cheeks. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want anybody to see me. I was supposed to be strong.

"Bella please," he sighed. "We need to talk in private. I'm going to put a stop to this. Don't believe anything people are saying. They're all idiots."

I laughed, finding absolutely nothing funny. "Let them say what they want. I could care less." my voice was unsteady.

"Bella, I know that's not true. Say what you want to others but don't you dare lie to me!"

I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't deal with Tanya and her little minions. I couldn't deal with Emmett and his constant mood swings. I especially couldn't face Edward. He is what's going to be the end of me. He's going to make me fall apart. I can't let that happen.

"Go away, Edward! I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you!" I hissed.

Edward being fed up with me replied, "Well, when you decide to get off of your high horse, come and find me! I'm going to clean up this mess because believe it or not, some people actually still care about you!"

He walked away, leaving me alone the rest of the day. I knew I screwed everything up. I've managed to alienate myself so much, possibly my only friends had left me. I didn't think it would hurt this much to be alone.

My emotions poured out of me like an open flood gate. Every reaction, every feeling, every emotion that I've ever felt all became too much. I wanted somebody to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright. I wanted to go to Edward and apologize for what I said. I wanted to tell Emmett how much I love him. I want to kill Jacob Black and make him suffer as much as I've suffered.

But instead, I watched the clock strike midnight. Alice came a few hours ago saying that she'd stay in Edward's room tonight. Everyone left earlier in the day, giving up on me. I'd give up on me to if I were them. Emmett had called our parents saying that we were spending another night. I knew they were disappointed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Bella **

_Die. Die. Die. _

Felix was flirting with some tall blonde girl who was sitting in my seat. Her fake tan made her look like an orange. What did the boys see in her? His hand rested on her leg and he had this cocky smirk on his face.

_Die. Die. Die. _

His very presence made me quiver in anger. Felix was the very definition of a man-whore. If murder was legal, he'd be the first one to go.

_Wait, no_. Jacob would be the first. Felix would be a close second.

"See something you like, psycho?" Felix turns his attention to me. "Or do you always look so murderous?"

The girl giggled, whispering something into his ear. The next thing I know, they're making out practically on top of each other. Where was the teacher when you needed him?

_Die. Die. Die. _

Felix wouldn't die. He stayed perfectly alive, devouring the girl's face. Oh, how I'd like to see his face… devoured in concrete.

"The psycho is watching us," the girl whispered loudly. How dense could she be? I'm standing right here.

"Yes, the psycho is watching you," I hissed. "Now get the fuck out of my seat. The psycho is angry!"

I slam my bag down on the desk, sending her running in the opposite direction. Felix looks disgruntled and sends a hateful glare my way. I've been getting those a lot recently.

"Was that really necessary?" He growls.

"No, it wasn't necessary," I say. "But she was in my seat. You can suck faces with her another day."

He laughs, surprising me. His eyes roam over my body and I hug myself a little tighter. "You're jealous."

What? Jealous of him? Puh-lease!

"And you're a conceited idiot!" I retort.

"Don't worry there is plenty of me to go around," he smiles. "You're hot when you're angry!" he whispers.

"Shut the fuck up!" I snap. "I'll tell my brother-"

"You're going to tell on me to your brother?" He smirks. "Good luck with that. You're not the most reliable girl."

I suck in a deep breathe. _Don't cry. Don't cry, Bella. You're stronger than him._ But he was right. Nobody ever believed me. I had screwed up too many times. I had been downgraded to the skanky slut with behavioral problems.

"You don't know what you are talking about," I said. I sniffled, feeling the tears prickle at the corner of my eyes. I shuffle through my bag, trying to hide the fact that I was crying.

Everything he was saying was true. I was on sinking and there was no one to save me. Angela had floated away. Emmett was floating away. I don't know what happened to Kate and Bree. I have a feeling they have been avoiding me… and Edward… well, he was a different story.

"Here," I mumbled. I slammed down a folded up piece of paper on the desk. It was the damn apology note. "Don't think that I still don't hate you."

For the first time, Felix looked weary. He gingerly takes the paper keeping his eyes on my shaking body.

I don't know how much time passes but the bell screeches throughout the room. I gather my things, walking out the door, feeling his eyes bore into my back. I don't know what is going to happen now. I don't want to even think about him. I just want to move on.

* * *

Detention was better than I imagined. I had a quiet place to get my work done. There was nobody to bother me and this doesn't go on my permanent record.

The only downside was boring, Mr. Smith. Half the time, he was either grading papers or getting food from the teachers' lounge. I had numerous opportunities to leave but I decided that I'd rather not get into any more trouble. He barely acknowledged me, letting me do what I wanted just as long as I didn't leave the room.

Two hours had passed surprisingly fast and it was already time to leave. Without even so much as a goodbye, I rush for the door. When I get to the parking lot, the first thing I see is Edward casually leaning against some car surrounded by his friends. Football must be just getting out. That meant Emmett was still here.

My legs felt like jelly as I walked across the parking lot. Would his friends taunt me? Would they make fun of me with Edward standing right there?

My heart races as I come closer to them. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. If I had waited until they left then everything would be fine. Edward looks too busy at the moment to notice me. He threw his head back laughing and his crooked smile made my heart stop.

I let out a sigh of relief knowing that none of them are paying attention. They don't see me. I doubt Edward would stop them from tormenting me.

A loud piercing whistle rings throughout the air. I swing my head around to see two guys smiling at me. They nudge Edward and he looks my way, scowling. His hand raises as if to give me a greeting but lowers when he sees the terrified look on my face.

"Slut," a guy loudly coughs. The others immediately join in, spearing me no mercy. My heart sinks when I look at Edward. I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed by me or embarrassed for me. He looked troubled.

"Shut the fuck up," he growls at them. They immediately back down, watching me walk away in disappointment.

Back at home wasn't any better. My mother was going nuts trying to clean the house for the Cullens tonight. Everything had to look perfect because the Cullens were this perfect family with perfect lives and my mother wanted to live up to their perfectness. But our family was far from perfect and she refused to admit it.

"How should I start this?" She mumbled to herself. The ingredients for Vegetarian Enchiladas, Esme's favorite, was spread out across the counter except the problem was my mother was possibly the most horrible cook to ever walk this earth.

Renee was good a person always with good intentions but as far as parenting went, she lacked the skills. She had always been more of a best friend to me than a parental figure. Her personality was a little wacky and she did get distracted a lot but she didn't love us any less.

However, Esme Cullen was who I always went to for advice and when I had problems. She always knew the answer to everything and could make feel better any day. I felt guilty for thinking this but I considered her more of my mother than my own.

Everything about her from her caring nature to loving smile made me feel wanted. She always had time to talk when Renee couldn't. Just like Edward she had dark red hair. She was an architectural designer and had firms in Seattle, New York City, and LA. Esme Cullen was everything I aspired to be.

"Do you want me to make dinner?" I sigh, remembering how her last attempt at cooking almost burnt the house down.

"Oh, sweetie. I don't want to make you do this, I'm sure that you've got some homework to do."

"I've already finished all of it," I say. "I don't mind, It'll give me something to."

She sets down the cookbook she had opened and turns towards me. She had a guilty expression on her face. "Honey, I don't want to make you do all of the work."

"Mom, it's fine. I enjoy cooking, you know that."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

I take the book from her flipping to the vegetarian section. She leaves me to cook and goes to clean the rest of the house. I needed this right now. I needed a distraction from my shitty life. There is a reason for comfort food, it's supposed to provide you comfort… I think. I shoved another tortilla chip into my mouth as I finished preparing the enchiladas.

I stuck them in the oven and ran upstairs to get changed. At the moment, my best outfit was a striped shirt with navy blue jeans and pulled my hair back into a low ponytail. My mother was always trying to get me to dress more feminine. She didn't want her only daughter dressing like a boy. _Oh! The horror! _

The sound of a slamming door sounds from outside. I look out the window to see Edward, Alice, and their parents standing in the driveway. Was it already 6:00?

The sound of Alice's soprano voice floats upstairs. She's laughing with my mother about something. Her charismatic persona draws everyone in, making her impossible to hate. As much as I'd refuse to admit, I'm in awe of her just as much as everyone else.

I walk downstairs and follow the noise to the living room. Everyone's talking about the recent football game. Edward scored some big touchdowns that guaranteeing our school's win. His cheeky grin made my blood boil in anger. How could he just sit there, laughing about that stupid sport? Because of him, my life was intentionally being ruined by his ex-girlfriend was. All he had to do was keep his big mouth shut. It's not that hard to do.

"Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed. "I was wondering when you were going to show up!"

Everyone was always dying to get the inside scoop on the Cullen family. I was fortunate enough to know him not as, Carlisle Cullen, the handsome doctor in town with the swoon-worthy British accent. But as Carlisle Cullen, a second father and a person I could talk to about anything.

He knew my love of science and medicine and always loaned me his medical books to read and taught me as much as he could. He had striking blonde hair and green eyes, just like Alice and Edward. He was a surgeon at the local hospital.

If anyone could see what was wrong, it would be Esme and Carlisle. After all, it was Carlisle's job to detect when people were hurt. They would notice and they would help me… I hoped.

"Hi," I mumble. Carlisle steps forward, wrapping his arms around me suddenly. I stiffened in his embrace. _I know Carlisle. He is good. Carlisle doesn't hurt people. He heals people. I trust Carlisle… I trust him. I trust him. I trust him. _

I relax once he lets go. I stare into his questioning shimmering green eyes. I look away feeling intimidated. He doesn't question me. But I know it's going to come later.

"Hello sweetie," Esme whispers into my ear. I allow my shoulders to drop, the tension fading away from my body. Her hug is warm and comforting making me want to stay in her arms forever.

"Happy birthday," I whisper.

"Thank you, hun." Her hands rest on my cheek, taking me in. She lets me go and the feeling of loneliness washes over my body sending me back into the never-ending sadness. I try to appear happy but she knows something is off. I can see it in her eyes.

Before she can say anything, a ding from the kitchen sends me running. I take the sizzling hot pan out of the oven making sure it does not burn. The spicy aroma tickled my nose and the look of the cheesy queso and spinach made my stomach rumble.

"That smells good!"

Startled, I spin around to see Alice leaning against the counter. A small smile danced upon her lips as she stared at me.

"I didn't mean to scare you," she smiles. She pushes herself up on the table watching me clean up the kitchen. What did she want?

"How are you doing, Bella?"

Her question catches me off guard. How was I doing? I was doing awful. Thank you very much for asking.

"I'm fine," I grumbled as I wiped down the counters. Her perfectly manicured nails tapped against the counter like the tick of a clock. She quirked her eyebrow at me as if to say, _I don't believe you. _

"You are not fine," she laughs. "You're on Tanya's hit list. You'd be crazy to be fine with everything going on right now."

"Okay, I'm not fine!" I whisper-yell. "Is that what you want to hear?"

She sighs, hopping off the counter, coming closer to me. "Yes, it is. I know Edward made a mistake telling Tanya off. He just added fuel to the fire."

"Well, there is nothing we can do about it now," I sarcastically laugh.

"You can tell everyone the truth," she suggests. "You can tell everyone what really happened at the party. I was there, I know you didn't sleep with Edward. You're too good of a person."

Alice doesn't let up. She's just like her parents. She can convince people into telling her anything. It's almost as if she can see something is wrong.

"Nobody would believe me." I nonchalantly say. "I'm already a psycho and slut. I don't want to be branded a liar."

"I don't think that stuff-"

"It doesn't matter what you think!" I growl. "You don't have half the school hating you. They don't call you names and start rumors. Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut. You can't be seen defending a slut like me-"

"Stop saying that about yourself!" She demands. "We both know that it's not true. If you won't stand up for yourself then I will!"

She wouldn't. She wouldn't ruin her social status at school just because of me. Would she?

"If you don't tell Edward to get his head out of his ass then I will. You know that everyone will listen to him. The entire town loves him."

"What about Tanya?"

"Do you really think they'll believe her over the golden boy?" She rolls her eyes at his nickname. "As long as Edward stays quiet, she'll have all of the power."

"I-I don't know Alice," my voice shakes. "I don't want to make anything worse."

"I can how much pain you are in. You don't look the same. You look tired and worn down and constantly depressed-"

"I get it," I hissed.

"I just want to help," she pleads. "Just let me help."

I take a stack of plates and utensils and shove them in her hands. "You wanna help? Go set the table for me. That'll help a lot."

I grip the table edges, trying to conceal my anger. It was like a weed growing throughout my body getting stronger and stronger. I was cracking and pretty soon there would be nothing left of me.

* * *

I take a bite of the cheesy gooey mess, mentally moaning in awe. Damn, I was a good cook. Alice keeps tapping her fingernails against the counter. It annoys the shit out of me. Didn't she have anything better to do?

"How is school going for you, Bella?" Esme asks. "It feels like we haven't seen you in a while."

Everyone looks at me but Edward. His foot is tapping against the ground and his jaw is clenched.

"It's going great," I lie through my teeth. I take another bite, hoping to avoid questions. Why did she have to be so nosy?

"Have you made any friends? I found some of my best friends in high school," she smiles. Esme takes a sip of her wine waiting patiently for my answer. When did this turn into an interrogation?

"I made a few," I mumble. Her face lights up as well as my parents. I was always shy like a little mouse, my parents used to say.

"Tell us about your classes," Carlisle says. "You are taking Physics this year, correct?"

I nod, "Mm-hmm."

"It's not as hard as you thought right?" He smirks.

"Well, that's only because you taught it to me a year in advance," I can't help but smile.

"Well, now you have the upper advantage." He laughs. "You can show everyone in class who the real science whiz is."

"After all, you are going to be, Dr. Swan someday," Charlie says. Everyone laughs, knowing that being a doctor was the only thing I wanted to be.

"Yeah," I weakly smile.

But, I don't know what I want to be anymore. Nothing is going my way and at this point, I'll most likely be a high school dropout with the grades I'm getting.

I shove another forkful of food into my mouth, wanting the attention to be diverted away. I glance at Edward to see him staring at his phone. Was he really that much of a coward that he couldn't look me in the eyes?

"... would you like to do that, Bella?"

Emmett kicks me under the table. My head swings up to see everyone waiting for an answer.

"What was the question?" I blush.

Esme frowns, noticing how distracted I am. "Well, I was thinking that since your birthday is coming up, maybe we could do something special. Just a girls day: you and I. There is a great bookstore that just opened in Seattle. It's like something out of Harry Potter. We can go next weekend. There's a little restaurant attached and we could spend as long as you'd like."

The thought of spending a whole day at the bookstore sounded perfect. Everyone knew that I hated presents. I didn't want people spending their money on me but if they were to get me anything I'd prefer it to be homemade. But a bookstore sounded perfect. Esme knew me too well.

"Doesn't that sound great, Bella! Maybe you can pick up a book again. I haven't seen you with one in a while," My mother exclaims.

"That sounds fun!" My attempt to sound enthusiastic fails miserably. I press my lips into a thin line and look down at my plate. I can feel the eyes of Edward boring into my face. Why could he never go away?

An hour later, everyone, except me, is playing Scrabble in the living room. I sit back watching everyone fight and compete to win. Who knew Scrabble could get so competitive?

It's kids vs. adults with the adults winning. Shocker! Who knew a bunch of teenagers wouldn't know how to spell? What really gets me is when Emmett puts down:

_LOL _

My mouth dropped open. _Oh, sweet Jesus._ I don't know how Emmett has made it for so many years. It's concerning the things he does sometimes.

"Emmett, do we have to take you back to 2nd grade?" Charlie jokes.

His grin widens. "Depends… will there be recess?"

Of course, that is the first thing he'd think of: recess.

I get up to go to the kitchen, unaware that Edward has followed me. I close the fridge, holding a bottle of water.

"Ahhh," I yelp when I turn around. I'm standing chest to chest- wait actually- chest to face with Edward. "What are you doing?" I growl. I try to push him aside but he won't move. _God damn his rock solid abs. _

"Can you move?" I back up from him. "I'd like to get back to the party."

Edward doesn't budge. If it's possible, I swear his eyes became darker. He didn't look thrilled to be here. That made the two of us.

"I'm sorry," he sighs. I cross my arms giving him an evil glare. _Sorry wasn't going to suffice. _

"I'm sorry about today and what Tanya is doing to you. I thought that if I talked to her, she'd listen to me."

_Well, that obviously didn't work. _

He runs his hands through his hair. It's what he always does when he's stressed. "I want to fix all of this. I know that you must be going through hell."

Edward sounded sincere. Like he actually cared. I wanted to believe him. Alice was right, he could put a stop to all of this.

"Well, how about you start telling your idiot friends to fuck off?" I hissed. "Did you think of doing that today? Or did you let them keep talking shit about me?"

He doesn't respond. He can't even look me in the eyes. The smallest sigh escapes his lips as he tries to avoid the question.

"Of course you didn't," I laughed. "Why would the All-Great and Mighty Edward Cullen stand up for a loser like me?"

"Bella, I'm sorry-"

"You are pathetic!" My eyes were ablaze. "You claim that you care for me yet you let them all treat me like crap. I wouldn't have thought that you would stoop that low."

I stormed out of the kitchen, not caring that he was watching. He deserved everything I said to him. I don't care about his fucking apologies. I don't care about his perfect face or perfect voice. I don't care about Edward Cullen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning: **

**(I meant to do this with the other chapters). There is a scene with rape in this chapter and if that makes you uncomfortable then you can just skip that section of the story. **

* * *

**Bella **

_Happy Birthday to me! _

_Happy birthday to me! _

_Happy birthday to meee!_

_Happy birthday to me! _

I'm fifteen today. I wondered if it would feel different, being a year older, but I still feel the same: crappy and depressed. School was a fucking disaster. Apparently, Edward talked to his friends but they either didn't believe him or didn't care. They still harassed me every chance they got. At this point, it was impossible to redeem my reputation. I was a lost cause.

The only good thing about today was that Angela baked me birthday cupcakes. However, I think they were more- _I'm sorry for ditching you at the party and avoiding you all week_\- cupcakes.

I didn't care though. I understood that she had better things to do than to worry about me all day. Besides, Angela looked beat up enough as it was. Her parents found out that she and Ben were dating. _That's right. I said dating, as in boyfriend and girlfriend. _

They were not pleased. They had very traditional values around boys and sex and believed that a person should save themselves for marriage. To say Angela was heartbroken was an understatement.

That is why they spent as much time together as they could in school. Her parents were monitoring her phone, making sure she wasn't secretly texting him. I loved the Webbers but they were even a bit much for me sometimes.

We sat at Liberty Park, drunk out of our minds, filling ourselves with sugar and preservatives. Ben's brother had bought Vodka and Angela may have borrowed a bottle.

Remembering my last experience with alcohol, everything inside me screamed, _NO!_ However, right now, I just wanted to forget my sucky life and be happy. It was my fucking birthday for crying out loud!

It felt like I was about to fall into a food coma. My diet has greatly decreased in the past few months and I'm pretty sure I was boarding on the line of anorexia. I jump off the swing, landing hard on the ground. I lay back, feeling the wood chips stab me. I close my eyes, letting my face soak up the sun. I wanted to lay here forever.

Today was a good day. I always hated my birthday and the attention but today was tolerable. It was a Friday and my birthdays were never on weekends but I guess it was better than being on a Monday.

"I wish we could feeel this way foreeever," Angela mused. She licked the vanilla frosting off of the chocolate cupcake.

_Yes. it would be nice. _

I sit up, grabbing the bottle from her, taking another swig. _What I'd do to forget everything._ How much more would I have to drink?

"Don't you have to go to a partyyy, today?" Angela asks.

"Uhmmyeah," I slur. "Wha-what, time, is it?"

"Like, 5:00."

My head shoots up and the bottle drops from my hand, spilling all over the ground. "Shit!"

I was late to my own party.

"Bella!" She whines.

"I've got to, um, get go!"

I grab my backpack, pushing myself off the ground, stumbling forward in the process.

"Buuut, we're druunk!

"Idontcare!"

_My parents were going to kill me. _

"I thought you didn't wanna go to the partyyy."

I don't.

"You hate edwaard," she said. "You hate everyone."

_I hate everyone that's going to be at the stupid party. _

"Buuut, you don't hate meee," Angela smiles.

I don't respond. She takes that as confirmation that I don't hate her. Angela was my best friend and without her, I would be completely alone. I couldn't hate her. Was I even allowed to? The thing was, I did hate her. I hated her being outgoing and likable and pretty. I hated her for being everything that I was not.

"Just stay with meee," she whines.

I shake my head, making the world spin around me. "I can't."

She pouts but decides to come with me. We leave the park, eating cupcakes as we walk, giggling at the most random things. I'm sure that we looked like idiots but I didn't care. I was drunk and happy. That's all that mattered right now.

* * *

Emmett had given me a card that made fart noises to the tune of Happy Birthday. He called it: _Happy Fartday._

I giggle, as I remember opening it this morning. It was the stupidest thing that he had ever given me but I loved the damn card. It's how Emmett and I used to always be together. We had fun._ I was a fun person._

Angela and I had separated at the corner of Washington Ave. She sadly went to her house… with the cupcakes.

Now I stood in front of mine, looking like a drunken mess. Everyone's cars were in the driveway. The Cullens, Hales, and… Jacob's.

_Shit._ I should have known they were going to be here. I don't understand why I couldn't invite Angela. She was as much a part of the family as the others. It wasn't fair.

I stumble through the front door, leaning against the wall for support. Everything felt like it was tipping sideways. I stare at Jasper as he appears around the corner. He puts his drink down, rushing over to me. Was he falling over or was I? At the last second, I'm in his arms. He smells like Tacos and Salsa.

"Happy Birthday to me!" I laugh.

"Bella?" His voice is incredulous.

He stands me up straight and I leaned into his arms, using him for support. I could hear noise coming from the other room. _Maybe I should say hello to everyone. _

"Heyyy, Jazz." I laughed.

"Wha-"

"I'm not drunk!" I adamantly said. I pucker my lips, furrow my eyebrows, and narrow my eyes.

On the other hand, Mr. Grumpy pants seemed to get even grumpier. He mumbled something under his breath and dragged me towards the stairs.

"Wait!" I yell as we pass the living room. "We didn't say hi to everyone!"

"You can do that later," he calmly says, trying to bring me up the stairs. Before we can get any further, Emmett suddenly appears.

"Dude, what are you-" He pauses when he sees my lopsided smile and lack of balance. He rushes forward holding onto my other side as Jasper struggles to keep me upright.

"Is she drunk?" Emmett says to Jasper above my head.

"No!"

"Yeah," Jasper contradicts me. "She just walked in when I was going to the kitchen."

"Fuck," Emmett mutters.

"You said a naughty word," I giggled.

"Can you just be quiet for a second?" He grumbles. Rolling his eyes, Emmett looks less than pleased.

He and Jasper grab onto me, slowly bringing me upstairs. We make it to the top and they lead me to my bedroom and I flop down on my stomach on the soft cushy bed.

"Take a nap with me, Emmy," I sighed. He hated that name so that's what I always called him.

"No," he growled. He flipped me over so that I was lying on my back. I look at him and Jasper, trying to focus my vision. "There are two of you."

Emmett sighs, running his hand through his curly hair. I didn't know why he was in such a bad mood. It was my birthday! He should be happy!

"What are we going to do?" Jasper says. "Should we tell your parents?"

Emmett shakes his head. "Just try to keep her up here. I'll tell them that she came home and wasn't feeling well."

"What if they want to see her?"

"Then we'll say she's sleeping," he sighs. "I'll go get Tylenol and water. Can you just stay with her for a few minutes?"

Jasper hums a yes.

Emmett leaves the room leaving the two of us alone. Jasper sits on the edge of the bed and his hand rested on my ankle. He pursed his lips as he looked at me.

"What were you thinking?" He mumbled.

"I wasn't."

"Obviously," he snorts.

"You're really cute," I sighed in a daze.

"And you're really drunk."

"It's my birthday!" I exclaimed. "I just had a few birthday drinks!"

"You're a mess." He rolls his eyes, leaning back against the headboard. "Where did you even get the alcohol?"

"Angie."

"And where did Angela get the alcohol?"

"Ben."

"Where did Ben get the alcohol?" He asks, fed up.

"His brother," I laughed.

"Do you know what you were drinking?" He grits his teeth, trying to control his annoyance.

"Vodka," I mumble.

"Jesus Christ," he mutters. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Maybe… I… am." I sigh.

He doesn't say anything else. I close my eyes letting myself drift into a deep sleep. Let him tell the world what a mess I am. I don't care who sees. My reputation is already out of the door. How much more can I lose?

* * *

I woke up to the feel of the bed dipping down. Somebody was with me. Something was different. It wasn't Jasper or Emmett. The Tylenol and water sat untouched on the nightstand. The room felt as if it had dropped twenty degrees. I kicked my legs but they got tangled up in something. I start to stir, trying to sit up but suddenly a person leans over me. My head falls back against the fluffy pillow.

_Why did my body feel like deadweight? _

"Shhh," they said. "Go back to sleep."

_Jacob._ I would recognize that voice anywhere.

He gently pushed me back down. He's touching me. Touching me places where no one should touch. I kick my legs again, realizing why it felt so cold. I wasn't wearing any pants. My underwear was gone.

I can't go back to sleep now. My heart races against my chest. My mind is demanding that I get up, run, scream, cry. But I can't will my body to listen. I'm frozen in terror. It's like when someone holds a gun to your head and every fear that you've ever had in your life becomes a reality. That is what this felt like right now.

"Just relax," he whispers in my ear. "The more you fight the more it will hurt."

This was punishment for the party. He said that it wasn't over.

Jacob covers my mouth with his hand. "Don't say a fucking word. Everybody is eating dinner right now so they won't hear you. They think that I'm in the bathroom."

He's the lion and I'm the lamb. No matter how far I run, he'll always catch me. There is no escaping Jacob. What he wants, he gets. He's made it clear what will happen if I refuse.

His meaty hands are under my shirt, pawing at my breasts as he sucks the crook of my neck. I try to turn away but he yanks my hair, forcing me to stay still. Hot tears pour down my cheeks and my lips quiver. My body shakes like a leaf as silent sobs escape my lips.

Like a punch to the stomach, a sudden ripping, searing pain from down below has me gasping in agony. He grunts and moans above me, oblivious to the damage he's causing. He's got me trapped with nowhere to run. He wants me to feel the pain. He wants me to suffer. He gets pleasure from other people's suffering.

There is no fighting him off. There is no screaming for help because he'll hurt me even more. The only thing I can do is float. I can let myself float away in a desolate ominous sea of nothingness. That way I won't have to feel the pain, the agony. I can just drift away and pretend that I was never here.

I don't know how long it lasts but suddenly all time rushes back and he's off of me. He pulls up his pants and does the same for me. My eyes tracked his every movement, making sure he was done for good.

Jacob smiles before opening the door and whispers, "Go back to sleep, Bella. It'll be like I was never here."

"Why?" My voice croaks. _Why me? _

Jacob doesn't respond. All he does his walk out the door and slammed it shut. What just happened?

My stomach was in knots and I kept swallowing, trying to hold back the warm rising feeling at the back of my throat. I could taste it in my mouth and without a second thought, I grabbed the nearest trash can, vomiting everything up.

The nausea comes in waves, leaving me heaving and others times puking. I slump back against the pillows, feeling the heat creep up my neck. I was sweating and nauseated and exhausted. But I couldn't go back to sleep. I couldn't close my eyes because he could come back and I had to be prepared this time. I wouldn't let him attack again.

There is a sudden knock at the door. My heart is thumping against my chest and I push myself up, wanting to be prepared for whoever it is.

"Bella?" The soprano voice sings.

It's Alice.

She doesn't wait for me to speak and just walks in. Her face immediately scrunches up into a disgusted look as if somebody has just thrown up. _Oh, wait. I just did_. It smelt like rotten eggs and diarrhea.

I was oblivious to all of it. My main concern was getting away from Jacob and not dying from heatstroke. When did it get so warm?

"You look awful," she sighed. Alice walks over to me and puts her hand against my forehead. "Jesus, you're so warm."

She opens up the windows letting the now cool air in. I moan, liking the feeling of the wind against my sticky body.

"Does that feel better?"

"Y-yeah," I stuttered.

I watch her leave the room with the trash can and comes back with a brand new bag, air freshener, and a wet washcloth. She puts the bucket by my bed and sprays a lilac scent around the room tickling my nose, and making me cough. The wet washcloth is placed over my forehead, instantly soothing my constant stress.

"I would suggest taking some Tylenol," she says. I ignore her and wring my hands around and around. Why did she make me so nervous?

"Emmett told all of us that you had a little too much to drink," she said. "We've all been taking turns coming to check on you."

"My parents?" My eyebrows quirk. Do they know?

"Our parents just think that you aren't feeling well. My dad wanted to come and check on you but we convinced him that you were fine. We've been stalling them for as long as we can."

_I was safe from them… at least for now. _

"You've been asleep for the past hour. Jacob just came before me," she said. "Were you awake?"

My stomach does a flip at the sound of his name. "No, I was still asleep."

She fiddles with her fingers and sits with her legs crossed, staring at me with judging eyes. "You are going to feel even worse tomorrow."

"Does it matter?"

She rolls her eyes. "Of course it matters!"

"I just- I just wanted a little break," I breathe.

"From what?" Her voice raises an octave.

"Life," I shrug my shoulders.

* * *

The next morning, I manage to throw up several times in a short span of thirty minutes. Being drunk and making yourself undrunk were two completely separate things. Wasn't drinking coffee or water supposed to help?

I drag myself out of bed, ignoring the stinging pain from down below. _Bella, you are fine. Suck it up. _

I brush my teeth, removing the acidic aftertaste. Remind me why I drank so much yesterday? Oh right! It was my fucking birthday and I spent it drunk and throwing up. Did my parents even notice that I was missing from my own party? _Damn you, Angela!_

I swallow the pills and head downstairs to the smell of burnt pancakes and orange juice. I stood at the entrance of the kitchen watching Emmett eat Froot Loops. My parents fought like cats and dogs in the other room as they did every morning and I just stood numb, stiff as a board, watching my brother eat his damn breakfast.

My stomach growled, alerting him to my presence. His lips were pursed as he took in my crappy appearance. Emmett knew something was wrong. His body was tense and face was serious. I couldn't bear to look at him. My hands were noticeably shaking as I calmly walked into the kitchen, past my brother and got a slice of bread. I could feel his eyes boring into my back, knowing that he had questions.

"Is that all you are going to eat?"

I turned around to face him.

"Yes," I sighed. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"When was the last time you had an actual meal?"

"Angela baked me cupcakes yesterday."

"That's not real food!" He raised his voice.

"Well, it tasted fucking fantastic!" I growled.

"Yeah, Vodka and cupcakes are a great meal! We should eat that every day!"

Note the sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes and leaned against the counter. "I don't harp on you for getting drunk and having fun so I'd appreciate if you'd give me the same respect!"

"Well, I don't drink excessively to the point of blacking out," he defended himself. "Besides, it's different with you!"

"Different? How so? " I scoff. "Is it because you think I'm more fragile? I'm weaker?"

Emmett doesn't respond and he knows that I'm right. I smirk, challenging him to contradict me.

"I-I love you, Bella," his voice cracks. "You are destroying yourself right in front of us and I don't know what to do-"

"You don't have to do anything because I'm fine!" My body trembled in rage.

"You don't actually believe that do you? You came home fuck drunk yesterday, you're acting out in school, treating mom and dad like shit-"

"Don't you dare bring them into this!" I point my finger at him.

"You didn't even show up to the party that they worked so hard on just for you! Do you know how selfish that is? Do you know how disappointed they are?"

"I. Don't. Care." I said calmly. "You and everyone else are delusional! Do you think that you can fix me? News Flash! I don't want to be fixed so just stay out of my fucking life!"

_Fuck Jacob! _

_Fuck Emmett! _

_Fuck Tanya! _

_Fuck everyone else who has made my life a fucking mess! _

I don't stick around to hear what he has to say. The hurt and pain that will be on his face are enough to make me want to fall to my knees. I just run, not feeling my feet as they raced across the gravel. It felt like I was floating and getting further and further away from home. Houses pass by and foreign streets become all too common.

_Where the hell was I?_ I turn in a circle, gazing at all of the five-story gigantic mansions around me. I walk up to the green street sign that says:

_Volturi Lane. _

The atmosphere screamed wealth, snobbiness, and power. Bentleys, Porsches, and Ferraris sat in the driveways and each house had the perfectly mowed lawn with the perfectly beautiful garden. I felt out of place being still in my pajamas however the problem was I didn't know my way home.

With a great big sigh, I collapse onto the front lawn. The grass tickled my legs, leaving me uncomfortable. At this point, I didn't care if someone yelled at me. I was just so done.

My face sat in the palm of my hands as my elbows rested on my knees. I let my eyes flutter shut.

I'd just rest for a moment. _Just a moment. _

However, as soon as I'd closed them, I was awakened. My eyes snapped back open and I squinted as a blue Maserati car came rolling up right in front of me. The door flung open and out popped Kate Denali, looking as stunning as ever.

"Bella?"

She looked at me with her hands rested on her hips. Her lips were pursed and I could only imagine what she was thinking. _Why was this girl sleeping on someone's front lawn? _

"What are you doing here?" She asked in disbelief. "You know that this is my house?"

Her house? I turned and looked over my shoulder at the three-story, hideously beautiful brick house. I didn't know Tanya was so rich. She dressed like a first class whore.

"Oh sorry," I mumbled under my breath, pushing myself up and dusting the dirt off of my shorts. I looked at my feet, trying to hide the embarrassment that burned on my face.

"I got lost," I sighed.

Kate laughed, showing off her dimples as she did so. She reopened the door motioning for me to join her. "C' mon!"

I look up at her surprised. She wasn't going to laugh and make fun of me first? She wasn't going to tell me how ridiculous I looked right now? I hesitantly got into the passenger seat, buckling the seatbelt after Kate had started driving.

"You don't have to drive me home," I said.

Kate shrugged, keeping her blue eyes focused on the road in front of us. "It's the least I can do after everything. I did a bitchy thing, ditching you at the party and then avoiding you the past couple of weeks at school."

I was right. She was avoiding me.

"It's fine," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

It's painfully quiet for the next ten minutes, except for the clicking of the turn signal and rattling of objects outside and in the car.

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Kate sounded desperate. "I want to make things right."

"Oh! Oh… it's fine," I ramble. "Really, everything is fine. I just need to get my shit together and figure things out at school."

Kate nodded once, saying nothing further.

In the reflection of the window, I thought I saw tears in Kate's eyes. Maybe, I was just seeing things. I decided that it would be safe not to mention it, knowing that I didn't like being called out when upset.

I gaze out the window at the passing neighborhoods and houses, realizing how far I actually ran. I fiddle with my thumbs, resisting the urge to look at Kate. Pretty soon, my house came into view and we pulled into my driveway.

"Thanks, for driving me," I broke the silence.

"Y-yeah," she said surprised. "Of course!"

I jump out of the car and walk up to the door. I was about to go inside when I heard her voice:

"I would really like to make things better!"

I turn around and watch Kate as she pulls out of the driveway and drives away. I keep my mouth shut, knowing that she wouldn't hear me now. I had so many things I wanted to say. But I kept my mouth shut.

* * *

**PLEASE**** READ**** AUTHORS**** NOTE! **

**Hey Everybody! I know that I'm super bad with doing the author notes and I am going to try to start doing them more often! First off, I just wanted to thank everyone that has read and reviewed this story because it really means a lot! The reason I am writing are because of two very serious reasons:**

**1\. Some people have wondered why I chose to write a fanfic about sexual assault? **

**A: Thankfully, I have not been sexually assaulted or harmed in any way but I do know somebody who had been. A close friend of my family was raped six years ago when she was twelve years old by a classmate. She never told anybody what happened because her life and the lives of the people she cared about were threatened. Much like Bella when she got to high school, she started**** constantly drinking, partying, smoking, carelessly having sex and was slut shammed by her entire school. This was her way of dealing with her depression and trying ignore the pain. ****But, unfortunately, three months ago, she committed suicide on her eighteenth birthday. She left a note explaining what happened and her behaviour. She was an amazing girl, friend, and person and that deserved all of the happiness in the world! If I had known what had happened then I would have tried my damn hardest to help her. By writing, this fanfic, it is a way for me to tell her story and keep her memory alive because no one deserves to be raped, sexually assaulted, or harassed. **

** 2\. Inappropriate Comments: **

**A: I'm furious with a few disgusting private messages I have received from users! They claim that girls are asking to be raped, by the way that they are acting and dressing! People have said that in this story, Bella deserved to be raped! I just want to be clear that nobody asks to be raped! Rape is when a person has sexual intercourse with another AGAINST THEIR WILL!**** Sexual violence does not discriminate! It can happen to any race, gender, or sexual orientation. I will not tolerate comments being made like that and I have and will report any users who do say that stuff! **

**Sexual assault is a serious issue that is not talked about regularly enough. There is a lot of stigma surrounding the issue and I urge you to do more research on the topic before you make those careless and insensitive comments. You don't know who will read them because anybody could have been affected by sexual violence! **

**LASTLY, I urge everybody who has ever experienced or knows somebody who's had suicidal thoughts or actions and has been affected by sexual violence or knows somebody who has to contact your local suicide and sexual assault crisis hotline numbers and find help. Your life is worth it and nobody deserves to be in pain! ****That is all for now and I do hope that you enjoyed this chapter! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Bella's Pov**

**Three years ago:**

_"Happy birthday Bella," Jacob blushed. We sat in the living room, opening gifts. Before I could protest, he shoved the small box into my hands._

_"Just open it," he laughed. "I think that you'll like this one."_

_I roll my eyes but smile nonetheless. Jacob was always a great gift giver, he knew me too well. I delicately unwrap the green and red Christmas tree wrapping paper._

_"Really?" I smirk. "Christmas trees? It's September!"_

_"Well, I know that Christmas is your favorite time of the year! Maybe that'll make you more excited to open gifts!"_

_I throw my head back and laugh, tossing the paper at him. He was such a liar. Christmas my butt! Jacob just didn't have any other wrapping paper. He was too lazy to go out to the store and buy some._

_I lift the lid off of the cardboard box and take out a delicate wooden charm bracelet with a wolf charm attached._

_"It's beautiful Jacob," I gasped in awe. "Where did you get this?"_

_He smiles sheepishly, suddenly becoming more interested in his fingers than me. "I made it," he mumbled._

_"You made this?" I exclaimed. "It's amazing!"_

_His cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "Well, your favorite animal is a wolf. They are said to be protectors and if you wear it every day, then nobody should ever hurt you."_

_"Thank you, Jake." I breathed. "I love it!"_

_I lean in to give him a hug but Emmett walks into the room, interrupting our little moment. "Awww. Bella and Jacob are blushing. They're in love!"_

_"OMG, get out!" I chuck my shoe at him, missing his face by inches. Why couldn't he ever just leave me be? He was so annoying!_

_"Bella and Jacob sitting in a tree: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"_

_"Emmett!" I growl._

_"First comes love-"_

_"I'm warning you."_

_"Then, comes marriage-"_

_"If you don't stop by the count of three-"_

_"Then-"_

_"One!"_

_"Comes a baby-"_

_"Two!"_

_"In a baby carriage!"_

_"Three!"_

_A deep laugh sounds from Emmett's chest. He races down the hall as I chase after him, ready to pounce. I was only twelve but was stronger than I looked. He shouldn't underestimate me!_

_We burst through the backdoor and I sprinted after him as if I was running for my life. He takes the chance to look back at me and that is when I attack. I jump on his back, sending us both tumbling down on the damp spikey grass._

_I sit on top of his stomach, pounding my fists into his back. "Why do you have to ruin everything? You're so annoying!"_

_Emmett turns over, grabbed my wrists and threw me off of him and landed with a hard thud. "I've seen the way that you look at each other! YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON JACOB!"_

_My hands raised, about to give him another slap when an angry voice rang throughout the air._

_We freeze and swing our heads around to see Jacob stomping towards us, his eyes ablaze. "Hey! Leave Bella alone!" He shouts._

_Emmett smirks, obviously thinking that he can take on Jacob. "What are you going to do about it?"_

_Jacob smiles the type of smile that says: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Before I can even blink, he comes charging like a bull towards Emmett and has knocked him over. I jump on top of them, joining in the defeat of my brother._

_Jacob Black was stronger than he looked. He hasn't taken six years of Karate for nothing! He was practically a black belt!_

_Emmett screams and fights and claws his way out from underneath us and goes running for the house. "You guys are psycho!"_

_Jacob and I high five each other in victory. We collapse onto the grass and lay back, staring up at the sun. My heart beats in adrenaline as the two of us burst into laughter, remembering Emmett's shaking knees. He was scared of two twelve-year-olds! What a wimp!_

_"Would it…" Jacob pauses. "Would it really be so bad if we had a crush on each other?"_

_I blinked, not expecting that question. "You're one of my b-best friends," I stammer. "I think it would be a little weird. Don't you?"_

_Jacob adamantly shakes his head back and forth. "I think that we could be great together. We're already best friends and I can't see there being any problems."_

_"Jacob-" I sigh._

_"There's someone else," he said. "Isn't there."_

_I press my lips into a thin line, not liking where this is headed. "That is none of your business. I'd like to keep my personal life private!"_

_"Don't be dumb," he sneers at me. "I know that it is Edward Cullen. Every time he looks at you, you get all gooey eyed."_

_"I don't know what you are talking about!" I snarl defensively._

_"Do you think that Edward would ever go for you?" He sneers. "He's in high school now, Bells. He'll be going for all of the older girls."_

_"Shut up Jacob!" I roared, my face turning bright red. "You don't know anything about him!"_

_"I don't need to know," he argued. "All I know that he is wrong for you. We can be happy together! What do you see in him that you don't see in me?"_

_I push myself up off the ground. The sun burned into my back as I stalked toward the house. I didn't want to deal with his incessant whining._

_"Bella, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ruin today, forget what I said," he mumbled._

_I'm sitting in the living room with my back turned towards him. I sigh, spinning around, only to see guilt plastered on his face. He's fiddling with the charm bracelet and hands it to me as a peace offering. He's basically asking: do you forgive me?_

_With a long sigh, I nodded my head. I extend my wrist towards him and he clasps the wooden charm around it._

_"Now I can protect you forever," he said. "Even when we are apart."_

_A smile lights up across my face. Jacob was my savior. My protector. My best friend. We could never be apart._

* * *

I awake with a startle, hastily sitting up in the leather passenger seat. Esme had the radio softly playing. We still had an hour left to go until we reached Seattle. I felt bad that I slept through most of the ride.

I smooth out my hair and straighten up in the seat. I couldn't get that image out of my mind. The two of us, just so casually hanging out. Jacob was always so lighthearted. The only moment I saw a change was when he mentioned Edward. A dark gleam flickered in his eyes and remember feeling a dark cold void rush over my body. That was the only time I was afraid of him.

"Is everything alright?" Her eyes shifted to mine and then back to the road. Her hands were clenched into tight fists. The white of her knuckles were prominent. What was she so upset about? "You were sleep talking. You sounded distressed and were mumbling something about Jacob."

"Oh," I try to laugh it off. "It was just, umm, a silly dream. Nothing important," I mumbled the last part.

Her lips pursed but she kept her eyes on the road. "It didn't sound unimportant. You sounded very distraught. You kept mumbling, 'No' and 'Jacob," she said. "Is everything alright between the two of you?"

I eagerly nod my head, denying any thoughts that she may be having. "Everything is great! You know friends fight sometimes," I weakly laugh.

"He was relatively quiet at the party yesterday," she murmured. "Actually all the kids were. They kept disappearing upstairs. Do you know anything about that?"

"N-no," I stammer. "Why would I? I was sleeping the entire time because I didn't feel well."

"Jacob was gone for at least fifteen minutes. He said he was going to the bathroom but I recall that it takes only about five minutes to use the restroom."

I shrug my shoulders and try to hide my trembling hands. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. Why couldn't she just leave me be?

"Did Jacob go into your room at all? Maybe he just wanted to say hi," she pondered.

"Maybe," I mumble. My stomach churns as I remember his dark cold eyes. I didn't want to see him again.

"Well, you look better now," she sighs. "Perhaps we should head to my house we get home. Carlisle can check up on you and make sure you are one hundred percent healthy."

"I-I'm fine," I state. "I ju-just had a little stomach bug. It's all better now."

Esme's furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her lips. Her head was cocked to the side like a confused puppy. "That's funny," she mutters.

"What?" My voice was on edge.

"Well, Emmett and Jasper told us that you were just feeling faint from the heat. They never said anything about a stomach bug."

"I-I got sick from the heat," I lied. "It was super hot outside and I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans."

"Why were you wearing that? Isn't it a little hot for that?"

A wave of annoyance washes up inside of me. "I didn't have any other clean clothes."

"You didn't have any other clean clothes," she echoes under her breathe.

She exhales in frustration as we come to a stop at a red light. "Why don't you tell me the truth?" she turns to me. "This behavior that I've seen the past couple of weeks is not you. Carlisle agrees with me."

"I don't know what you are talking-"

"Don't you dare say that," she rolls her eyes. "do you think that I don't know the signs of a hangover?"

I don't respond. My heart is racing so fast that I think it's going to beat right out of my chest.

"How much did you drink?" There was a look in her eyes that shone with worry and anxiety.

All the walls that I had built up were slowly crumbling down. I clenched my jaw tightly and I gritted my teeth together, trying to hold in the tears brimming in my eyes.

"Are you going to tell me?" she said in a firm voice. "I can turn this car right back around and go tell your parents that you were drunk yesterday. They are not the most observant people," she mumbled the last part under her breath.

Esme wouldn't do that. She wouldn't. I ignore her and reach for the button on the radio, turning the music all the way up. As I stick my arm out, my sleeve rolls up revealing the purple and blue bruise around my wrist.

Anger ignites Esme eyes as she sees the mark where Jacob had squeezed too tight. I wince as she grabs my arm, examining the bruise. "What is this?" Her voice was low and calm as if she was trying to hide the rage that was bubbling up inside of her.

"Nothing," I growled as I yanked my arm away. I glare at the road in front of us, trying to block her voice out.

Esme shuts off the radio. The light turns green and the car jolts forward. Her earlier threats are forgotten. Her narrowed eyes are focused on the road but I know that she's thinking of me. I was in for it.

"Did somebody hurt you?" Her voice is as hard as a rock. "Did Jacob?"

"N-No!" I gasp. "Why would you think that?"

"Because fingerprints don't just magically appear on people's wrists," she said. "Now, tell me. Did he hurt you?"

_I'll kill you. If you tell anybody, I'll kill you and they will never find your body._

"N-no," I whisper. "I just fell."

_Nobody will remember you. You're just a slut._

"Get out of my head," I whisper in distress. My face falls into the palm of my hands. His voice wouldn't leave my mind. Jacob was always there. Tormenting me.

"Bella?" Esme's voice was fuzzy as if she were miles away.

_Don't say a word. This is between you and me._

Hands touch my shoulder. Soft warm hands brush the hair out of my face. My cheeks were wet and I could taste the salt in my mouth. I told myself I wasn't going to cry. _Liar._

_I love you._

Jacob doesn't love me. He hurts me. That's not love.

_Edward will never have you now._

Edward will never want me. Jacob has made sure of that. I'm too damaged.

"Isabella?" Her voice is closer. It's worried and concerned.

I lift my head up and look into her watering eyes. I'm back in the car. The AC is blasting in my face and we're pulled over on the side of the road.

"I- I'm fine," I cut her off before she can say something. I straighten up in my seat and rub my eyes trying to make the tears disappear.

"What just happened?" she asks. "We're not leaving until you tell me."

I opened my mouth but no words came out.

_Don't say anything. I'll know if you do._

"I just felt a bit light-headed," I mumble.

_Good. Very good, Bella. Just say that._

"Do you have any other bruises?"

"No," I lie. "Can we just go already?" I'm starting to get agitated.

"Do you have any other bruises?" Esme ignores me. Her eyes roam over my body as if she's trying to see through my clothing.

"Why does it matter?" I growl. "It's just a fucking bruise. People get bruises. It's not the end of the world!"

"Isabella Swan!" She gasps. "I know that your parents don't condone that language so do not think you can say that stuff with me!"

Great. Now I feel guilty.

Esme presses her fingers against her forehead and inhales two deep breaths. She opens her eyes and stares directly at me. "We are going back to my house. You are going to sit down and let Carlisle look you over. I don't care if you don't want to do this. I'm going to call your parents and am going to tell them what is going on and you are going to cooperate. Am I clear?"

"But-"

"No Buts!" Esme yells. "There is obviously something serious going on and you need help. I'm not taking no for an answer!"

"We've driven all this way! We can't just turn back!"

"Yes, we can! And we are!"

She puts the car into drive and pulled into the road. It's silent for the rest of the ride. My hands are clenched into fists. I glare at the road in front of us.

_Die Die Die. I hope we get into a car crash._

* * *

Angry murderous thoughts flow through my head. We arrived at her house two hours later and I was starving. We were supposed to have dinner. This was supposed to be my birthday night and she ruined everything.

I was curled up on the couch, sipping an icy glass of lemonade. I could hear Carlisle and Esme arguing in the other room. I couldn't make out what they were saying but arms were waving around in the air.

After ten minutes, they walk back into the room. They sit down across from me, leaning against the table. Carlisle folds his arms across each other over his chest. "I called your parents but they didn't pick up."

"Figures," I mutter. They were always too busy for me.

"Esme told me that you had a hurt wrist," he said. "Do you mind if I take a look at it?" He stares directly at me.

I shake my head back and forth. _Yes. I did mind. Thank you very much!_

Carlisle sighs and runs his fingers through his neatly combed back hair. Edward did the same thing when he was stressed.

"I'm hungry," I say. "We never got dinner."

"I can make some fish," Esme stands up.

I don't look at her but nod my head. She and Carlisle share a look before she leaves the room. I didn't want to be alone with him.

"Where is everyone else?" I ask. It was too empty in the house. Too quiet.

"They're at Jasper and Rose's house for a sleepover or something," Carlisle says.

More like a party. I can't help but laugh. How did he not know what his own children were doing? I thought that he was supposed to be smart.

"This is no laughing matter. I need you to let me look at your wrist," Carlisle says. "I just want to make sure that you are ok."

"Do you check everyone's bruises?" I raise my voice. "Because last time I checked, bruises couldn't kill you!"

My darkening eyes met his light calm ones. He wasn't even phased. I collapse back against the couch, looking the other direction.

"It is not just that," he said. "You look gaunt and sink. Have you been eating enough?"

I shrug my shoulders. Carlisle pinches his fingers on the bridge of his nose and lets his head hang down. "I want verbal answers, Isabella."

"No," I grit my teeth. "I have not been eating. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Why haven't you been eating?" I could see the veins popping out of the side of his neck.

"Because I haven't felt like it."

"Why haven't you felt like it?"

"Because I just haven't," I snap back at him.

"Isabella-" he warns me.

I duck my head, not saying anything else. I didn't want my mouth to get me into any more trouble.

"Can you just truthfully answer one question for me?"

I look at him, hearing the serious sudden change of tone in his voice. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, promising nothing.

"Who gave you those marks on your neck?" He points to my collarbone.

A small gasp escapes my lips as I look to where he pointed. My shirt was pulled down a bit, showing the red marks Jacob had left. Weren't they supposed to disappear after like twenty- four hours? I pull up my shirt feeling self-conscious. What else could he see on me?

"I understand that you are older and want to explore different things," he says. "But I need to know that you are being safe."

My face burned bright red in embarrassment. I didn't need Carlisle to give me the sex-talk. Where was Esme when I needed her?

"Everything is fine," I hastily say. "You don't need to worry about anything! Really, I'm fine!" I just wanted to get away from this conversation.

"I'm not trying to embarrass you," he said calmly. "But what I've heard and seen so far indicates that everything is not fine," he calmly says. "I've seen many victims of abuse at the hospital, Bella. Some have died because of their injuries-"

"Whoever said that I was being abused?" I yell.

"I never said that you were, Isabella," he softly says. "But your behavior is consistent with many of those I've seen at the hospital."

"Well, I'm not one of your patients!" I hissed. "So I'd appreciate it if you'd stop psychoanalyzing me!"

A brief look of hurt flashes across his face. "I understand that you are frustrated and angry but we are just trying our best to help you. Please give Esme and I the same respect that we are trying to give you."

It's silent for a few moments. What I've seen so far is not respect. It's an invasion of my privacy.

"Why do you even care?" I whisper. "My own parents barely pay attention to me. They probably wouldn't even notice if I died. They're always busy yelling at me for all of the times that I've screwed up."

Carlisle jaw hardens as he squats down to my level. Before I can move away, he grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him.

"Don't you dare say that, Isabella!" He growls. "You are worth a lot to this family and your's more than you can imagine! You should be damn grateful for all that's been given to you."

Should I? Compared to Emmett, I didn't even exist. Everything centered around my brother and football. He was the talk of the table every night at dinner. All of his accomplishments were plastered on the walls of our home to remind me of what a disappointment I was. The only award of mine was a certificate from the first grade. I won the spelling bee contest. That amounts to all of my achievements.

My parents knew that I didn't give a shit about my birthday. The only reason they threw a party was to give them an excuse to open up that bottle of Chardonnay they just bought. I don't even think they got me any gifts. _Not that it mattered._

"I want to go," I said. "I want to go home right now." I pushed myself off the couch and with wobbly legs, walked to the front door to get my shoes.

"Bella what are you doing?" His voice was urgent.

"I'm leaving," I say in an expressionless voice. Before he can even blink, I opened the front door and ran into the darkness of the night.

"Esme!" I hear him yell.

I don't turn around. I run as fast as my legs can carry me. I trip over twigs and branches, going deeper into the forest. The house is invisible now. They'll never find me. I slow down to a jog but don't quit.

If my protector won't protect me then who could? All I had was myself and I'd keep running as long as I could. I'd never let anyone hurt me again.

* * *

**Authors Note**

**Hey everyone! I hoped that you enjoyed this chapter! I wanted to say that I've been comments that people are annoyed that Bella won't speak up for herself and I understand how that frustrates people. She has been put under a lot of stress and Jacob has literally threatened her life which has left her terrified to say anything. I don't want to spoil too much of what is to come but I promise, the story won't be all dark and depressing.**

**Another thing I wanted to mention is that, you may remember that at the very beginning of the story, at the very top it said, **_**Freshman year. **_**This story is in parts, chronicling all four years of high school. I'm not going to go through every month and every second of Bella's life because that will be way to long of a story! But will end it when appropriate and then move onto the next year. I'm saying this now because Part 1 of the story has ended and it will transition to her sophomore year. I hope that this clears up any confusion there may be for future chapters!**


	11. Sophomore Year

**Sophomore Year **

* * *

**Bella **

Whoever invented miniskirts must have been high out of their mind. Not only were they uncomfortable but they just gave another way to be sexualized by hormonal teenage boys. The fabric clung to my body, showing off my long legs and it barely reached below my butt.

"Come on, Bella," Angela whined. "I want to see!"

We were currently in the changing room at the mall. I had promised myself this summer, that there would be a change. New clothing. New attitude. New look. New me. I had finally decided to cut my dreadfully long knotted hair. It was now wavy and cut to my armpits and the auburn highlights really stood out. I didn't wear a lot of makeup except for lip gloss, mascara, and occasionally some blush. I wanted to look pretty. Not like a slutty schoolgirl.

Angela had taken this opportunity to donate, against my will, all of my clothes to charity. No more oversized sweatshirts, grandma sweaters or ugly t-shirts. Everything was crop tops, designer jeans, miniskirts, and cocktail dresses for all of the parties she imagined we'd be going to. To say that this was a bit much would be an understatement. We lived in Forks for crying out loud! If I wanted to dress this way, I'd move to California where it was always warm.

"Ang, I don't know," I said from the other side of the door. "It's kinda revealing."

"That's the point of the outfit!"

I tugged at the bottom of the skirt, trying to pull it down. I pouted my lips, trying to imagine myself actually wearing this. The Burgundy halter top matched perfectly with the skirt and I couldn't help but admit that I looked kinda pretty. I looked like a normal teenage girl. A girl who wasn't leaving in constant agony. A girl who didn't have constant weird obsessions and compulsions that consumed most of her life. I looked like a girl who was about to start her sophomore year.

The only indication that I was different was the long jagged scar that ran down my right leg. I couldn't look away. This scar is constantly there to remind me of what happened; of my stupid decisions.

The police found me four hours after I ran away from Carlisle and Esme last year. It was stupid of me to think I could find my way out of the woods. It was pitch black, the terrain was steep, and it had just rained so the ground was slippery. I thought that if I just hid out in the woods for a while, Carlisle and Esme would forget about me and then I could walk home. But I quickly got lost, eventually falling down a hill, breaking and cutting my thigh. It took thirty stitches to stop the bleeding and then a few months of physical therapy and crutches to be able to walk on it again. I have a permanent scar now and despite what the doctors said, it's very visible.

"I don't know…" I whispered.

"C' mon!" Angela exclaimed. "Who am I to judge?" I knew Angela wouldn't judge. She was the least judgy person there was. I could trust her.

I open the door and step out into the empty room. Angela is squealing and squirming around in her shoes. If Angela were a balloon, she'd be about to pop. She had that much excitement.

"OMG," She gasped. "You could totally be a model!"

I roll my eyes. _Yeah, I could be a model. Only if I lose another one hundred pounds._ I've lost over fifty in the past year. My daily diet consisted of raw vegetables in the morning and nibbling on a slice of bread throughout the day. Anything bigger than that and I throw up.

"Don't believe what others say about you," she sighed. "You are pretty no matter what. After this makeover, no guys are going to be able to stay away from you!"

I groan in frustration. How many times did I have to tell her? I'm done with boys! They are crude, sexist, horny creatures that disgust me. This year is all about me and I won't let some silly crush get in the way of that.

"Have you forgotten?" I quirk my eyebrow. "I'm the psycho! Nobody wants to date the psycho."

"Correction!" Angela exclaims. "Before, you were the psycho! Now you are the crazy hot girl!"

"With a fucked up leg. Trust me on this, no guy wants a messed up girl. They'll go running for the hills."

After the accident, I wore jeans for the rest of the year. Nobody questioned why I was on crutches. I was the biggest klutz known to man so my inability to walk didn't really surprise anybody.

"Don't think of your scar like that," she sighed. "Imagine… imagine it's a battle scar! You fought the most treacherous of wars and lived to tell the story! You are a warrior!"

I can't help but crack a smile. Angela was always so full of imagination. She could make me feel better any day no matter what the situation.

"I guess that I could always wear tights. That's still fashionable, right?"

"Totally!" Angela makes a face, saying the opposite.

I shake my head, laughing, and change back into my other clothes. We walk out of the store with ten new bags hanging from our arms. This was my new start. I wasn't going to screw it up this time.

Angela and I got a ride home with Ben whom she had started seeing so much more this summer. He was leaving this week to go to college in Seattle so they spent as much time as they could together. Angela finally got her parents to relax when they realized that they wouldn't be able to keep them apart. Her happiness was all that mattered.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" Angela yelled from the car as I stood in my driveway. "Don't forget to wear your Birkenstocks! It goes really well with the outfit!"

"Alright!" I yell back. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

They drive off and I haul the bags through the front door up to my bedroom. I set out my outfit for tomorrow and put away the rest of the clothes. I'm not little Bella Swan anymore. I can make my own decisions. I'm in control of my life now.

I spent the rest of the day, planning for tomorrow. My bag was all packed and coordinated just how I liked it. Binders were in the big pocket, notebooks were in the second pocket, and my pencil pouch was in the last pocket, split into several sections. Markers, pencils, and pens each had their own place. They couldn't mix together or else I'd have to start over again. I had to organize each, fifteen times. Fifteen times and then it would be perfect. After all, fifteen was my lucky number. Everything had to be coordinated.

"Bella?" Emmett touches my shoulder. I flinch away and swing my head around. He is standing behind me. I am still on the ground going through the pencil pouch. It is dark outside now.

"You messed me up," I grumble.

I take out each writing utensil, starting over, putting them into groups. The markers come first. The pens come second. The pencils come third. That is the pattern.

"Bella," Emmett says again. He sits down in front of me, grabbing everything away from me.

_No no no no._ I frantically shake my head back and forth. What did he do? What was Emmett doing? The pens, pencils, and markers, are in a big jumbled mess.

"They are all mixed together!" I cry. "Emmett!"

"You've been doing this for the past three hours! How many times do you need to organize them?"

"Everything is messed up now! I'm going to fail all of my tests; all of my quizzes. They have certain places for a reason! If everything is disorganized then I won't be prepared for class!" I ignore him. A feeling of sinking dread entered my stomach. I needed to fix it. Emmett screwed everything up.

"Relax!" He grabbed my hands, trying to get my attention. "It's alright. You're just worried about tomorrow. Everything is going to be fine."

I shake my head. The blue marker and red pen were touching. The mechanical pencil and blue sharpie were not supposed to be together.

"Have you been out of your room at all since this afternoon?"

"No," I mumble. I don't move my eyes away from the pens.

"Have you taken your medicine?"

I shake my head back and forth. I was starting to feel the aching pain in my leg. I had to take anti-inflammatory medicine so my leg wouldn't become inflamed. I forgot to take it this morning.

"I'll be right back," he muttered. Emmett pushes himself off the ground and runs out of the room.

I start organizing the markers, pens, and pencils again. There are three red markers, four blue markers, and one black. There are six mechanical pencils and two black pens and two red. That is how it has to be.

* * *

I am wearing a strapless navy blue mini dress. It goes down to my knees, covering the scar. My hair is pulled halfway up in a bun, the other part hanging down. I'm wearing a little lip gloss and mascara. It feels strange. Everybody is staring at me as I stand on the schools' steps. People aren't making fun of me or ridiculing me. It is almost as if they don't recognize me. I am a regular person.

A girl walking past smiles at me and I smile back. She even says "hey" before going into the school. A warm feeling spread throughout my body. The warning bell rings and I walk to class, practically skipping. I stay out of people's way and they stay out of mine. It is quiet this morning. We are given the regular forms to sign and repetitive speech about what a great year this was going to be. I can't care less. All I hope is to make it through the year sane. I don't want a repeat of last year.

After homeroom, it is Chemistry which makes me want to pull my hair out already. Then after chem, it's Honors Algebra. I walk in and the first person I see is Felix Hunter. He makes my blood boil like nobody else and if it was possible, I'd set him on fire and watch him die a slow agonizing death.

I sit at the front of the room and I can feel him staring at me. Nothing about him changed. He still looks just like a pig. I know that he wants to walk over. I can feel him silently calling out to me. The last thing I need at the moment is Felix. He can go and die in a hole for all I care.

When the teacher announces we're already starting a project, I quickly turn to the girl next to me. I smile as if to show her: I'm friendly, I'm normal, I can be a great partner! She smiles back and we talk, confirming our partnership. The bell rings and I bolt out of the room because I know Felix is looking for me.

I run to my new study hall making it right before the bell. There's a buzz of quiet chatter around the room putting me at ease. I make my way to the back looking for an empty seat but I can't find any. I start to panic as I notice more people taking notice of me. I'm afraid that they could see that this is all fake. My perfectly painted nails and hair and smile and body were all fake. I was an imposter and a liar. I was not normal or okay but a scared girl afraid of everything and everyone.

I'm ready to run to the bathroom when I hear a voice behind me say: "You can sit here."

I turned around to stare at the boy, moving his bag off of the seat. He looks up at me gesturing next to him. I'm surprised. He is one of the guys who laughed when I was called a slut in the parking lot last year. He's in Edward's group. His jock friends sit around him and they all have their football jackets on. He is number 15. My lucky number.

Seeing, that he obviously didn't recognize me, I slowly walk toward him, half wondering if this some sick joke to embarrass me in front of the entire class. I sit down and nothing has happened. He's still smiling at me. It's a kind of smile like a friend gives a friend. I pull out my laptop and open it up to today's agenda.

"Hey." The boy whispers.

I ignore him and focus on the screen.

"Hey." He says a bit louder. "Hello!" I look up at him, wondering why he couldn't take a hint. His chair is spun around towards me and he's grinning like a maniac. What is his problem?

"Hi," I don't know what else to say. "Do you need something?"

"What?" he asks confused. "No."

"Okay?" I start to go back to my computer.

"I mean, I just wanted to say hi," he whispers.

I look back at him starting to get annoyed. What is this kid playing at? He leans forward slightly and I can't help but notice the little red tints he has to his blonde hair. His eyes are hazel with flecks of green. Even though I have sworn off all boys, I can't help but think, this guy is cute.

"Oh." I pause. "Hi?" I say it more as a question.

A deep throaty laugh sounds from him earning a lot of annoyed looks. I click random keys wondering what to do. _Smile!_ My mind hisses. I look at him, giving him my best grin I could muster up. He moves his chair closer to me. I tense waiting for the nagging fear to come but it doesn't. I allow myself to relax, watching his hand move next to mine on the table.

"What's your name?" He whispers. "I haven't seen you around before."

I raise my eyebrows. Is he actually serious? Do I look that different?

"I'm Demitri," he smiled. "Demetri Callas."

"B- Isabella." I almost say Bella but I stop myself. I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm a new me.

"Just Isabella?" He laughs.

"Just Isabella." I repeat.

"Well, just Isabella," he says in a suave voice. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

He lifts my hand, lightly placing a kiss against my knuckles. I can't help but smile. He really did know how to charm a lady. The next hour is spent in a deep conversation, learning everything we can about each other. For example, Demetri is a Greek name. He was named after his great-grandfather, who came from Athens, Greece. Demetri's favorite food is calzones and he is on the football team- hence his favorite sport. He has two younger sisters in middle school and a dog named, Snow, after his favorite TV show character, Jon Snow, from _Game of Thrones. _

The small random facts, that don't make any sense when you become this close to somebody, are what captivates me. Like their strange pet peeves and favorite movies. The way a boy stares at you the way Demetri is staring at me. With complete and utter adoration. It seems weird to think that a guy like him could like a girl like me. His skin is warm and soft, just like his voice, shimmering eyes, and his laugh. He's been touching my hand for longer than appropriate but I don't move. I just smile and laugh and wish that life could always feel this great.

* * *

I'm sitting in the parking lot, doodling with the blue marker in my notebook, waiting for Angela to come out. We are going to her house to hang out. We never really did that anymore except for the summer. I want us to be closer again. We've drifted apart.

My fingers twitch as I pick up a red marker. I want to use it's rolled over to the blue markers. It could mess up the drawing. Maybe… maybe if I just reorganized them, it'll all be fine. I take each marker individually out of the case, separating them by color on the pavement, counting each one fifteen times. "One, two, three," I mumble.

There are three red markers. I have to count again just to make sure. "One, two, three." I spread each red marker out in a line. I have to do it fifteen times to be sure. Fifteen times and then I can move onto the blue markers.

"One, two-" I pause. A red marker has rolled away.

_Damn it!_ I clench my jaw, trying not to cry. It's just a damn marker. But if one marker rolled away that means any other marker can roll away, and then I'll lose my concentration and mess everything up. That is why I have to start over again and count fifteen times just make sure everything is perfect.

"One, two, three," I count the red markers. "One, two, three."

I'm about to count again but there is a person standing in front of me. I look up to see a very sweaty Demetri. He sits down beside me, grinning like a man who has seen the sun for the first time. "Fancy seeing you here."

I smile, not a real smile, but a polite smile. I've got to finish counting. I can't just end on two and that just messes up the order of everything and now I have to start over again. But I can't let Demetri see. He'll laugh at me. He'll tell everyone about my weird habits and won't ever talk to me again.

_Just leave. I need to count._

"What are you doing?" He looks at all the markers. Demetri is about to pick up the blue marker.

_No no no no. _

"Don't touch that!" I raise my voice. My heart beats against my chest. _Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything. _

He freezes, putting his hand down. "I guess you don't like people touching your stuff," he awkwardly laughs. "It's alright. I get it."

I look at the markers, everything was out of place. I had to start over but he wouldn't leave. _Relax, Isabella. He'll go soon. Yes. Demetri will leave soon. _

"I'm sorry," I mutter. "I-I'm just trying to organize the markers. They got messed up."

"But they look organized to me," he said confused. "All of the reds are together. All of the blues are together and the black is there."

"Yeah," I said slowly. "B-but, I like them a certain way."

I don't want to give too much away. My fingers tap against the ground. The red marker was out of place. I had to fix it.

"Well, explain to me how you like it." He smiled.

I look at him. Was he serious? No, no he couldn't be serious. Demetri smiles a lopsided grin and gestures, _go ahead._

"W-well, they all have to be in a certain order," I gulp. "The three red markers come first. The four blue markers come second and the one black marker is last."

"Then what happens?" He leans forward.

"T-they have to be straight, all next to each other. Then I need to count them fifteen times to make sure all of the markers are there. I have this weird thing with the number fifteen."

"So fifteen is like your lucky number?" He smiles.

"Y-yeah, I guess." I stammer.

"You know my jersey number is fifteen." Demetri laughs. "Maybe we're meant to be."

My mouth drops open. How do I respond to that? He laughs at my reaction, motioning back to the markers. "What if all of the markers aren't there? Or you mess up counting?"

I look down at the ground, fiddling with my fingers. "I have to start over counting. I have to start over until I've counted each marker all the way through and they are all in the right place."

Demetri is silent. Did I scare him away with my weird habits? Why can't I ever be silent?

"So I must have messed you up," he whispered. "What happens if you don't fix them?"

I sigh, looking up at him. "I get this feeling, where I'm going to fail everything I do. I'm going to fail all of my tests. I'm going to fail all of my quizzes. I'm going to mess up this terrible drawing." I motion towards the paper.

Demetri looks at me. There are tears in his eyes. What did I do to make him cry?

"My sister, Maria, feels that she is going to die from illness if she doesn't wash her hands at least three times before every meal. She knows that it's crazy to think that but she can't help it." He says in a low voice.

"What does she do to control it?" I quietly say.

"Maria takes Fluvoxamine. It's a type of antidepressant that helps treat her compulsions and anxiety. She also talks to a therapist and does Exposure Response Prevention Therapy."

"What is that?"

My eyes flicker to the markers. Would he care if I fixed them as we were speaking? I dig my nails into my leg, stopping myself.

"You are put into a situation where you're gradually exposed to your obsession and you can't act on your compulsion. That means that my sister might have to wash her hands once before a meal and then eat dinner instead of doing it three times."

"Oh." I'm not sure what else to say.

"How long have you had OCD?" Demetri asks suddenly.

I shrug my shoulders. "I- I haven't been diagnosed but during the summer I first started having this fear that Ja- someone was going to come into my room and hurt me in the middle of the night." I catch myself on his name. "I wake up every hour, checking to make sure the door handle is locked. I turn the handle, fifteen times before I go back to sleep. If it's locked then I'm safe."

"When did this new obsession start?" He whispers.

"About a month ago," I sigh. "I started to have the urge to keep my writing utensils organized and color coordinated. I had to count them all fifteen times each before I was satisfied. If everything is organized then I won't have a chance to mess up and I'll be prepared for everything."

"Do your parents know?"

I shake my head. _They don't care about me._

"Ma-" he pauses when some guys call his name. We turn our heads to see three guys standing at a truck.

"Come on!" They yell. "We're going to Benny's house!"

He looks back at me with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry."

"Go ahead," I smile. "I'm meeting my friend in a little bit."

I pick up the red marker. It feels heavy in my hand. I need to put it down.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he says. Demetri pushes himself off the ground and grabs his bag. He looks at the markers and me but says nothing else.

I sigh, placing the marker back in its place and start all over. "One, two, three…"

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hey everyone! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! Bella is now a sophomore and she's trying her hardest to move on from Jacob and feels that forgetting about him is the best way to go, which may not be the healthiest way. By reinventing herself, she's trying to forget her past and only focus on her future but it won't save her from many more of the challenges she's facing. As you may have noticed, Bella has tendencies that are parallel with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). **

**OCD is a type of anxiety disorder. There are obsessions (recurring thoughts) such as having the fear of germs or in Bella's case having the fear of being hurt and the fear of failure. The compulsions (behaviors) are what you repeatedly do to stop the obsessions. Such as if you have the fear of germs, you might constantly wash your hands. In Bella's case, the compulsions are, repeatedly counting and organizing her writing utensils to the number fifteen and checking every hour of the night to make sure her door is locked because she is terrified of being hurt again. OCD is not a laughing matter. It's a serious disorder that can cause a lot of distress to a person through their day, every day. I don't believe that it's ever appropriate to use OCD as an adjective. Just because a person always has to be super organized or is a germaphobe, does not mean that they have OCD. It is a mental illness that people struggle with every day and it's a huge insult if you are just joking about OCD and throwing around the term so casually. ****Most people are diagnosed by the age of 19. They aren't known causes of OCD but risk factors are: **

**Genetics: If a close relative (parent, sibling, grandparent) has OCD then you are at a higher risk of developing OCD as a teen or child. **

**Environment: If you've had a traumatic event in your childhood, and have a family history of genetics, it may lead to the intrusive thoughts. **

**Mental Health Disorders: OCD can be related to other mental health disorders, such as anxiety disorders, substance abuse, depression, etc. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Isabella **

I'm sitting at the kitchen table dumping glitter on a piece of paper. We already had an assignment in art class: describe what love means.

I didn't know what love was until I meet Demitri. How does one describe what love means? All I know is that I have butterflies in my stomach. Everything seems brighter. I can finally breathe again. Nobody ever told me that life would be this great. I would be happier. I'm not even sure if I can call it that since I just met the guy but already it's as if I've found my soulmate. I can finally repair the Edward Cullen sized hole in my heart.

That is only if Demitri loves me back. I wasn't even sure what to call us: friends? Acquaintances?

And how am I supposed to convey love on one piece of paper? That is where glitter and glue come in. Nothing is more sparkly and lively then glitter.

"Bella," my mom sighs. She drops the bags of groceries on the ground. "Did you have to do that in here? Glitter is impossible to get rid of. We're having dinner in an hour."

"It's Isabella now." I say.

I don't look up from the table. I dump on the pink glitter. It made everything shinier!

"Isa- what?" Her voice is confused. "You hate Isabella."

"I'm older now. Bella is a little kids name and I'm not a little kid anymore."

"Well- whatever your name is- clean up this mess right now! You can finish this project tomorrow."

I roll my eyes, becoming increasingly annoyed with my mother. I'd love to move out. Is that an option? I can go live with Angela for the rest of my life.

I bring the project upstairs and come back downstairs and scrub the table clean._ Jesus, this stuff really is a pain to get rid of. _

My mom brings the plates out for me to set the table. I put one at each spot, excluding my own. I didn't eat with them anymore, yet she still gave me four plates. It was stupid for her to hope. Hope gets you nowhere in life.

I bring my plate back to the kitchen, putting it in the cabinet. There's a pain in my stomach. My mom's attempting to cook broccoli. She knows that it's pointless to argue and lets me go.

It was usually just the two of us at home in the afternoon. My mom was an author and worked from the house. She made absolutely no money but never gave up. I would have been inspired if didn't feel so bad for her.

My dad, on the other hand, was a police officer. He worked long shifts that seemed to get longer every day. My mom may not be the smartest but I knew what was going on. There was another woman. The way my parents fought, I was surprised that they hadn't divorced yet.

Emmett knew it too. That is why he never missed a practice. It was so depressing at home with our family falling apart. I drove him crazy as well as my parents. I bet he was happy that he was leaving next year. He had gotten a football scholarship to Fullerton University in Boston. It was practically across the country and I was certain that he was going to take it. I'd be surprised if he didn't. This was his chance to get out of Forks. You had no hopes for any type of well-paying job in this town and everyone knew that if you didn't get out while you could, you'd be stuck here forever.

Perhaps, I'll move to California someday. Not LA, but somewhere cooler, like San Francisco. I could live on the ocean. It wouldn't be too hot. It wouldn't be too cold. I would be far away from Forks, Washington. It all seemed perfect. I could completely start over. Just like Emmett was.

I stared at the picture of Jacob and I. His big cheesy smile was taunting me. You can never escape me. That was what he was trying to tell me. I couldn't bring myself to take down the picture. No matter how far I ran, he'd always follow. No matter how many boys I fall in love with, he'd always be at the back of my mind.

I close my eyes, trying to block out his face. I am done with Jacob. I am done with Jacob. That was a complete lie. He'd never go away.

* * *

I sit with Demitri again. We've been sitting together almost every day for the past week. Today, there is one guy sitting beside him. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Demitri punches him in the shoulder and turns to me.

"Hey Isabella," he says. "I was wondering when you were going to show up."

I can't help but blush. "You were thinking about me?" I put my bags down and take out my laptop.

"Maybe I was." He smiles. "You are kind of hard to forget."

Now, it's my turn to laugh. Just because I got boobs and a makeover, suddenly I'm visible to boys.

"I'm flattered by your compliments," I laugh. "Do you say that to every girl?"

"Only to the prettiest ones." he shrugs his shoulders.

"You're sweet."

"And you don't give yourself enough credit."

"Do you want me to turn into some self-centered bimbo bitch?"

"I want you to have confidence in yourself."

I take a deep breathe then let it out. "If I had no confidence then I wouldn't be sitting here right now talking to you."

"But you are."

"So I am."

"Do you try to deflect attention away from yourself?"

I pause. How do I respond to that? Nobody wanted to see the real me. The real me was sad and depressed and sucked all of the joy out of the room. This was the best he was going to get.

I force myself to smile pushing away all of the bad thoughts. "Ask me anything you want," I challenge him. "I'll answer truthfully."

"Alright," he smirks. "What is your favorite color?"

"It depends on my mood."

"That's not an answer."

"It's the truth!"

"Then what is your favorite color today?"

"Grey."

"I expected you to say pink."

"Pink?" I laugh. "Do you take me for a pink sort of girl?"

"Hey don't attack!" Demitri holds his hands up in defense. "It's a fact that all girls like pink!"

"You should know that I'm not like most girls."

"That... I'm just figuring out."

"Ask me another question. We've got…" I look at the time, "forty-five minutes."

Demitri puts his hand on chin and squints his eyes at me like smart people do when they are trying to solve a problem.

"What are you doing?" I laugh.

"I'm trying to figure you out, Isabella with no last name." he hums. "You know so much about me yet I know so little about you."

I keep a smile plastered on my face despite the sudden onslaught of nerves. He couldn't know who I was. "The whole point of this game is to get to know each other."

"Okay then tell me, what is your middle name?"

"Marie."

"So your name is Isabella Marie still with no last name. Is there some reason you can't reveal your identity to me?" he wonders. "Are you a spy? I bet that you were sent here by the CIA-"

"Stop that! You're being ridiculous!" I giggle.

"Is your real name even Isabella?" He dramatically gasps.

"Well if it wasn't then I wouldn't tell you!" I counter. "Besides, I'd have a way awsomer spy name than, Isabella."

"HAH!" He exclaims. "Awsomer is not a word! Only a spy would make that mistake!"

I scoff and flip my hair over my shoulder. "Did someone call the grammar police?"

"Don't worry he does that to everybody," Demitri's friend pipes in. He laughs, pushing Demitri aside and sticks his fist out to me. I gingerly bump mine against his causing him to laugh. "I'm Alec Danvers," he says. "This dude's best friend."

Demitri chuckles giving him another fist bump. _Is fist bumping a guy thing?_ It seems like they were always doing it.

"Isabella," I softly say. My cheeks turn pink as I look at him. He's got short brown hair, bangs, and brown eyes. His cheeks are puffy causing him to have a babyish sort of face but he still looks as handsome as ever.

"Wait, Isabella?" His eyes widen as if he'd just thought of something brilliant. "We were in Geometry last year together!"

My heart drops to my stomach. Please don't bring up last year. I'm trying really hard to forget about it. He better not mention-

"You were fucking awesome in class!" guffawed Alec.

_Oh shit. _

Demitri's face turns to one of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"It's nothing-"

"She punched Felix Hunter in the fucking face. Dude, you should have been there!" He cut me off.

"Y-you did what?" Demitri sputters, staring at me as if I had two heads.

"How'd you manage to land," he lowers his voice. "Psycho Bella?"

My heart drops to my stomach. The water has returned and I can feel the harsh powerful waves knocking against my body pulling me under… deeper and deeper.

"You're Isabella Swan?" Demitri whispers. It's as if he's seen a ghost. I'd never seen anyone look so pale in their life. If I hadn't known any better, I'd think that he was about to pass out. "Shit."

Alec looks back and forth between the two of us. "Uhhhh, guys? Is something wrong?"

Demitri puts his hand up, shushing Alec. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

I roll my eyes. "Are you serious? Would you have even talked to me you'd known?"

Demitri doesn't respond. Of course, he was silent.

"I don't have the best reputation around here," I mutter. "I thought that it would be nice to have one person who didn't know who you were."

"Did it ever occur to you that I might not care who you are?"

"Then why did you call me a slut last year?" I whisper. "You laughed as I cried. You and your god-awful friends tormented me that day."

"You don't know how sorry I am. The guys were just trying to embarrass, Edward. It's their way of joking around-"

"You call that joking around?" I cut him off. "I call that bullying."

"I know what we did was wrong. If I could take it back then I would. Edward gave us hell for doing that to you." Demitri looked torn. I could almost feel the anguish pouring off him.

"Do you believe what people say about me?" I suck on my bottom lip and bite down so hard that the skin breaks.

"Honestly?" he pauses. "No."

"No?" I repeat, shocked.

"You are funny and caring and interesting," he smiles. "You tend to care about others more than yourself and you're the first girl that I've actually been able to have a conversation with."

I'm having a dilemma. It's as if I've been split in two and one part of me wants to forgive him but the other wants to see him burned at the stake for what he said to me. However, he was honest and truthful and meant what he was saying. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to be happy.

"Please, Isabella," he pleaded. "I know the real you-"

_No, he didn't._

Demitri's voice is somber. "I don't want you to go. Let me make it up to you."

My arms are crossed over my chest. I glare lasers into his face, waiting for him to speak.

"I want to take you out."

My mouth drops open. I wasn't expecting him to say that. "W-where?"

"Wherever you want to go."

"Anywhere?"

"Anywhere."

"Fine," I say. "I'm giving you one chance… so… so don't screw it up!"

"Are you guys done fighting?" Alec's voice is hopeful. "I really don't like fighting."

I want to be mad at Alec but I can't bring myself too. From everything I learned about him, he was the typical airhead jock and he meant no ill will towards me. Alec simply just didn't know when to stop talking.

"We're fine buddy," Demitri pats him on the shoulder. "Though maybe next time… think before you speak."

_They both needed to learn that. _

* * *

"Bella!" My name echoes down the hallway. I twirl around to see Edward jogging towards me. His face is bright red as if he's just run from the third floor. He's wearing his football jacket and an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt. Did he ever wear anything else? You could practically see his rock solid abs.

I'd avoided him pretty much the whole summer. The whole point of reinventing myself is to start fresh and get rid of all of my old distractions. Edward was a big distraction.

"What do you want?" I say in a deadpan voice. He stops in front of me, panting like a dog.

"Is it true that you are going out with Demitri Callas?"

"Where did you hear that?"

"Alec."

"Alec," I grumble. Of course, it was Alec. "Wait why do you care?"

"Do you remember what he said to you last year?"

I nod my head. I would never forget.

"Then why are you going out with him?"

"Because I want to," I said. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Yes," he nods his head. "I do. He's not good enough for you."

"I really don't care what you think." I counter. "I've got to get to class unless you have anything meaningful to say."

"Are you really going to ignore me?" Edward crosses his arms over his chest and raises his eyebrows. He's not letting me leave until he gets his point across.

"Move."

"No."

"I really hate you." I hiss and clench my hands into fists.

"I know you do." He said. "That's why I'm not letting you leave."

"Are you trying to be annoying on purpose?" I roll my eyes. "Because it's working."

"Tanya and I are done. We have been for a while so I don't know why you are still mad at me."

"You really don't get it, do you?" I sneer at him, my eyes are suddenly ablaze.

"I just want us to go back to normal, Bella." he sighs. "Yes, you're right that maybe I could have done more to help you but I'm trying now. I know how much you're hurting. I want to do something."

"You don't know a fucking a thing about me," I said in a calm voice. "You don't want to be around me."

"Then tell me!" Edward raises his voice becoming agitated. "Tell me all about the new you? The new Isabella that starves herself and dresses like she's fucking Heidi Klum. You don't give a shit-"

"Stop!" I cut him off.

"... about the people who actually care about you. All we can do is sit back and watch you destroy yourself."

"Shut up!" I roar. I punch him the chest but he grabs my wrist. _Fuck that hurt!_

"Emmett told me how you barely eat. You go straight to bed when you get home and are constantly worried about everything."

"You don't care-"

"You don't think that I care!?" He explodes into a fit of rage. "When you were in the hospital after your accident, I sat by your bedside every day and night while you slept. I thought that you would never walk again and it terrified me."

"Y-you did what?" I gasp. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I didn't think that you cared," he mumbled. "Do you remember what you said when you saw me?"

I shake my head. "They had loaded me up with so many drugs."

"You told me to, 'get the fuck out and never come back.'"

"Ed-"

"Don't apologize, Bella. I did what I had to do and I just want you to know that I still care about you. I always have and I always will."

"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say.

"Don't be sorry," he exhales loudly. "I just want to be here for you. I want to help you. Everyone else may buy this act that you are putting on but I don't. This isn't you, Bella."

"My name is Isabella." I snap at him.

"You hate Isabella."

"I love it now."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you subjecting yourself to all of this torture just to be someone you're not?"

"We've all got parts to play, Edward. I'm done being the weak link. I'm not going to let people walk all over me anymore." I looked him straight in the eyes. "Including you."

"Me?" Edward looks surprised. "What did I do?"

"What didn't you do?" I scoff. "I let you treat me like I was some little kid and you're just telling me now that you liked me? Is that how you treat people that you like?"

"Well, you were a little kid!" He argues.

"I'm only three years younger than you!" I throw my hands up in the air. "Only three years! That's not much of an age difference!"

"You're not even sixteen yet. You're a kid that's trying to act older than you are!"

I glare at him feeling my body tremble in rage. If I didn't get out of here than I was going to hurt someone… most likely Edward.

"Does Demitri know how old you are?" Edward says in a demanding voice.

I don't answer. I'm about to explode. _Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. _

"Are you ever going to tell him? It's not fair if he gets in trouble for-"

"God, Edward!" I whisper-yell as a couple of students walk by. "That won't ever be an issue because we're never going to have, sex!" I whisper the last part. Sex was disgusting and painful. I don't know how people found pleasure in it but I for sure wouldn't let anyone touch me that way again.

"You don't know guys-"

"I know guys perfectly fine. Demitri may have made some bad choices in the past but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to hear you say another word about him or me because I'm going out with him whether you like it or not!"

Edwards' lips press into a thin line, obviously disagreeing with me. "I'm not saying that he is a bad guy. I just want you to be careful."

"You sound like Rosalie." I spit.

"She's right. You can never trust anyone."

"You think that I don't know that?" I whisper.

Edward backs away and watches as I run down the hall, getting further and further away. The bell had already rung and I know that I'm in for it. _Damn you, Edward Cullen. _

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**Hey Everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank y'all for everyone that has reviewed! This is updated version because on the other chapter this was a formatting issue. Also, s****ome have been asking whether Jacob is still going to be in the story. He'll still be mentioned but you won't directly see him in it for a little while. Do y'all think it was right for Bella to give Demitri a second chance? What do you think of Alec, do you think he was intentionally being mean to Bella? Is she too forgiving? What did you think of her and Edward? He seemed genuinly concerned for her. Was he to harsh when speaking to her or that he was just trying to get his point across because Edward knew that she had to hear what he had to say? I hope to hear from y'all in the reviews! **

**I plan to update again by next week and so until then, enjoy! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Isabella **

I paced back and forth in my room like an animal trapped in a cage. Why was I letting what Edward said get to me? I didn't care about him. I didn't care what he thought about me and Demitri. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Maybe I do care. If I didn't then I wouldn't be thinking about him.

I needed something to calm down. I couldn't continue on like this or else I'd be up all night. I'd be thinking about Edward and Demitri and checking the door handle fifteen times and obsessing and crying over things that I can't control.

See, I was already doing it. I was already driving myself insane. Maybe everyone was right, perhaps I should be locked up. I'm a dangerous unstable person who has thought about killing more than once. Only a crazy person would think that. Only a psycho.

I grab my phone and dial Kate's number. She promised that she would help me with whatever I need. She said to ask her anything. I'm not sure if she was being serious or not but I need help. The phone rings and rings and rings and right when I think it's about to go to voicemail, her voice appears.

"Hello?" says Kate in a bored voice.

"K-kate?" I stutter. "It's Bella."

"Hey! What's up?"

I bite my bottom lip, drawing blood. I pause, not sure how I should phrase this.

"Is something the matter?" she sounded concerned.

"I don't want to bother you. You must be busy at college and stuff but remember how you said that you would help me with anything?"

"You're not bothering me," she reassured me. "What can I do for you?"

I suck in a deep breath and say, "I've been really stressed lately and just need something to calm down. I know that you and Bree used to like smoke and stuff and I was just wondering-"

"Do you want weed, Bella?" She cuts me off and laughs. "You can just ask me for some weed. I'll give you the number of the guy I get it from."

My heart was racing against my chest. It felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I'm pretty sure that what we were doing right now, is illegal. Don't you need a license to deal weed? And to buy?

Now, I wasn't only going to be a high school drop out but an actual criminal. I was headed for jail in the future. My father is a cop for fuck's sake! If he catches me than I know that he won't hesitate to put me in jail. The law always comes before everything else… even before your kids; that was his motto.

"I just sent you his number. Anytime you want some just call him. He said that he would meet you at Liberty Park in about thirty minutes. He knows that you're a friend of mine so you don't have to worry about payments, I've got you covered."

"Are you sure?" my voice raises in concern. "I've got some money saved up. You don't have to do this for me-"

"Bella, relax. I've got plenty of money to spare. Just go have fun and be safe." Kate emphasized the last part.

I nod my head, immediately realizing that she can't see me. "Thank you so much. I promise that I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry about it," her voice is empathetic. "Just take it easy, alright? Don't go too crazy with this stuff, it can be pretty strong."

"Thank you." I sigh.

The phone beeps, signaling the end of the call. I immediately text Angela, knowing that she must be out of theater club now. It is seven o'clock and the play rehearsal ended at six o'clock... I think.

She responds right away and I inform her of everything that has just happened. We agree to meet at the park once her parents leave. Angela couldn't lie for her life and her parents would immediately find out.

My parents are both out and Emmett is… well, I don't know where he is and I don't care. I text my dad, telling him that I'm sleeping over at Angela's house. I know that he won't mind. It was a Friday night.

I head out of my room and down the stairs. I make it to the park in under ten minutes. I sit down on the swingset, pumping my legs faster and faster, soaring higher and higher into the sky. The icy wind hit my face causing my hair to blow in the wind. I felt free. It's as if all the pressure has floated away and I can just… breathe.

"Hey!" a voice yells.

I look to where the noise came from and see a boy walking over to me. He gets closer and closer until I can see his spiky blonde hair and baby blue eyes. I recognized this guy. I dig my heels into the ground and jump off the swing. I jog over to him meeting him halfway.

"Bella?" his voice lights up when he sees me. "My name is Mike, remember?"

I nod my head and feel the corners of my lip curve up. He was in a dress shirt and fancy jeans, very different, from the last time, I saw him in sweats and a t-shirt.

"What are you doing here?" asks Mike.

"I'm meeting somebody," is all I say. I don't want him to know that I'm illegally buying drugs. He could be an undercover cop for all I know.

"Wait," he pauses. "Kate Denali didn't send you down here, did she?"

"Y-yeah," I nervously laugh. "She did. A-are you the one... Do- do you have the stuff?" I stutter.

"You mean the weed?" he snorts. Mike sticks his hand in his pocket pulling out a packet of marijuana and cigarettes.

"What if somebody sees?" I hiss and grab the stuff from him, shoving it in my pockets.

"There is nobody around. Who's going to tell on us, the squirrels?"

"That's not funny," I grumble.

"Don't be angry," he sighs. "Have you ever smoked weed before?"

I shake my head back and forth. "I'm pretty sure my brother does it and he's always fine. Everything's just been so crazy lately and I just need a moment of silence."

I stop what I'm saying and look at Mike. I could never stop running my mouth and one of these days it's going to get me in trouble.

"Or it can make you go even crazier."

I sharply look at him.

"Everybody reacts differently their first time. You really just don't know."

My chest heaves up and down with this new information. I could go even more psycho than I am now. Why didn't Kate tell me this? If my dad found out I would be done for.

"Bella!" a voice yells.

We turn around to see, Angela running towards us. She hops over the fence landing with a soft thud on the woodchipped ground. She's out of breath by the time she gets to Mike and me.

"Hey!" she breathes.

Angela flashes a smile at Mike, instinctively moving closer to me. "Mike this is Angela and Angela this is Mike." I introduce the two of them. "Don't worry, she knows about the stuff."

His smile widens at this and he gives Angela a half-wave. She shyly smiles back and looks at me as if to ask- who is this strange guy?

"We met last year. He goes to Newtown Christian Academy."

"You live on the other side of town?" Angela's eyes gleam in excitement.

She always wanted to live in one of those five-story mansions with the gated fence and outdoor swimming pool.

"Yeah." Mike embarresly admits.

"What grade are you in?" Angela asks, noticing his discomfort.

"I'm a senior. You?"

"So-"

"Junior." Angela says cutting me off. "We're Juniors."

I look at her thinking- what is she doing?

"Really?" Mike sounded skeptical.

"We get that all the time." Angela dramatically sighs. "Everyone thinks that we look younger."

"I can't blame 'em." he mutters under his breath.

I can't blame 'em either. Where was Angela going with this? I stay quiet and follow her lead.

"Do you also go to Forks High?" he asks.

Angela nods her head. "It's a fucking dump. I can't wait to get out of this dead-end town."

"I'm with you on that. There's a reason the population of this town is like ten." Mike laughs showing off his dimples.

I can't help but giggle. He wasn't wrong there.

"Are you guys doing anything right now?" said Mike with curiosity.

"We're just hanging around." Angela says nonchalantly.

"Are you up for a party?"

I'm about to say no, remembering what happened at the last party but Angela beats me to it.

"Totally!" she blurts out. "Bella, you wanna go?"

They look at me, waiting for an answer. "Uhhh…" I don't know how to respond. I didn't want to say yes but at the time, I could see how much Angela wanted to do this.

"Sure!" I fake cheer.

If they notice the falter in my voice then they don't mention it. Angela slyly smiles but I know on the inside, she is freaking out. I couldn't burst her little bubble of happiness.

We follow Mike to his car and I can't help but let out a low whistle. What seventeen year old could afford a Range Rover?

_Oh, wait. A rich one. _

I slip into the back while Angela sits in the passenger seat. I can't help but admire all of the fancy technology and actual leather seats.

_If this is what it was like being rich then sign me up! _

"Where are we going?" asks Angela.

"Blueridge Hill." he starts the car and pulls away from the park into the road.

I turn my head at the name. Blueridge Hill? That was only one of the most exclusive fanciest neighborhoods around. The average house up there cost about over a million dollars. It is where all the rich kids partied.

Were we even appropriately dressed? I'm not sure how well a halter top and jeans would go over. The drive seems to go on forever as the nerves well up in my stomach, growing stronger and stronger. After several turns, two stop lights and a long dirt road where humongous houses hid in behind the trees, we finally reached our destination. The pounding sound of rap music vibrated throughout the car and bright lights lit up the several story home.

We get out of the car and follow Mike to the open door. Red solo cups littered the front lawn and every convertible you could possibly imagine was parked in the circular driveway around a fountain. It felt like I had just entered, _90210_. I shuffle closer to Angela as we enter the throng of sweaty drunk people. We take a right, entering the living room. Red and blue lights flashed throughout the room and a state of the art stereo system was set high upon a balcony.

Pushing our way through the crowd we make it to the kitchen. On the center Island, the only drinks were beer and fruit punch which was probably spiked. Angela grabs a cup filling it up with beer. She and Mike are laughing about something while I retreat into the corner, obviously forgotten.

People enter and exit through the kitchen heading to the living room and outside to the patio. I look out the little window above the sink to see people cannonballing into the pool howling like they are Tarzan swinging through the jungle and others are relaxing in the water on rubber floaties. On the patio, an intense game of Beer Pong and Flip Cup are being played. A crowd has gathered around the participants and they shout, "Chug chug chug!"

I look away, feeling nauseous just at the sight of them. I turn around from the window to go find a quieter place to sit when I ram into someone hard.

"Fuck!" the stranger exclaims.

Beer is spilt all over the floor and is covering my new shirt. My hands clench in fists and I struggle not to curse the person into oblivion. I rub my shirt with my hands as hard as I can but it does nothing to clean the stain.

"You're just ruining your shirt." he grumbles as he gets paper towels.

I grab them from him without looking up, just wanting to get the stench of beer off of me. I dab at my soaked shirt praying for a miracle.

"Why isn't this working?" I mutter to myself.

"Well maybe, if you didn't rub so hard it would be easier to get off."

I stare at him, glaring daggers into his face. He was tan and had black hair combed to the side, brown eyes and a lean body. He wore a black t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers.

_Ok good. I wasn't underdressed. _

"Chill out girl," he laughs. "No need to get all feisty."

"This shirt was fifty dollars!" I hiss.

"Well these shoes were five hundred but you don't see me complaining." he smirked.

I look down to see his shoes covered in alcohol. I'm silent, knowing that I just lost the argument.

"I'm Embry," he says.

"Isabella." I cross my arms over my chest.

"I haven't seen you around Newtown Christian before."

"I go to a different school."

He pauses before saying, "So… what are you doing here?"

"A friend invited me." I say. Although I'm not sure, a friend was the right word to use. An acquaintance was more like it.

"Who's your friend?" his voice is friendlier now.

"Mike."

"Mike Newton? Blonde haired kid? Always smiling?" he guesses

"Y-yeah."

"He's a cool dude," Embry grins. "Any friend of Mike's is a friend of mine!"

"Thanks?" I say it as more of a question.

"So are you enjoying the party? I tried to get a DJ but my parents wouldn't give me the money."

"W-wait. This is your house? You live here?" unable to hide my surprise, my mouth drops open in shock. "And your parents know that you are throwing this… party?"

_Rager was the better word to use. _

"While they are vacationing in Cabo, I'm apparently having a small intimate gathering with a few friends." Embry smirks.

"This doesn't look small and intimate to me."

He runs his hand through his hair, flexing his muscles. He smiles and says, "It's just getting started."

"Do you even know everyone here?" I say incredulously.

"No," he shrugs his shoulders. "Does it matter?"

"Does it matter?" I repeat. "Anyone here could be criminals! They could be murderers! They could try to steal that damn fountain in your driveway!"

He raises an eyebrow.

"What is that fountain even supposed to be?"

"A nakad woman." he simply says.

"Why is she spitting water out of her mouth?"

"I dunno, ask the artist." all Embry does is laugh. "You know, you're cute when you're mad."

"Arghhh! Don't call me cute!" I throw my hands up in the air.

"What should I call you then?" Embry leans closer to me.

I push him away, not liking where this is heading. I ignore what he said and say, "I just need to find my friend and get out of here!"

"I thought that we were really hitting it off-"

I give him a look, silencing him. My eyes scream: don't start this with me.

He pouts and stuffs his hands in his pocket. "Maybe… maybe I can help you find her."

"What are you getting out of this?"

"Nothing, I swear!" he holds his hands up. "Is it so wrong of me to want to lend a helping hand?"

"Fine." I groan. "Lead the way. Your house is a maze."

He smiles, triumphantly and I follow him through a different door we came in. "What's your friend's name?"

"Angela Webber." I say.

Catching me off guard, he spins around with his mouth wide open. "I know her!"

"What?" I sputter. How did he know Angela? I knew everyone that she knew and she had never mentioned Embry in her life.

"She's dating Ben Cheney, right?"

"Yeah…"

"We were on the same rowing team and he always used to talk about her."

"Oh." I don't know what else to say.

"Well do you know what she looks like? Did you happen to see her?"

"Long black hair? She's wearing a black shirt and red jeans?"

I nod my head, anxiously. "Yeah! Where did she go?"

"The last time I saw her, she went upstairs with Mike. They both seemed pretty drunk." he pursed his lips.

"Damnit," I growl to myself. "Mike was our ride!"

Damn Angela. Damn Mike. Damn myself for letting me go along with her plan. Neither of us could drive and I for sure wasn't getting in the car with a drunk Mike. I was stuck here unless I wanted to call my brother or parents… which was not going to happen.

"Let's just focus on finding your friend, alright?" He stares at me worriedly as I start to freak out.

"Y-yeah, you're right. We've got to find her first."

With shaky legs, I follow him up a set of stairs in the back of the house. We make it to the third floor when I suddenly hear a burst of laughter from down the hallway. It sounded like Angela.

I take a left, getting closer and closer to the giggling until we stop at a closed door. I open it up and I'm immediately greeted by Angela and Mike... naked.

Mike screams, scrambling away from Angela. He slips on his jeans and takes off, barreling past Embry and me.

"Angela!" I gasp. "Wha-what are you doing? With Mike?" my face screws up in disgust.

Her cheeks blush a bright pink as she holds the blanket up to her chest. "I-I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me." I hiss. "Apologize to your boyfriend!"

Tears well up in her eyes. She grabs her shirt and pulls it over her and gets on her skirt under the covers. She scrambles off of the bed and over to me. She's a shaken drunk mess. "Ple-please don't tell him. I made a mistake. I- I love B-ben!"

I sigh, not wanting to get into this argument with her right now. "We'll talk about this another time. I just want to get out of here."

Angela pauses and guiltily looks at me. "I… I actually met some girl and she invited me to her house after the party."

"Ang…" I don't know what to say. "Yo-you can't just go off with a stranger. Do you even know her name?"

"Kebi," she smiles brightly. "Kebi Amini. Her parents own that Egyptian restaurant we always go to!"

"That doesn't mean that you can trust her!" I grab her hand. "Just come with me and we can find a way home."

She shakes her head, pulling away from me. "No. I'm sorry but I wanna go with her and the other girls. I can take care of myself, Bella."

"It's Isabella! For fuck's sake, how many times do I have to tell you!" I cry.

Angela rolls her and scoffs. "You are going to have to accept that our lives are changing. You can certainly come with me if you want, but I'm not going to follow you every time you call for me."

"Angela…" tears ran down my cheeks at an alarming rate.

"Can I also…" she sighs. "Can I also have that weed?"

"What?" anger ignites in my belly.

"Are you really going to use it? Because I promised the girls that I could get some for them. I'll pay you back for it I promise!"

"You've got to be kidding me right now!" I narrow my eyes at her. "You're a fucking bitch!"

"Can I just have it?" she persists and holds her hand out.

I scoff out loud, not wanting to deal another minute with her crap. I shove my hand in my pocket and throw the packet and rolls at her. "There. Go have fun getting wasted. Just don't call me in the morning when you're sober and sane. I never want to see your face again!"

I drag Embry by the shirt out of the room and down the hallway. We stop at an empty bedroom that he leads me into.

"Are you ok?" he whispers.

I'm hunched over on the ground with angry tears rolling down my face. I was so angry. I was so so angry that I wanted to hit something. I wanted someone to tell me that it was going to be alright. I wanted somebody to love me.

"I… I j-just want to go ho-home." I sob.

He squats down to my level and awkwardly pats my shoulder. "There there. It'll be alright." he awkwardly says. "I'd drive you home but… it probably wouldn't be a good idea."

_He's drunk. So what? _

I shrug my shoulders, honestly not caring about what happened to me at this point. I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes. I just wanted to hear the quiet. I just wanted to feel numb. Why couldn't I fucking feel numb!

"Give me your phone," he softly says. "I can call someone for you. Who do you want me to call?"

"I don't care." I emotionlessly say. "You can just leave me here to rot."

"I'm not going to do that." he firmly states.

My phone is sticking out of my front pocket. Embry takes it while I let myself further relax, zoning out everything around me. I don't hear him dial the number. I don't hear him speak. All I know is that I'm falling asleep and I don't want to wake up. Angela has left me. My one true friend has left me. But I still have Demitri. That counts for something right?

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hey everyone! Thanks so much for reading! I'm sorry that I think it took me longer to upload this chapter, I've just had a really busy week. So many things were going through my mind when I was writing this chapter. I really am mad at Angela. She was supposed to be Bella's best friend and with her through everything but she gets drunk, cheats on her boyfriend, and literally abandoned Bella at the worst possible time. I don't know about y'all but I'd drop her as a friend in a heartbeat. What do you think about Embry? He's like the stereotypical guy but at least he's trying to make an effort with Bella... and Mike. I don't even want to talk about him. **

**I should upload again by next week or sooner. Thanks, y'all for your support and I hope you review! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Isabella **

"Thank you for calling me." his voice sounded far away. I wanted to go back to sleep where it was peaceful and life was uncomplicated. I didn't have to deal with backstabbing best friends, evil school bullies, and crushes on boys that would probably go nowhere. I could relax and not have a worry in the world.

I felt my body be lifted into the air. My legs swung over his arm and a hand was pressed firmly against my back. I keep my eyes closed and snuggle up against his warm body.

"Yeah, man. You were under her list of emergency numbers." Embry whispered. "She was just so out of it and her friend ditched her. She's like on the verge of a breakdown or something."

"I was? I thought that she would have blocked me by now." his voice was surprised.

The only emergency contacts I had were Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, and… Edward.

I was in Edward's arms. I was currently inhaling his mouth-watering scent, it felt like a drug to me. I knew that I should be angry. I knew that I should push him away but I was just so… tired. Nobody had held me like this in a long time. I felt safe, cared for. Edward made me feel this way. He made me feel whole. I didn't want to feel this way. I wanted to hate him but at the moment… I needed him. That's why I stayed asleep. I didn't want to be put down just yet.

Perhaps all this time, I didn't hate Edward. I hated myself. I hated that he could see all of my insecurities. Edward knew my favorite color, my pet peeves, my favorite day of the week. He didn't even have to ask if I was sad because he could immediately tell.

"Did she have anything to drink?" he asked.

"I don't think so. I found her like an hour ago and she seemed fine to me. I'd just be careful."

They talked about me like I was made of glass. Just because I had a few screwups didn't mean that I was a fragile person. People made mistakes but everyone liked to remind me of mine.

I moan and shift in his arms. My cheek pressed against his soft cotton shirt. "Go back to sleep." he whispered in my ear. "I'll take you home soon."

Half out of it, I nodded my head, letting myself drift further and further away.

"Do you know where Angela went?" his velvety voice spoke.

"I'm pretty sure she left with some girls about an hour ago. I would have tried to stop her but I had to keep an eye on, Isabella."

"Alright," Edward sighs. "We better get going now. Dude, I don't know how to thank you. She's just been a wreck lately. Everyone's really worried."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad that I could help her." said Embry in a somber voice. "Just get her home safely, alright? She's suffered enough tonight."

"Will do." Edward replies.

He holds me tighter in his arms as I feel him start to walk. My eyes stay closed as we make our way down the stairs and back through the smelly sticky bodies surrounding us. I immediately feel the cold breeze touch my skin as we step outside. Goosebumps spread down my arms and legs but they're suddenly gone when I'm placed inside Edward's warm car. The doors slam shut and the engine starts up.

"Bella?" his voice softly calls. Edward lightly touches my shoulder, shaking me awake.

"I wanna sleep," a whine escapes my mouth. I lay my head on the window, trying to get comfortable.

"I just need to ask you a question. Can you wake up for a second?"

"No." I mumble.

"C' mon Bella, just open your eyes for a second and then you can go back to sleep."

I know he won't stop bothering me until I listen to him. My eyes flutter open, I turn my head and look into his striking green eyes.

"Thank you." he mutters. "I know that you're tired but please tell me one thing."

"What Edward..." I groan.

"Did anyone hurt you at the party? Did you do anything you didn't want to do?" his voice was anxious.

I shrug my shoulders and sigh, "Angie, hurt me. She took everything and left me."

My fingers drift to the locks on the door. My heart races against my chest and my hands tremble. Fifteen times. I had to hear the little click fifteen times and then I would be fine. I press the button locking the door. I click again and again and again. I didn't care that Edward is watching.

"What did she take?" his voice is confused.

I don't respond. My eyes are focused on the door handle. Four clicks, five clicks, six clicks. Nine clicks left to do. I clenched my jaw, wanting to stop but the nagging fear at the back of my mind told me that Jacob could be near. Anybody could be near and I could be hurt. I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-

"Isabella!" Edward grabs my hands, forcing me to stop. My chest heaves up and down as my eyes fill with tears.

"Let me go!" a strangled cry escapes my throat.

"You are going to break my car. Just let me take you home."

I hurriedly shake my head back and forth. "I'm supposed to be at Angela's. We lied to our parents. They think we're at each other's houses."

"Then I'll take you back to my house." he calmly responds.

Edward lets go and starts the car. I tilt my head back and touch the switch on the door. The little click calms my heart. _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. _

My hand rests on the handle when I get to fifteen. Edward didn't say anything. I knew he was watching me but was polite enough not to ask me about it. He just keeps his eyes focused on the road in front of us.

We drove another ten minutes until we finally made it onto the windy dirt road leading to his four-story house. It was a greyish-blue color with a wrap-around porch. The entire wall on the right side of the house was a window, giving you the perfect view of the forest. Edward stops in front of the house, not pulling into the garage.

"What are you doing?" I questioned him.

"It's easier to leave in the morning if I leave it parked out here. I am going to drive you home tomorrow."

I unbuckle the seatbelt and step out into the cold. It was only September but already the temperature was dropping. I rub my hands against my arms, trying to create some heat.

I scowl, realizing that I was going to have to spend the night. I didn't want to go home and raise questions but at the same time, I wanted to distance myself from Edward as much as possible. I didn't like what he made me feel. The last time I felt this much joy, he broke my heart broke into a million pieces and I didn't want to take that chance again.

"Alice is sleeping over at Rose's and my parents are at a medical convention in Olympia-"

"So we have the house to ourselves?" I cut him off.

Edward nods his head, stuffing his hands in his pocket.

"Great." I mutter. I push past him and up the stairs into his house. I'm immediately met by warmness and the smell of pizza. I kick off my shoes and take a right, entering the large state of the art kitchen. An island sat in the middle of the kitchen with marble topping. All around the painted white walls were counter and cabinet space. Two small windows were above the sink, giving a view of the garden. I pull the stool out from the center island and open the box of pizza.

It's Pepperoni. Gahhh. I hate pepperoni.

"We have leftover pasta if you want that instead," Edward says from behind me. I roll my eyes and take a slice before turning around to face him.

"I'm fine with this." I say in a deadpan voice.

"You hate Pepperoni."

"I like it now."

Edward exhales a loud breath of annoyance. He stomps over and sits down on the wooden stool across from me.

"Why did you get pizza if you are all alone?"

Edward shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't feel like cooking anything."

"You never feel like cooking anything."

Edward smirks, picking off a slice of pepperoni and throwing it into his mouth. He runs his hand along the stubble on his square jaw and yawns. He rubs his eyes with his fists as he had done since he was a child. I couldn't help but smile. I was reminded of how much fun we had together when I was younger. How innocent we both were. All of us were.

"Can I ask you a question?" he spoke suddenly.

"Depends on what it is." I wearily say.

He purses his lips but speaks nonetheless. "You said that Angela hurt you earlier. Was it her leaving that hurt or did she do something else?"

_Damn it._ I thought that he would have forgotten. I clench the knife in my hand, trying to think of what to say. I doubt that it would go over well if I told him that she had taken the weed I bought.

"I thought that it would always be the two of us. Realistically, I know that friends drift apart over time but our friendship seemed so secure. I couldn't imagine that we'd ever leave each other."

"But you were drifting apart?"

I nod my head, unable to speak.

"I know what it is like, Bella. Trust me I do." Edward's voice was quiet. His sorrowful eyes pierced through me as if he was trying to send me a message. I was the cause of his heartache. I am what tore us apart. He was hurting because of me.

"S-she left me for Kebi Amini. That good for nothing rich bitch." I spit her name. "Angela and I hadn't spent as much time together the past year and I guess this was my last attempt at saving our friendship. I knew this was coming."

"None of this is your fault-"

"Don't you dare say that!" I growl and glare at him through tear-soaked eyes. "All of this is my fault. You haven't been there. You don't know what it's been like."

"That's because you haven't let me! We've all been trying to help but you've pushed everyone away! Can't you see that?" Edward said incredulously.

"Like who, huh? My parents?" I scoff.

"What about my parents? Emmett! Jasper! Alice! Rose-!"

"I get it!" my voice is raw from all the anger.

"Why can't you just accept our help?" he throws his hands up in the air. "Is it so hard to just let someone take care of you for once? You're too stubborn for your own good."

"How many times do I have to say that I don't want your help?" my voice is calm.

"Bell-"

"Don't call me that." I hiss.

"Then, _Isabella_. Why don't you want anyone's help? Tell me that."

Because you'll blame me. I'm dirty, impure, nobody will want me. I'm just a slut. A dirty cheating slut.

"I'm going to bed," I mutter. "I'll see you tomorrow." I get off the chair and walk to the doorway.

"You're ignoring the question. Just say something to me!" Edward yells. His face is bright red in frustration.

Tear tracks stain my cheeks as I stop mid-step and turn around. A flicker of emotions flash through my body at the sight of the pained expression on Edward's face.

Edward won't leave me alone. He won't leave me alone until he finds out what is wrong and I know that he'll be disgusted with me. I'm disgusted with myself. I know what Jacob did was wrong but I should have been strong enough to stop him. I could have done anything but I froze. I know everyone will blame me. Isn't that how these cases went?

So I say the one thing I know will hurt Edward the most. He wanted to know how I was feeling so why not tell him straight up?

"Your parents should have let me die in the forest. I don't care about your parents or Emmett or my parents or anyone else for that matter. I'll do whatever I want and you of all people can't stop me."

* * *

I got back into bed. The door was locked, I checked fifteen times just to be sure. It was currently three o'clock in the morning and I was wide awake. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable.

The room was light purple with a canopy bed. There were two small windows across the room and the floor squeaked when you walked on the hardwood. There was an en-suite which was great because I hated the dark. Anything could attack and there would be no one to see you, no one to hear you.

I shouldn't have said that too Edward. He's probably going to go tattle to Carlisle and Esme that I'm suicidal now or something and they'd have me committed. No sane person would wish death upon themselves, only crazy people.

I can hear music coming from the floor above me in Edward's room. Why the fuck was he playing music this early in the morning? I'm pretty sure he was a vampire because he never slept.

Most days I got around four hours of sleep or less and it was a miracle as to how I was still functioning. Perhaps, I was about to break and I just didn't know it. Or my breaking point already happened and it was all downhill from here. Why else would I be thinking about this in the middle of the night?

_Oh, wait I know!_ My life is a freaking trainwreck and I hate to admit it but Edward's right, I'm too stubborn to accept anyone's help. I told myself that I was going to act normal. I was going to be just another teenage girl and drink, party, make mistakes and learn from them. I was going to get a really cute boyfriend and we would do all of those annoying couple things but we'd love it. I was going to forget about Jacob and what happened and everything would start over from fresh. But I'm learning that it's a lot harder said than done.

My animosity towards myself, Jacob, and the world are what finally drove me to doze off… even if it was only for an hour, it was very much welcomed.

The night seemed to drag on for a hundred years. I was almost grateful for the sound of Edward's footsteps in the morning. I laid in bed as long as possible, squinting as the light from outside the window got brighter and brighter. It was eight o'clock and at this point, I was delaying the inevitable, I was going to have to see Edward at some point. I didn't want to face his growing amount of questions and skepticism into whether I was mentally altogether.

I drag myself out of bed, still in the clothes from yesterday and follow the smell of… smoke? down the stairs. I come around the corner into the kitchen to see a shirtless Edward standing frazzled by the toaster.

"Ar-are you trying to burn the house down?" my voice is incredulous. I rush over and dump the two blackened slices of bread into the trash can.

"Bella…" was all he could say. His cheeks were tinted with pink as he ran his hand through his uncombed hair. "I thought that I would try to make us breakfast."

"A five-year-old knows how to use the toaster." I roll my eyes.

"I just wanted to do something nice after yesterday-"

"Don't bring that up!" I say through my clenched jaw. "It was nothing. I was just super emotional and I didn't mean any of it, alright?"

Edward shakes his head. "You're a horrible liar."

"Well, you're a horrible cook. I don't know how you manage to screw up something as simple as toast!" I scoff.

"You're doing it again," Edward says. "Changing the conversation. You do this every time something isn't going your way."

"I don't know what you're talking about. When did you turn into such an asshole?"

Edward points his index finger at me, coming closer. Unleashed rage swam underneath his gentle eyes. I was pressed up against the wall with him glaring passionately down at me.

"Call me anything you want but the one thing I'll never be is an asshole." he spits. "I know that you are angry at me about Tanya but how many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am? How can I prove my worth to you?"

My hands slightly shake at my sides due to his proximity to me. I thought that I had gotten past this. Edward may be a dick but he would never hurt me. I knew that! Yet the dread still sat in my belly.

"You can get out of my face and drive me home. I didn't want you to get me from the party and I certainly don't want to be here with you right now. " my voice is as calm as can be.

"You don't mean that." Edward whispers. "I've loved you since the day we met and I know that you feel the same for me. Every little imperfection makes me fall harder and harder."

"Edward, don't say that" my voice is hard. I didn't want to add to the pain. I couldn't get any closer to him, it was best for both of us.

"It's the truth. I know that you don't want to hear it but you need to know that it's what I feel."

"I'm going out with Demitri. It wouldn't be fair to just leave him like this. I'm not going to follow you around whenever you decide that you want me!" I felt myself burning up. I was getting hotter and hotter, ready to explode.

"Just listen to me-!"

"No! I'm done listening! All I do is listen and follow others around! I want to be in charge of my own life for once! I want to take control!"

A bubbling, seething, deadly feeling surged through my body. I was at the tip of the iceberg and just like that… I cracked. Feelings of hopelessness, abandonment, and worry washed over my entire being. I sunk to the ground feeling as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I just wept. I wept for the past years that I had lost and that would never return. I wept for the unknown upcoming year. I had managed to drive almost everyone away and the people left were slowly drifting. I couldn't hold on much longer.

"Shhh. It's going to be alright." Edward whispered in my ear. He was curled up beside me on the ground. "Ju-just let me help you, please let me do that one thing."

I shake my head, not having a voice to speak. I didn't want to drag Edward into my mess. He had lived a fairly uncomplicated peaceful life and I didn't want to ruin it. Before I know what I'm doing, I lay my head on his shoulder. Considering that he was half-naked, I should have been more aware. His body was cold against my sweating skin and I relished in the feeling. Jacob's body temperature was hot. I didn't like feeling hot and Jacob was.

Edwards' arms wrap around my body, comforting me the best he can. Apart of me felt restricted but I didn't tell him to let go. Edward is a good person and good people don't hurt others, right? Jacob was a good person and he hurt me which made him evil. Anybody could change in a heartbeat. Nobody is as perfect as they seem.

I can feel my breath getting heavier with each passing moment. My chest heaves up and down, my brain telling me to push him away but I can't. His concentrated stoic face comes into view. Edward leans down, pressing his soft warm lips against mine. His hand softly rests upon my cheek. I don't move. I can't move. I'm paralyzed with fear. Big fat tears roll down my cheeks at an alarming rate. Ever so slowly, Edward pulls away.

I'm pretty sure that I'm in shock. Edward kissed me. He kissed me and now I'm sitting here, frozen like a dumb idiot. I can't stop thinking about what just happened, what he just did. I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

_"You're mine, Isabella." _

"Shut up." my voice shakes.

I have to getaway. How much further was Edward willing to go? I didn't want this. I loved him but I couldn't kiss him back. I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to be. I couldn't be with anyone. Sex, intimacy, and love was all part of a relationship. A crucial part of the relationship. Who would want to be with a person who couldn't love them full-heartedly?

"Bella, talk to me." Edward's voice was urgent.

I don't respond. I bite my lip, drawing blood as salty tears touch the tip of my tongue. Edward is panicking. He yanks at his hair, looking around for help that he won't find.

The sound of a door echoes from the other room. Two pairs of footsteps get closer and closer. I lift my eyes to see the surprised expressions of Rosalie and Alice.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hello! Thank y'all for reading and for your support! A lot of stuff happened in this chapter! Isabella is trying to work out her feelings for Edward while he just seemed to screw it all up! Victims of abuse often have triggers which means that a certain action, color, object, or anything that they associate with their past experiences can suddenly cause them distress. In this case, it happened to be that Edward kissed Bella. Personally, I think Edward was out of line doing that. What do y'all think? **

**I'm not going to have a chance to update for a couple of weeks because I am going on vacation but I hope to hear from y'all in the reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Isabella **

Alice sits down in front of me. I could still smell the coffee on her breath. She touched my hand, garnering my attention. Even through my tear-filled vision, she looked perfect. Alice always looked perfect. Perfect nails. Perfect hair. Perfect smile… perfect life. I don't know why she bothered with me. I don't know why anyone did.

"Tell me what's wrong. What did my idiot brother do now?" she rolls her eyes.

I shake my head back and forth, telling her that it was nothing. That Edward and I were fine and that she didn't need to get involved. I didn't want her to get involved. I wanted her to stay out of it because I was old enough to fight my own battles.

"What. Did. He. Do?" her voice hardens. "I'll beat his ass for you. I've done it before."

"Alice," my voice is urgent. "There is no need for that. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Rose buts in. Her bluntness never failed to surprise me. I look away from her prying eyes, wishing they would leave already.

"What the fuck did you do?" She stomps forward, pulling Edward up to his feet by the ear.

"Owwww," he whimpers. "Knock it off!"

"Not until you tell me what you did to her!"

Alice had joined in. She and Rose ganged up on Edward, fighting in my defense. But was it really necessary?

"It was noth-"

"Don't you dare say it was nothing! If it was nothing then she wouldn't be crying on the ground right now!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't acting all psycho then she wouldn't be cry- owww," he whines in pain at the twisting of his ear.

Edward looked pathetic, crying like a baby. Rose was going easy on him. The fire in her eyes had him cowering in fear. There was much worse she could do. I didn't want to see him go through this. There were few people Edward was afraid of and Rosalie Hale was at the top of the list. Her hand connects with his face, sending a shockwave around the room.

"Awww fuck!" he groans. He rubs the red spot on his cheek, trying to cool the burn.

Despite my obvious distaste for Edward I didn't want to see him in pain.

I can't deal with this anymore. The constant noise. The questions. I could hear the sound of knocking. Knocking, knocking, knocking in my head. The sound of banging and slamming and hammering. Everything was too chaotic. The ground rumbled from underneath my body. The trembling became harder and harder. I ran faster and faster, unable to feel my feet. I was floating away with the wind. I was floating far far away where no one could find me.

My eyes flutter open and I look around. There were no cars in sight. No noise besides the chirping of the birds. I was completely and utterly alone, standing on the side of route 127. I must have been about four or five miles away from their house. My heart raced against my chest and my limbs shook from the adrenaline. I was in the middle of nowhere but I didn't care.

It was embarrassing that I freaked out over a kiss. I thought that I had everything under control. I wanted to have everything under control but something always set me back. How could I go out with Demitri today if I couldn't even let another person kiss me much less touch me?

If I were to lay in the road, I'd be dead instantly. Cars don't stop on this road. My foot inches forward into the gravelly road. It went on for miles and miles, vast nothingness. This was the perfect way to go.

_Just do it, Isabella. Get it over with. Death was what you wanted, wasn't it? What's stopping you now? _

This is what I could control. I could control my death. Nobody could tell me how to do that. It's not like I wanted to die, I just want the pain to end. It never will as long as Jacob is still around. As long as Angela is still around. As long as Edward continues to torment me with all of these different emotions.

My parents barely thought about me. I'd alienated myself away from almost everyone. The one person who did care about me… I'd never be enough for them.

That's why I walk into the road and layback. The gravel is rough and rocky, jabbing me in the skin. My eyes shut, trapping me in the darkness.

It felt like I should be crying. Isn't that what normal people do when they are dying? I just felt numb.

I felt indifferent.

Aloof.

Dispassionate.

Impassive.

Distant.

Stiff.

I felt emotionless.

I think of my parents. Conjuring up all of the good memories. My mom used to sing me the routine before bedtime; seven handpicked songs to help me fall asleep, although she was the one who usually passed out before me. Her voice was soft like velvet and she made each song her own.

I miss that. I miss us singing the routine and having mommy and daughter days and feeling like she was my best friend. I miss the way that we used to be. Emmett wasn't the favorite. I was the youngest and cutest kid so all the attention was on me. Emmett was just the class clown always getting in trouble. I was the straight-A- student shedding some, much needed, good light on our family. Emmett wasn't popular. He didn't play football. He didn't have Rosalie Hale. He was just my annoying funny older brother. I had him all to myself.

I rest my hands on my stomach and just wait. I wait for a car to come and finish the job. Everyone thinks about the pain that will come when you will die. The excruciating agonizing pain you will go through. I don't like to think about that. Yes, the pain will be there but for how long? What is a millisecond of pain for a lifetime of peace and clarity?

That is why I'm not scared. The outcome will be worth it and I won't have to worry anymore. Edward won't have to worry anymore. Emmett won't have to worry anymore. All the worries will be gone from our lives and maybe.

But that's not what happens. I am all alone. It's been two hours. Two fucking hours and not a single car has come by. Was the world against me or something? How hard is it to die? I could have easily taken a bullet to my head by now and been done with it. Someone should have been looking for me. Edward should have been looking for me. Or perhaps they haven't noticed my absence. Rosalie looked as if she were about to castrate Edward.

I open my eyes to see a haze of green and blue above me. The trees were blowing in the wind. The sky was starting to gray. Where the fuck was everyone? It didn't make sense. I push myself up and decide to continue to walk alongside the road. I hadn't even moved a foot before I felt drops land on my skin. I look up to the sky nearly darkened as clouds move in.

"Oh, fucking hell!" I scream. My foot stomps on the ground and I growl in frustration. A sudden icy downpour landed upon me. The roads always got flooded when it rained. That is why nobody was out.

_Shit. _

I was only wearing my clothes from the party last night. My teeth chattered and I rubbed my arms together to generate body heat. I didn't want to die from hypothermia. That was a pathetic way to go. I sped up, hoping that I'd be near civilization soon.

I don't know how long it was but through the rain, I heard the faint sound of a car. I stop and turn around to see headlights heading my way and without thinking, I run into the road and that is when everything goes sour.

* * *

_Was I dead? _

I'd like to believe that I was. The darkness and the sound of nothing surrounded me. I had longed for this for so long but something wasn't right. Dead people didn't have thoughts. They didn't feel pain.

But I could feel pain. I could hear voices. I wanted to return to the darkness. I wanted to bask in the emptiness of my mind but my body wouldn't allow me. A person was mumbling and the sound of beeping.

I wasn't dead. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. This was a cruel twist of fate. I was just a pawn in the devil's game and he would keep on using me over and over again until he was done. In life, I was just surviving but death offered me an escape. An escape from all of the pain and misery. Being buried six feet under was better than having to wait for Jacob's next attack.

This just went to prove that the odds were in his favor. I couldn't even properly kill myself.

I hear the echo of my name. It's the same voice from earlier. He sounded desperate, scared, and exhausted. I yearn for the darkness to go away just for a second. I want to see the man who is calling my name with such emotion. I want a way out of this suffocating darkness.

It felt as if I was floating to the top of the water. The water was becoming warmer as I became more coherent. As my mind cleared the pain became more prominent. A searing pain ran up my leg and my head felt like it had been smashed with a hammer a thousand times.

"Bella, honey?"

It's Carlisle.

"C' mon dear, open your eyes. You are safe now. Esme and I are here for you. There is no need to be afraid."

There is every reason to be afraid but like the baby I am, I yearn for his touch. I yearn for Esme's soft motherly love. I want to be held in her arms like when I was young. I want them to tell me everything is going to be alright.

"Bella?" her voice raises in pitch. "We are so sorry." she softly cries.

Now, I am confused. Why is she crying? What did she do? As far as I know, I've been a complete bitch to them. I've alienated them out of my lives all because they just wanted to help me. They care about me and I've treated them like shit.

With all of my strength, I will myself to open my eyes. I promise that I will do better. I will be better. I don't want to disappoint Esme and Carlisle. I wince as my eyes slowly fluttered open. Shapes and colors filled my vision causing me to squint away from the harsh light. I could make out two figures standing to the left of the bed.

Carlisle and Esme.

There is a needle that is attached to the wire that disappears into my hand. A box displays information and beeps every second. A warm blanket covers my body up to my chest and I relax back into the pillows.

I am in a hospital.

I look back at Esme and her stained tear face. She reaches out and gently rests her hand upon my cheek. I all but nuzzle it, wanting her to come closer. Esme offered safety. She offered warmth.

"We were so worried," she whispered. "Do you remember what happened?"

I nod my head. There was a car and it hit me. I stepped into the road on purpose but I didn't die.

"We hit you in the road, Bella." Esme cries. "We could barely see. You just appeared and it was too late to stop. I'm so so sorry."

Shame filled my stomach. I'd have to try harder next time. Death was what I wanted… what I needed.

"It's al-right." my voice croaks. "It's not like you were trying to kill me."

The corners of her mouth turn up into a little smile and she playfully glares at me. "Right now is not the time to joke, missy."

"Alright, _mom._"

Esme rolls her eyes, sadly smiling at me. She looks up to Carlisle who is fondly watching our interaction. He looked worn out, stressed and everything up above. It was my fault.

"What are my injuries?" I cautiously ask Carlisle.

"You were lucky. I was driving slowly so the injuries aren't as bad as they could be. You broke your femur and have a concussion."

He watches for my reaction and seems concerned when there is none. I could deal with a broken bone. It isn't the worst thing that has happened to me.

"How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? You arrived at the hospital a few hours ago."

"I'm fine." I simply say.

I was always one to downplay situations, never liking the attention. When I was younger, most of my injuries went unnoticed as I never mentioned them until someone noticed.

"Don't say that your health is very serious. If you are in pain then you should tell me." his voice hardened. "You were given pain medicine when you arrived but we can get you some ibuprofen if you need it."

"My leg is sore and my head is pounding. It feels like I have been run over by a bus." I snap. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Thank you." is all he says, unfazed by my attitude. "On a level from one to ten, how much pain are you in?"

"Ten."

"Alright." Carlisle reaches over me to press the nurse call button.

A few moments later a young woman walks in. My eyes are immediately attracted to her scarred face. It looked as if she had been dipped in acid because half of her face was severely scratched. Despite her one abnormality, she was beautiful. She had long flowing jet black hair and tan skin.

She smiles and walks over to my bedside. "My name is Emily Young. I'm glad to see that you're awake. You had a lot of us worried."

She starts pressing buttons on the monitors and checks the tube in my hand. "Have you checked her over yet, Dr. Cullen? I know it's hard not to be able to work on her case."

"You caught me." he holds his hands up in surrender. "She said that her pain is at a ten. I was thinking to give her two ibuprofen for now."

"That's just what I would suggest."

Emily writes it down on a piece of paper. She looks up at me and says, "I'm going to go get Dr. Gerandy as well so just hang tight. I'll be back soon."

She exits the room, leaving the three of us alone.

"Where are my parents?" I ask.

Carlisle and Esme look at each other with an expression that says,

they-don't-want-to-make-my-pain-worse.

"We called them when we arrived but we couldn't reach your mother and your father couldn't leave work. Your dad said that he should be able to leave in a couple of hours so must be on his way."

I expected as much. Work always came before the family. _Wait, no._ Work always came before _me._ I wasn't the most important child so they took their time. If it were Emmett in the hospital right now, my dad would have left work right away, even if it meant being fired.

"But all of the kids are in the waiting room." Esme said. "Only three people are allowed in here and we didn't want to overwhelm you. We can get Emmett if you want."

I shake my head back and forth. I didn't want to see my brother or anyone else for that matter. I couldn't stand to see the pity in their eyes.

"Alright if that's what you want." her voice falters.

Carlisle pulls up a chair beside the bed and sits down. His lips press into a thin line and he sighs a deep breath. He and Esme glance at each other, having some sort of unspoken communication before turning back to me.

"Bella," he breathes. "Esme and I wanted to talk to you about something very concerning we were told earlier today."

"What?" my stomach turns.

I already know what it is. _Damn you, Edward. _I don't think that I can lie myself out of this talk. Carlisle was too perceptive. Esme was too caring.

"Someone-"

_Edward. _

"Someone told us that you wanted us to leave you to die in the woods last year. Tha-that you didn't want to be found. Is this true?" Carlisle is holding back his tears. His hands are in fists and his jaw is clenched.

"Yes." I say barely above a whisper.

_Fuck the truth. There was no point in hiding it. _

"Why were you walking in the road?" Esme's voice wavers.

"Why do you think?" it didn't take a smarty to realize. Death was the only thing that would calm my mind.

"Are you saying that you intended to die? You intended for a car to hit you?" her voice raises in distress.

I nod my head up and down, increasing the pain. I pick the lint off the bed, focusing on anything but the two people sitting next to me.

"You were trying to commit suicide." Carlisle breathes under his breath. "Do you understand how serious this is? Your behavior isn't healthy."

"Don't I have a say in how I live my life? I should get to choose when I live in die. It's my right."

"No, Isabella. Death is not a choice that you get to make. You are very sick and need help."

"I don't want help." I angrily say.

"Well if you don't allow us to help you then I'll be forced to have you committed for a 72-hour evaluation-"

"Carlisle." Esme gasps.

"You are not my dad! You can't force me!" I cry.

"However, I am a doctor. Based on everything I've heard and seen the past year, you need help and your parents will agree."

"I hate you." I scoff. "I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"

"He doesn't have to do that Bella." Esme pleads with me. "Just tell us what is wrong. I know that you are hurting so much. We can only help you as much as you'll allow. You have the power to change all of this."

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hi y'all! I'm back! Thank y'all for your patience the past week and the reviews and everything! It means so much! I should update again by next week or sooner!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Isabella **

"Oh my god, baby!"

I hear a screech from down the hall. A moment later, Renee and Charlie rush into the room. My mother looked as if she had just walked out of a tanning salon. Her skin was almost orange and her nails were painted hot pink.

A nurse chases after them, trying to catch their attention. "Sir, Ma'am, excuse me! Only three people are allowed in the room!"

My mother turns around to the flustered nurse. "This is my daughter! She needs everyone with her right now! She could have died!"

I roll my eyes as I watch her start to cry. She collapses against Charlie and he just awkwardly patted her back. Carlisle gets up from his chair to allow my mother to sit down.

"I think that we can make an exception this one time." Carlisle says to the woman.

He as well as everybody else is exhausted and knows at this point, it's not worth it to argue with Rennee. The woman agrees with Carlisle, leaving the room with a sigh.

"Thank you for staying with her. I wanted to get here sooner but I was overloaded at the station." Charlie says to Carlisle and Esme.

"Of course. We'd do anything for her." says Esme. "We just want to apologize for what happened. It was never our attention to hit her. The rain was so bad and we didn't have any time to react."

"It's alright," Charlie pats Carlisle on the back. "It was a mistake, everyone makes them. No charges will be pressed."  
Renee sobs harder, looking at my leg in a cast. Mascara runs down her face and her body shakes. _Drama queen, much? _

"Where were you?"

"I'm so-"

"Don't you dare say that you were sorry!" anger fills my body. "It's not that hard to pick up your phone!"

"Isabella!" Charlie's voice booms throughout the room.

I yank my hand away from hers and bite on my lip, drawing blood. _Don't cry. Don't cry. _My chest heaves up and down as I grit my teeth together.

"I'm sorry if I don't always have my phone on. You are lucky that at least Carlisle and Esme were here to watch you."

"Lucky. That's one thing to call it." I mumble below my breathe.

Charlie presses his thumb and index finger on the bridge of his nose, trying not to lash out at me. "Has the doctor come yet?"

"Yes, he came about twenty minutes ago. All she has is a broken femur and concussion. The doctor wanted to release her in a few days… however, I don't think that it would be wise."

"Why?"

_Don't tell them._ I stared at Carlisle with pleading eyes, begging him not to do this to me. Don't betray my trust. My pleas go unanswered.

"Are you aware that your daughter has been having suicidal ideation?"

The room is thick with tension. My parents are speechless, neither saying a word. Finally, after a few moments, my mom laughs. We all stare at her incredulously. Giggles escaped her lips and tears were welling in her eyes.

"Very funny, Carlisle. My daughter is not suicidal. I would know if she were." her voice raises an octave. "What the hell were you doing on that road, Isabella?"

She grabs my hand, squeezing it tighter and tighter. She didn't want to believe that I was messed up. She wanted us to be the perfect family and have a perfect life and I was ruining her dream.

"Bella purposefully stepped into the road. She knew full well what she was doing."

"Wha-" my dad gasps. "There has to be some misunderstanding. Isabella, tell them that this is a misunderstanding!"

Charlie paces back and forth, mumbling under his breath. His eyes lock on my leg and the cuts on my face. I want to tell him that I just happened to cross the street when a car came. I want to tell him that it was all an accident. I want to tell him not to worry and I'll be fine. But it's all a lie and he knows it. My parents know that I'm not well and that I haven't been for a while.

"What can we do, Carlisle? Tell us what we can do to help her." he says desperately.

Carlisle sighs. "I recommend a 72-hour evaluation hold at Forks psychiatric hospital. Her past behavior the past year has indicated that she needs help immediately. I'm afraid of what else she will do if we release her. She's a danger to herself."  
"My daughter isn't crazy!" Renee tried to argue. "We can watch her at home. We can't keep her safe. Isn't that right, honey? Wouldn't you rather be at home?"

I nod my head, trying to convince Carlisle, I didn't need to be locked up. I wasn't a child that they could order around. I had rights! This had to be illegal.

"It's not safe at your home with a gun. A hospital would be the best place for her to stay right now. None of us want to do this but it's for your own safety."

"No! N-no! You can't do this to me!" my voice was raw with anger and desperation. I'd do anything not to be committed. I just wanted to have a normal life. Was that so hard to ask for?

"Honey, hush. You're getting worked up." Esme soothed me like a child. "I know that you don't like this but you need help."

"Yo-you, can't do this to me." my voice breaks. They were taking everything away from me. First my voice now my freedom. I had nothing left.

"Are you willing to talk to us? Just tell why you've been hurting so much and we can help you so much more. You must be in pain." Esme's hands trembled.

I don't say anything. Even if I were to tell them. Jacob would know. He'd come and find me and he'd hurt me over and over and over until I was dead. It was better this way.

"That's what I thought." Carlisle breathed. "This will all be easier if you give parental consent. I don't want to have to go through the court system to have her committed."

"I refuse to sign any papers! I'm not going to let you lock my daughter up like a criminal!" Renee screamed.

"I only need one parent. Charlie?" he looks at my dad.

"I give consent. I'll sign anything." he sighs.

"Dad-!"

"Charles! How could you do this to your own daughter? Do you care about her at all?" My mom stalks toward Charlie.

"That is why I'm doing this! Our daughter needs help and we aren't properly equipped to deal with it. If you would ever come out of your own little world, you'd see that Bella is struggling!"

Renee scoffs. "Well maybe if you didn't spend all your time with Sue Clearwater, we could actually focus on our children!"

Charlie's face blushes a bright red. Her hands clench into fists and he's looking everywhere but at me. "This is not the time or place to talk about that, Renee."

"Oh-"

"Charlie is right!" Esme steps between the two of them. "Right now, we are focused on your daughter who is in an incredible amount of pain and your arguing is not helping the situation."

My mom's body radiates anger. She was always jealous of Esme. She had everything that we didn't. The one thing she hated more than being talked down to was being embarrassed.

"If you think that you know so much about my daughter then go ahead and take care of her. I'm not going to stick around and watch you destroy our family!" The sound of her high heels click as she stomps out of the room with Charlie hot on her heels.

My chest heaves up and down. It feels like I'm being dragged down deeper and deeper into the water. Everyone has abandoned me. My own mom hates me and my father is so urgent to get rid of me. Everything was falling apart and it was my fault.

"Don't listen to your mom, sweetheart." Esme's voice is soft. "You are worth so much to us and we love you. We'll stay with you as long as we can. We are not leaving you."

"You're having me committed. You're locking me up with all the crazy people. You're leaving me." I feel numb. They can deny it all they want but the truth is that they just didn't want to deal with me. Nobody did.

"It's just for three days, dear. We will see what happens after." she replies. "You don't have to go back to your parents. We can talk to our lawyer and try to figure something out for you."

I nod my head, not believing a word that she is saying. They were locking me up for good. I was never being released.

"The psychologist is on her way as we speak. She will do a full assessment and based on what she concludes, you will be moved to the psychiatric wing."

I don't respond. I just stare at the ceiling, wondering, what has my life come too? How did it get this bad?

"Trust me, Bella this is the last thing I want to do. I know that you don't understand now but we are doing this to help you. We love you."

You don't treat people you love this way. You don't send them away to rot. They didn't love me. They were just trying to hurt me.

"Are you sure that you don't want to see Emmett? It might be the last time you'll get to talk to him for a while."

I shake my head back and forth. I have nothing to say to him.

* * *

A woman walks in a few moments later. She has curly brown hair and green eyes. I glance up at her in disdain, wondering why she even bothers questioning me. Why not just lock me up?

"Hello, Isabella." her voice is soft with a slight Irish accent. "My name is Maggie O'Connell, I'm a psychologist, here at Forks Hospital. I was hoping to talk to you if that's okay?"

I roll my eyes and say with annoyance. "Don't I not have a choice?"

In a calm voice, the woman responds. "Of course you have a choice, Isabella. It's up to you if you want to cooperate with us or we can do this the hard way."

"This is going to end up with me in the loony bin either way. You don't give a shit about what I want." I want to smack her in the face. She is the most condescending woman I've ever met.

"I'd like to ask Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen to step into the hallway to give us some privacy. Is that okay with you?" she sighs, completely ignoring the retort.

"Whatever." I clenched my jaw. "Do whatever the fuck you want."

Carlisle and Esme left the room silently but not before giving me a look. A look that says, _behave. _

She clears her throat trying to cover the awkward silence. "Everything you say will stay confidential unless I believe that you are a threat to yourself or others. Do you understand?"

I hmph in response.

"Now that we are alone, I'd just like to get to know you a bit. Learn about your everyday life."

"Okayyy…"

"Do you have any favorite subjects in school?"

"I guess… English." I shrug my shoulders.

"What are your favorite books?" she smiles.

I mumble. "I don't know. I like everything."

She writes everything I'm saying down on the clipboard. She's probably going to show it to the other doctors so they can analyze me like I'm some science experiment.

"Would you major in English in college? You're going to be a junior next year. Have you thought about your future at all?"

I paused, not knowing how to respond. "No-not really. I'm not so sure about college anymore."

"Why not?" she cocks her head.

"I'm failing all of my classes. By the time I get my grades up, it'll be too late. No college would ever accept me."  
"Well, you won't know if you don't try." her voice is sympathetic.

"I don't want to try because I've got nothing left." my hands clenched into fists. I clutched the blankets in my hand. _Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. _

"How long have you been feeling this way?" she asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "I dunno. A couple of years."

"What happened two years ago? Did you have a fight with a friend? Were you being bullied? High school can be a hard time for a lot of people."

"Nothing happened." my voice wavers. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, people. Just because I'm feeling a little depressed doesn't mean something happened to me."

The woman is quiet. The only sound in the room is the noise of the pen writing on the paper. "If you were given the chance would you try to commit suicide again?"

I don't respond and that's response enough for her. It's pointless to lie at this point. There is too much damning evidence against me.

"I'd like to invite Dr. Cullen and his wife back into the room. Are you alright with that?"

I nod my head. She gets up to go to the door but not before I stop her. "Wa-wait. Are you going to tell them what I said?"

"You are very sick, Isabella. It's in your best professional interest that they be aware of how you are feeling. I know that this is not the answer you would like to here but you need help."

I gulp and look away from her. Tears were welling up in my eyes again and it feels like I'm drowning all over again. Carlisle and Esme walk back into the room; worry was etched across their faces.

"Thank you for your patience, Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen." she says. "After speaking to Isabella, I believe that the best option right now is to place her under a 72-hour evaluation in the psychiatric unit. I am very troubled with what I've learned and it's in everyone's best interest that this happens."

"When would she have to go?" Esme said quietly.

"Today. A bed opened up a few hours ago and we will be able to admit her within the next hour." she said, looking down at the clipboard. She turns to me and says, "A nurse will come in soon to escort you. Until then, you all can wait here. Do you have any questions?"

"Can we visit during the three days?" Esme.

"Yes, you may. Just call ahead a time and check the visitation periods." Dr. O'Connell says. She purses her lips, looking at me with pity. She doesn't understand me. Nobody does. I'll always just the crazy girl in their eyes. The girl who tried to off herself. "Try to rest now, Isabella. I know that this hard and scary but you have a whole group of people are supporting you. Nobody wants to see you suffer."

She exits the room, leaving me in shock. This was really happening. I was about to be carted off to the loony bin and Carlisle and Esme weren't doing anything to stop it. Everything that I had feared was coming true. I truly was the psycho. I was the crazy psycho bitch that everyone should be afraid of. Normal people aren't forcibly committed to psychiatric hospitals.

"Did my parents leave?" I finally speak.

"Yes. I'm not sure if they will be back." Carlisle sighs.

They won't. I'm sure of it.

"But we will stay with you and visit you as much as we can. We won't leave you alone." he tries to reassure me.

He was the one that started this whole thing. It is Carlisle's fault that I'm being sent away in the first place. I can't believe that he had the audacity to stand there and act sorry for me. He had the authority to stop this from happening yet he did nothing. He didn't get to feel sorry.

* * *

Esme and Carlisle went with me and the orderly up to the third floor: the psychiatric unit. We stopped at the metal sliding doors as they mocked me. I could go in but I may never come out. They could keep me captive forever if they truly thought that I was a psycho.

I was pushed in the wheelchair while Carlisle and Esme walked on both sides of me. I'd be stuck in the chair for a while. I couldn't walk for three to six months because of my damn femur. It was my own little prison.

"This is it," Esme softly said. She placed a kiss on my head, smoothing my hair out. She squats in front of me, tearing my attention away from the doors. "We will try to come tomorrow, sweetie. I know that this is not the most ideal situation but you don't have to suffer. The doctors can help you if you let them."

I nod my head, knowing that if I speak then I'll just start crying. That was the last thing that needed to happen right now.

"I'm sorry but it's time for us to go now." the orderly said.

Esme pushes herself up and sadly smiles. Carlisle places his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. "Please just listen to the doctors. The more you resist the less pleasant this will be for you."

"Whatever you say, doc." I mutter.

Carlisle sighs saying nothing further. The orderly wheeled me away and I turn my head to see Esme has left. Carlisle just stands there watching me go and gives a last wave goodbye. I don't respond back. The doors slam shut behind us and we head forward.

The walls were plain white and doors lined the hallway. We turn left at the end of the hall and come out to the nurse's intake desk. A few nurses smiled as we passed and handed the orderly some papers.

She takes them and pushes me into a room right in view of the nurses' station. Only a thin sheet covers the entry way and the orderly hands me purple scrubs, slippers, and fuzzy socks. "When you are done changing, come out and give me your shoes. You may also keep your bra on if there is no underwiring, otherwise, you are to hand it to me. I'll be waiting right outside."

She doesn't even wait for a response. She doesn't even offer me help. She just stands guard outside the room, making sure I'm not going to try to off myself again. I change into the scrubs, not without challenge, and pull on the warm sock onto my one good foot.

"Are you done, Isabella?" she asks from outside.

"Yes." I grumble.

She comes in, takes my shoes and hands my items to the nurses behind the desk. We head down the hall to a closed door and enter the room. The walls were white like the rest of the hospital. Two beds sat opposite each other and there was a window. There was a window, shelf, and lamp. That was about it.

I didn't want a fucking roommate. I didn't want to interact with any. She could be a fucking lunatic for all I knew.

"This is your room as you can see. You do have a roommate but everyone is at dinner right now so you'll meet her later."

I don't respond. She sighs before pulling me down the hall and we enter another room. It looks like a common room. A TV hangs from the wall and there are couches and chairs. "This is where you will have recreational time and group therapy, every day."

"Group therapy?" I scoff. "Hell no. I'm not going to talk about my feelings to a bunch of strangers."

Disappointed, she says, "that is your call, Isabella. But the only way you are getting out of here is with cooperation and if the doctors see real improvement within the next three days."

That shut me up. But no way was I going to reveal my deepest darkest feelings to a bunch of weirdos who already had their own messed up lives.

The lady tells me the schedule for every day and I can already feel the anger rising within me. This place was a freaking prison. I had no rights to privacy as I was officially on suicide watch. I couldn't be left alone even to shower. It was fucking humiliating. The schedule was:

**7:00 am: **Wake up call. A nurse wakes you up. They make sure you shower, get dressed, make your bed, brushes your teeth and gives the prescribed medicine.

**7:30 am: **Breakfast time. You eat bland hospital food in the cafeteria while nurses monitor your eating habits, making sure that you're not intentionally starving yourself.

**8:30 am: **Group therapy. You talk to the therapist and listen to all of the other patients cry about their own personal problems. You're given an assignment for the day to complete and you are to write about it in your journal.

**9:00 am: "**School." At least four hours of school is mandatory for minors. It's set up in an empty conference room where they pile as much information as they can on you and expect you to memorize it all.

**11:00 am: **Lunchtime. You're to eat more of the bland hospital food and try to make friends with your other "classmates."

**11:30 am: **Back to class for another hour and a half.

**1:00 pm: **You go to meet with your psychiatrist and have a one-on-one appointment. You talk about your feelings and he prescribes you more of whatever mind-numbing medication deemed necessary.

**1:30 pm: **Recreational time. We can play games, sleep, watch TV, talk with others in the common room.

**2: 30 pm: **Physical activity. Those with the green wrist bands can go outside to the field with orderlies and nurses. Those with the red wrist bands (me) are to stay inside and be closely monitored (apparently we are the most at risk patients).

**3:20 pm: **Write in the journal, reflecting about the day or attend another group therapy session.

**4:00 pm**: Visiting hours.

**5:00 pm: **Dinner time. Another round of being forced to eat the blandest most mysterious food ever made.

**6:00 pm: **Vitals are taken.

**7:00 pm: **Evening group therapy. Reflect on our daily assignments and see if our goals were met. You can earn points for positive behavior or lose them for backtracking in your progress. Each point gets you closer to freedom.

**7:30 pm: **You hang out in the common room doing anything you can to forgot where you currently are. You try to make the situation as normal as possible but your mind still drifts to the outside world.

**9:00 pm: **Nightly meds. You take the sleeping pills like candy, knowing that it'll knock you out and make you forget about your craziness.

**10:00 pm: **Return to your room for the night. Your assigned orderly makes sure that there is nothing that can hurt you within reach and that you are physically and mentally stable before leaving you for the night.

**11:00 pm: **Lights out. It all repeats for the next three days. If I'm found sane, I can be released. If not, then I'm stuck in this hell for longer.

"Everyone is at dinner at the moment. It's almost over but I'm sure that you can pick up a few scraps." she says.

I don't respond.

"Since today is your first day, I'll give you a break and allow you to rest in your room for the day. Does that sound fair?" her voice increases with annoyance.

"Yep." I pop the p.

We go by a few stragglers in the hallway walking with nurses. A boy has cuts up and down his arm. He looks like a dead man walking. Another girl is as thin as a stick with sunken cheeks and platinum blonde hair. They stare at me curiously as I stare back, horrified. What had happened to them?

We round the corner and enter the cafeteria. Chicken, rice, and broccoli are being served for dinner. My stomach rumbles in hunger but I push the feeling away. I couldn't' eat. The thought of food made me sick to my stomach. I already had my portion for the day.

"Your chart says that you are severely underweight." the orderly said, noticing me eye the food. "It's not an option not to eat here. You've got to get back on the right track."  
"I'm not hungry." I state. "I don't want to eat."

"Well, you are going to have to. We'll start you off with bland foods and increase your diet from there. Your stomach is going to need to get used to heavier foods again."

I roll my eyes, knowing that she can't tell me what to do. Only I was in charge of myself and If I didn't want to eat then I wasn't going to eat. She had to get that through her thick skull. Nobody could order me to do anything and I was going to show her. I can't be controlled.

* * *

A**uthor's Note: **

**Hi y'all! Thank y'all for reading and reviewing! It really means so much to me! It was brought to my attention through the reviews that I did make a mistake when saying Emmett's, Edward's, Jasper's, Rosalie's, and Alice's ages. They are supposed to be two years older than Bella, not three. I am going to go back and fix some errors. Thank all y'all so much!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Isabella **

I pick at food with the plastic fork. Everything was plastic. Plastic chairs, plastic utensils, plastic plates. I guess it was harder to kill yourself with plastic.

"If you don't eat, they'll force a feeding tube through your nose."

I whipped my head around and look at the girl sitting next to me. She had long brown hair and hazel eyes. She looked like one of those child models you'd see on the cover of Vogue or something. She looked too normal to be stuck in a mental hospital.

"It happened to me before. Your orderly will give an ultimatum: thirty minutes to eat your food and if you still don't then they'll give you drink supplements. If you don't drink that then you'll be given the tube. Trust me when I say, you don't want it."

Her voice sounded like bells. She smiles at me and says, "I'm Vennessa Wolfe but you can call me, Nessie."

I give a thin-lipped smile. "I'm Isabella."

"Are you new here?" she asks. "I've never seen you before."

I look down at the table, nodding my head. Was it that obvious? I didn't belong here.

"Well I've been here for two months and I don't regret it."

My head shoots up. I stare at her like she's just murdered, someone. Did she actually like it here? Who liked living in a mental hospital?

She laughs at my expression, knowing that it was an unpopular opinion. "My father can't get to me and I have a safe place to sleep. They give me medication that makes my head fuzzy and it's a really nice distraction. They'll never release me if I keep misbehaving."

The question is on the tip of my tongue I don't want to ask. What could she have done to end up here? Her eyes darkened when she talked about her father. Was her home life really that bad?

"I know what you must be thinking. How did I end up here?" she quirked her eyebrows. "Well, I ran away from home when I was thirteen years old. Short story short, my dad pimped me off to anyone who would pay to use me for the night."

My stomach turns, feeling sick at what she was telling me. I thought that my parents were bad but her father was the literal devil.

"I was caught two months ago after shoplifting from a store. The doctors said that I stay here because my home life sucked and apparently I have anger issues." she scoffs.

"I'm sorry." is all I can say. How was I supposed to respond to that? Just because she looked normal didn't mean that she was. My mom always said, _don't judge a book by its cover. _

"No you're not." she laughs. "You just pity me. Do you like it when everyone tells you, how sorry they are?"

I shake my head back and forth.

"Exactly. So don't say you're sorry if you don't mean it. You are just as damaged as me… if not more."

A furious blush spreads across my cheeks. How could I be worse? Her dad literally sold her to make money.

Changing the subject, Nessie looked down at my uneaten plate of food. "Are you really not going to eat?" she whispers.

I nod my head.

"Okay, switch plates with me." she urgently says.

I look at her like she's crazy. What was she talking about?. She glances at the nurses standing to the side. Their attention is diverted and Nessie grabs my plate, switching it with her half-eaten one. She starts shoveling food into her mouth quickly devouring everything.

"They won't bother you if they think you've at least eaten half of your meal. This is what everyone does who doesn't want to eat." she says with a mouth full of broccoli.

A moment later my orderly walks over. _I should really learn her name. _She smiles, content that I "ate" at least half of my meal and happy that I've made a friend.

"Dinner is just about over, so I thought that we could leave early." she said.

I want to stay and talk to Nessie but I don't argue. We say goodbye to each other promising to talk tomorrow. I'm wheeled out of the noisy room and go back down the way we came before. We entered a small room that looked like a nurse's office. The woman pulls out a bunch of things from a cabinet and sets them on the table next to me.

She takes my blood pressure first, recording down the numbers and then helps me up as I leaned against her body for support, hopping around on my leg. She then takes my height and weight. She grimaces reading my weight and sighs rather loudly. "A girl your age should weight at least 118-120 pounds but you are 23 pounds underweight. You've got to gain more in the next few days or else I'll be forced to hook you up to a feeding tube. Do you understand how serious this is?"

"Some people are skinnier than others. I don't understand how that's a problem. It's not like I'm dying." I sneer.

"Yet." she places her hands on her hips. "The more weight you lose the more dangerous it will become. I'm going to stay with you at every meal and make sure you eat. There will be no throwing away your food or switching plates with others. Do you understand me?"

I glare at her and wished she would melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West.

"I won't let you starve yourself to death."

Without another word, she forced me into the wheelchair and brings me to my room. We passed others in the hallway coming back from dinner. I was fuming with rage and the other nurses just stared at mine empathetically. _Great, I was the crazy one now._ This was definitely helping my case.

_Not. _

The room is still empty when we arrive and clothes lay neatly folded on my bed. The woman helps me up and onto the thin mattress.

"Do you need help getting dressed?" she asks.

"I did it fine just before." I mutter.

"Great. I'll be waiting in the hall." is all she says. She exits the room leaving the door still partway open.

_Great. She was a perv._ Did all the orderlies spy on us getting dressed? I scoff and change out of the itchy scrubs and into the grey sweatpants and t-shirt. I yell for her when I'm done and she takes me to the bathroom. It was fucking ridiculous. They stood outside the door as you took a fucking piss. They watched you as you brushed your teeth and don't even get me started on showering. I'd die before I let them see me naked. I don't say another word as we head back to my room. Once inside, she handed me two pills and a cup of water.

"What are these?"

She sighs and crosses her arms over her chest. "Sleeping pills. They'll help you at night."

"I don't need fucking pills to help me sleep. I'm not taking these." I hiss and place them on the table.

She was trying to screw everything up. I was in a new place with new people and I had no idea what they were capable of. How did I know that someone was not going to come into the room and the middle of the night and hurt me? This is why I had to stay awake and she was trying to screw up my routine. I wasn't going to let myself be defenseless.

"Isabella, it's mandatory that you take them. This is not an option." her voice hardens.

"You can't trick me. I know my rights and you can't force me to take medication. I'm not as stupid as you think." I scoff.

I watch her confidence falter as she realizes that I'm right. She presses her lips into a thin line and grumbles. "You win tonight but you may not be so lucky tomorrow."

"I'm telling Dr. Cullen that you threatened me. He'll take me out of this crazy place and sue your ass off."

"You wouldn't." she gulped. "He won't believe you anyway. He's the one that had you admitted."

"You don't know anything." I said. "Trust me when I say that."

* * *

I couldn't tell if my roommate was borderline psychotic or just had a sick sense of humor. Her name was Leah and I'm pretty sure she would murder me in my sleep if given the chance. She had muddy brown eyes, black hair, and tan skin.

She arrived several hours later just as I was starting to fall asleep. She collapsed on the bed and giggled at the ceiling.

"Hello." I whispered.

She sits up and smirks at me, looking me over. "You must be the newbie. Nessie couldn't stop talking about you. Isabelle, is it?"

"Isabella." I huff. "My name is Isabella Swan."

She quirked her eyebrows at me and leaned back against the wall. "I'm Leah." she says. "I don't know what all the fuss was about. You're not as special as Nessie said you were."

I don't respond, not knowing what to say. This girl was cocky as fuck and it pissed me off. I could say a lot of things about her but I didn't want to get my head chopped off in the middle of the night.

"My last roommate was kicked out of the hospital. She was too uncontrollable for them to deal with. The girl was a psychotic bitch."

"What did she do?" I gasp.

"Rumor has it that she tried to stab a nurse. She went full attack mode and tried to off herself after."

"Where she is now?" my eyes widened.

"I dunno. Probably at a different hospital." she laughed. "What are you here for?"

I shrug my shoulders, suddenly more interested in my blanket than this conversation. I didn't want to go around telling everyone I was suicidal. It would just make it more real and I didn't want to have to think about it.

Leah laughed, startling me. She smirked and glared at me with her dark gleaming eyes. "I know your type. You think that you're better than all of us, psychopaths."

"I never said that!"

"I can tell. You have the perfect family, perfect grades, and perfect friends but something went wrong and they stuck you in this prison. Don't act cocky. You're just as crazy as the rest of us." she scoffed."

"Shut up!" I growl. "You know nothing about my life, so don't go around making assumptions. If I were you, I'd keep your mouth shut."

"What are you going to do about it?" she mocks me. "You gonna hobble over and club me death with your cast?"

I opened my mouth but before I can speak, the door bursts open. Two nurses stare at us, seeming out of breath.

"What's going on ladies? We heard shouting." the male says.

Leah puts on her best smile and plays the innocent girl she wants them to believe. "It was nothing, Adam. We were just having a little argument, that's all."

"Isabella, is this true?" the woman asks.

I nod my head up and down, noticing Leah glaring at me. "It was just an argument. There is nothing to worry about."

They both sigh, realizing that they're going to get nothing more out of us. "If we hear another peep from you two then we'll be forced to separate you."

_I wouldn't mind that. _

"I understand, ma'am. It won't happen again." she feigns embarrassment. I hastily repeat what she said, just wanting these people to get off our case.

"Alright." the man says. "Lights out in ten minutes. I don't want to have to come back."

"Okay, Adam." she has cheeky smiles. "Goodnight!"

They both leave and Leah drops the act. It's almost as if she's glaring daggers at me. I stare back, not wanting to the weaker one.

"Have you ever heard the saying, _your bark is worse than your bite?_"

I clench my jaw, willing myself not to lash out. Leah was just trying to provoke me. She wanted a reaction so she could have more to make fun of.

"You've got no backbone. Hell, I just met you and even I can tell that you're falling apart. Don't say things you don't mean."

She shuts off the light and we both get under the covers. Tears spring in my eyes and I can feel a full-on panic attack coming. I should have taken the damn sleeping pills.

"I never told you why I'm here." she all of a sudden said.

"Why?" I choke.

She barks a laugh. "I tried to cut off my boyfriend's dick after he left me. I ended up stuck in this place instead of juvie. '_This is your time to redeem yourself.' _I quote the judge. I would have rather gone to jail. This place sucks."

I was right. My roommate is psychotic. She may as well just kill me now. It's only a matter of time.

* * *

I didn't see Nessie at breakfast or in group therapy or in the dreadful place they call school. I spent four hours, relearning everything from freshman year. These people were idiots compared to me. I was in advanced classes for a reason and it wasn't fair that I was being held back.

Leah spent the entire class making snide remarks and I'm pretty sure every kid hated me. I was now the snobby, stuck up kid who thought she was too smart for everyone else. I was just as hated here as at home all because of my fucking roommate. And my only friend abandoned me.

The teacher dismissed us and I was roughly hit in the head with something as we were piling out of the room. I glare at the couple of girls that giggle and run away. _They were Jessica and Tanya 2.0._

My orderly or as I call her, the Wicked Bitch of the West, stands outside of the room, only coming in once everyone cleared out. She just pushes me away, choosing not to comment on the nasty scowl on my face.

I was already pissed off at her enough. She sat next to me the entire breakfast, forcing me to choke down the disgusting food. I didn't even know what it was, I just wanted to puke it all up.

The clock hits one o'clock and she opens the door, bringing us inside a room that looked like an office. A man sat at the desk, smiling at the both of us.

"I'll take over from here, Rachel."

The Wicked Bitch of the West finally had a name. _Rachel_. It didn't suit her. She leaves me with the strange man and softly shuts the door. I'm quiet, not knowing what to do or say. My fingers rhythmically tap against the chair. _One, two, three, four, five… _

He still doesn't speak.

_Six, seven, eight, nine, ten… _

Small gasps escape my mouth. I shifted uncomfortably in the wheelchair, feeling awkward around the doctor. Was he going to stare at me this entire time?

_Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. _

"I'm Dr. Peter Haggerty. It's nice to meet you, Isabella." he stares at me as if he's studying me. He had brown curly hair, a round face, and a thick southern accent. He reminded me of Jasper.

My fingers itch to tap again. I squeeze my hands into fists, fighting the urge. If I started now then I wouldn't be able to stop.

I look at the clock. It's only been fifteen seconds since he last spoke. I wasn't allowed to leave for thirty minutes. Were we going to sit in silence the entire time?

My eyes flit to the time. It's been another fifteen seconds. Fifteen seconds of pure silence and awkward looks.

"Do you know what I've noticed in the first five minutes you've been here?" he asks.

He leans his chin against his hand, waiting for me to respond. I shake my head back and forth, startled by his question.

"You look at the clock every fifteen seconds and you tap your fingers on the chair fifteen times in a row. Every single time it's fifteen. Do you know what OCD is?"

"Yes, of course, I do!" I snap.

He turns back to the computer looking through files and documents. "There doesn't seem to be any mention of OCD in your past medical files. I assume that you haven't been diagnosed?"

"I'm fine so you don't need to do any testing. It's just something that I do." I huff.

My hands clench onto the arms of the chair and I struggle to contain myself. My foot softly taps again the ground.

_One, two, three, four… _

He doesn't respond and continues to look through my entire medical history.

"It seems that up until now, everything's been alright. You've attempted suicide, expresses your desire to die, and have symptoms that mirror OCD." He sighs and turns around. "How is your home life?"

"Fine." I grumble. "Everything is fucking perfect."

He gives me a look that says, _knock it off. _

"There haven't been any problems with your parents or your brother? High school can be a tricky time for most teens. It's not abnormal to be stressed with everything."

"Everything is fine. I already told the psychologist all of this!"

"I'm just trying to get a better picture." He says. "How are your sleeping habits? Have you needed any help in the past, such as medication, to help you get to sleep?"

I shake my head. In truth, I was exhausted. I probably only got an hour of sleep last night. That's all I ever get.

"Your orderly told me that you refused the sleeping pills. Is there a reason?"

I scoff. "I don't want to be drugged. I need to be aware. I need to be alert. I'm not going to let anyone fuck with my mind."

"Well from the looks of it, you're really tired. How much sleep did you get last night?"

I shrug my shoulders up and look away from him. I didn't want him to see the lie in my eyes. They'd drug me the first chance they got.

"Isabella, your health is important." his voice hardens. "You're sixteen years old for god's sake. If you're going to act like a five-year-old then I'm going to treat you like one. I would have thought you'd be more mature for your age."

My vision becomes blurry as tears fill my eyes. He had no right to call me immature! I was forced here against my will so he shouldn't expect me to comply.

"I'm going to ask again- how many hours of sleep did you get last night?"

"I dunno." I mumbled. "Like three?"

I hear the typing of the keyboard. I continue to stare at the tiled ground and hastily wiped away the fallen tears. I wasn't going to cry. I'm not a cry baby.

"Is that normal for you?"

"Yes." my voice is scratchy.

"Thank you, Isabella. Can you tell me about your suicidal ideation? How long have you been having those thoughts? Is this the first time you attempted suicide?"

I nod my head. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to tell him to know how messed up I was. They'd just lock me up longer.

"I need answers, Isabella. You are not leaving until you give me something." Dr. Haggerty said.

"Fine!" I growl. "You wanna know? I think about killing myself every single day. No amount of pills you give me can drown out the pain and hurt I feel every single day. Do you know what it's like? It fucking hurts!" I cry.

I was a blubbering mess and all he does is nod his head. Why kind of fucking doctor was he? He's supposed to council me! Help me! Not just sit there and nod his fucking head!

"Thank you, that's just what I needed to hear." he passes a box of tissues and I roughly rub at my eyes. I was a fucking mess.

"Based on everything I've read and you told me. I'm prescribing one dose of Ambien to take before bed and two doses of antidepressants to take every morning." He said as he typed. "I'm also recommending that tomorrow you see your GP so he can give you a formal diagnosis of OCD and then we can go from there. Do you have any questions?"

Do I have any questions? I scoff, wanting to strangle this man. He was a fucking idiot. I dig my nails into my wrist and feel the pain. I wanted the pain. It was a nice distraction from my fucked up life.

* * *

**Author's Note: IMPORTANT!**

**Hey y'all! So sorry it's been so long for this update! I went on vacation again :-) and had no time to write. Thank y'all so much for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me! **

**Some people have been commenting that it's getting to be too much now, that Bella hasn't told anyone what happened. I just want to say that the whole point of the story is her life after the assault. Some people will speak up about their assault and others will stay silent about for many different reasons. Jacob literally threatened to hurt Bella, her family isn't being very supportive and her friends have left her. She terrified of what he could do and lonely because she has almost no support from anyone so she is staying silent. I'm not trying to be rude but unless you, yourself have actually been in this type of situation, you have no right to judge and decide what Bella should do because you don't know the amount of pain a person has gone through and how hard it can be for them to come forward if they feel unsafe or unloved. **

**I promise this time, that I should update again by next week! I hope to see your reviews! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Isabella **

"Get me out of here."

"Bell-" Esme sighs.

"Now!" I hiss. I look up to her and Carlisle from across the table. They had brought a backpack full of items for my stay. The nurse took it away to "inspect" it. I'm pretty sure she was confiscating everything as we spoke. This place was run like a prison. Esme looked as if she had aged ten years. There was a look of stress on her face as she bit back what she was about to say.

"You know full well that we can't do that. You have one more day left and if your doctors feel that you've improved, you could come home." says Carlisle. "We can't help you until you learn to help yourself. How many more times do I need to tell you this?"

"Only a hundred more."

Carlisle shook his head knowing nothing had changed and I wasn't going to be released. I bet he wanted me to stay. I caused so many problems, I'm surprised that they haven't given up on me.

"How has it been so far? Have people been treating you nicely?" Esme tries to soothe the tension.

"I hate my roommate."

"Why?" she's taken aback.

"She's a psychotic bitch." I snort. "If given the chance, I'm pretty sure she'd kill me in my sleep."

"You don't know that she doesn't like you." Esme says. "How about you give her a chance."

"I'd rather drink bleach."

"Don't say that." Carlisle sighs. "This is the whole reason we had you committed in the first place. You can't make those kinds of remarks."

I tap my fingers against the table and clench my jaw. Stay calm. Stay calm. "I don't… I don't know how much longer I can stay here." I twirl a loose strand of hair around my finger. I pouted and looked up at the two of them. "I'll go anywhere but here. You can't let them keep me."

"Tomorrow is the final day and we'll just have to go from there." said Esme. "I know that you don't like this but I don't know how many times we have to tell you, we're just trying to help."

"How come you can't tell them that I'm fine and go home?"

Carlisle sighs, giving me the look- are you serious right now? I stare back with pleading eyes, hoping that he'll cave. "Based on everything we've heard and seen, you are in no condition to leave this facility unless you can be guaranteed proper care once home."

"Can't I go home with you?" they said I could before. Who better to watch over me than a fucking doctor!

"We discussed the possibility with our lawyer but it's a very complicated long process. You wouldn't be placed with us right away. There would have to be a trial to determine whether you are in actual need of a new home and until then you would be placed with a foster family."

I could feel the rhythm of my heart, thumping against my chest. I didn't want to live with strangers. I didn't want to be here. I just wanted to go home. Except I no longer had one. I didn't have any place to call my own.

"Is there anything else we can do?" I whisper. I couldn't go back to my parents. Everything was falling apart and it's all my fault. I don't want to be a burden to them any longer. "What if… what if my parents let me stay with you? It'll be like having a sleepover and we don't need to go through the court system!"

"That's a big risk-"

"I don't care!"

Esme rests her hand on top of mine, calming me down before I attract the attention of the nurse. "Just focus on resting for now. We'll deal with everything else when it comes time."

My knee bounces up and down. I count the ticks on the clock, tuning out everything around me. I was going to be stuck here forever in a drug-induced state of mind. I would never be free.

Esme says something else. I don't respond. My eyes drift to the other side of the room. We were in the common space. Other families were sitting with their children at different tables. There's a girl hunched over in the corner. She's talking to a young boy, younger than her. It looks like she's crying. I glance away when the boy's head turns towards me. Esme is still saying something. I've missed all of it. Would it be rude of me to ask her to repeat what she said?

"Isabella?" Carlisle lightly touches my arm.

Goosebumps light up my skin and I can't help but shiver. He doesn't move his hand away and I start to fade away again. I don't like touching. I didn't ask to be touched and I don't want to be touched. I shake my head, trying to rid the thoughts from my mind. This was Carlisle. Carlisle Cullen. My dad for all intent and purposes. He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't… I hope.

Somebody walks up behind me. They squat in front of me, blocking Esme and Carlisle. "Can you focus on my voice, Isabella?"

I don't respond. I feel her warm hands touching my wrist. Two fingers on my pulse. My heartbeat was fast… too fast. _One, two, three, four_… calm down. My head feels fuzzy. The lady's voice is urgent. My chest heaves up and down and wet drops are falling from my eyes. I can taste the saltiness in my mouth. _Five, six, seven, eigh_t… it's getting hard to breathe. I'm drowning.

The girl sitting with the boy on the other side of the room gets up. She walks my direction, looking at me with squinty red eyes. It was Nessie. The woman next to her mumbles something and she looks away. _Nine, ten, eleven, twelve._

I look down at the woman in front of me. I think she mentioned something about medication because the next thing I know, someone gives her several pills. I take the cup of water and down them, not asking what they are. I just want to feel numb again.

I can hear Esme crying in the background but the noise fades and it feels like I'm floating. My head is in the clouds and I feel content for once. All the noise and chaos has gone away. I'm free… for now.

* * *

**_Saturday, September 20, 2019_**

_Dear diary, _

_This is my first time actually writing in you. The therapist, Carmen expects us to share during circle time but I've yet to. I expect her to call on me one of these days. All I can say right now is that my heartaches. My head aches. Everything aches. I didn't think it was possible to hurt and feel numb at the same time. I wanted to be gone. I wanted to be away. It's been ten days since the panic attack. That's what the doctors said it was- a panic attack. I haven't had another one since. I scared Esme half to death but she and Carlisle still come every day to visit. I could have been released September 14th but I wasn't. I'm supposed to stay until I've become better but I'm not sure that will even be possible. _

_My birthday was a week ago and I got a little slice of cake. Me and Nessie ate it together under the watchful eyes of the Wicked Bi- wait, no. I promised myself, I'd stop calling her that. Her name is Rachel- under the watchful eyes of Rachel, my orderly. Nessie didn't mention my episode and I didn't mention the boy. Some topics we just stay away from. Esme and Carlisle gave me a birthday card that was signed by everyone, including Emmett. My parents gave me nothing. Carlisle and Esme said that they had presents for me at home for when I leave. It feels weird to be sixteen. I should be getting my permit right now, having a sweet sixteen, partying with Angela. If you had told my fifteen-year-old self a year ago where I'd be today, I think I would have jumped off a bridge to save myself from all the pain._

_Esme told me yesterday that Emmett wanted to visit but I told her, "no." I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want anybody to see me like this. It hurt too much. I didn't think it would be so painful when Esme was upset. I don't like making her cry. She's the kindest woman there is and I'm an awful human being. I can't let Emmett come. Then I'll be an awful sister. _

_The doctor diagnosed me with OCD. I talk to Dr. Haggerty about the compulsions every day. I hated him at first but now I think I can tolerate him. In a way, I guess he's helped a lot because I'm not so manic anymore. I still count in my head. Even if I don't say it aloud, I count in my mind and tap my foot on the ground until I've got to fifteen. I'm getting at least twelve hours of sleep now. It's the pills they give. They knock me out right away and I can have a sleepless night. There is no need to worry about someone finding me or my roommate killing me. She barely pays attention to me now. _

_I've gained two pounds in the past four days. The doctor says that I'm slowly improving even if it doesn't feel like it. I think they'll say anything to us to keep the crazy away. Most days now, I'm just passing by, barely present but still conscious. They like to keep me subdued and docile. I'm fine with it because it's better than having breakdowns every waking moment. Dr. Haggerty says that I need to work on conveying what I'm feeling. I can't ignore my emotions forever. Whatever is bothering me needs to be released before I can start myself on the real path to recovery. I sit in the stained yellow cushioned couch every day and nod my head, knowing that it's a load of bull._

**_Sunday, September 21, 2019 _**

_Dear diary, _

_Dr. Haggerty asked me today what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told him that I wanted to be a doctor. An award-winning surgeon that does groundbreaking surgeries and wins medical awards. He asked me why I wanted to be a doctor. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "just cuz." that answer wasn't enough for him. Nothing is ever enough for him. I tell him about my day and eating a couple more bites of the rancid chicken and snapping at Rachel when she helped me in the bathroom. I complained about the two idiot girls in class who make snide comments about me every day. I don't tell him about the horrid thoughts I have about them. That is one thing I won't share. But today, I was given a green wristband. That was something I was excited about. I had forgotten how good the sun felt on my skin. Dr. Haggerty said that I was already looking healthier. I think that was a good sign. I no longer look so… so… dead. _

_Also today, only Carlisle came. I asked about Esme and apparently, there was a family emergency and she couldn't make it. I was immensely disappointed but understood. She had a whole life outside these walls and me. Carlisle and her didn't have to come but they did. They cared about me and I had been less than hospitable. Now, I feel guilty. I turned their lives upside down and everyone was suffering. They tried not to let it show but I knew. Everything was my fault. _

_I had felt guilty before but this was a different type of guilt. I had felt bad before for small things like yelling at them or accidentally breaking a plate but this- this I couldn't explain. It was as if everything that I'd ever screwed up in my life was just wanting to burst out. I felt this big heavy weight on my shoulders, dragging me down deeper and deeper, leaving me no escape. I'm literally the biggest bitch on the planet. I want to scream out what happened. I want somebody to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I want the pain to go away but every time I go to speak, my throat clogs up, heart starts to race and this overwhelming feeling of dread and ice-cold fear washes over my body. Nobody can ever know. I've already hurt enough people and I can't hurt anyone else. _

_I sometimes think about Demetri. We were supposed to go on a date and then I just disappeared. Carlisle told me that everyone thinks that I'm away on a holiday. The story is that I'm in Arizona visiting my grandmother who's sick and dying. Emmett couldn't come because of football but I'm going to be away for a few weeks. Apparently, everyone believes it. I wonder if he's already moved on. There are plenty of girls in Forks who would happily go out with him. Why should he wait for me? Why should anyone? _

**_Monday, September 22, 2019 _**

_Dear diary, _

_Today I spoke. I finally fucking spoke in group therapy. I talked about Emmett and his happy fartday card. How he always makes me laugh and how I've been a horrible sister. I talked about being angry that he was the favorite child. I'm always overlooked and he gets all the love. Before I even knew it, I said out loud that I hated him. I shocked myself into silence. I had never felt it so strongly before. I could feel the rage and anger and sadness. It wasn't like all those other times when we had gotten into screaming matches and hit each other and silly fights. This emotion… this pain was coming from a more raw and deeper place that I hadn't thought possible. This was from years of frustration built up and I was just now letting myself feel and I felt awful about it. _

_Carmen talked to me after the meeting. She told me that she was proud of me and knew how hard of a journey I had had so far. I responded with a shrug, having no other words to say. She gave me an extra homework assignment. I have to write down three things I love about myself every day for the next week. I thought that it would be easy but I'm stumped. Who thought that it would be hard to come up with compliments about yourself? I'm not pretty, I'm failing most of my classes, I'm awkwardly shy and afraid of almost everything. I wish that I could have more to say but I'm literally the most boring person. _

_I asked Nessie at dinner what she liked about me. She said my quietness. I viewed it more as a weakness. The other girls caused drama and acted like fucking bimbo's. I was non-problematic and that was a good thing. I liked being in the background. I just wanted to blend in with the crowd and the less attention I drew to myself, the better. I was a different girl here. I was a different me. _

_Next, I asked Rachel and she told me my sincerity. I don't know what she was talking about because half of the time, I was cursing her out. Rachel said that she could tell that I had a good heart. That I didn't mean it when I was so awful to her and everyone else but that I was in pain and needed an outlet of some kind. She said that nobody had apologized as many times as me. I didn't like being mean and nobody should have to suffer the wrath of my anger. _

_I was just about to give up on the assignment when of all people, it was Leah, who gave me the third compliment in her own twisted and demented way. I had a strong fucking backbone, which was essentially what she said. No matter how many times she threatened and insulted and ridiculed me, I never went crying to "mommy." I sucked it up and held my head up high refusing to let her crap affect me. As Rachel said, we all need an outlet and if punishing me helped her feel better than so be it. I've survived worse._

* * *

**Hey, y'all! I'm so so sorry it's been so long! I've started school again and I've just been jam-packed with work so I haven't had a lot of time to write but since it's a long weekend, I'm going to try to write as much as I can! Thank you to everyone who is reading and your reviews mean so much to me! **

**Also, Fanfiction is not working for me and all the diary stuff is supposed to be in italics and stuff is supposed to be bolded but none of it's working so just pretend it is. :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Isabella**

"What has you in such a good mood, Isabella?" Dr. Haggerty questioned. I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. The entire morning, I didn't feel sad or tired or angry. I just felt… content. The day was passing by surprisingly fast. I felt semi-normal.

"You haven't had any outbursts today and seem to be doing better in your studies." he noted. The corners of my lips curve up, feeling slightly proud of myself. Rachel and I had been on good terms recently. We've actually been able to have decent conversations without me freaking out at her. If we weren't in this situation, I'd actually like her.

"How much do you think you've improved since you've come here?"

"What? I-I don't know." my mouth gaped open. I lightly tap the armchair of the couch, unsure of how to respond. He stares at me intently, giving me time to think over his question.

"We would have never been able to sit down like this and have a civil conversation in the beginning." he says. "Do you realize it's been a little over two weeks since you were admitted?"

My eyebrows furrowed together and I bite down on my lip, sucking excessively. It hasn't felt like two weeks. I know that it's been that long but it felt more like two years more than two weeks. "It feels longer. So much but so little time has passed." I say. "Did you know the football team won the state championships? Esme told me yesterday. My brother is the linebacker."

"How do you feel about missing the game?"

"It makes me feel-" Dr. Haggerty cuts me off.

"No one can make you feel anything, Isabella." he repeats it for the hundredth time. "Only you control your emotions."

I grumble to myself and start over. "I could care less. I've been to thousands of games. This is just another one of them." my voice is stone- cold, not showing any of the rage that was bubbling up inside me at the thought of my brother. I should be happy for him… I know.

"Then why did you bring this up if you don't care?"

I had no answer to that. Sometimes weird things would pop into my head and I would blabber and blabber until I got everything out. I don't know why I did a lot of things.

"It's alright to be upset Isabella. It's alright to feel emotions. Given everything you've been through, you deserve to rest."

_You don't know what I've been through._

"Do you still think of committing suicide?" he tentatively asked me.

I purse my lips and breathe, "no." I don't think about it. I haven't thought about it in a while. Dr. Haggerty nods his head and still stares at me, waiting for what? I don't know.

"If given the chance would you try to take your own life again?"

"I… I don't know what I would do. I want to think I wouldn't do it again but that would just be a lie. Anything can change between now and the future. You just never know."

"How would you feel if you were discharged from the hospital?" he says. "How would you cope?"

My head shoots up as I hear what he says. I clutch my stomach, feeling nervous yet excited at the same time. Was he being serious right now?

"I want to go." my voice raises "I want to go home… I need to go home." I don't know where home was. All I knew was that… I needed to go.

Afterward, I found Nessie watching tv. Two other girls sat in the room and played Monopoly briefly looking up when Rachel wheeled me in. She pauses the show as Rachel helps me out of the chair onto the couch. Sometimes I thought that Nessie could read minds. Whenever I needed to talk, she was there.

"What's wrong?"

I let out a deep breathe. I didn't know how I was going to tell her. She was my friend. My best friend. A better friend than Angela could ever be.

"Imleaving." is all that tumbles out of my mouth.

She gives me a look that says- _what the hell did you say?_

"I'm… I'm leaving. I'm going home tomorrow." I breathe. "Dr. Haggerty thinks that I'm ready to go home. Of- of course, there's still stuff I need to work on and I've agreed to go to therapy and get help but he thinks I've learned valuable lessons and some other shit."

"That- that's great!" Nessie exclaims with feigned enthusiasm. "I'm happy for you. I really am."

There was a lump of sadness inside my chest that I couldn't explain. "I don't want to leave you. You're honestly the best thing that's come into my life. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day without you."

"Omg trust me! Once you get out of here, you'll never want to come back! Why would you want to hang out with crazy me?" she laughs.

"You're not crazy." my voice is somber. "None of us are. We're all just… misfits. Sucky things happen to us and sometimes we just can't cope and end up here."

Nessie is abnormally quiet. A flicker of emotions crosses her face finally stopping on sadness. Neither of us could keep up the pretense that we were going to be ok. She brushes strands of hair out of her face and sadly smiles. "I-I've never thought of it that way. Are you sure you're sixteen? Sometimes you say stuff way beyond your years."

"Maybe, I'm not." I giggle. "Perhaps I'm an old woman trapped in a young girl's body."

"That would explain a lot."

We erupt in a fit of laughter, falling over on top of each other. We laughed and cried and then laughed some more… and then cried some more. I didn't want this day to end. I was actually happy. I had a friend. I had a friend who didn't mind my weird quirks and seemed to be just as strange as me. We could be misfits together.

"You never did say what happened." she says once we've calmed down. "What happened to you?"

My mouth is gaping open, unsure of how to respond. She had been so honest with me… more honest than I'd needed her to be. True friends don't judge each other and I didn't judge her so why would she judge me? _She wouldn't._ I knew she wouldn't. She would keep my secret safe. But something inside me screamed, "no!" I couldn't tell. I couldn't let Nessie carry my burden. It wouldn't be fair to her.

"You- you don't want to know." is all I said. She gives an understanding nod not pressing the subject. That was all I was going to say. It was all I was ever going to say.

* * *

Carlisle and Esme were worried. They thought that I was going home too soon and would relapse and didn't want me to have another episode. I wanted to be sure that it wouldn't happen again but I knew it probably would. Dr. Haggerty explained that it going home would be a big change and the most important thing I needed was structure and a daily routine. The more ordinary everything was, the better. Having a schedule did help. It eased the anxiety of the unknown. I knew what was coming next so I wasn't surprised. I knew when to take my medication when to go to bed, when to wake up in the morning. It gave me something to focus on rather than let myself spiral into madness.

"I think you should move in with us after you're released." Esme said. I look to Carlisle and he's nodding his head.

"I thought you said that it wasn't possible."

"We've given it a lot of thought and we're going to ask your parents today if you can come stay with us for a while. To be honest, you are in no position to be left on your own and leaving the facility can be a real struggle for a lot of people. Your parents are in no position to take care of you and we feel that it'd be best if you had an actual doctor around to help you when you needed help." Esme said.

"I-I don't want to be a bother. You shouldn't have to stop everything in your lives just for me. The past few weeks have been stressful enough and you've done so much and I-"

"Bella breathe." Carlisle stops the rambling. He gets up and comes to sit beside me. His hand rests on my back as I calm my heart. He counts with me. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Honey, you are apart of our family whether you like it or not." Carlisle smiled. "No matter how hard you try, you'll never get rid of us."

_That I know._

"Are you feeling better now?" he worriedly asks. "I can get Rachel if you need her."

I shake my head back and forth indicating- _No I don't want Rache_l. She is the last person I want.

"We care for you, Isabella. You have to always remember that. We care so much and only want to see you succeed." said Esme. "So we're going to have to work together to overcome everything."

"I'll try." I whisper. "I promise I'll try."

The rest of the day felt like a blur, passing by surprisingly fast. It was already ten o'clock and I didn't even bother to turn off the light. Leah wasn't back and I didn't care. This just meant more quiet time for me. She was a noisy, loud, destructive person having no courtesy for others. I maneuvered my way under the covers with the big bulky cast and my eyes fluttered shut.

The morning came sooner than I wanted. I had a dreamless sleep for once and I didn't want it to end. I felt calm and relaxed and at peace. I wasn't worried about today and seeing my father and going home. I thought this was what I wanted. I wanted to leave but is it weird to say that some part of me wanted to stay?

"Are you ready, Isabella?" Rachel asked. I took a big gulp and nodded my head. If I spoke, I probably would have puked. _Suck it up, Bella. You're going to be fine._ Discharge was at 8:30 and it was currently 8:25. I'm wheeled around the corner into the hallway I first entered when I arrived. We arrive at the front in the lobby and suddenly I'm frozen. Charlie is standing at the desk signing papers. After a few moments, he puts the pen down and just stared at me. Even though it was only two weeks, it felt longer. Charlie and I couldn't have been further apart.

"Is there anything else to sign?" Charlie asks the receptionist.

She shakes her head and says, "That'll be all Chief Swan. You are set to take Isabella. Would you like some assistance with the wheelchair?" she asks once noticing my cast.

Charlie says no, being too stubborn to accept help from anyone. I say goodbye to Rachel, not knowing if we'd ever see each other again. "You get better," she says to me. "I don't want to see you back here for your own sake."

I'm about to respond but Charlie cuts in. "We've got to go." he grumbles. The way he's fidgeting around is a clear indicator that he's uncomfortable. He glares at Rachel as she gives me a resigned goodbye and watches as I'm wheeled out the doors. Charlie and I headed downstairs and out of the hospital where his police cruiser is waiting out front. "Did you talk to the Cullens?" I finally ask. I couldn't wait any longer for him to bring it up.

"Yes. I talked to them last night and it was agreed that you can stay with them for the time being. Also, Carlisle is taking a personal leave of absence from work to be able to stay with you."

I instantly felt guilty. He didn't need to go as far as to leave work. I wasn't worth all of this mess. Surely they would have understood by now.

"What did mom say?" I tentatively ask. I look down at my lap and fiddle with my fingers, remembering our last encounter.

"Esme and Carlisle didn't mention what happened?" he looks at me from the corner of his eye. His mustache twitches and I immediately know something is up.

"No." my voice raises. "What happened?"

"Your mother left two days after you were admitted from the hospital." he clenches his jaw and eyes narrow. I could practically feel the burning hatred pouring off his body.

"What?" I gasp. "How could you not tell me? How could none of you come to the hospital yourself and tell your own daughter that her parents were splitting up!? Don't you think I deserved to know?"

I was quickly becoming agitated. My chest heaved up and down as I struggled to regain control. I heard Charlie muttering something along the words of, _shit_. I grabbed onto the door handle. We were stopped at a red light. _One, two, three, four_… I did what Carlisle told me to do. He said to count until I was relaxed. Take a deep breathe in and take a deep breathe out.

"I didn't think you wanted us there." he tried to reason. "We wanted to give you space and time to get better."

_What a load of bullshit._

"Where is my mom now?" I all but growled.

"In Phoenix, Arizona." he grumbled. "It turns out that she was also seeing somebody. His name is Phil."

So they both ruined their marriage. I hate this fucking Phil. I hate Sue Fucking Clearwater. I fucking hate everyone.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." he sighed. "I know this isn't what you wanted to happen."

* * *

"Bella."

All I could do was stare at my brother. We were at the front door, frozen in shock. My backpack was on my lap and Charlie was at the car with my suitcase. I was about ready to bolt. I had planned on avoiding Emmett at all costs but he just happened to be home. Neither of us knew what to say to each other. I didn't want to make this any more awkward.

"H-how are you?" he stammered.

I shrug my shoulders and press my lips into a thin line. "I've been better."

"I wanted to visit," he said. "But Esme said that you didn't…"

"You have to understand that I wasn't- I'm still not in a good place. I didn't want you to see me like that-"

"Do you think I would judge you?" he raises his voice. "You're my fucking sister. I love y-you." his voice cracks at the end. His eyes are quickly filling with tears and wipes them away as I pretend not to notice.

Emmett, my big brother bear, was fucking crying. This was a day I thought that I would never see. Of course, he's been passionately angry but has never cried in front of me. "Do you have to leave?"

"Yes." I whisper. "It's for the best. I need more help than dad can give me. I'm sorry."

Emmett looks torn. First mom left. Dad's been distant and now I was leaving once again. I didn't want to drag him into my mess. This was never my intention.

"I'll come visit whenever I can. You won't be alone. I promise."

I sighed, trying to think of how to put this nicely. I didn't want to crush his heart any further. "I… um, I need to be away from everyone for a bit. I think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Emmett." my voice is meek. "I'll see you at school but other than that, I don't think we should see each other."

"Bella-!"

"I'm sorry." my voice breaks. Charlie chooses that moment to walk back inside. Without saying another word, my father helps me out the door, giving Emmett a look. My suitcase is in the trunk and I'm helped into the front. We pull out of the driveway and the last thing I see is Emmett standing at the window.

It physically pained me to do this to him but I needed space. I needed space away from _them. My family_. I needed a fresh start in a new place away from everything bad and that reminded me of Jacob. He wouldn't find me here. I was sure of it.

"Thank you, Carlisle. Thank you, Esme… for everything" I heard my father say. "You don't know how much I appreciate this."

"Charlie… don't fret about it." Carlisle said. "We're always here to help."

"I promise that Bella is safe with us," said Esme. "You can come and visit anytime you like and you are always welcome."

"Thank you," he sighed. "But I'm not sure how much Bella wants me around at the moment. I think it's best if I just take a step back."

I can't listen to this anymore. I put my earphones on and close my eyes, wishing their voices away. I just needed to sleep. I needed to clear my mind.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Hey y'all! I'm actually really proud of myself right now because I've been writing a lot more again and I promise that I'm going to try to update sooner! Also, I know that I have so many stories going on right now and I promise that I'm not going to start a new one until I finish all of the ones I'm writing! Also, I plan to only work on this story until it's complete and then I'll move onto one of the other stories! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me! I promise that I'll update again soon!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Isabella **

"Good morning, sweetie." Esme smiled as I wheeled myself into the kitchen. They had given me the guest bedroom on the first floor so I could get around easily. Carlisle and Esme were already sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. I blush and mumble hello and reluctantly join them at the table.

"How'd you sleep?" Carlisle asks. "I hope the kids didn't wake you up. They got home kind of late last night."

They didn't wake me up because I was already awake. They came home at 11:00 pm and I had been in bed by 10. I heard them head towards my room about twenty minutes later. Light soft footsteps- Alice walked right past my room but Edward stopped. For how long, I don't know but I could feel his presence. I could hear his breathing and I held mine; waiting for him to get on his way. Finally, he left but I still couldn't relax. I couldn't fall asleep. Carlisle had given me something to calm me before bed because he wanted to wean me off the sleeping meds.

"I didn't hear them. I was asleep." I lied.

Esme gives a tight smile, not believing a word I said. "Well, maybe when the kids get home this afternoon you can spend some time with them. I know Alice has been anxiously awaiting your arrival."

My stomach clenches at the thought of seeing her… and Edward. Things were already awkward between us and living together would be even worse. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable in his own home. That wouldn't be fair to him.

"Would you like some food?" asks Esme.

"Oh, I'm um, I'm alright-"

"Isabella." Carlisle cut me off. He gives me a look that says- you're not going to get away with that stuff here. "I understand that you had a meal plan made at the hospital and I'd like to continue the same plan here as well."

"But, I'm not hungry right now." I argue. "I'll eat later."

Carlisle shakes his head back and forth, making his answer clear. I look to Esme for help but I get none from her.

"We have to stick to a routine because one missed meal will lead to another and then several and I don't want to backtrack. You've made tremendous progress so far"

"We're trying to help you, Bella," Esme sighed. "So please work with us not against us."

"Alright." I whispered. I take a croissant and nibble at it under their watchful eyes. We sat in almost complete silence for the next twenty minutes, the only words exchanged were between Carlisle and Esme.

The rest of the day passed by slowly. I helped Esme with chores as much as I could and even briefly went outside to the garden. The only sound was the chirping of the birds and leaves rustling in the wind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, soaking up as much sun as I could possibly get. I don't know when I last felt this peaceful. There was no one to bother me. No noise. No commotion. Nothing. It felt damn good. I could hear myself think for once and all the anxiety just floated away. I wanted to move deep into the woods and never come out.

But of course, all good times had to come to an end. I don't know how long I was out there but the tranquility was broken when I heard the sound of a car. I wheeled myself back towards the house to see Alice pull up in the driveway. She hops out, looking like a runway model.

"Bella!" she squeals. I don't have time to escape because she's already running my way.

"Hey, Alice." I force myself to smile. The bubbly bright girl doesn't notice my hesitation and bends down to hug me. I lightly pat her on the back unsure what else to do. She had way too much energy in my opinion.

She lets go and looks at me in concern. Her gaze shifts down to the cast and back to my face. I know what she's thinking. "How are you doing?" she tentatively asks.

"I'm fine." I look anywhere but at her. I didn't want to see her pity.

"You know that I'm always here to talk." she said. "You're not alone in whatever you're going through."

I nod my head, trying not to roll my eyes. That's what everyone says.

"We all are Bella. Edward's been a mess ever since the accident-"

"Where is he?" my voice raises. I didn't want to see him. I couldn't see him yet. I wasn't ready.

"Don't worry." her voice was calming; soothing. "He's at football practice. He won't be home for a few hours and don't worry," her voice hardened. "He won't see you unless you want him too."

"I don't want you guys to feel uncomfortable in your own home."

"It's your home now, Bella. As long as you're happy- we're happy." I couldn't doubt the truth in her voice. She truly did care. They all did.

"Do you want me to help you inside?"

"Uhmm…"

"Or I can get my dad. He's stronger than me." she awkwardly laughs.

"It's- it's alright. I think I'm gonna stay outside a little longer." I hastily say.

I wanted a little more quiet. I wasn't ready to be thrust back into everything. I needed a little more time to think. To relax.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" she innocently asks. "We can hang out and- OH!" she gasps. "I can bring my nail polish out and we do manicures and we'll have our own little spa day!" I didn't want to burst her little bubble of happiness. She was too kind. I reluctantly nod my head which earns another round of squeals.

Within ten minutes we were sitting at the patio that overlooked the woods, doing french tips. She talked about boys, shopping, and school for which I was only paying half attention too.

"-what do you think?" she says. My head shoots up and the confusion is obvious on my face.

"They're done! Do you like your nails?" she sighs.

"They're great!" I faked enthusiasm.

Alice either didn't notice or chose not to comment because she brightly smiled and relaxed back in the reclining chair and put her sunglasses on. "Just let them air out for a bit and they'll be dry soon."

I nod my head, knowing how seriously Alice took everything related to style and fashion. We sat in much-needed silence for about an hour and I had to admit, it wasn't half bad. Alice could be calm when she wanted to and it was almost as if she had psychic vision. She knew I needed a break.

* * *

I've been hiding in my room for the past hour. Edward came back a little while ago and I thought that I'd be prepared to see him. I thought that I could say, hello and we'd be on our way. I didn't think I'd have a near panic attack at the sound of his voice. I could even see him and that's what hurts the most.

"Bella? Sweetie, can you open up for me?" Esme knocked at the door.

"I'm sleeping."

She sighs and doesn't say anything. I knew that this was unfair of me to do, that I should be a little more grateful to the Cullens for taking me in but I couldn't see Edward. I don't care if I starved to death. As long as he was out there, I was staying here.

"Isabella, open the door." she said again. This time, the tone of her voice said it all. She wasn't asking me, she was telling me.

I mentally groan and go to open the door just a crack. Her lips are pressed into a thin line and had her hands on her hips. She wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Can you open it all the way?"

I grumbled to myself and open it all the way to let her enter the room, closing the door behind her. Before I can argue, she's pulled open all of the shades letting light stream into the room. I cower back and block the light with my hands. "You didn't have to do that!"

"This isn't a cave, Isabella." she crosses her arms over her chest. "You need some light in this room. It's not healthy."

_I like the dark._ I bitterly thought.

Esme sighs and sits on the edge of my bed. She stares at me, waiting for me to say some- anything, but I'm silent. I have nothing to say to her.

"You've been awfully quiet ever since Edward came home."

I don't respond.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" her voice was on the edge.

I didn't want to tell her that her son kissed me and I ran away. A kiss was what lead to the whole break down and then being committed. I didn't want to blame her son. It was embarrassing enough as it was.

"It was nothing." I pathetically say. "We just had a little disagreement."

She didn't believe me but could see I didn't want to talk about it. I never wanted to bring it up again.

"Well, I thought you should know that Edward and Carlisle ran out to the store so it's only us and Alice in the house right now. Perhaps you'll come out and have some dinner?"

I didn't even hear them leave. True to her word, I was starving and the smell of lasagna wasn't helping. Maybe I could come out for a little bit. Just to get a bite to eat. I bit my lip and hesitantly followed Esme out into the kitchen. Alice was sitting at the table on her phone and Esme went to the kitchen to get me a plate of food.

"Alice get off your phone," Esme said as she walked back into the room.

Alice groans but listens to her and places it on the table. She pouts and picks at her food and doesn't say a word.

Meanwhile, my eyes grew huge at the amount of food that was placed in front of me. This was too much. Much more than I was used to eating. I pick up the fork and take tiny bites of the lasagna, savoring the taste.

"Can I go to Port Angeles tomorrow after school?" Alice asks, breaking the silence. "Rose and I were planning on going."

"Why do you need to go all the way to Port Angeles?"

"Because we want to go shopping for prom dresses and Forks has the trashiest stores." she rolled her eyes and humphed in annoyance. "Bella can even come with us if she wants!" she looks adds quickly. "Do you want to come with me and Rose?"

"Bella and I have an appointment tomorrow so she wouldn't be able to come anyways." Esme responds for me.

_Wait what? What appointment?_

"Where are you going?"

"That doesn't concern you, Alice." Esme breaths. "But wait, prom isn't for six months. What's the rush?"

"We want to go to Stella's! You know how quickly they sell out! We have to start looking now if we want to get a good dress." Alice exclaims.

Stella's was one of the fanciest most expensive boutiques around and if anyone could afford it, it was the Cullens.

"Well I'm not giving you any money." said Esme. "You still owe a thousand dollars from last year's dress."

"I'm going to pay it back… eventually." she muttered the last part. Knowing Alice, she had no plans on giving the money back despite being able to afford to.

"Fine, you can go." Esme relented. "Just be home by 10:00 pm sharp. Any later and you're grounded."

"Yes, mother." Alice cockily mumbled under her breathe.

Alice was always this sweet innocent bubbly girl. All the adults loved her because she was a respectful girl. She didn't go against the authority. But this Alice was snotty and bratty.

"Are you going to prom this year?" Alice suddenly asks.

I blush and look down at my lap. "I-I don't know."

"Omg you have to go!" she gasps. "I'll help you find the perfect dress and you come with Rose and me and it'll be so much fun and maybe even Edward would-"

"Alice." Esme's stern voice cuts through the air.

_One, two, three, four…. In and out. In and out. _

"You're alright, sweetie." Esme kneeled in front of me. I blink back tears and dig my nails into my wrist. _I'm in control. I'm in control._ "That's it, deep breathes. Just take deep breaths."

I didn't notice Alice leave the room. I forgot about the cold plate of uneaten food. I didn't hear Carlisle and Edward come home and I wasn't anticipating the nightmares. I worked so hard to push them from my mind that the memories hit me at full force. It was a night none of us were expecting.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Thank y'all for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much to me! I just wanted to address a question as well from the last chapter. **

**Q: Why Bella is mad at Emmett? **

**A: Bella's mad at Emmett because she feels like everyone likes him more than her. She's always felt inferior to him and that her parents always paid more attention to him and she's held all this anger and growing resentment within her for so long and she's just letting herself see now. **

**Also, I don't want to reveal the end because there is still some ways to go but I know some are concerned that Jacob's not going to get the punishment he deserves but trust me, HE IS! The story is far from over so you'll just have to wait and see. **

**I hope to update soon again! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Warning:** This chapter contains scenes relating to rape so if you are uncomfortable with those topics, I suggest you skip the first part of the chapter.

* * *

The screams started at 1:00 in the morning. That was the first sign something was very wrong.

_"You're just a bitch, a fucking whore." he growled in her ear. "There's no way your precious Edward will want you after this." _

_She squirmed around and struggled to breathe. She couldn't get him off her. There was a strong burning pain in the back of her skull and tried not to cry. He couldn't see her cry. _

_"NO- Stop- Please…" _

_There was music downstairs. The music was playing so loud that no one could hear them. They were invisible to everyone around them. _

_"Tell me you love me! Tell me you need me!" he thrust into her and black dots clouded her vision. She wanted to cry out but her chest felt like it was on fire. Hungry lips attacked her mouth and just let go. She let everything go._

_Tears leaked from her eyes without her knowing. She could remember the pain. The burning searing pain as he laughed above her. This wasn't his first time that day. He would come back again and again._

_"We're just having a bit of fun. Aren't we, Bella? This is my birthday present to you" he spits. "You better be damn grateful." _

_"Please-" she choked on her words. Her movements were slow and sloppy, having been inebriated by alcohol. Jacob took advantage of this. _

_"You shouldn't have run from me at the party. That was a bad decision on your part. Perhaps if you'd acted differently, we wouldn't be in this situation right now." _

_"I'm sorry." she whimpered. It was the only thing she could think to say. _

_"I watched you for weeks. You're just a slut, a skank that broke up Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali. Do you know what everyone says about you? Do you know that you've ruined your family's name? You're a joke, Isabella. A pathetic joke." _

_She shook her head back and forth. "No no no no…" she wouldn't listen to him. She wouldn't believe him. This couldn't be true. _

Ragged breaths escaped her mouth and she didn't even flinch from the loud knock at the door. She was trapped in her nightmares and couldn't escape. Nothing would wake her up.

_Isabella rolled onto her side. Her underwear had been pulled back up. Everything appeared to be normal, as it once was. The devil had left but would soon come back. Half of her body hangs over the side of the bed. She lets her eyes flutter shut, not caring what position she's found in. she just wants the bad man to go away. That's the first time she passed out. That was the first time he came that day._

The commotion outside her room became urgent. Bella's dreams shifted away from the monster and his wicked ways. Edward was at a loss for what to do. Her door was unlocked and he could easily walk in and try to calm her. However, he didn't want to break any lingering trust she had for him. That's what he held onto. He couldn't invade her privacy.

_It was dark, wet, cold, and uncomfortable. Bella was cursing herself at the moment, wondering how she possibly thought she could find her way out of the woods. For all she knew, she was walking in circles and wasn't making any real progress. Mud covered her legs from having fallen multiple times and her wet clothes were becoming increasingly uncomfortable. _

_She should have stayed at the Cullens. It was too late to turn back now. _

_Bella was walking whichever direction she heard a noise. That could mean a river was nearby or the road. She hoped for the second option. It didn't even occur to her that she could be going deeper into the woods- closer to the edge. _

_With just one misstep, she was swept off her feet and tumbled down the hill, unable to stop herself. Her jeans ripped away and a sharp stabbing pain erupted in her thigh. Finally, after what felt like minutes, she came to a stop at the end of the terrain. Bella rolled onto her back, hissing in pain. Her fingers were coated with a wet sticky substance which she soon identified as blood. Her ankle was busted and the slightest movement made her moan in agony. _

_Bella didn't care anymore. When- if- she was found, she didn't want to live in this constant darkness. She didn't want to deal with the hurt any longer. Not only for herself but for the benefit of her family. They didn't deserve to suffer. _

_Unexpected, uncontrollable laughs erupt from her. There was nothing funny about this situation. It was terribly tragic but Bella couldn't help herself. Her tears and the rain mixed, running down her cheeks. She didn't care what happened anymore. _

She twisted and turned and squirmed around, sweating profusely. The beat of her heart was twice it's speed and without waking up, she had no way to calm her nerves.

Edward paced back and forth outside her room. He had yet to wake his parents or sister. He wasn't sure if he should get them involved. Perhaps he could calm her down himself.

_"Don't try to move." an officer roared. "We're coming down to get you." _

_She tilts her head to the left to see police standing up above. Two men slide down the hill with a harness and what looks like a stretcher. They rush over to her and all she can do is cry harder. _

_"It's going to be alright, sweetie." the man on the right said. "We're going to get you to the hospital and everything will be alright." _

_Bella doubted his words as he said them. She didn't even register as they lifted her body and tightly secured her in the object. She slept and dreamt of nothing as they transported her out of the woods, into the ambulance and to the hospital. The officers were kind. Too kind to help a wicked witch such as herself. They deserved better. Why wasn't she more grateful? She was alive and breathing and going back home. _

Edward had heard enough. There wasn't time to wake his parents up. _Screw it_. he thought. Screw it if she hates him. Her suffering was too painful to listen too. He had to help her. He had to heal her.

_"Bella?" a voice whispered. "Bella, can you hear me?" _

_She came back to her senses too soon. She wanted to stay asleep. But… but the velvety voice tempted her. She wanted to find the owner. _

_"Come back to me." he pleaded. "Come back to me…" _

_She couldn't stay away. Something inside her told Bella to open her eyes- to comfort the grieving voice. So she acted on her intuition and her eyes fluttered open. The man beside her gasps and she shifts her head to the bronze haired boy. He was just a boy- not a man- a boy who had been grieving for decades. _

_She opens her mouth but no words come out. What could she say? What more could she do to heal his broken heart? This was all her fault. _

_"I can call the doctor if you'd like." _

_I shake my head. I wanted to be alone… just a little while longer. _

_"I was so scared-" his voice breaks. "You looked dead and I just- I…" _

_His head hangs in his hands, unable to speak. His shoulders shook with a powerful force and he looked broken, defeated. Bella knew it was her fault. _

Unable to stop himself, Edward barges into her room. She was tangled up in the sheets, sweat dripped from her body. She clutched the pillow in her arms as if it were her life preserver. He collapsed next to her head and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Bella." he whispers.

_"Edward." she rests her hand on his shoulder. He looks up with tear stricken eyes. _

"Wake up." he lightly shakes her shoulder. "You've got to wake up."

_She was vulnerable- too vulnerable. Nobody could ever be this close to her. No matter how much she cared. No matter how much it hurt her. _

The young girl whimpered and her breathing slowed. Edward wanted to keep her pacified because when she was angry… it was scary. "Sweetie, can you open your eyes?"

He didn't think it would work. He thought that she would go back to her night terrors. But ever so slowly, her brown eyes opened and for the briefest of moments- there was peace. She was at peace… but it quickly faded.

"Get the fuck out." her voice was full of venom. She tried to act strong but he could see the terror in her eyes. She was afraid of him.

"Bella, wait-"

"Get out of my room!" she screeched. Her eyes filled with angry tears and before he could comprehend, she was screaming bloody murder. If they had neighbors, the police surely would have been called.

_"Get the fuck out." her voice wavered. She was on the edge of insanity and Edward didn't need to see. "Get the fuck out and never come back." _

_"Wha-" _

_"I don't want you here. How many times do I need to say it?" _

_That hurt the most. It hurt the most out of everything she had ever said or done. Cutting Edward off meant she was cutting her heart off. _

His parents barged into the room before he could even blink. Edward was pushed back by his father and collapsed on the ground.

"What happened?" Carlisle growled at his eldest child.

They were both still dressed in their pajamas having urgently been woken up by their daughter. It was an obvious emergency if they were being woken up in the middle of the morning.

"She was having nightmares and I was just trying to help her. I was just trying to wake her up." Edward cried. He didn't mean to hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

"You didn't think to call us?" Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. "Were you even thinking?"

"I'm sorry."

He mumbles something unintelligent underneath his breath, wondering how Edward could have acted so stupidly.

"Go back upstairs to your room."

"But dad-"

"Edward!" Carlisle snapped. "I don't have the patience to argue. Go back to bed this minute and we'll talk in the morning!"

He clenches his jaw and his hands tightened into fists. He gets off the ground and bites his tongue, saying nothing else to his father.

Bella had quieted down. About an hour later he heard his dad's footsteps come back up the stairs. Esme was still with Bella it seemed.

* * *

Esme stayed by my side for the rest of the night. I expected her to leave shortly after. The nightmares- memories were worse than usual. I was curled up next to her and for a moment I felt comfortable.

"You're awake," she whispered. "Are you feeling better?"

I don't say anything.

"You had nightmares- awful nightmares." her voice shook. "Carlisle almost gave you a sedative. It was that bad. Do you remember any of it?"

"I'm sorry." is all I can say.

Esme shushes me. "None of this is your fault. We couldn't have known that this would happen."

Still, I felt bad. I interrupted them from their sleep all because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. I could usually control myself better. Most nights I slept like the dead. Nobody would know that I was drowning in my sleep.

"Is this normal?" her voice is just above a whisper. "Do you usually have nightmares?"

I lie to her and shake my head side to side. I didn't want to worry her any further, she's sacrificed so much for me.

Esme sighs in relief and squeezes my hand tighter. The frown lines on her face seemed to have increased since yesterday and it was all because of me. I was the cause of Esme's stress.

"What are we doing today?" I change the subject. "You said that I couldn't go with Alice and Rose because we had something to do."

"You have a therapy appointment." Esme's voice was tentative. "Remember we talked about it? It was part of the agreement if you were going to be released."

"I know." I huff. "When is the appointment?"

"This afternoon at two o'clock." she pauses. "You are comfortable going, right? After last night…"

"I understand." I fiddled with my fingers. I couldn't look her in the eye or else I might just burst into tears. Why did everything feel worse? Things were finally getting better and now we were back to square one. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"Do you need help getting dressed?" she sounded unsure. "I know the cast can be a pain…"

"I'm fine." my lips pressed into a thin line. I couldn't let her see me so… so vulnerable. I've managed fine so far on my own.

"Ok well, I'll leave you be for now…" her voice fades. Esme's about to leave the room but I stop her.

"Wait!" she freezes and turns around to face me.

"Is Ed- Edward still here?"

She can hear the urgency in my voice and sudden understanding dawns on her face. "No. He and Alice left about an hour ago for school." she breathes. "I hope you know that… that my son cares for you. He would never intentionally do anything to hurt you."

My gaze shifts towards the ground.

"You don't have to hide from Edward. He'd never let anything happen to you."

She leaves the room, leaving me to think. I knew that Edward cared for me. That was the problem. He cared too much and people get hurt when they are around me. I didn't want him to get hurt.

I manage to change into sweatpants and a sweatshirt and pull my hair up into a messy bun. I leave my room to find Carlisle in the kitchen flipping pancakes and Esme nowhere to be found.

"Sleeping Beauty's finally awake!" he exclaims and turns around.

I let out an airy laugh and bring myself to the table. Carlisle had the personality to make anyone feel comfortable. That's part of what made him a great doctor.

"How are you feeling?" he asks on a more serious note. He comes and sits down beside me and handed me a plate with a couple of pancakes.

"Fine." I mumbled under my breath.

I picked at the pancake, concentrating on it more than Carlisle. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't want to think about Jacob. I never wanted to think about him again.

"You look exhausted. How many hours of sleep did you get before the nightmares started?"

I shrug my shoulders. To be honest, the memories consumed most of the night. That's why sleeping pills helped. They knocked me out and I couldn't feel anything.

"Isabella this is important." he sighed. "Your health is not something I take lightly. All I want is for you to be honest with me."

"I don't know like a couple of hours." I try to downplay it.

Carlisle doesn't look pleased. "Perhaps you should get a few more hours of sleep. You don't look well."

"I'm fine! You don't need to worry about me."

"Well it's kind of hard not too." he lost his calm. "Have you taken a proper look at yourself recently? You're sick, Isabella and everyone can see it. I don't know how many times we need to tell you until you start to take your health seriously."

"I do." my voice wavered. Carlisle didn't believe that much was clear by the look on his face. I was an awful liar.

"Then you better start acting like it because you are going down a slippery path. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now after your hospital stay."

I clenched my jaw and bit down hard on my tongue. _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._ I wasn't weak. I wouldn't let myself be weak anymore; I couldn't.

"I'm not saying this to be cruel." his tone softens. "We just don't know how else to make you see that there are people that care about you- I care about you."

"I know you do. I- I don't want to be this way. I tried to make myself forget and move on and be normal but I couldn't. _He's_ always on my mind."

"Who?" Carlisle asks urgently. "Who are you talking about?"

* * *

The ride to the hospital was quiet. There was no noise except for the sound of the radio and even that was turned down. Carlisle drove and Esme sat in the passenger seat. They had gotten permission to take me to the appointment as Charlie was out of the picture at the moment.

I tried to keep my head down and be silent but Carlisle kept worriedly glancing at me every few moments- I pretended not to notice but it was obvious. I didn't mean to say what I did earlier. I just started talking and soon I was blurting everything out and of course, Carlisle doesn't miss any of it. I quickly shut down the conversation and retreated to my room before he could ask any more questions. I just wanted to forget about it.

Within twenty minutes we arrived and Esme and I went ahead while Carlisle searched for a place to park. The receptionist greeted us warmly, recognizing Esme straight away. "Hello, Mrs. Cullen. I'm sorry but Dr. Cullen isn't working at the moment."

"That's not why I'm here. We have an appointment for Isabella Swan?"

The woman briefly looks at me in curiosity before turning to her computer. "Oh, here she is! Can I just have you sign a few papers and then you can take a seat in the waiting room."

Esme handles the paperwork while I find a spot in a corner away from everyone else. There were only five other people in the waiting room: an elderly woman in a wheelchair with her caretaker. A young girl, playing in the toy box with her mother and teenage boy, I didn't recognize was sitting by himself, preoccupied with his phone. I kept to myself and quietly observed everyone.

Carlisle walked in five minutes later and sat down in the blue plastic chair. I refused to meet his gaze and fiddled with my phone.

"Where's Esme?" he finally said.

"Filling out paperwork."

He looks up at the front of the room to see her walking over to us. She sits to the left of me and right as they're about to start a conversation, my name is called.

"Isabella Swan?" says a tall woman with flaming red hair. We make our way over to her and my stomach is immediately in knots. Her smile is kind and she breathes, "Why don't we head inside?"

Ever so slowly we cross the threshold into her warm cozy office and the door closes behind us. There was a blue couch, a table, a bookshelf with buckets of toys and a couple of chairs.

"Feel free to take a set anywhere you'd like."

Esme and Carlisle situate themselves on the couch and I stay in the wheelchair. I watch as she sits in the wooden chair across from us and picks up a clipboard that was on the table.

"I'm Victoria Laurent." the green-eyed woman said with a hint of a french accent. "You must be Isabella."

I nod my head and my cheeks turn slightly pink. I pick the lint off of my sweatshirt, trying to focus my attention on anything other than this woman.

"It's nice to meet you." she says.

I press my lips into a thin line and nod my head. _Was it obvious I didn't want to be here? _

"You must be the Cullens." she turns to Carlisle and Esme.

"Yes," smiled Esme. "It's nice to meet you."

She was trying to cover up for my rude behavior. Just because I said I'd come, didn't mean I had to play nice.

"I've been told that Isabella is staying with your family temporarily and her father, Charlie Swan has given permission for any details regarding her mental health and well-being to be given to you. Am I correct?"

"Yes, that's correct." Carlisle spoke up. "I'm also a doctor and it was in the best interest of Bella that we agreed she said should stay with us so we could keep a better eye on the situation."

The woman purses her lips and makes a note on the paper. _What the hell was she writing? _

"Well consider this office a safe space, Isabella." she directly looks at me. "Anything that you say will remain confidential unless I believe that your life or others' lives are endangered. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

This woman intimidated me. She had a soft but no-nonsense kind of personality which I feared but was grateful for. She wouldn't pity me. She wouldn't treat me like I was fragile and broken. Maybe she was what I needed.

"A typical appointment is usually just the patient and I but the first time, I like to have the entire family together to get the full picture of the situation. Occasionally I'll call everyone together but most times only one adult will be needed in the waiting room." she explained. "Are there any questions?"

The room is silent and Victoria takes that as a _no_. "For today, I'd just like to get a clear picture of the situation and go over your previous medical history. Every visit will be different and I can't stress enough that you are in charge, Isabella. Anything you want to talk about, we'll talk about it. I'm not going to pry into your feelings, contrary to what you might think." she giggles the last part.

"And what if I don't want to talk about anything?" my voice is as cold as steel.

"Bella-" Esme admonished me.

"It's alright," she side-glanced her. "If you don't want to talk, then we won't talk. I don't want to force you into anything you're uncomfortable with. Do you understand?"

_I'm not sure I believed that. _

"Isabella, she asked you a question." frustration coated Carlisle's voice.

"I understand." I said through a clenched jaw. My hands tightened into fists as I tried to keep my cool.

"Thank you. I'd like to get started as we've only got an hour together." she replied. "I've read from your records that you are taking NSAID after an injury from last year, Ambien for sleep and antidepressants for depression and suicidal thoughts and actions. Has there been any changes in medication?"

"She stopped taking the NSAIDs a few months ago and I'm weaning her off of the Ambien and instead she is taking Xanax once every few nights and as for the antidepressants, she still takes that every night."

Victoria's copying this all down as Carlisle speaks. "As for the depression and suicidal behavior, this started a few years ago but it was only recently that the issue was addressed and she was just discharged from a psychiatric hospital after about three weeks."

"We were only made aware of how serious the situation was after she tried to take her own life," Esme gulps. "If we had known that her behavior would get this bad, we would have urged her parents to take action earlier."

"What triggered these emotions, Isabella?" the woman furrows her eyebrows and holds my gaze, leaving me unable to look away.

"I was just stressed out," I simply said. "With high school and everything and it just seemed to get worse."

I didn't even believe what I was saying. Carlisle mumbles something to himself that's unheard but I know he doesn't buy this. He knows that there's more to the story. Victoria agrees but she doesn't say anything.

"You were also just diagnosed with OCD which could contribute to the stress you said that you felt. Have you been treated for it?"

"Not really" I shrug. "I was just seeing the counselor at the hospital."

"Do you think that talking to someone has helped you?"

"I guess." my voice is emotionless.

"Tell me about your suicide attempt." she changes the conversation to an even darker subject. "Did you have a plan? Was it thought out?"

Memories of that day flash through my mind like a movie. I had tried so hard to put it out of my mind. I didn't want to bring it up again.

"Isabella?" she sighs.

"I…" I sucked in a deep breathe. "I stepped laid in the street and waited for a car to come. I had thought of suicide before but this was completely spontaneous. I didn't think it through."

I couldn't look at Carlisle and Esme. I was embarrassed enough as it was. Did they need to be here for this? _You failed._ The voice hissed. _You're a failure._

"What caused you to act on your thoughts?"

Edward kissed me.

"I dunno." is what I said instead. "I just did, isn't that reason enough?"

"So you just woke up and thought, 'I'm going to take my life today?" she argued back.

No, that wasn't it at all. I thought that she was supposed to be smart.

"I want to go." my heart started to race. "I've had enough of this."

"Isabella!"

My hands started to tremble. Edward kissed me. Jacob attacked me twice in the same day. I care about Edward and I hate him at the same time. This nosy woman never seems to stop asking questions and it's annoying the hell out of me. Why couldn't I be normal? Was it so hard to ask?

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Yayaya! I updated again! Thank y'all for reviewing, I greatly appreciate it! As said before, it will be a bumpy road when Bella was released from the hospital so that doesn't mean that it will be easy for her from now on. There will times when she backtracks and times where she makes real progress. **

**I hope to update again soon! **


	22. Chapter 22

**Isabella **

"I'll just be a moment," said Carlisle as we were about to leave.

Esme cocks her head to the side and furrows her eyebrows. What did he have to say to Victoria that he couldn't say in front of us? A million thoughts started running through my head. He gives a polite nod and a look to Esme that says- _we'll talk later._ I know it's about me. It was always was.

The door shuts behind us, preventing me from hearing whatever it was they were talking about. I look around the waiting room to that a few more people had arrived but none that I recognized.

"I'm going to head to the ladies room," Esme suddenly stands up. She smooths out her skirt with the palm of her hands. "Do you need anything or are you alright by yourself?"

"I'm fine," I smile.

She nods her head once, convinced, and walks around the corner out of sight. This was my chance. I wheel myself closer to the door, we had just exited and strain my ears. I could hear hushed voices speaking in a desperate tone.

"... worried she's… Edward scared… nightmares last night."

"What else… traumatic events… act out sometimes."

"Help… don't know… could happen again."

Carlisle knew something. The feeling of nausea rose throughout my body. I had fucked up. _Damn it!_ I twirled the ends of my hair around my fingers as the anxiety increased. Carlisle would find out and tell Esme and everyone would be disgusted with me. Jacob ruined me. He made sure that I knew what the consequences would be if anyone were to find out. He knew my life would be ruined. I didn't want to believe him but if he was capable of rape than what else would he do?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Esme coming back. I jerked away from the door and resume my original position. I didn't want to get caught.

"You're cheeks look flushed." Esme notices as she walks closer. "Are you sure that you're feeling all right? You're not feeling sick are you?"

"I'm fine. I was just feeling a bit hot." I tried to assure her. Even I didn't sound convinced at my reasoning.

"Well, how about we head outside?" she suggests. "The cool air will help you feel better."

I'm about to respond but the door opens and out walks Carlisle and Victoria. They both have fake smiles plastered on their faces. They're trying to show that everything is normal- everything is fine. I could smell their lie a mile away.

"Thank you all for coming today," Victoria was sympathetic. "I understand that these meetings aren't always easy but I believe we accomplished a lot today."

_We accomplished shit. _

"Thank you for seeing us," respond Carlisle. "Am I correct to say there's another appointment next Friday?"

"Yes. You can schedule it with the receptionist and everything should be all set." she hummed. "It was nice to meet you, Isabella." she warmly spoke. "I look forward to seeing you next week."

"Yep." I grit my teeth together.

I wheel myself around and go away before she can say anything else. I don't have to see the look on Carlisle's and Esme's faces to know that they're pissed off with me.

* * *

I'm hiding around the corner from the dining room, listening to them talk. I was supposed to be in my room. I wasn't allowed to come out because apparently, my behavior at the hospital was unacceptable. I should have been respectful of the therapist even if I didn't like her. _That's a load of bull._

"...who is this guy, she's talking about?" I heard Esme say. "She's never mentioned anyone to me."

"I'm not sure," Carlisle sighed. "I couldn't get her to say anything else but you should have seen her- she's terrified. Something's preventing her from speaking."

"Or someone."

"I've tried to reason with her but she's just so stubborn. I could never get her to open up to me."

"Well, were you acting as her doctor or her parent? There's a fine line between the two and you've got to decide who you want to be in her life. You can't be both."

"I understand, Esme but I'm worried. How much longer before she goes on another suicide mission?"

Esme doesn't respond. I know what she's thinking.

"We all are."

"Everything is starting to make sense now. She always tense and more alert around men. When I hugged her at your birthday last year, I felt her stiffen at the contact."

"And Edward." Esme noted. "I think that she's been avoiding Edward."

"How so?"

"She flinches every time she hears his name and makes a point to never be in the same room as him."

"You're right." his voice was grave. "Perhaps, Alice can speak with her. She can get anyone to open up."

"I'm not sure…" Esme sounded uncertain. "Alice can be a lot to handle. She's already caused Bella to have a panic attack and I don't want to overwhelm her again."

"Well, how do you suppose we do this?" grumbled Carlisle. "Victoria said that we should just continue to monitor her for now.

"Maybe she's right. We can just them talk with each other," said Esme after a few seconds. "I'm sure Victoria knows what she's doing but if we aren't seeing any improvements than we can intervene."

I grit my teeth together and willed myself not to scream out. I was so angry and upset and frustrated. Everything was bubbling up inside of me and I was about ready to explode. I had given away too much. They knew too much.

_Is that a bad thing? _

_Yes, it is a bad thing._ More people will be hurt- I will be hurt. Jacob never broke a promise.

I go back to my room and softly shut the door. I didn't want to listen to it anymore. I don't know how much longer I could hold it in. _Was it a mistake? Did I leave too soon?_

I had already stained my family's name and I didn't want to damage the Cullens. They deserved better than what I had to offer. They deserve someone who wished to be saved. I knew I couldn't.

"Bella, honey?" Esme calls my name softly.

She opens the door and stepped inside. Clothes were strewn across the floor and my bed was unmade. I hear the click of her tongue. She had a thing about mess. I'm staring out the window and have been watching two squirrels chase each other for the past several minutes. Right when one's about to catch the other, he runs away. One of these days he's gonna get caught.

"Can you turn around and face me?" she sighs.

"Come here," is all I say.

"What?"

"Come here."

Her footsteps sound closer until she's standing right beside me. I point out the window at the two squirrels who were now calmly resting beside each other.

"They seem happy now." I sigh. "It won't last for long. Something bigger and worse will come along, ruining their fun."

"Bella, what are you talking about?" she cocks her head in confusion.

"Innocence doesn't last forever. You think you're safe and just one thing can change all of it." I laugh. "A hawk can swoop down and kill both of them in a second… or a dog." I sighed. "A rather large dog."

The room is full of tension. I can hear Esme's labored breaths as the wheels in her head turn, processing what I just said. She fidgets beside me. I remain calm and continue to look out the window. She places a hand on my shoulder and I don't flinch- I saw it coming.

"I made a late lunch. Would you like to come to the kitchen?" her voice trembled.

"I thought you told me to stay in my room."

"Don't argue with me."

"What? I was just pointing it out." I roll my eyes.

She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. Her eyes narrowed into slits and face scrunched up in frustration.

"Fine!" she turns around and walks to the door. "If you want to behave this way then feel free to stay in your room for the rest of the day. I don't have the time or energy to deal with your attitude- I already get enough of it from Alice." She mumbled the last part.

The door slams shut, echoing throughout the room. I continue to sit by the window. I can imagine Emmett scolding me. He'd force me to apologize before lecturing me himself.

_Fuck you, Emmett_. My mind sneered.

I didn't have to listen to him anymore. I didn't have to listen to anyone. Being polite and nice is what got me into this fucking mess. Jacob took my kindness as a sign, he could do anything he wanted. People thought that they could walk all over me because I was too shy to speak up for myself.

_Well not anymore. _

* * *

It was Saturday. Only two days until Monday. Two days until I went back to school and had to deal with the awkward glances because of this stupid cast, avoiding Emmett, and trying to repair my somewhat relationship with Demetri. I wouldn't be surprised if he found another girl. Edward hadn't come home last night or today. He was staying with Jasper, Alice said. I don't know for how long but I couldn't help but feel guilty for driving him away from his home- his family.

I sat in Alice's bedroom that was overwhelmingly pink and girly. For three hours she showed me all the dresses she bought. Each one looked the same- pink and flowy. I don't know why she didn't ask Rose to do this.

"How does this one look?" Alice steps back into the room. She twirls around, giving me a full view. It was a long dress that hugged her body and showed off her curves. The top was cut down, showing off her boobs and had a sequence of diamonds around the waist.

"It looks nice-"

"Oh don't say that!" she whines. "I look like a slut!"

"You asked for my opinion!" I defend myself. I don't know why she was getting all pissy.

"You've said that for every dress!" she dramatically collapsed on the bed. "I just want Jasper to like it!"

"I don't think he cares what you wear." I try to comfort her. "As long as you have a good time, I think that's all that matters."

"But-!"

"Alice!" I exclaim. "How about you plan for something a little bit sooner than prom? Like I don't know- Halloween?"

"I already know what I'm being!" she smirks.

"What?"

"A sexy vampire."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Of course, she was going as that- anything that showed off a lot of skin; so I don't know why she was crying about the prom dress.

"Jasper refuses to dress up. I wanted us to match but he doesn't want to be a vampire."

_I wonder why. _

"So I suggested he be a cowboy- a shirtless one at that."

_Oh dear god._

"And is this what Jasper wants to be?"

"What kind of question is that?" she giggles. "We're going to be best dressed at the party, I'll make sure of it."

"I bet you will."

Last year, Emmett dressed as a Gladiator. He actually bought armor and a sword and he couldn't have been more convincing. If the children saw him, they would have been running in fear.

"What are you going to be?" she quirked her eyebrows.

I scoff, thinking she's joking. I wasn't going to any party or dressing up as anything. I was going to stay in my room, do my homework and watch reruns of Friends. Parties weren't my scene if she hadn't figured it out by now.

"Bella." she groans. "You can't skip the party this year. It's going to be at our house!"

"WHAT?" I roar. "Do your parents know about this?"

Esme and Carlisle couldn't have approved of a bunch of underage kids drinking and having sex in their house. They would flip their shit. The only reason my mother ever let Emmett go was that she thought that it was a slumber party like when we were five years old. She's clueless. Besides, didn't Alice warn me against going to parties? Wasn't I too _'young?' _She is such a hypocrite!

"Of course not! Keep it down! Would you?" she hisses. "My parents can't find out. They're going to be away the weekend of Halloween, so it's the perfect time to do it."

"Why can't you do it Rose's house again like last year?"

"It's a tradition to change houses every year. We've never had it at our house and most of the school is expected to show up."

I gulp and try to push down the fear. I didn't like crowds and I especially didn't like strangers. Alice was a fucking bitch. All it took was a moment for an intoxicated person to attack. Nobody would blink an eye.

"Well, I want no part of it!" I growled. My hands clenched into fists as I try to cool the bubbling feeling welling up inside of me. I know what she's thinking. I'm going to tattle on her and the party will be canceled.

_No. I'm not._ That would just be stupid. I'd be the most hated person at school. I'm not that dumb.

I had no doubt Angela would show up with her new best friends. I hadn't talked to her in about several weeks and had nothing nice to say to her. I wondered if she and Ben were still together? I was tempted to find him and tell him what she did. I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her to feel the pain of losing someone. _Was it wrong of me? _

Last year for Halloween, Angela and I went as an Angel and Devil. I was with Angela clad in a white flowing dress. We had to take her brothers trick or treating which is why we didn't go to the annual Halloween party- not that I wanted to but Angela had been so excited. _She's getting her wish this year._

"...Bella, please do this for me."

I look back up at Alice, not hearing a word of what she just said. "What?"

"You and Demetri should go together to the party."

"Wha- no!" I stutter. "I bet he's already forgotten about me. All the girls are dying to be with him."

"OMG, Bella! You don't give yourself enough credit!"

I roll my eyes. I wasn't beautiful or strong like Rose. I didn't have that friendly personality that could draw a crowd like Alice. I was just boring and plain looking.

"He asks Emmett almost every day when you're coming back. He never stops talking about you."

_What?_ My mouth drops open and I feel my heart pick up a beat. She couldn't be serious. What did he see in me?

"You're blushing!" she squeals.

My cheeks turn pinker and I know I'm screwed. I was counting on the fact that he would have moved on. I didn't want to lie to him about where I've been. I was awful at it in case you haven't noticed.

"I don't know Alice." I hesitated. "I'll have to think about it."

"But I have the perfect costume for both of you!"

_Of course, she does. _

"Think about how much fun you'll have! I know for a fact that Demetri would go with you. I don't understand your hesitation."

"I don't like parties." I flipped my hair to the side and looked away from her. She of all people should know my bad track record at social events.

"Well, if you want to leave then you can go. I'm not going to force you to stay." she quiets down. "Don't you want to have some fun high school experience? You never go to football games or the school dances or clubs-"

"I get it, Alice!" I cut her off. "I'm no fun to be around! If I go, promise that you'll stop nagging me about everything?"

"I promise!" she instantly straightens up.

Maybe that'll be my chance to be normal- to show everyone that I'm back and better than ever. They don't need to know the truth.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hi, y'all! Thanks for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me! I'm gonna try to update again by next week or sooner. (There are no guarantees though). I also wanted to talk about the last chapter. So people were saying that Bella got all defensive during the therapy session because Victoria was asking such personal questions in front of Carlisle and Esme- which is true. **

**About five years ago, I struggled with suicidal ideation and went to a therapist with my family. The conversation Victoria had with Bella and the Cullens was the same one I had. I felt that it was super invasive and I definitely did get defensive because I didn't want to talk about all of that stuff, especially in front of my family, I'm sure you could understand. **

**Anyway, I just wanted to give you some context into the last chapter. **

**Thanks again! **


	23. Chapter 23

**Isabella **

I'm not sure if I was imagining it but it felt as if a hundred eyes were burning into the back of my skull. I've kept my head down all morning, keeping to myself. I could only picture what people were saying about me.

"Welcome back, Isabella." Mr. Stanford greets me at the door. He was a tall, skinny, pale man with balding grey hair. His daily outfit consisted of a dress shirt and khaki shorts. He was nice but stern, taking no shit from any of the students.

I'm the first one in class, having been permitted to leave a few minutes early so I wouldn't get caught up in the crowd. All of the teachers had been made aware of the real reason why I was away so I wouldn't need to explain everything to them. I have to admit that I was slightly grateful for it.

"I understand that you've been through a lot, so if at any point during class you feel you need to leave, I'll give you a pass to guidance. Are you ok with that?"

"Thank you, sir." I politely smile.

I was becoming increasingly annoyed. I've been hearing this all morning from the teachers. They thought that I was going to explode at any moment. They pitied me. I didn't want to be pitied.

I make my way to my seat and pull out my notebook and pencil pouch. It felt weird to be back at school- a normal one. A place where everyone was worried about getting A's on their tests or being asked to the spring formal. I was only worried about surviving to the next day and not having a panic attack every few seconds.

A loud screech rang throughout the building and soon I heard the voices of hundreds of students. Ever so slowly, people started trickling into class, giving me side glances as they noticed the big chunky purple cast that consumed the lower half of my body. I kept my head down, hoping to draw attention away from myself but that only draws the curiosity of Felix Hunter.

The scowl on my face deepens as he sauntered over to my desk. His hair was pointed and spiky and he had his signature smirk plastered on his face. I look for the teacher, hoping he'll notice me but he's preoccupied with another student. A feeling of dread sinks to the bottom of my stomach.

"Lookin' good Swan. I love the new getup. What happened?" he feigned sympathy. He was just looking to push my buttons.

"Thank you for asking," I give a tightlipped smile. "I just got into a bit of an accident."

_I won't let him win. _

"Was the sex too hardcore with Edward?" he smirks. "Or wait- is it Demetri now?"

All I saw was fire. I imagined Felix on fire, slowly burning to death. I heard his ear-splitting screams, begging for help as I just stood by and watched. I saw the light leave his eyes. Don't freak. Don't freak. Don't freak.

"Class is about to start. Shouldn't you sit down? I'd hate for you to get in trouble." my cheeks hurt from the constant smiling. If I got angry then he'd win. I wouldn't let him affect me.

His eye twitches and hands clench around the straps of his backpack. The girl beside me, who has been quiet the entire time slightly backs away- not wanting to be caught in the line of fire.

"Do you have something else to say?" my head cocks to the side. I look him in the eye, daring him to say something- say anything.

"Fuck you." he growls under his breath.

He turns around and walks back towards his seat. Only the girl next to me was the witness to our interaction. Everyone else was oblivious. She stares at me the rest of the class, wondering what to think.

Surprisingly, I was caught up with all of the work and didn't miss much. Mr. Stanford carefully watches from across the room, just waiting for me to breakdown. Didn't he have something better to do than stare at a sixteen-year-old for forty-five minutes?

I was about ready to strangle him and prove his idea that I was an unstable mess when suddenly it was time to leave. _Breathe in. Breathe out. _

I packed up my bag and hung it on the back of the chair. I wheeled myself to the front of the room, aware of the whispers surrounding me. There were only five minutes left of class and the moment I exited the room, I felt myself release all the tension that had built up inside my body.

I quickly made my way down the hallway and took the first left. I was headed for the elevator when I saw Demetri. He was standing by the doors, waiting for the elevator as well. I let out a shaky breath and I'm prepared to turn around when he looks up. His eyes pierce my soul, breaking me apart.

"H-hi." he stammered.

He slipped his phone in his pocket and stared at me, kinda shocked. I don't respond, not knowing what I could possibly say to him. I didn't want to lie about where I had been but I couldn't tell him the truth. The truth was too personal. I bring myself closer and stop right in front of him.

"How are you?" there was a tint of worry in his voice. He fidgeted, not holding my gaze for more than a few seconds.

"Fine." I softly said.

He looked the same as before, nothing has changed with him. I swore he never washed that football jacket- it was permanently stuck to his body. Thinking that this couldn't be any more awkward, the elevator dings and the door opens. I reluctantly shuffle inside after Demetri.

The doors close shut and I push the button for the second floor.

"I'm sorry about your grandma." he breaks the silence. It takes a moment to process what he's talking about. The cover story.

"Thank you." I whisper.

He nods his head once and is quiet again. Should I say something? It feels like I should. We haven't spoken in several weeks. What do you say to your sort-of boyfriend?

"What happened?" he blurts. His eyes widen as he looks down at my cast. It was a shock to everyone.

"I fell down the stairs." I lied.

"What?" he coughs.

"I broke my femur."

"How hard did you fall?" he exclaimed.

"I fell from the top of the staircase." I gritted my teeth together.

I knew he would believe me. I could injure myself just from tripping on air. That's how clumsy I was and no matter how far fetched...it was a believable story.

"What happened to you?" I look him over once. He didn't look injured from what I could tell.

"I sprained my ankle." he shrugged. "I don't like wearing the wrap around my ankle. It's a pain to take it off each time."

"Oh." is all I can say. How much longer until the doors opened? I couldn't handle this awkward silence any longer.

"I'm sorry-"

"Isabella-" he starts.

It's silent before we burst into laughter. For a moment, I forgot why this was so awkward and I feel the anxiety steadily leaves my chest.

"I'm sorry," I quiet down. "I left so suddenly and didn't really give a reason why. I don't want things to be awkward between us."

"I was actually going to apologize." he blushed. "I'm not sure if I did anything to make you uncomfortable but I'd like to still go out with you and there's the Halloween party coming up at the Cullens and I-"

"Demetri!" I cut him off. His cheeks darken even further and he softly chuckles. He blushed when he was nervous. It's kinda cute.

"It's not you," I sighed. "I'm just trying to get situated back and to be honest, I thought that you had moved on. I didn't expect you'd still be interested in me."

He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head back and forth. "You're the only girl that I like. I would never leave you."

He meant that. He actually fucking meant that. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. A hint of a smile touches my lips and I'm tempted to squeal- _oh my god I'm turning into Alice._ Nobody had ever said that before and meant it. He didn't have some complicated ex-girlfriend or twisted reason for why we couldn't be together. For once I wanted to do something for myself. I wanted to prove to everybody that I didn't need Edward. I was better off without him.

"I'll go with you," I said after a few moments of hesitation.

A smile broke out across his face and it was contagious. I forgot about all my fears. I was just a normal girl going to a party with a normal guy.

_Ding! _

_Finally!_ The doors opened- it took them long enough! Demetri and I exit side by side unable to wipe away our newfound excitement.

* * *

"How was your first week back to school?" Victoria asked.

"Fine." my response was nonchalant.

"Tell me more Isabella." she pressed.

"I saw Angela." I huff. "She switched into my lunch block."

"Who's Angela?"

"My friend-or I thought she was my friend. We kinda fell out a while ago. You know how you get into fights with your friends and make up? Well, this wasn't one of those kinds of fights and I'm pretty sure we're not going to make up. In fact, I don't want to make up with her."

Victoria scribbles something down on the clipboard and purses her lips. She was always writing stuff down but never told me what it was.

"Why don't you want to make up with her?" responded Victoria.

"Because she abandoned me." I spat. "Real friends will stick by your side when you need them. She should have known-"

"Known what?" she interrupted me.

"That I needed her." I gulp. I stick my trembling hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt. I didn't want to be sad over her. I hated Angela and the very air she breathed. I didn't even want to think about her.

"You and Angela seemed pretty close," she hummed. "Are there any other friends you can go to for help?"

"Not really. I mean there was Jacob-" I stop myself as soon as I start. I didn't need to talk about him. I couldn't force myself to relive the memories. But it's too late. She's caught on.

"Who's Jacob, Isabella?" she furrowed her eyebrows and inquisitively stared at me. I want to look away but I can't bring myself too. She could be very persuasive when she wanted to, I was learning.

"Nobody." my voice was monotone. I felt a coldness sweep over my body and all the warmth that had filled the room was now gone.

"A person can't be nobody. Everybody is somebody. Was Jacob also an old friend?" she tentatively asked. The clipboard was placed on the table, discarded- forgotten about.

"Yes." my voice is barely above a whisper and Victoria has to lean forward to hear me. I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to bring back the warmth.

"Was he a best friend?"

"The best." I look away from her. My vision becomes hazy from the tears that have filled my eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"What happened?" she's moved across the room to sit beside me on the couch. "Did you and Jacob have a fight?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I hastily say. I clenched my jaw together to stop my teeth from chattering. It was too cold. Much too cold.

"It's alright, Isabella." her voice is calming. She doesn't ask me any more questions about Jacob. Instead, we talk about Demetri- he's a safe topic.

"Tell me about him," she smiles. "What's Demetri like?"

"I never really pictured us together. He's sporty and popular and cute and everyone likes him." I blush. "I'm the complete opposite but somehow he found something in me. I'm not sure what though…"

"So he's your boyfriend?"

"I-" I choke on my laughter. "I don't really know."

"We're going to a party together and we talk a lot. I'm not sure if that qualifies us as boyfriend and girlfriend."

I didn't know what did because I had never been in a relationship. I didn't know the signs or how couples acted together. Maybe I was just a fling until he found something better. He couldn't have real feelings for me… could he?

"Well, how does he make you feel?"

"Happy." I blurt.

"Happy?" she quirks a smile. "How does he make you happy?"

I shrug my shoulders and look down at my clasped hands. "He makes me feel normal. I don't need to think hard when I'm with him. I'm almost myself…"

"Do you not normally feel like yourself?"

She brushes a strand of hair out of her face and waits for me to answer. I don't know how to respond without sounding mental. I just got out of the hospital and I don't want them to send me back.

"It- it's hard." I swallow the lump in my throat. "School is hard and making friends is hard. Everybody's just waiting for you to screw up so you always have to be perfect."

"High school can be a tough time for a lot of people. Sometimes you just need to let everything go. That's the only way you can get better."

That's easy for her to say. I hate people telling me that- it'll all get better. They've never been in my shoes. They don't know how it is to live my life. It's not like I would wish on anybody else what happened to me but I just want them to understand. I'm not normal and I probably never will be normal so they can't expect me to be a certain way. It gets exhausting when I break down and cry, everyone hovers. I hate that. I hate them. I don't even know who they are. Perhaps it's the world. Or my parents. Or the Cullens.

"What's this party you're going to?"

"A Halloween party." I sighed. "I'm being Princess Belle and Demetri's going to be prince charming. Alice suggested it."

"You don't sound excited."

I caught my bottom lip between my teeth and gently sucked. Did I want to go to the party? _No._ Did Demetri and Alice want me to go? _Yes. _

"I like the costume." I twirl my hair around my index finger. "I'm just not the party type. I don't fit in well with crowds." that was only half the truth. She didn't need to know the other part. "Demetri really wanted to go and I feel bad saying no. I figured we'd go and just get it over with."

"Well if your relationship is going to work then you've got to be honest with each other. If he's as great of a guy as you describe then I'm sure he wouldn't mind missing out on one party."

I knew that she was right but some illogical part of my brain told me that Demetri would break up with me and then I'd have no one and will be all alone.

"Why don't I propose an idea, Isabella?" she grabs the clipboard and places it on her lap. _What's she doing now? _

"You and Demetri can go to the party for at least an hour and if you're still not feeling up to it then you can leave. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

I know he wouldn't mind. I'd just feel bad doing it to him. He deserves to have some fun also. Besides, don't couples do coupley things like go to parties? I don't want to be the most boring maybe-girlfriend ever.

"I guess we can do that." I look down at my lap. She nods her head in approval and turns back to her clipboard. _What the hell was she writing? _

I left thirty minutes later feeling… content. All we did was talk about school and Demetri and meaningless things. I hadn't had a normal conversation like that in- I don't know how many years but it felt good. It felt good to talk to someone about pointless stupid stuff.

Now, I was waiting outside the front door of the hospital when Carlisle pulled up. He helped me into the passenger seat and threw my wheelchair into the trunk. He started the car and drove off in silence.

I turn my head to see several large paper bags on the backseat. "Did you get Chinese food?" I break the silence.

"Yeah, Alice wanted it tonight," he said. "I also got your favorite. I know you're not a fan of Pork Dumplings."

"Thank you. It smells so good." I was practically salivating at the sweet aroma of the Sesame Orange Chicken. I loved Crab Rangoon but whenever we ordered something out, Alice would always end up eating my food. She didn't understand the concept of not taking other people's stuff.

We take the next right after the traffic lights and then the left. Carlisle continues to look straight ahead at the road, only nodding his head.

"How was the appointment?" he asks after a few seconds.

"Fine."

"That's good."

"Yep." I look out the window and try to ignore the awkwardness of this conversation. From the corner of my eye, his head keeps turning towards me. He wants to say something. _Just spit it out._

"Edward's coming home for dinner." he finally speaks.

"What?" my voice trembled.

His hands clenched around the wheel. He knew something was up between the two of us. Why else would Edward spend the entire week at Jasper's?

"Esme wanted to have dinner as a family." he sighs. "I know something is up between the two of you, Bella-"

"Nothing's going on." I interrupt him.

He gives me _the_ look, making it obvious he doesn't believe me.

"I understand if you'd prefer not to join us. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Carlisle always did this- tried to play the peacemaker. I couldn't hide away forever. I had to face Edward because at the end of the day this was his home and his family and he couldn't stay away forever. I didn't want to be the bad guy. Esme was so considerate and I've been treating her like shit. I told myself that I'd be strong and wouldn't take anyone's crap anymore but she's just trying to look out for me and I've become Alice 2.0.

"I'll stay." I turned my head toward him. A flicker of surprise flashed across his face. I was surprised as well.

_What's the worst that could happen? _

* * *

I fidgeted at the table. Esme had given me a plate full of food which I barely made a dent in. The smell made my stomach roll and nausea set in. Edward was sitting right across from me and I couldn't bring myself to eat, to speak, to move. All I could remember was that night. I was vulnerable and weak and he saw all of it. I wish that I could forgive and forget but it wasn't as easy as people said.

"Edward, can you pass the noodles please?" Esme asked.

He reaches for them, lightly brushing my hand at the same time. Tingles shoot down my arm and I quickly retract my hand from the table. I don't know what that was but I didn't want to feel it again. He gives them to Esme and she murmurs, _thank you_. There's small talk around the table- mostly about football and school. I stayed quiet and tried to tune it all out but it was hard because I could feel Edward's eyes burning into my face. We didn't have to say anything because our actions spoke volumes. Alice tried and ultimately failed in trying to fix our broken relationship. Each comment made by her was met with a silent glare.

"What time do you leave next week?" Alice suddenly asks.

_Ughh._ Next week equaled Halloween and Esme and Carlisle were conveniently going away to Oregon for a wedding. It was some second cousin twice removed or something. Esme had told me that they could stay home if I needed them but I said, no. I didn't want to hold them back from living their lives. I'm starting to regret my decision.

"We're leaving early Wednesday morning, probably before you kids are up." said Esme.

"We don't have to tell you to behave, do we?" Carlisle asked in all seriousness.

His eyes shifted over me and Edward before finally landing on Alice. She smiled the sweet smile that made all the adults love her. "Everything is going to be fine. There's no need to worry."

_There's always a need to worry._

"I want to trust you." he sighs and pauses before saying, "If we get wind of any misbehavior around here then I can promise that you'll lose much more than your phones."

Edward as well as I kept our heads down, choosing not to contribute to this conversation. Alice just wanted to know when it was clear to bring the keg in. If she got caught then the party would be busted and she'd be a social outcast.

"We understand dad," Edward groans. "Can we at least have Jasper, Rose, and Em-" he stops mid-sentence as all eyes flicker to me. "- come over." he mutters.

I look down at the table and bite my lip. I knew Emmett coming to their house was inevitable. He was Edward's best friend and I couldn't keep them apart.

"If everyone is comfortable with that, then I don't see a reason why not." Esme says after a silent moment full of tension. _She means me- If I'm alright. _

"When did you say that you'd be home?" I furrow my eyebrows.

"Monday afternoon," Esme responded with slight surprise. "However, if you want us home earlier we can certainly do that."

Alice and Edward both tense at the offer and stare at me in anticipation- waiting for me to screw them all over.

"That's alright." I shrug. "I think we'll be fine on our own."

The two of them visibly relax and go back to eating. It's quiet the rest of the meal and the only sound is the scraping of the silverware on the plates. After clearing my dishes and dumping out the remaining food, I retired to my bedroom.

I heard the TV flicker on and the sound of laughter. There was a family movie night every weekend and while it sounded tempting, I politely declined. The nights were my only time to myself and when it was truly quiet. Carlisle gave me the meds, I brushed my teeth, and then went to sleep- having endless nightmares.

Just because they couldn't hear me at night, didn't mean I was at peace. The other day was an exception. Usually, with the drugs, I slept like the dead. I couldn't let that happen again.

I was laying on my back with this stupid comfy pillow Carlisle got for me to keep my body elevated when I slept. Apparently, it was supposed to help the broken bone not become well ... broken again.

I wondered what it would be like to be home sometimes. While living with the Cullens isn't perfect, at least Esme and Carlisle had a clue about how to take care of a teenage girl- but not with as many problems as me. Emmett and Charlie, I'm sure were getting along just fine watching football and eating take out. I would have expected one of them to try to contact me but I've heard nothing. Zilch. Nada. I'm not sure if I'm hurt or glad. I said I needed space but I didn't expect them to take me this seriously. I would have Emmett would have tried to call me. He's my brother. All week in school whenever we saw each other, he'd look away and turn the other way. It's like I don't even exist. I know what I asked for but was it too harsh? Did I want Emmett hating me?

"Bella?" there's a soft knock on the door. "Are you awake?"

It's Edward. I consider not responding in hopes that he'll go away. I don't want to speak to him or Alice or anybody for that matter. But at the same time, I want to hear what he has to say. I don't want things to be weird between us. I can't have things be weird between us. I've got to stand up for myself but all we've done is get ourselves into screaming matches.

I push myself up into a more comfortable position and say, "come in."

The door opened and I covered my eyes, blocking the light from shining in my face. Edward stepped in and quickly shut the door.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

I grunt in response and that causes him to frown. He sat down at my desk across the room, keeping his distance. We're silent for a few moments and just stare at each other. His hair is messier than usual and he was just in casual grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I can't help but crack a smile when I see his socks.

"Scooby-Doo?" I giggle. They were his favorite.

"You can never get tired of that show," he grins.

"You can't."

He runs his fingers through his untamable hair and slightly leans forward- all joking aside.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to barge in on you the other day. I wasn't thinking." his voice raises in pitch.

"Edward-"

"No," he sighs. "I came home late and I was going up to bed and I heard you screaming and crying and I wasn't sure what to do."

"Ed-" I'm cut off.

"- and I shouldn't have kissed you before because you obviously didn't want it and I'm the biggest fucking douche there is…", he pauses and tries to catch his breath. I take this opportunity to speak.

"Edward!" I finally say. My hands trembled but I stuck them in my pocket. He didn't need to know how nervous I am. "I'm trying not to be angry with you so you don't need to go about apologizing. It'll just make it worse."

"You hate me." he scoffed. "I screw everything up. How can I not be upset?"

"I don't hate you." my voice is just above a whisper. "Am I frustrated with you? Yes. But I can't hate you." my vision blurred as tears ran down my face. I hastily wiped them away, not wanting him to see me cry.

"Then what was all that before?" his voice is incredulous. "Every time you screamed at me? Every time you said that you hated me?"

I know I sound crazy and he probably didn't believe me. "I don't know how to explain it in a way that would make sense. You were never the problem-"

"-It was me not you," his voice hardens. "Is that what you were going to say?"

"Yes." I gulp. "I know it sounds like I'm making up excuses but I'm telling you the truth. You've got to believe me."

"I don't know what to believe anymore. One moment you want to be friends and the next minute you're screaming in my face."

He's right. It's not fair what I've put him through. It's not fair what I've put everyone through. I scratch my wrist, digging my nails harder and harder into my skin. I deserve to feel pain.

"Stop." he orders. Edward moves across the room, suddenly grabbing hold of my wrist.

"I'm bleeding." I numbly say.

The smell of blood makes me nauseous and woozy. I close my eyes and turn my head away. Edward grabs a tissue from the desk and pressed onto my skin. I look down to see that the bleeding had stopped.

"You're too beautiful, don't hurt yourself like this." he whispered.

I can't help it. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. Edward truly cared about me. He meant what he said.

"You know I'm going with Demetri to the party." I look away from him.

"I heard."

"The two of us- we can't be together. I can't hurt him like that." my voice shook.

"I know." Edward breathes.

His head hangs down and his lips press into a thin line. He tried to keep his expression neutral but I could tell he was angry.

"Does Demetri know that you are staying here?" he asks.

"No."

"Don't you think that he deserves to know? Did you ever tell him your age?" Edward suddenly looks up at me in concern.

"I didn't think that it mattered." I argue. "He knows that Emmett and I are siblings so I thought he would have put it together by now."

"Not everyone is as smart as you think." he rolls his eyes. "Just promise me that you'll be safe. I don't want you to get hurt."

"You don't need to worry about me." I pout.

_I can take care of myself. _

"It's Emmett that's the most worried." he pauses. "He asks about you every day. Do you know how much he loves you? I haven't seen him this down since Rose-" he suddenly stops.

"Since Rose what?"

"It's nothing." he shakes his head. "Just promise that you'll give Emmett a chance. He's hurting so much; more than we can see."

I don't respond and with a resigned sigh, Edward gets up to leave. Suddenly I can't help myself, this overwhelming urge comes over my body. "Don't go!" I cry.

He freezes at the door and turns around to face me with wide eyes. "Bella…

"Don't go." I breathe.

"We shouldn't do this, Bella."

"I know." I say. "Just stay with me for the night. That's all I'm asking."

Edward nods his head once and heads to the pullout couch. This wasn't a good idea. I'm with Demetri. I love Demetri. But I needed Edward.

_Just tonight_. I tell myself. This was only for one night.

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thanks for reading and reviewing! It means so much to me! I should update again by next week or sooner (I hope). Also I just wanted to answer a review! This story is going to and Edward and Bella story and I guess that this is techinally a spoiler alert but she and Demetri don't stay together. **

**Also, I know that bad things have been happening one after the other to Bella but I promise that it will get happier eventually and she won't always be this depressed and angry. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Isabella **

"You stayed." I blush.

"I do every night." he crookedly smiled.

Edward rolled off the couch onto his feet and walked over and sat on the edge of my bed. I couldn't help but laugh. He had a messy bedhead and somehow his shirt had managed to come off in the middle of the night because I very much remember him being fully dressed before. He was just in sweatpants and even looking tired as hell, he was beautiful.

"I don't know why you doubt me. It's been-what- three days? I'm not leaving unless you kick me out."

"Well, that's not gonna happen." I mumbled and instantly felt a pang of guilt. This wasn't fair to Demetri. We said that this would only be one night but one turned into two and two turned into three and now it was Monday morning and Edward was laying across the bed half-naked.

I knew it was selfish of me to do but I couldn't let Edward leave. The nightmares finally went away and all I've had were dreamless nights. I don't want it to end because I know they'll be back if he goes away. Edward suddenly sits up and takes my hand and his thumb caresses my skin. It's as if he knew I was stressed and scared and everything up above.

"We should get ready for school." he sighed. I nodded my head in agreement. I wanted nothing more than to lay here with him all day but I know that would draw unwanted questions and I wasn't prepared to answer.

"Are you riding with Alice or do you want to come with me today?" he asked.

I pause before saying, "Is it wise if we go together?"

I think most people could figure out that Demetri and I were somehow involved with each other and if I show up to school with Edward then people will make assumptions that could end with everyone getting hurt.

"Everyone knows that we're family friends." Edward shrugged. "Besides, it's no one's business about what we do with each other."

"It's Demetri's." I point out.

"Well maybe if you had told him that we were living together earlier than it wouldn't be so weird."

"I don't want to argue!" I groaned and collapsed back in bed. He wasn't going to bring this up again.

"I can talk to him today for you if you'd like." he offered.

I roll my eyes and scoff. "What are you going to say? 'Hey I've been sleeping with your girlfriend and she's living at my house and now I'm giving her rides to school?'"

"Don't be fucking ridiculous!" he barks a laugh. "We don't sleep together- we sleep across from each other-"

"Like that would make a difference!" I cross my arms over my chest and give him the best-unimpressed look I can muster up. "I'll tell him myself. It's not fair to him to hear this from someone else."

"When?" he presses.

"When the time's right." I shrugged.

"So that means never." he smirks.

"I never said that!" I throw my hands up in the air, annoyed with his childish behavior. The bed dips down and Edward walked to the door with this shirt in hand.

"Where are you going?"

"To get dressed." his face was smug. "You better start getting ready or Alice will leave without you. She goes at exactly 6:50 every morning."

The door slams shut and I was all alone. What a fucking douchbag. Wait- he's my douchebag. I was seriously fucked up. I look at the clock to see that it's 6:40 am. We'd laid in bed for actually forty minutes? Why was I not surprised.

It took me exactly twenty minutes to get ready and by the time I came out, I can Alice impatiently waiting by the front door.

"Finally!" she exclaims. "Edward told me that you'd be ready in ten minutes!"

"Ali-"

"And I have morning yoga! It starts-" she glances down at her phone. "-in ten minutes! We're going to be late now and I'm probably going to get detention and I've never gotten it in my life!"

"Than let's go!" I groan. "We've just wasted two minutes by standing here arguing!"

Her face is flustered and with a little, hmph, she marches out the door in her high heels and black Gucci purse and designer backpack.

I swear this girl is going to be the death of me. We finally get in the car and take off. It's quite the first ten minutes but soon Alice's soft voice is floating throughout the air.

"I'm sorry, Bella." she sighed. Alice kept her eyes on the road but her hands were tightly clenched around the steering wheel.

"It's alright?" I respond more like a question. I'm not sure what she was apologizing about. She pouted a little and tapped her fingers on the wheel.

"No, it's not! I've been the biggest bitch." she admits. "I'm just stressed out with everything going on right now and I'm taking it out on everyone around me."

"Don't worry about it." I try to make her feel better.

"I feel awful though. Jasper's fed up with me but he's too polite to say anything and I'm pretty sure Rose is ready to kill me."

"I think you're overreacting." I slightly laugh. "Nobody's going to kill you."

"You don't know Rose." she mumbled.

I roll my eyes in amusement and shake my head. Alice could be such a drama queen. I don't understand how Edward can deal with her every day.

"When are you getting that thing off your leg?" she changed the conversation.

I look down at my chunky cast and scowl. "In like April I think?"

I kind of zoned out when the doctor explained everything to me. I was supposed to be in physical therapy, trying to walk again. They wanted to get me started on using crutches but I kept delaying the appointments. My leg hurt enough as it was and the last thing I wanted to do was put pressure on it. I think Carlisle was at his wit's end because yesterday he scheduled another appointment for the following week when they come back from their trip and I don't think he's gonna let me skip this one out.

"Does your leg hurt?" her voice was laced with concern.

_It's fucking painful_.

"It's not that bad." I lied.

"Well that's good I guess." she said. "That means we can have a fun time during Spring Break!"

"What do you mean, 'we?'" I looked at her from the corner of my eye. _It's like she had the entire year planned out. _

"Well you know Rose's family has a vacation house in New York. We always go up every year and I guess I assumed that you'd want to come since you're living with us right now."

I remember sitting by the window in the living room every year watching Emmett leave for the April break. It looked like so much fun but they never invited me. I was still just a "little kid" and couldn't hang out with them. Now, I could understand why they never invited me. An empty house equaled a party with no parents or adult supervision.

"What if I'm not still living here by April?" I point out. Anything could happen in five months.

"The invitation will still stand. I know Edward would be sad if you didn't show up." she smugly smiles.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I said a little too quickly.

"Do you really think I didn't notice Edward sneaking into your room every night?" she giggles causing my face to blush bright red.

I thought that we were discreet. We waited a few hours every night until everyone was asleep and then he came into my room. It's not like we were having sex and waking up the entire house!

"Omg, Bella it's fine!"

No, it's not!

"I totally get it. You guys are in love!" she squealed. "I honestly wasn't expecting this after what happened last time…" she trails off.

"Alice-"

"But I'm totally happy that you guys made up! It was just a matter of time, I knew this was coming."

"You can't tell anyone!" I pleaded with her. "I'm with Demetri and I can't hurt him. He's been so good to me…"

"So you and Edward have-" her mouth drops open.

I instantly shake my head, shooting down her thoughts. "No no no no! We haven't done anything like that!"

"Then what have you been doing in your room every night?" she cocks her head to the side.

"Just sleeping." I sigh.

"Together?"

"He's on the couch and I'm on the bed." I grumble. I wouldn't let Edward sleep in my bed- sexual or not.

"I don't understand." she says. "All you're doing is sleeping… but separately."

"Yeah." it's as simple as that.

"Bella! This is the perfect opportunity to make a move!" she groans. "Don't tell me that you don't feel anything for my brother?"

"Regardless if I did, we're both comfortable right now with what we're doing. I don't want anything to change."

She doesn't look convinced but doesn't push any further. "Well your secret is safe with me. Just promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"Edward is sensitive and you can't be with both him and Demetri. You have to make up your mind soon."

* * *

I didn't show up to study hall today. I skipped out on lunch and went to the library instead of the gym. Alice had given me a lot to think about with her stupid words. I liked Demetri- I truly did but I couldn't stop thinking about Edward. Everything about him made me squirm in discomfort but at the same time, I couldn't stay away. I needed Edward like I needed air to breathe. That was the only way to describe it.

Demetri was a breath of fresh air and I guess a nice distraction from my shitty life. It was easy to be around him and I wasn't constantly worrying. I could just let loose for a little while… but it never lasted. I was just delaying the inevitable- scurrying around the truth… at least that's what Victoria said last time.

Perhaps she was right. Demetri was just a fling. He was my safety anchor. Life was easy around him. I didn't have to worry.

"Bella?" a voice came from behind me. I place the book on the table and whip around to see Emmett standing across from me. His backpack is swung over his shoulder and he holds a thick textbook in his hands.

"Emmett." I gulp. _What was he doing here?_ As far as I knew, he didn't even know where the library was. "What are you doing here?"

"I was, uhm, getting, uh, a textbook for Comp Sci." he stuttered and looked anywhere but at me.

"You don't take Computer Science." my voice is blunt. "You don't even know where the library is. Shouldn't you be at practice?"

He sheepishly looks down at the book in his hands and sticks it back on the shelf. Dejected, he slumps down into the chair across from me.

"II was going to the field and saw you come in here." he admits.

"So you decided to follow me?" I gulped.

"It's been two weeks, Bella." he shook his head. "When are you going to be ready to talk? The last person you have to be afraid of is me."

"You don't think I know that?" I scoff. I wasn't afraid of him, per se. I was afraid of how he'd react if he ever found out. He would think I'm disgusting. He'd think I'm a whore. I don't care what he says now because his views could always change.

"I'll go home once dad has left fucking Sue Clearwater and mom comes back." I growled.

"Well, that's not gonna happen because Sue has moved into the house and mom's engaged."

My eyes widen and my mouth drops open. _Thump. Thump. Thump._ My heart was racing. It was fast. Too fast._ Thump. Thump. Thump._

"How come nobody told me?" I whisper.

Emmett clenches his jaw and stares at me wearily. I was teetering on the edge. I'm not gonna break down. I won't let myself break down. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"You've been avoiding us." Emmett huffed. "There was never a good time to tell you."

"Well don't expect me to start calling Sue, 'mom.'" I spit.

"Don't start that Bella." he rolls his eyes. "She's a great person and I've never seen Dad this happy before. He's a completely different person."

I didn't give a fuck about that woman. I don't care how perfect she is, she'll never be a mother to me. She'll never be anything to me.

"You've got to give her a chance." Emmett softly pleads. "She's not the bad guy."

"Aren't you late for practice?" my voice is cold.

"Bell-"

"I'm done talking about this!" I hiss.

All I could see was red. I wanted Charlie to be happy but not like this. He didn't even fight to get my mom back. He just let her go to that other man. He didn't even try to save our pathetic family. All because of that stupid woman.

I don't wait around to hear what else he has to say. I leave the library in a hurry, trying to get as far away as possible. But wherever I went, it wasn't far enough.

Three hours later, I was back at the Cullens, sitting in the living room. Dinner was made but I refused to eat. I held the remote control in my hand, clicking fifteen times. Channel after channel would pass before I would start over again. My hand was stiff from being in the same position for the past thirty minutes.

"Bella?" Carlisle appeared in front of me. He kneeled until we were eye level with him. He placed his hand over mine, stopping the clicking. My hand-formed into a fist as I tried to take the remote back from him.

"Stop." I whimpered. Tears leaked from the corner of my eyes and my lips were pressed into a thin line as I tried to stop myself from crying out. My heart hurt. My head hurt. Everything hurt.

"It's alright, sweetie." his voice was soothing. "You're going to be alright."

_No, I wasn't._ Nothing is alright about this situation- about my life. I couldn't hold it back any longer. It was as if a heavyweight was lifted off my chest and I allowed myself to cry. Sobs wracked through my body and Carlisle wrapped his arms around me. I let him hold me. I wanted to be held.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I gasp. "Sue… Charlie…"

A sudden look of understanding crosses over his face. I hang my head down, unable to look at him. Why didn't they just tell me? Did they think that I was this broken? That I couldn't handle the truth?

"I'm sorry." he says. "We never meant to hurt you."

Nobody ever meant to hurt me. That's what they all said. I was sick of hearing that. Everybody thought that they were doing me a favor by keeping things from me, thinking that I couldn't handle it. I wanted to know. I needed to because then I would be hurt less later on. I could be prepared for anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. There was a flicker of hesitation in his voice and I shook my head. I already heard everything I needed to hear.

"Emmett told me everything." my voice broke.

"You talked to Emmett?" the surprise was evident on his face.

I nodded my head. We did more arguing than talking. I wouldn't really call it a pleasant encounter.

"He told me everything. Also about Renee and Phill." I said. "My parents aren't getting back together are they?"

Carlisle didn't respond. We all knew the answer to that question.

"I wish I could tell you differently." he said. "But some people aren't meant to be. Sometimes it's better this way."

"How could this ever be better?" I scoff. "Our entire family has fallen apart. Emmett's leaving this year and my mother is all the way in Arizona and there's a stranger living in our house."

"Stuff happens in life and you've got to learn to adapt. I know that this is hard to understand at the moment but you have to accept that this is the way things are now."

"I'll never accept Sue Clearwater." I bitterly said.

Carlisle sighs and hangs his head down and then looks back up at me with a serious expression. "I've met Sue Clearwater and she's a great woman. All she wants is the best for your family and genuinely cares. All I ask is that you give her a chance, she deserves that much."

"Well, I'm never going back." I adamantly said. "I'm going to live here forever."

"Bella-"

"No! "You can't send me back!" I'm on the verge of tears again.

"I never said that I was going to." his voice is calm. "I just want you to think about your father and brother. They miss you so much and I know for a fact that they care about you. I know that you're distressed right now but I want you to think about your decision. Many people love you."

I spend the rest of the night locked in my room. I didn't even let Edward in and the nightmares returned. The next day, I go about everything normal. I eat breakfast, go to school with Alice, and sit through another torturous morning.

"What's wrong?" Demetri asked.

I shrug my shoulders and focus back on the book. My plans to avoid Demetri failed and now we were sitting next to each other in study. I tried to do my homework but he wouldn't stop talking to me. Couldn't he see that I was ignoring him?

"Did I do something?" his voice is slightly hurt. I can't help it anymore. I bookmark my page and put the book down. He has a slight frown on his face and I can't help but feel bad for him. He hasn't done anything wrong. It was all me and my stupid mistakes.

"You've done nothing." I sigh.

I wanted to wait until after Halloween to tell him that we were done. I thought that if I could just avoid him as much as possible then it would make it easier to break up with him but I was wrong. He was everywhere. Alice was right. I couldn't have both him and Edward.

"Then why are you upset?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "You're not normally this quiet."

_Screw Halloween_. I didn't know how to give a convincing lie.

"Demetri…" I take a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you this but I think… we should stop seeing each other."

A look of confusion and hurt crosses over his face. "What?"

"I'm sorry." I gulp. "This has nothing to do with you. I'm going through some stuff right now and I just need a break from like… everything. I promise that this has nothing to do with you."

"Do you like Edward?" he asks after a few moments.

"Ed-Edward?" I stutter, momentarily stunned. Did Alice tell him something?

"I've seen the way you look at each other in the hall." he hangs his head. "And the way he talks about you at practice- it's obvious that he cares about you."

_He talks about me? _

"I'm sorry." I bite my lip and look away. "I never meant to hurt you like this. You're a great guy, Demetri."

"I understand." his lips turn up into a crooked grin. "Everything happens for a reason."

"You're not mad?" I whisper.

"I could never be mad at you. Yeah- I'm upset but if you're happy then I'm happy."

Tears prickled at my eyes. _Don't cry. Don't cry._

"Can we at least still be friends? I still think you're a pretty cool girl."

"I'd like that." I crack a smile. "I'd like that a lot."

At least something right was happening in my life. The rest of the day passed by quickly and before I knew it, I was back home, laying in bed with Edward across from me.

"I broke up with Demetri." I whisper. Edward was lazily spread out across the couch. It was one o'clock in the morning and we were still awake. We'd been talking for the past several hours about random things. Neither of us wanted to go to sleep. We had such little time during the day together.

"I'm sorry." Edward says.

_He didn't sound sorry. _

"Don't be." I said. "It felt right. We're both better off now."

I know I sounded crazy. Just about every girl was dying at the chance to date. Everyone wanted a chance to feel loved. A chance to feel less lonely.

"So what does this mean now?" he sits up and gazes at me from across the room. Even in the dark, I could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"You're single." he shrugged. "Can I at least drive you to school? I don't maybe we could at least sit with each other at lunch instead of you avoiding me."

"I wasn't avoiding you!" I whisper-yell. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"So what do you call running in the opposite direction?" he smirks.

I have no response.

"My point exactly."

"Do you always have to be so arrogant?" I grumpily respond.

"You're cute when you're angry." he laughs. "I'm only telling the truth."

"Well, I don't like the truth." I huff. I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the ceiling. I could feel his ego growing larger and larger. It was suffocating.

"Go to the party with me." he says. "I'll be your prince charming."

"Don't you think it's a bit soon?" I nervously laugh. "I mean, Demetri and I just ended things."

"You said yourself that everything is fine between the two of you. Why would he care?"

"I don't know…" I draw out. "I guess he wouldn't."

"So you've got nothing to worry about." said Edward. "Go with me and we'll have fun. If you want to leave at any point then we can. I won't force you to stay."

"If you're sure." I sigh.

_Why was I already regretting this?_

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I greatly appreciate it! I should update again by next week (hopefully). **


	25. Chapter 25

**Warning: **

**There is a scene in this chapter that contains sexual content and abuse and if you're uncomfortable with this then I suggest you skip the second part of this chapter. **

* * *

**Isabella **

Carlisle and Esme left Wednesday morning, saying a quick goodbye. For the hundredth time they offered to skip the wedding and stay home with us- wait no- me; and for the hundredth time I refused their offer. Esme, obviously dejected by the fact that I didn't want her left with great reluctance and obvious disappointment. It felt empty now without them in the house. They were the glue that held us all together and without them, it felt boring. Alice and Edward were obviously rejoiced as they began to set up for the party not even ten minutes after they left.

"Did you want them to stay?" Victoria asked after I recounted the week.

I pause and think about what she asked. _Did I want them to stay? _

"Yes," I whisper. My heart races as I think back to when they left. I've been anxious and stressed and the nightmares returned. Even Edward couldn't keep them away. Night after night I'm reduced to a puddle of tears as Edward sleeps soundlessly, unaware of everything around him.

"Have you been taking your medication, Isabella?" she asks as I start to tap my fingers on the arm of the chair.

No. it didn't matter.

_Yes, it did! _

"I'll take your silence as a no, then." she responds.

"I don't like taking them." I grumbled. "They make me sleepy."

"Well we can adjust them until they're right for you." Victoria sighed. "It's important you tell us this information. We only want to help."

I know. Everybody wanted to help. But the thing was that I didn't want anybody's help. I just want to be treated like a normal girl going through normal teenage things. I wasn't made of glass. I didn't need to be tiptoed around.

"I'd like to talk to you about something else today." she says after a few moments. I shrug my shoulders and don't respond. She can say anything she wants, I won't stop her from speaking.

"Can you tell me about your mom and dad?"

"What do you want to know?" I defensively respond. My parents were dead to me for all I cared. After all, they have new lives and people they care about more. I don't need them in my life nor do I want them.

"I heard your parents separated." her voice was soft. "How have you been dealing with that?"

"It's been fine." I gulp. "I'm happy for them."

She purses her lips and narrows her eyes. She does that annoying tick with her mouth when she knows I'm lying. She knows it bugs the hell out of me.

"You don't sound happy."

"Well I am!" my hands are clenched into fists as I try to control my breathing.

_In and out. In and out. _

"Can you be honest with me, Isabella?" she places the clipboard and pen down and looked me in the eyes. "How do you really feel? Divorce is hard on children. It's completely understandable if your feeling sad… or even angry."

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. I don't want her to see how weak I am. I taste blood and immediately gag. I can't look at her anymore. It's like she could see right through me.

"I hate them." I bitterly say. "They didn't even tell me they were separating. I had to find out from my brother."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I don't know."

"Isabella…" she warningly says.

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders.

"You seem upset to me." she observes. "Am I wrong?"

I stay quiet and stare at my shoes. The laces were untied. Esme was always telling me to fix it. She didn't want me to trip and crack my head open.

"Or are you angry?" she guessed. "Your parents left you and your family is in pieces. Emmett's leaving for college next year and you'll be all alone-"

"Stop." I mutter.

_One, two, three, four…. _

My head was fuzzy. It was like I was swimming in the ocean and was sinking deeper…

"You knew your parents were going to divorce. It was just a matter of when."

I couldn't breathe. I fought my way to the surface but something kept pulling me back. Was this fight even worth it?

"How does this make you feel, Isabella?"

Anger bubbled from underneath. The vast empty darkness that surrounded me started to turn a deep velvet red. I couldn't breathe any longer. I couldn't fight. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to hurt somebody the way they hurt me. I wanted to be the strongest for once. I wanted to be the bravest.

"I hate you." A strangled cry escaped my throat. I open my eyes and suddenly I'm back in the office. Victoria is staring at me with an unreadable expression. I look down to see my fingernails digging into my wrist. Victoria is holding out a small foam ball- unfazed by my change in behavior.

"Take the ball, Bella." is all she says.

I grab it from her hands and hold it in my lap. My wrist is forgotten about and the object is my new target. I stare down at it with trembling hands. My face scrunched up into one of pain as I struggled not to let the angry tears fall.

"Why do you hate me?" she asks.

I scoff at her. Is she being serious? I thought she was supposed to be the smart one. I squeeze the ball, imagining it was her neck.  
"I don't like your questions."

_Squeeze. _

"They make me angry."

_Squeeze. _

"Like your parents make you angry?"

_Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze. _

"I hate them." My face burned bright red.

"Tell me why."

"They left me." I gasp. "Everybody leaves me. I have no one."

"You have Edward."

I think I'm going to break the ball.

"He's also leaving." I say. "Alice is leaving. My mom has left. Carlisle and Esme are gone-"

"They're not gone, Isabella." Victoria interrupts. "What makes you think they've left?"

"Everybody does eventually." I say. "Who's to say they aren't coming back?"

My fist tightens around the foam object and I squeeze as hard as I can but it's still not hard enough.

"I just know."

"You know?" she quirked her eyebrow.

"Yes." I state. "I'm certain."

I clenched the ball in my hand, feeling the agitation course through my body. _What didn't this woman get? _

"Ok, then they're leaving." she agrees and picks up the clipboard.

"Wha-what are you writing?" I stammer. She wasn't supposed to agree with me. Victoria was supposed to tell me that everything would be alright. They would come back and I wouldn't be alone.

She doesn't respond.

"Answer me!" my voice raises. "What are you writing? Tell me!"

"You're frustrated."

_Damn straight. _

"What are you going to do about it?"

I clench my jaw and bite my tongue- stopping myself from hissing profanities at her. She was so damn infuriating. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to hit someone.

_Squeezesqueezesqueezesqueeze. _

"Throw the ball, Isabella."

"What?" I'm taken aback.

"You heard me." she said. "Throw the ball at the wall."

She grabs the bucket next to her and hands it to me. It's full of more objects. My fingers twitch as I consider her words. _Was she serious?_

"You never let yourself, relax. You're pent up with all this anger. Don't you just want to scream? Don't you want to let it all out?"

I nod my head. She was right. My fingernails rip into the fabric of the ball but I don't care. I'm seething.

She tells me again to throw the ball and this time I do. A battle cry escapes my lips and I let the tears flow angirly down my cheeks.

* * *

Alice really outdid herself. The house feels darker and bigger and creepier. A keg is set up in the backyard and a game of beer pong is currently happening on the deck. Cheap red solo cups have already filled up the front yard and people have found their drunken ways to the bedrooms. I locked my room just to be sure no one entered. I didn't want nakad strangers rolling around in my bed.

As Edward promised he's stuck with me the whole night. It's only been two hours but people are already wasted and I can't help but gag at the smell of the puke and alcohol. Jasper and Alice had disappeared into the party and hadn't been seen for the past hour. Emmett and Rosalie have yet to arrive and for that I was secretly grateful. As everyone was in costumes, nobody knew who I was and I didn't know who they were so it made it easier to get around.

Edward and I settled in the corner of the living room, out of the way of all the chaos. I watched the crowd uncomfortably as Edward greeted a few friends. None of them noticed me which wasn't a surprise. Edward had been preoccupied for the past ten minutes and I was becoming increasingly restless, sitting here doing nothing.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I suddenly shouted. I have to yell to be heard over the blasting rap music. He turns away from the conversation, realizing that I was still here.

"Are you fine by yourself?" he sounded concerned. He looks around the room nervously and then back to me.

"I'm fine." I urge him to stay with his friends. He didn't need to follow me around everywhere. I bunch up the yellow dress, Alice had stuck me in and wheel myself away before he could worry anymore. I have run over people's toes to get my way through the crowd. I've just about made it to safety when some girl stumbles by, drenching me in beer.

"What the fuck!" I glare up at the girl with all the anger I can muster. She's momentarily stunned before she collapses into a fit of laughter and runs away.

_Fuck this party. _I'm sticky and wet and cold and I can feel people laughing at me. I know they're laughing at me. I look around trying to find Edward but he's nowhere to be seen. I'm all alone. I gnaw on my bottom lip, hoping to find an escape but I'm surrounded.

_Help! _

Laboured breaths escape my mouth. I try to focus in on one thing and tune everything else out. _In and out. In and out. _There's a flash in my face. Guys are pointing and laughing at me. My vision blurs and cheeks redden in embarrassment.

_Somebody help me. _I need to leave now. I need to get out of here. I need Edward. He'll make everything better. He'll make everything go away.

All of a sudden somebody grabs onto the back of my chair and I'm moving away from the crowd. A scream builds up in my throat but nothing comes out. I can't bring myself to stop the person. After several turns, the noise and crowd fades and I'm alone with this stranger. I look around to see that we're on the sun porch. The man sits down across from me on the bench and removes the black mask from his face.

It's Jacob.

"Hey Bella." he smirks. "Long time no see."

I'm frozen. I can't move. I can't speak. I wouldn't make it very far considering my current situation. _Thump. Thump. Thump. _My heart races to the beat of a drum. I feel my phone in my pocket but don't make any move to take it out. It's just me and him alone.

"Get out." my voice is as soft as a whisper.

"What was that?" he stands up and stalks toward me. I push myself back, towards the door as he comes closer and closer.

"Get out." my voice is louder this time.

Amusement flickers across his face as he stands proud and tall. He knows that I'm no match for him. He's proven it time and time again.

"I'm hurt, Bella." he lies. "You don't want to spend time with your best friend?"

"You lost that privilege when you _raped _me." I spit. My hands tremble and I imagine the ball. I imagine squeezing and squeezing until there is nothing left to squeeze. I imagine Jacob's face turning purple and his dead body falling to the ground.

"What are you talking about?" he feigns shock. "Rape?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" I cry. "You raped me, Jacob! You hurt me and took everything away from me!"

_He didn't get to play the victim! _

"Shut up." he calmly says. All the amusement has left his face and is replaced with a cold fury. His hands clenched into fists and he narrowed his dark eyes.

"You- you- don't get to order me around." I laugh. "You don't get to do anything to me! I'm going to make sure you suffer." I sneer.

"Good luck with that." without another word he rushes towards me.

It's hard to tell what happened next. One moment I'm in the wheelchair and the next I'm on the ground. There's a sharp pain in my skull and he's standing over me. I scramble away as quickly as possible but suddenly a burning sensation has erupted through my leg. A blood- curdling- heart-stopping scream sounds from inside me. I won't let him do this to me. I can't let him win.

I scream and cry and roar as loud as I can. I feel his hands on me. His hands all over my body, leaving no part untouched. This was worse than before. I was awake and aware. I could feel everything that was happening. I could see everything he was doing. I couldn't drift away.

Neither of us hear the loud bang or the shouts in the hallway. Before Jacob can go any further, the door bursts open and there stands Emmett and Rosalie.

Within moments Jacob's thrown off me and forced to the ground by my brother. I cower away and press myself against the wall, wishing I could just disappear into it. Sobs wrack my body as Rosalie rushes forward and collapses beside me. I flinch away when she reaches out a hand. Momentarily shocked, she freezes. I know she won't hurt me. Rosalie is nice. _She won't hurt me. _But I can't help but be afraid.

"Call 911." roars Emmett as he tries to subdue Jacob.

I clutch my stomach with my hand and Rosalie pulls out her phone. _Something doesn't feel right_. She starts to speak to the operator. She looks at me. She asks me a question but I don't hear. _Something doesn't feel right. _

"Bella?" her voice is soft.

I opened my mouth- pause- and throw up.

Ten minutes later the party was busted. Charlie was the first on the scene and arrested Jacob. I had never seen him full of so much rage. The look on my father's face when he saw me just made me break. I don't want to know what he thinks of me. I'm not strong like Emmett. I'm weak and scared. I couldn't stop Jacob.

"Was this the first time Jacob Black attacked you?" the woman officer asks. Her partner stands to the side a bit further away. I look away from him and shiver.

"No." my voice is hoarse. I hug a pillow to my chest and lay back on the stiff bed. It was loud and chaotic in the emergency room. Emmett sits beside me and stiffens. The officer nods her head sympathetically. Emmett never lets go of my hand.

He rode with me to the hospital in the ambulance. I think I was out of it most of the time. I can briefly remember him crying and holding my hand but that's about it. The EMT's tried getting me to talk but I was sleepy and my head was fuzzy. I cried along with my brother.

"When did it first happen?" she softly asks.

_Don't say anything, Isabella. _

I freeze.

"Jacob can't hurt you anymore." she says. "He's locked up."

I gulp and nod my head. _She's right. He can't get to me. _

"I was fourteen." I breathed. "The summer before freshman year."

Emmett sucks in a deep breathe. His hand tightens around me. I can't bring myself to look at him. I know what he's thinking.

"What did he do to you?"

I suck on my lip. Did I really have to say? Nobody would believe me.

_They would. _

I'm a slut- a whore. Everybody likes Jacob. I'm the bad child.

Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and my father are in the waiting room. I didn't want Charlie to be in here. I didn't want him to see me. I knew he was disappointed in me.

"You are safe." she whispered. "I can't say that I understand what you're going through but I know you are a strong girl. You are a survivor. Don't believe any of the lies he's told you. We are only here to hear your story."

_A survivor. _Now that's a lie.

My lips are pressed into a thin line. Unshed tears burn in my eyes- _dontcrydontcry. _I have to tell them.

_No. _

_Just say it!_ Jacob's locked up. He won't get to me.

"Isabella." the officer pleads. "Don't you want to see him pay for what he's done? Think of everyone else that he could hurt. Think of how much he has hurt you. You don't want this to happen to anyone else do you?"

_Of course not. _

"Bella…" Emmett's voice is soft. I stare into his watering eyes, seeing how much pain he was in because of me. I didn't want to hurt him even further. "Tell them- for me." he whispers. "Tell them what happened."

I can't hold it back anymore. I've lost the fight. I ignore the angry voices in my head and tell them everything that happened. Every little detail down to the way he was dressed to how he smelled. He damaged me. Jacob Black damaged me and I wouldn't let him hurt anyone else.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much to me! Sorry that it's been a while since I updated. I've just been really busy lately. As you can see a lot of stuff happened in this chapter that I know you've all been waiting for! I should update again sometime soon but until then, enjoy!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Warning: This chapter contains sexual content so I suggest you skip the second half of this chapter if you're uncomfortable with the topic. **

* * *

**Isabella **

**Six Months Later: **

"How does your leg feel?" Edward slumps down on the couch. I snuggle up next to him and rest my head on his chest. I was finally able to get the cast off my leg after months of fucking PT. The doctors said that I still had to be careful even though I was basically recovered.

"Weird." I frown. "My leg feels lighter."

"Well now you don't have to lug that big thing around on your leg-"

"And I don't have to use the wheelchair." I finish.

Edward laughs in agreement and wraps his arms around me. I press my face deeper into his sweatshirt, inhaling his intoxicating scent. Ever since the incident in October, we've been inseparable. Edward was racked with guilt and still is for not saving me from Jacob. I didn't blame Edward for it. He couldn't have known or did anything to stop it. I was in a bad place and I doubt anyone could have helped me.

I moved back in with Charlie and Emmett a couple months after and it was weird at first. I refused to talk to Sue- hell- I refused to even acknowledge her. Not once did she get angry or upset. She was fucking perfect in everyway even when I screamed and slammed the door in her face.

Eventually it was Emmett that made me shut the fuck up. He berated me for hours telling me how I had to treat Sue with some more respect. It wasn't fair to take out all my anger on her. She was only trying to help me and all I wasn't even giving her a chance. Charlie was too afraid to speak to me much less look at me because he was afraid I'd fall apart again. He didn't know how to deal with a teenager… much less a traumatized one.

I begrudgingly listened to Emmett and soon found that I didn't mind her. While I wasn't as comfortable around her I could tolerate her. She wasn't the devil that I had conjured up in my mind. She was far from it. Sue was funny and nice and cared about my dad which was all that mattered at the end.

Charlie called Rennee to tell her about the rape but she never responded. As far as we knew, she was living in Florida on a beach. It hurt at first, realizing that your own mother didn't even care about you but the hurt soon faded away and I was left feeling… indifferent. I didn't need Rennee because I had Esme and she was the best thing I could ever ask for.

I still spent almost every single day at the Cullens. Alice and Edward were grounded for three months when Carlisle and Esme returned. They let me off the hook as I had already suffered enough. Charlie wasn't mad at them for the party. He was grateful that we had them. Esme and Carlisle let me cry and scream and stayed with me through the nightmares and held my hair back when I was throwing up in the toilet, having worked myself up into a frenzy.

I was seeing Victoria twice a week now. She made me angry and made me cry and hate myself even more sometimes but I couldn't find it in myself to hate her. She was my one constant companion and no matter how much of a bitch I could be, she never gave up on me.

School couldn't have been worse. People had taken to avoiding me like the plague. People believed what happened but there was this new fear surrounding me. I was the poor messed up girl who could have a mental breakdown at any moment. I could feel everyone's pity yet they were all too afraid to come up to me. Rosalie and Alice walked me to class everyday and sat with me at lunch and listened when I talked about random stupid stuff. They were my best friends… but would be gone next year. Edward, Jasper, and my brother always kept a watchful eye over me. Everyone knew not to mess with me or else they'd face the wrath of the three of them. It was pretty much known that Edward and I were dating and that only increased the hostile glares from Tanya and her minions. They never bothered me… just sent nasty looks from across the hall.

Jacob was arrested on the charges of assault and battery and rape in the second degree. He's been in juvenile detention for the past six months and the trial is supposed to be sometime in September. I haven't been able to sleep or eat or function at all. I keep picturing him winning the trial and being freed. Then I would never be safe. He'd hunt me down and kill me. Nothing would stop him and I'd have no place to hide.

"Bella?" Edward's velvety voice breaks through my mind. I look up at him, confused as to why he was so worried.

"You spaced out again." he sighed.

I focus in on our intertwined hands. I had a habit of spacing out when I got nervous or something scared me. Victoria said that it was somewhat of a coping mechanism. I floated away to somewhere far far away in my mind to block out the predicted pain. Nothing could bring me out of it, we just had to be patient and let it pass. I hated that it still happened. The fear on Edward's face made me sick.

"Did I do something?"

I shake my head back and forth, shutting down his thoughts. I didn't want him to blame himself. "I just got lost in thought." I said. "It had nothing to do with you."

Edward smiles and accepts my explanation but I can see in his eyes that he's still weary. He doesn't believe me. He hugs me tighter and rests his chin on my head. This is the most contact I'll allow between us. I know it's not fair to Edward and men have… needs… but I'm just not ready for kissing or anything more intimate. A few months ago, Edward tried to kiss me and I broke down in tears. All I could see was Jacob's face and I was in his crushing embrace and I couldn't breathe. From then on, we had boundaries and rules for what could and couldn't be done. I know Edward wanted more and I wouldn't blame him if he broke up with me. What's the point of having a girlfriend if you couldn't do more than hug?

But I was going to make it up to him. We were leaving tomorrow to go to Rose's and Jasper's house in New York for spring break… without the parents. Edward and I would be alone and that meant I could go forward with my plan. As much as he insisted that he didn't care that we haven't been romantically involved in any way… I knew he was craving some sort of release and I didn't want him to wait any longer. Edward deserved something special.

I wasn't even allowed to go on the trip with them at first. Everyone thought that I wasn't ready to be on my own but after much crying and begging, it was decided that if I can remember to take my medication and if at any point I felt overwhelmed, I'd tell someone and come home. Victoria agreed and gave the approval that was needed. If she believed in me than I believed in myself. I knew how to calm myself down from panic attacks. I hadn't had one in several months now. I would be fine. I had to be fine. I didn't want to mess this up.

"You're beautiful." he murmurs into my ear. "Did you know that?"

I giggle as he continues to whispers compliments in my ear. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am. How I'm the most perfect girl in the world and brave and strong and special. Edward makes me feel special. He makes me feel whole.

"I love you, Bella." He's serious. "No matter how many fights we get in or amount of scars you have can ever change how I feel about you."

"I'm damaged." I whisper. "Everything about me- inside and out is ruined. I'm ruined Edward-"

"No!" he cuts me off. "Don't say that about yourself. You're not ruined or damaged or anything up above. That _monster _took advantage of you in the most horrendous way. If you were damaged then you wouldn't be here smiling, laughing… breathing. You wouldn't be the girl I know and love."

"You're just saying that…" I trail off. I want to believe him. I love him with everything inside of me. But I can't get _his _voice out of my head. I know I'm more than just some whore. Edward has proved it time and time again but I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and this would all have been a dream. A cruel cruel dream.

"One day you'll see how much you mean to me." he rests his hand in my cheek. He moves closer and puckers his lips. I close my eyes and hold my breathe. He softly places a kiss on my forehead and I exhale.

"I'm sorry." his voice cracked. "I wasn't thinking-"

I place my index fingers over his lips, shushing him. "I don't need anymore apologies." I say. "Unless you've hurt me somehow than I don't want to hear those words come out of your mouth again."

"Yes, ma'am." Edward crookedly grinned.

"Not that you'd ever try to hurt me-"

"Exactly." he says in all seriousness.

* * *

"Are you sure you're alright?" Emmett asked once again.

"I'm fine!" I groan. "It's only a week."

"A week is a long time and it's your first time away from home without mom and dad."

"I'm fine." I all but growl. What didn't Emmett understand? _I was fine! _It's not like we were going to another continent!

We were on the plane and I was in a bitter mood. We took off about an hour ago; Alice and Jasper were sitting across the aisle and Edward and Rosalie were behind us- arguing as usual. I wanted to sit with Edward but Emmett refused. My brother was placed in charge of me and he was taking it way over the top. He wouldn't let me out of his sight for even a second. I knew that he was afraid something would happen to me. He and everyone else blamed themselves for what had happened to me. He won't admit it but he's terrified. Every time I leave his sight, a flicker of panic flashes across his face. I know that if he could glue me to his side then he would. I don't want to fight him on this because I understand his concerns. He's only acting this way because he cares about me. I can't blame him for that.

"You say that everytime." he sighs. "I know that you aren't fine."

"Emmett-"

"Remember what happened the last time?'

"Don't even start-"

"Would you like a snack?" a perky flight attendant interrupted us.

I stop myself from rolling my eyes at her exaggerated smile and politely decline for both of us. She leaves with the still fake smile and moves onto the next aisle.

I glare at Emmett and stick my earphones in my ear but he just rips it out.

"You idiot!" I hiss. I yanked them back from him but he grabs my wrist. I tug and tug but he won't let go.

_Jerk. _

"I'm worried about you." he whispers. "Can you please drop this attitude for just a second?"

"Nothing bad is going to happen." my shoulders tense and look away from him. I didn't even believe myself. Something bad always happened.

"Dad put me in charge with keeping an eye on you and I'm not about to let you get hurt again." his voice cracked at the end. "Can you please just promise that you'll tell me if something is wrong? Can you at least do that for me?"

"Fine." I play with hem my shirt. "I promise."

Without another word, I stick my earphones back in my ears and close my eyes and leaned my head against the window.

I woke up to the feeling of someone softly shaking my shoulder. My eyes flutter a few times before opening. I'm laying on Emmett's shoulder and the pilot is speaking over the announcement speaker.

"Rise and shine." he smirks. I groan and sit up, still tired as hell. I'm about to close my eyes again but Emmett won't let me.

"We arrived Bella." he whispered to me as I was still half asleep.

_I slept for five hours? _

I look out the window to see the sun shining and other airplanes on the tarmac. I turn back to Emmett to see he's already pulled down our carry on bag. Other people crowd the aisle so I stay in my seat, waiting until it's clear to get up.

"Have a good sleep?" a voice says from behind. I whipped my head around to see Edward smiling at me. He rests his hand on top of mine and squeezes gently.

"I can't believe I slept that long. I must have been tired."

Edward smiles in response and brushes a strand hair out of my face. He leans forward and whispers in my ear, "once we get back to the house, I'm taking you someplace."

"Where?" I cock my head to the side. "I'm not sure Emmett will let me out of his sight." I whisper the last part.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he stays with me." Rose cuts in. She smirks and longingly stares at my brother who's standing in the aisle, oblivious to the conversation.

"What are you gonna do?" Edward scoffs. "Chain him to your bed?"

"I'm gonna do much more than that." she implies and my face turns bright red. I sink down in my seat, trying to tune out the conversation. I didn't need to know the details of Emmett's sex life. That was too much information.

Edward groans. "This is why I never sit with you. Somethings you don't share with other people."

"Oh, grow up Edward." she scoffs. "This is nothing new to you."

"Rose-" Edward starts but she doesn't stick around to listen. The line starts to move and so she takes off, dragging Emmett along with her. Alice and Jasper are not far behind and that leaves only Edward and I.

"I'm sorry about her." he says.

I shrug my shoulders and look down at my shoes. What she said bothered me. _It's nothing new to you. _I was clearly holding Edward back. He was already so experienced in like… everything and I was afraid of a simple kiss. But that was all going to change tonight. I'm gonna make sure of it.

"It's fine, Edward." I force myself to smile. "We should catch up to them before they leave without us."

He nods his head and we walk off the plane. The airport was crowded but we managed to find the rest of them standing by the gate. After getting our getting our bags and a taxi, we finally made it to the house. It was a large two story white house with a wrap around porch that sat right on the edge of a lake. It was situated further back from the road, surrounded by forest. The only other house I could see was across the water but Rose said that the neighbors usually kept to themselves and never bothered them.

Emmett takes our bags as I follow Edward upstairs. We were sharing a room and Emmett couldn't have disagreed more. I honestly didn't get the big deal as everybody would be sharing rooms. My brother eventually lost the fight but only after he made Edward promise that he wouldn't touch me. To say I was mortified would be an understatement.

We have the second room on the right. It's a plain white room with a queen sized bed, vanity, and couch. There's a view of the lake and the bathroom is right across the hall.

Emmett dumps my bag at the door and glowered at the two of us. I glare right back, not in the mood to have a fight.

"I'm right across the hall and if you do _anything…" _he emphasizes. "And I mean anything- I'll know."

Edward raises an eyebrow, seemingly unafraid and stares right back at him. My face burns bright red and it takes everything in my power not to lash out at him. I don't bug him about his life so he shouldn't do it to me.

"Yes, dad." I roll my eyes.

Emmett's jaw clenches but he doesn't say anything.

"Would you mind leaving us? I'd like some privacy." I cross my arms over my chest and look him right in the eye. I wasn't going to break first and neither was he.

He, _humphs _in annoyance and reluctantly slams the door shut behind him. I let out a sigh of relief and collapse on the soft bed. I was still fucking tired. I could just close my eyes right now and go back to sleep.

"You're not going back to sleep." Edward sits down beside me and grins. He pulls me up and I slump against him, whining pathetically. "Didn't you want to go out?"

I nod my head, instantly waking up.

Edward and I walked into town, leaving everyone else at the house. It was about a fifteen minute walk and by the time we arrived, I was starving. We pass some teenagers, hanging outside an ice cream shop and an elderly couple walking out of a clothing store. A couple with a baby are eating outside of a restaurant and little kids are running around a park across the street from us. It was a warm day so most people were without jackets and only in long sleeves and jeans.

We turn the corner and stop in front of a beaten down old food truck. An overweight balding man with a stained white apron comes to the window with a big smile. "Yo, Ed!" he hollars down at us. "Long time no see!"

Edward laughs and they do one of those weird man handshakes. "Good to see you, Jim!"

I can't help but grimace at his stained and crooked yellow teeth. Edward and him laugh at something I missed and I stand quietly by his side.

"Who's this young lady?" the man suddenly turns to me. I blush and inch closer to Edward, slightly hiding behind him. He securely wraps an arm around my waist, letting me know that he wasn't going to let go. _I'm safe. _

"This is Bella," Edward gazes at me. "Emmett's sister."

I mumble a hello and press my cheek into his shoulder. The guy grins at the two of us, causing me to blush even harder.

"Well it's a pleasure, Miss Bella." he says. "I've been wondering when you all would be coming down again! Edward, Jasper, and your brother are my best customers! Emmett could eat the whole truck if he wanted to!"

A laugh unexpectedly bursts out from me. I could totally see Emmett doing that.

"Jim makes the meanest tacos you'll find in all of Rochester." Edward says, practically salivating over the smell.

"Don't be fooled by the trucks appearance. It's seen better days." Jim winks at me. He turns to Edward and asks, "do you want the regular?"

Edward animatly nods his head and pulls out twenty dollars from his wallet and slides it across to him.

"What's your regular?" I quirk my eyebrow.

"Beef tacos with salsa and cheese."

"That's all?" I scoff. "You could get that at home!"

"Well you've never tried these before." he said. "Trust me- they taste like heaven."

"Well then what do you suggest I get?"  
Edward contemplates for a moment before yelling to the man, "Jim, make a regular for Bella!"

"Will do!"

* * *

Edward was right. These were the best damn street tacos ever made. We sat in a field surrounded by daisies. It was about a ten minute hike through the forest and I can't count the number of times I fell. Edward was so concerned for my safety that he ended up giving me a piggyback ride. To say I was grateful would be an understatement. When we happened upon the clearing, I was stunned. Flowers spanned for miles and miles and the sun beat down, creating almost a rainbow in the sky. I couldn't imagine a more perfect place.

"I told you they were amazing." he said with a mouthful of food.

I nodded my head in agreement and took another big bite. Edward was right, street food was actually kinda good. I lay back in the grass and smile, feeling content. The sun warmed my skin and I closed my eyes. I could stay here forever.

"How'd you find this place?"

I turn to my side to see Edward laying beside me. I reach out and run my fingers through his hair, curling up closer to him.

"I was hiking one day and just stumbled upon it." he shrugged. "You're the only other person that knows about this place."

My cheeks turn bright pink and I hide my face in my hands.

"I come here when I want to get away." he said. "It's so peaceful. Nobody can bother me."

I gulp and tears prickle in my eyes. What did this mean? He chose to share this place with me of all people. I snuggle closer to him, feeling grateful. He cared about me. But what would happen after this year? Everyone was leaving and I'd be alone again. Him and the others were my only friends- the people who kept me sane. What would happen to us when he left?

Hey," he whispers. "What's wrong?"

A lone tear drips down my cheek. He swipes it away with his index finger before another one falls again.

"What happens when you graduate?" my voice breaks. "Where do we go from there?"

Edward's silent. I look up at him to see a grim expression. He looks away from me and picks at the grass.

"I don't know what's going to happen to us." he finally says. "I want to believe that everything's going to stay the same."

"You're going to Dartmouth." I sigh. "Be realistic. How many long distance relationships last?"

"Bella…"

"I love you Edward. Nothing will ever change that but how can we have a serious relationship? What's going to happen when you leave?"

"I don't want to think about that. We've still got four months together. Anything can happen."

"What are you going to do?" I try to reason with him. "Transfer to the University of Washington?"

Edward pauses and says, "I could."

I gasp and sit up. "No, I didn't mean that! Be reasonable, Edward. You're acting ridiculous. You can't just not go to Dartmouth! That's your dream school!"

"But it's a thousand miles away from you! I don't want to be that far!" he says. "Think about it. I can commute and still live at home. We'll still see each other everyday."

"Edward, you're acting crazy! I can't let you do that. You can't give up this amazing opportunity."  
"But I can't be away from you. Nothing would be the same." his voice breaks. "UW has got a great medical program and costs way less."

"But it's not Dartmouth!"

"I don't care!"

"Well you should. Do you know how many people would love to go to that school? You can't just throw it all away. You are going to Dartmouth and are going to become a brilliant doctor just like your dad. I'm not going to be the one to stop you from following your dreams."

"It won't be the same." he sighs. "Nothing will be the same without you."

"You don't think I know that?" my voice is just above a whisper. "I don't want you to go either but we both know it's gotta happen."

"It doesn't have to."

"If you love something, set it free." I whisper. "Haven't you ever heard that saying?"

Edward clenches his jaw and looks away. I see eyes fill with tears.

"Don't cry." I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying even more. "It's going to be alright. Everything is going to be ok."

"Let's not talk about this anymore." his voice is rugged. "We should at least try to enjoy the time we have left."

I hum in agreement and rest my head on his chest. He wraps his arm around my body and I close my eyes to the beat of his heart. I never want him to let go.

* * *

Dinner was quiet. Edward and I barely spoke and Emmett couldn't help but shoot Edward a nasty glare every few seconds. Alice and Jasper seemed to pick up on the mood and kept their comments to themselves for once. I picked at the cheeseburger only eating a few bites before declaring myself full.

"You've got to eat more." Emmett sighed.

I shook my head and pushed my plate away. I knew I was acting like a child but I didn't care. I wasn't hungry.

"Isabella." he rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna let you starve yourself."

"I'm full."

"How can you be full?" he scoffs. "You barely made a dent. Eat at least half the burger."

I shake my head adamantly. The only way he would get me to eat was by forcing the food down my throat- which was not gonna happen. Emmett grumbles but is quieted down by Rosalie.

"How about we put it in the fridge to save for tomorrow?" she suggests. "That can be your lunch."

I nod my head agreeing with her and shoot my brother a glare. He was such an uptight ass sometimes. She takes my plate and brings it to the kitchen and wraps it up.

"What did you guys do today?" Alice tries to break the tension.

"We went to the taco truck." Edward says.

Alice wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Edward! There's so many better places than that unsanitary, rat- infested-"

"Alice!" Jasper cuts her off.

Edward rolls his eyes. "Thank you for your comments Alice, but just because you are opposed to eating anything not out of a five star restaurant, doesn't mean we have to do the same."

"You disgust me."

"Likewise." he narrows his eyes at her.

They're constant bickering is giving me a headache. I rubbed the side of my head and close my eyes, trying to tune out their voices. Today was more stressful than I thought it would be. I sit through another ten minutes of arguing before I decide that I've had enough. Without another word, I push myself out of the chair and stomp up the stairs, ignoring the calls of my name. I slam the door shut to my bedroom behind me and collapse across the bed.

A few moments later, there's a knock on the door. I don't get up.

"Bella?" Edward calls. "Can I come in?"

I don't respond.

"I'm gonna come in." his says after a pause. The door opens a crack and he steps inside. The door softly shut behind him.

He lets out a loud sigh and comes to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. He softly strokes my hair and I lean into his touch. I sit up a little, moving closer to him and suddenly we're both lying down on the bed. This was out of my comfort zone. Red flags are going off in my head but I ignore them. Edward looks hesitant at our close proximity as I inch closer and closer to him.

"Bella." he breathes.

_Stop. _my mind hisses.

I don't stop. I can't breathe, I'm so nervous.

_Be normal. Act normal. I can do this. _I repeat in my head and try to convince myself that I'm fine. I take another shaky breathe and lean towards his face. I can smell his minty breathe. He's slightly shaking as well. He doesn't move as I softly place my lips on his. They're soft, just like I imagined. I'm briefly aware that I'm now practically on top of him and can feel a hard bulge. I gulped, realizing what it is. _He's not Jacob. He's not Jacob. _I keep telling myself. _Edward is not Jacob. _My hands drift down to the buttons on his shirt and begin to undo each one. Edward is breathing heavily but makes no move to stop me.

"Bella." he lets out a strangled whisper.

I freeze and wonder what I'm doing wrong.

"We can't do this." his jaw clenches. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I want this Edward." I say. "I want to give back to you everything you've given to me. It's my turn to take care of you."

"You shouldn't feel that you have to do this." his voice is alarmed. "I want to be with you no matter what. I don't care about sex."

_His dick would say otherwise. _

"But I love you, Edward. I want to be with you in every way possible."

"You're not ready. You are too young." he adamantly responded. "I don't want to have sex with you because you feel you have to. I want it to be special and meaningful for both of us. I want us to sincerely mean it."

"I do, Edward. Let me do this- let us." my voice is firmer than ever before.

_I need to do this. _

"Nothing is going to change your mind." he thinks out loud. I shake my head back and forth. Nothing is going to change my mind. That's all the confirmation I need.

He hesitantly kisses me back and slides off his shirt. I take a ragged breathe and pull my shirt over my head and toss it the ground. Edward's staring at my new lacy blue bra. Blue was his favorite color on me. I unbutton, zip and slide my jeans down over my hips, butt, and legs. He stares at me like he's never stared at me before. Did I look ok? He said that he'd love me no matter what. He said it didn't matter what I looked like. But this his first time seeing me nakad. Maybe he changed his mind. But he quickly snaps out of his daze and has his pants off before I can take another breathe. Edward reaches for the night table next to us and opens the drawer and takes out a condom. _Were those always in there? _I have to physically stop myself from flinching away. I think I'm going to be sick. Was he as nervous as I was? _Probably not. _He has plenty of experience with this stuff.

"You're shaking." Edward touches my waist. This time I can't help but flinch at his cold hands. The only person who's ever touched me there was, _Jacob. _

"Shhh. don't talk." I try to stop him from worrying. He thinks I'm not ready. He thinks I'm too damaged. But I'm not. I'm going to prove it to him.

Without another beat, we're under the covers and his body on top of mine. My underwear and his made its way down to our ankles and we're tangled in the sheets.

Everything is telling me to stop. My heart, brain, lungs are all telling me to stop but I don't listen. His hands are all over me, caressing every curve and nook of my body. He's kissing along my cheek to my neck to my collarbone. I'm shaking even harder but I'm not sure he notices. Edward reaches underneath the sheets with the condom and I know what he's doing. I gulped, trying not to think about what was happening. Every nerve in my body felt alive. Every touch, every smell, every look I was aware of. I wrap my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. My heart races dangerously fast and I feel myself becoming hotter and hotter. I want to drift away. I want the fuzziness of my mind to completely consume me. I want to be back in the vast empty darkness because right now, I'm too nervous.

We're going to have sex. I wanted this. I begged him for this. Why couldn't I do it? I told myself that I was ready. Edward is not Jacob. Edward will not hurt me.

Edward kisses me again on the mouth. He gentle and takes his time not to rush through things. His hands shift to my back at the hooks of my bra.

"May I?"

I nod my head.

He unhooked my bra and it slides it off my shoulders. Now I'm completely naked- we're completely nakad.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispers. "We can stop now."

"No." I gulp. I tangle my fingers in his hair and press my lips against his.

I was terrified. My blood pumped through my veins and it became harder and harder to think. I was going to have a panic attack.

_One, two, three, four… _

I stare at the ceiling, getting lost. I let my mind and body drift to another place and imagine just being completely cut out from this world. There is no me and Edward or me and Jacob. I've floated away in the big ocean waves and am sinking deeper and deeper.

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me! I really can't tell if I'm mad or don't blame Edward in this chapter. I didn't want it to get all dark again but Bella obviously is still working through a lot of stuff and is confused with what she wants. She thinks that she is better but she's making things worse for herself. Do you think Edward is to blame for giving into her wishes? **

**I should update again possibly by next week! **


	27. Junior Year

**Junior Year **

* * *

"I want to talk about April break with you." Victoria said.

I was curled up on the couch and had been anxiously biting my nails for the past hour. Victoria wanted to talk about that day. She wanted me to talk about when Edward and I did… _it. _

"I don't remember anything." I repeated. "We had sex and then it was over. I don't know what else there is to it."

"You were really ok with being that intimate with Edward?"

I don't respond.

She sighs, knowing that she's right. "You've repressed your memories from that night because of the trauma you've been through. You weren't ready physically or mentally to be that involved with someone."

"I trust Edward. What are you insinuating?" I said defensively.

"I'm not saying that Edward's a bad person." she breathed. "The trauma you went through of being assaulted is still in your mind. No matter who you are with, there will always be that feeling of mistrust."

"Why'd you even let me go on that trip if I wasn't ready?" tears burned in my eyes.

"I made a mistake." she admits. "You had made a lot of progress and I thought that being with Edward- someone you trust would help in your recovery. I was not expecting that you two would move that quickly."

"Well we did and now he's gone!" I hiss. Tears spilt down my cheeks. I was so stupid. I thought that I was ready. I wanted it. I told myself that I could do it and then it happened and I freaked out. Everything was supposed to be fine but I lost my mind.

"_Bella, stop!" Emmett held me in a vice like grip. _

"_I have to get away!" I fought against him. "He's coming for me!" _

"_Nobody is coming for you!" Emmett said. _

_I didn't believe him. Edward stood at the doorway- frozen. I sunk to my knees on the floor. The bathtub was overflowing with water. My throat still hurt. _

_Everything hurt. _

Edward left a month ago without saying goodbye. I messed up so bad. Everything was my fault. _I'm so stupid. _He couldn't even stand to be near me. I went crazy and scared him off.

"You can't keep avoiding the subject. We're going to have to eventually come to terms with what happened that night."

"I don't want to." I whimpered. "Please don't make me."

"Isabella…we've put this off for so long."

I shook my head back and forth.

"_Turn the water off!" Emmett screamed. _

_Alice turned the knob and the water stopped. I was shivering and couldn't get warm. Emmett held me in his arms. Rose and Jasper surrounded me. I was so tired. _

_Edward still didn't leave. _

"_Don't just stand there like an idiot!" Rose hissed. "Call your parents!" _

Victoria paused and furrowed her eyebrows. "Why don't we make a compromise?"

"A compromise?"

She nods her head. "Next meeting we can talk about whatever you want."

"Anything?" I bite my lip.  
"Anything."

"What's the catch?" I narrow my eyes.

"We have to talk about last April and what happened. You had a psychotic episode and It took three people to contain you. You can't keep saying that you are fine because we both know that's a lie."

My chest heaves up and down. I could only remember snippets of what happened. Emmett had his arms wrapped around me. I was on the bathroom floor. Edward was standing at the doorway.

"Fine." I gulp.

She nods her head in content and picks up her clipboard. She scribble something before looking up at me again. "Can you tell me how you were feeling before you and Edward went to your room?"

I look down at my entwined fingers. My leg is trembling- I can't make it stop. "Nervous." I mumble. "We were eating dinner with everyone and I was really nervous."

"Why were you nervous?"

"Because I was going to have sex with Edward. I didn't know how he'd react."

"Were you afraid he'd hurt you?"

"No." I shake my head. "I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He's not jacob. But I still couldn't help but worry."

Victoria nods her head. "So after you finished eating is when you and Edward decided to go to your room?"

"No, I left dinner early and Edward came after me. Emmett and I had an argument, so I left."

"So is it fair to say that you were feeling stressed and anxious?"

I nod my head. "I was annoyed with Emmett- I just wanted something to take my mind off him. I wanted to be normal again. I wasn't really thinking when Edward came in. I kinda just started kissing him and it escalated from there."

"What happened next?" she softly asks.

I shrug my shoulders and bite my bottom lip. _I don't want to talk about it. _

"Describe to me what you felt." she suggests.

"I was really cold." my voice is just above a whisper. "We were laying next to each other but I was still cold. His lips were warm- everything about him was warm but I didn't feel warm. I remember… I remember he smelt like honey and it calmed me for a second. It reminded me that he wasn't Jacob- he could never be Jacob."

She nods her head in acknowledgement- not interrupting- just listening.

"He asked me several times if I really wanted to have sex and I kept saying yes- I don't know why. I was so stupid,"

"You weren't stupid, were confused, anyone would have been in your situation." she tries to reason with me.

"I didn't want to do it. Everything inside of me was screaming, _no. _But I ignored it and continued." I sighed and looked down at the ground. "We took our clothes off and it got more intense and I was getting more stressed."

"And you still didn't say anything?"

"I didn't know what to say. I kind of just froze and went numb. I know that we did _it _because I remember feeling pain afterwards." I gulp. "Edward kept asking me if I was alright afterwards. I don't think I responded. That just made him even more worried."

"_Bella?" Edward whispered. He leaned onto his side and gently shook my shoulder. "Bella, are you ok?" _

_I couldn't help but flinch. I was hot- too hot. Jacob was hovering above me. He touched my cheek, wiping away a tear. I was trapped. He wasn't going to let me go. _

"_Nobody loves you." he sneered. _

_I shook my head back and forth. I couldn't believe him. I wouldn't believe him!_

_Where was Edward? _

"_You're all mine!" _

_I punched him in the chest. There was a crack in my knuckles. I yanked my hand back but he grabbed onto my wrist. My voice is hoarse from all the yelling. I beg him to let me go. _

_He looks slightly amused. _

_He doesn't let go. _

_I cry some more. _

"I thought Edward was Jacob." I say. "I thought he was going to hurt me."

"Flashbacks are common for people with PTSD. You were put in an uncomfortable situation and that triggered your response. Nobody blames you for your behavior."

_I was drifting in and out. _

_I couldn't breathe. _

_Everytime I opened my mouth I'd inhale another breathe of water. I struggled for a few moments. My tears mixed with the water, blending together. _

_What was the point in fighting? _

"I tried to drown myself in the bathtub." I scoff. "Everyone thinks I'm crazy."

"You are struggling, Isabella.." she said. "You were overwhelmed in that moment and couldn't think straight."

"Do you know what's even more fucked up?" I say. "Edward didn't even bother to say goodbye when he left. Why didn't he say goodbye?"

"I don't know the answer to that question." she sighs. "You'd have to ask him yourself."

* * *

"_Shit shit shit." Edward mumbled under his breath. I was crying-no-more like sobbing. Everything hurt. Edward said he wouldn't hurt me. Everything was supposed to be ok. I was supposed to be ok. _

"_Bella, what's wrong?" His voice rose in distress. He leaned away, giving me room to breathe. I pushed myself off the bed and scurried into the farthest corner. I grabbed my clothes and slipped them on with trembling hands. Edward was shaking. His face was red and he was sweating. He got off the bed and slowly put his hands up in surrender. I was a cornered trapped frightened animal. That's what he was thinking. _

_Edward wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me. That's what I told myself. I wanted to believe it but my mind was screaming otherwise. _

_He crouched on the ground in front of me. His lips were moving but I didn't hear any sound. All that I was aware of was the blood rushing through my ears- a distinct pounding noise. Edward had slowly moved forward. He was reaching out to me. I wanted to cry out but something was preventing me and it felt as if all time had froze. _

_I buried myself into the wall, trying to make myself disappear. Fat angry tears rolled down my cheeks and I choked back a sob. _

"_Bella, please." his voice broke. Without a second thought, he filled the gap between us and rushed towards me. I did the only thing I could think to do: run. _

_I stumbled to my feet and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door and collapsed on the cold tile floor. There were knocks on the door. I didn't care to know who they were. I screamed at them to go away. My voice was raw as I doubled over in pain. A pool of blood had formed on the ground. I look down to see a red sticky substance coming from my legs. _

_I thought everything was healed. It should have been healed by now. Everything was broken and ripped again. I wasn't the girl Edward wished me to be. I was a broken mess- nothing could change that. _

_I have been fighting this for too long. Why pretend I was fine? Everyone knew I wasn't. I thought that I was ready. I told myself that I could do this but who am I kidding? No amount of therapy could ever change what happened. _

_I dragged myself to the bathtub, turned the faucet and a rush of water came pouring out. It filled within a few moments and I stepped inside. I let myself sink down into the boiling water and closed my eyes. I could feel the pain. It felt as if I'd stuck my hand in an oven. I let the pain consume my mind. I needed a distraction from the red colored water. _

_I closed my eyes and let myself slip under. It was an instant quiet. An instant peace. Nothing could penetrate my little bubble. I could relax- just for a few moments. There was a burning pain in my lungs- a feeling of not being able to breathe. I fought for oxygen only to realize that there was none left. I took in mouthfuls of water and the fight slowly left my body. There was nothing more I could do. _

* * *

"Bella?" I hear a soft voice. I look up to see Emmett kneeling in front of me. He's in a nice dress shirt and pants. I bite my lip and look away from him. We were waiting outside the courtroom. Today was the trial and my stomach had been doing somersaults all night.

"Was it another memory?"

I nod my head. Victoria said that talking to someone besides her about everything could help. Except the problem was that I had no friends. Only Emmett. He deferred from college for the year to stay home with me. I tried to convince him not to but once he made up his mind, there was no swaying him. Was it guilty of me to want him to stay? He was sacrificing his whole career and put his life on hold for me. I wanted to believe that I am worth all the trouble.

"Are you ready to go?" he stood up and reached his hand towards me. I gratefully took it and walked towards the door where Charlie, Victoria, and Lucy Waters, my lawyer was standing. She had curly blonde hair as yellow as the sun, blue eyes, and narrow face. She was determined to win this case. She had a fierce and bold personality and wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Take deep breaths, Isabella." Victoria says. I follow her breathing technique. _In and out. In and out. _My forehead is clammy and I feel sick. _How much paler had I gotten? _

"It's going to be alright." Victoria whispered to me. "Just stay calm and tell the truth like we discussed. You have to stay positive."

I gulped and nodded my head.

_I could do this. _

"Jacob's lawyer is going to poke holes in your story and find weaknesses but you can't let that get to you." Lucy spoke up. "You know what's the truth and nobody can change that. If at any point you need a break, just let us know and it'll be scheduled. Do you understand?"

My mouth is dry. I can't speak so I nod my head up and down.

"Let's go." she sighs.

_Deep breath in. Deep breath out. _

_You can do this, Bella. I can do this. _

"Do you remember the night of the Halloween party, Ms. Swan?" Lucy questions.

"Yes." I gulp. My fingers gripped the hem of my dress. I was slowly unraveling it. Anything to keep my mind off the boy sitting just a few feet away. He was dressed in orange clothing and had handcuffs on. Jacob had an impassive look on his face as if he didn't care what happened. He didn't react to anything- just stayed unusually quiet. His hair was longer and stubble had started to form along his chin. This wasn't the boy I once knew.

Charlie, Sue, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme were sitting in the front row to the right and Jacob's family was to the left. Almost half the tribe had shown to support him. They used to be my friends.

"Describe in your own words what happened." she says. "Take your time."

"I was with Edward Cullen- my boyfriend at the time. We had just arrived at the party and I had to use the bathroom."

I glance at the judge and the jury before looking away quickly. They were staring at me, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breathe. "He asked if I would be ok by myself and I nodded my head. I left to go the bathroom but a girl spilled her drink all over me."

"So you went to clean yourself off?"

I shake my head. "I didn't get to. I was still in the wheelchair at the time and felt somebody grab onto the back of it. I couldn't stop them."

"Did this person say or do anything to reveal who they were?" She presses.

"Not until we got to the sun room." I breathe. "He took off his mask and I saw that it was Jacob. I knew what he was going to do-"

"Which is what exactly?"  
I pause for a moment and then say with utter disgust, "rape me. He's done it several times and I knew it was going to happen again. That's the only reason he got me alone. He was going to attack."

"I imagine you were terrified." her voice softens. "You didn't want to be assaulted-what- a fourth time?"

"Four." I mutter. "He's done it four times."

I bite my lip taste blood. Unshed tears prickled in my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to let Jacob see me cry. _Not anymore. _

"And this, fourth time, you didn't try to stop Jacob from assaulting you again?"

"I couldn't!" my voice raises I anxiously shake my head back and forth. "I was in the wheelchair so it was physically impossible for me to get away. He was always going to be stronger than me."

"So how did you alert others to your presence if you couldn't physically get away?"

"I screamed." I whispered. "I shouted hoping somebody would hear me. I wasn't going to let him _rape _me again."

Before I could stop them, angry tears filled my eyes

"And your brother," she glances over at Emmett, "was the one who found you as well as Rosalie Hale?"

"Yes." I mumble. "Jacob pushed me to the ground and I tried to crawl away. I wasn't fast enough because the next thing I knew, he was on top of me. He was hitting me and I was too weak to fight back. He would have continued if Emmett and Rosalie hadn't burst in five minutes later. Emmett held Jacob down and Rosalie called the police."

I blink the tears away and looked up to see Emmett barely containing himself. He was the one who found me. My brother saved me.

"How come you never told anybody what happened?" her eyes softened. "You suffered greatly over a course of _three years. _What caused you to be silent?"

_Don't talk. Keep your mouth shut! _

"Him." my eyes shift to Jacob. His lips were pressed into a thin line. He was seething. "Jacob threatened to kill me and my family. I didn't want anybody to get hurt because of me. He also told me that nobody would believe me and I didn't doubt his words. I haven't had the best… best time in school."

"You endured all this pain to keep others from suffering as you had?"

"Yes." I gulp. Nobody deserves to be in pain.

Lucy softly smiles at me before turning to the judge. "Thank you, your Honor." she says. "That will be all for now."

* * *

"Isabella, first off I should extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family for all you have been through." The middle aged bald man with a beer belly said.

This was Jacob's lawyer. He looked anything but sympathetic. I still thank him, though I'm slightly confused. _What was he playing at? _

"Despite the evidence that you have been through some trauma, I stand by my beliefs that this innocent boy has committed no such crime and all sex was consensual."

There are gasps around the room. Everybody looks appalled- even I'm appalled. Did he not hear anything I just said?

"Tell me of your relationship with Jacob Black. It's true that you were best friends, isn't it?"

"Uhm," I gulp. My eyes are wide with fear. "I-I-"

"It's a simple yes or no question," he sighs. "Did you and Jacob Black used to be best friends?"

I look at Lucy. She nods at me to answer. "Yes." I breathe. "We were best friends."

"But you had a falling out? That summer you claimed he assaulted you."

"Yes we did." I clenched my jaw. "Because he did rape me! That's why we stopped being friends!"

My hands shook. _Don't freak out. Don't freak out. _

"Are you sure it was rape, Isabella? They were both only fourteen at the time and it's impossible to think a child could conjure up something so evil." he speaks to the jury then turns back to me. "It's normal as kids get older they start to question and experiment with their own sexuality and… needs. Perhaps you and Jacob had feelings for each other, had sex, and then you regretted it after. Now you are crying rape to get garner sympathy from the students at your highschool."

"That's n-not it at all-"

"You said yourself, that you, 'haven't had the best time in school.' Admit it Isabella, You did something you were ashamed of and now have portrayed the innocent broken girl, in hopes everybody would come running to your support and you'd earn some friends."

"You know nothing about my life so don't you dare speak for me!" my voice was deadly calm. He knows he struck a nerve.

"Is it true or not that you are somewhat of a partier?" he ignores my last statement.

"Wha-what?" I cock my head to the side.

"I've talked to a few students at your school and they've all had very elaborate stories to tell- pertaining your… drunkness and erratic behavior-"

"Objection!" Lucy's clear voice cuts through out the tense air. "I was never told of this interview of students. This should have no correlation to the testimony."

"Overruled, Ms. Waters." the judge glares at her.

"But sir-!"

"My word is final. Now sit down and stop questioning me." His voice raises and glares her down. She stiffly sits down in her seat, knowing not to push him even further.

"Please answer the question, Ms. Swan." The judge asks me kindly.

"It was only a couple of parties." I try to defend myself. "I was drinking the fruit punch and I didn't know it was spiked with alcohol. I didn't even want to go in the first place but my friends convinced me."

I think back to Kate and Bree. It's been two years since I last saw them. Since I last spoke to them. Did they even remember me?

"You weren't aware the drink contained alcohol." he repeats slower.

"Yes, that's right." I grind my teeth together.

"You claimed this was the second time Jacob attacked you." he noted. "It was Friday, August 27th at La Push beach. Can you describe to me this assault?"

"All I know is that he had me up against a tree in the woods and was kissing me." I whispered. Bits and pieces flashed through my mind but nothing was a solid memory. "Everything was really hazy after."

"So you can't be sure whether you were penetrated or the two of you… just fooled around."

"I know what happened to me. I never would have consented even if I was sober. I'm not that type of person." I glared daggers at the smug man.

"I'd like to move onto your fifteenth birthday party." he says. "You were late to the party-"

"Only a little." I interrupt.

"Well nevertheless, you were late and very intoxicated, once again," he states. "Will you claim again that you didn't know you could get drunk from Vodka?"

I have nothing to say. _Fuck. _How did he find that out?

"Answer my question, Ms. Swan."

"I was aware." my voice is just above a whisper. "It was for my birthday and my friend at the time had gotten some for us to celebrate."

"But this wasn't just a little amount. You were so drunk that both your brother and Jasper Hale had to help you upstairs and put you into bed. The rest of the day, everyone took turns coming up to check on your welfare. Can you remember who came up and when?"

I shook my head. My dad didn't know about this. But now he does and I'm screwed.

"So how can you remember if Jacob raped you that day?"

"He was in my bed. My underwear was at my ankles and I heard his voice. He told me to go back to sleep. I could barely form a sentence much less scream for help. Everything hurt… down there," I awkwardly mumble. "The next morning. I knew what had happened. There was no doubt about it."

"If you were too drunk to do anything but lay there then who's to say that you haven't just imagined this entire assault? We have no hard evidence that these rapes ever took place except for the word of a very conflicted girl. She never went to the hospital until the latest incident so how can we prove any of the above ever happened?"

"Wait-!" I push myself up to my feet.

"Evidence shows her poor attendance record at school- skipping quite often, failing grades and disturbed behavior from having attempted suicide to suicidal ideation. Her reliability is at an all time low and I would think long and hard about the decisions you are going to make."

The jury was stunned to a silence. I was going to throw up. My legs quivered. I couldn't breathe. Victoria had stood up. The officer let her over to me. We were losing this case.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated. I've just been so busy the last few weeks and it's been hard to find a good time to write. This chapter is only the first part of the trial and I'm trying to decide if I'm going to make it into two or three parts. Bare in mind that I know nothing about law, besides from watching Law and Order: SVU so these chapters may not mirror what an actual trial would be like. And this isn't the end of Edward and Bella. He'll be back very very soon don't worry!**

**I also noticed that I uploaded chapter 6 twice where chapter 8 was but I fixed that so there shouldn't be any confusion if you decide to go back and read from the beginning. **

**I hope to update again soon and thank y'all so much! Enjoy! **


	28. Chapter 28

**Isabella **

The trial ended after I collapsed at the stand. Victoria and Charlie brought me into the hallway where I could calm down. That man was a fucking idiot. I was not a drunk. I was not a partier- I hated drinking! Just a couple of stupid mistakes could ruin the whole trial and Jacob could go free. I did not want to have sex with Jacob and anyone that believed that was fucking dense.

"Don't believe what that man is saying, Isabella." my lawyer was trying to convince me. "Nothing he said was true. Like I said before, he's just trying to find your weaknesses."

I shake my head side to side. We weren't going to win this. It's over.

"It's only the beginning of the trial." she sighs. "Some days are good for us and some days are bad. You just have to keep believing. Can you do that for me?"

I shrug my shoulders. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I don't even believe in myself. That man smeared my name and I know what everyone thinks of me, it's not that hard to figure out.

"Isabella, snap out of this." Victoria said in a firm voice. "I'm not gonna let you think those thoughts. You and I both know that none of that stuff he said was true."

My vision blurs. I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from crying.

"Don't cry, Isabella." her hand rested on my shoulder and I turned myself to face her. Her lips were pressed into a thin line. She wasn't going to let me fall apart. Not over something that wasn't even true.

"Take deep breaths with me."

_In and out. In and out. _

My fingers tapped the bench. I gripped the arm rest willing myself to stop. I couldn't start this again.

_One, two, three, four... _

"I want to go home." I breathed. I dug my nails into the palm of my hand. My heart was beating to the rhythm of a drum and was only increasing. "Take me home."

Charlie, who'd been awkwardly standing to the side decided at that moment to try to be the caring father he never was. He and I were both awkward with physical affection. It just never was our thing. We were content with being silently acknowledging each other. He leaned down in front of me and grabbed my hand.

"Charlie, I really don't think that's a good idea-"

"I'm her father. I know what's best for my daughter!" Charlie interrupted her.

Neither of them noticed the spike in my breathing. I was crying. My vision blurred and tears ran steadily down my cheeks. There was pressure on my wrist. I couldn't move away. Charlie was squeezing tighter and tighter.

_Five, six, seven, eight… let go. Let go. Let go. _

"Charlie- let go."

My eyes flutter open. Carlisle is standing between the two of us with his hand on my dad's arm. He turns his head to stare at Carlisle with a shocked expression. Carlisle kept a hard glare, not letting go of Charlie.

"Carlisle, what…?"

"You're hurting, Bella. Let her go"

Charlie immediately drops his hand. I hug my arm to my chest and without thinking move closer to Carlisle.

"I'm sorry…" he was at a loss for words. His face was pale white as I trembled on the bench. I didn't want to be afraid of my own father. He didn't mean to hurt me. Sometimes he just acts before he thinks.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." his voice had gone soft. It looked like he was about to cry.

I was now standing beside Carlisle, slightly hiding behind his body. My hair hung in my face and I didn't bother to push it back. Esme stood at my left and she had her arm tightly wrapped around my shoulders. I leaned into her warm embrace and look away from Charlie. This was embarrassing. I freaked out over the littlest of things. I didn't want people to have to step on eggshells around me.

"Do you want to come to our house for a little bit? Just to calm down?" Esme softly asked.

I wanted to say yes, her offer was tempting. This had been a stressful day and all my father talked about was the trial. But I knew that I couldn't stay away forever. I couldn't keep running away from my problems. I had to eventually face them, no matter how terrifying.

"Thank you for the offer," I pause, "but I think I should head home."

There's a silent understanding between the two of us. She nods her head and asks, "will you be ok? We're always a car ride away if you need us. I know today was stressful."

"I'll be fine." I wring my hands around and around. Did I really believe that? _No. _Did Esme believe me? _No. _

**ooOoo**

I've been in bed for the past two hours doing nothing but stare at the ceiling. After a tense car ride home, I went straight to bed. It was the middle of the day but I was tired as fuck. Was it normal for me to be lying in the darkness? Or was I just a fucking depressed person with no social life?

I wanted to scream from the rooftops. I wanted to march up onto that stand and tell the whole fucking court room what really happened. I wanted to look at Jacob in the eyes and not be afraid.

I wanted people to want me, believe me. Edward believed me. I haven't talked to him in five months. I think about calling him everyday. My finger hovers above his name but everytime I back down. I'm pathetic. Would he even answer? Or is he busy with his new college friends? Does he have a girlfriend? We technically didn't break up. I had a mental breakdown and he fled. It was like I was satan or something. Edward wanted nothing to do with me. I couldn't bother him with my problems.

But if Edward were here right now, he'd be telling me to get off my ass. He'd want me to live my life to the fullest and not let anything stop me. I couldn't be sad and miserable forever. Maybe he was right though? That was no way to live life.

My hair falls in front of my face as I push myself up from the bed and with a reluctant sigh, I force myself to walk down the stairs.

Emmett's on the phone and doesn't look up when I walk past the kitchen. He's talking to Rosalie. She's at Rochester University in upstate New York but they call each other every chance they get. She's coming back for the trial. She and Emmett are both testifying. She asks about me everyday but I still couldn't bring myself to talk to her since the… incident. I know that she meant well, always checking up on me but I was mortified. Rosalie Hale saw me at my lowest point and she was perfect in every way. But she didn't judge me. She understood. I don't know how she could but she did.

The sound of the doorbell broke me from my thoughts. I had been standing here for the past two minutes. Emmett turns around but I'm already gone. Without bothering to check who it was, I yanked open the door.

It's Angela.

She's awkwardly standing at the door, looking around as if she were lost. I stare at her as if I've seen a ghost. Her brown eyes widen at the sight of me. How long had it been since we last spoke to each other?

"Bella." she breathes. Her chest rises up and down. I can feel her anxiousness as if it were my own. Her hand twitches and she twirls the ends of her hair around her fingers. She looked different. She looked older- like she had matured.

"I've been wanting to see you for a while, but I know you probably hate me and I understand if you want me to leave, but I needed to talk to you just this once." she says all in one breathe.

Angela stops and waits for me to say something. I say nothing. I have nothing to say. Victoria said that I shouldn't waste my time on people who hurt me. I should rise up and be the bigger person. What would Victoria say if I slammed the door in her face?

"Bella?" she gulps. "Please… please say something."

"What do you want?" my voice is cold and emotionless.

At one point I would have begged for her to take me back. I would have gotten on my hands and knees. But I'm a new person. I'd rather have no friends than a shitty one.

"I need to know the truth. Did Jake actually r-rape you?" her voice shook. I could see the look in her eyes that she already knew it was true. There was no question about it.

"What do you think?" my voice was full of venom.

Angela suddenly lets out a sob. She was trembling so hard that I was afraid she would collapse. She covers her mouth with a shaking hand, trying to calm herself down. I do nothing but watch. Did that make me a bad person?

"I-I'm sorry." she launches herself at me causing us both to stumble backwards Her arms are wrapped tightly around my neck. She's crying even harder now. I can smell a faint scent of her favorite perfume. It tickles my nose. My arms hang limp at my side.

_Get off me. _My jaw clenched and hands tightened into fists.

She lets go and takes a step back. Her eyes were red and puffy and she wouldn't stop sniffling. "I'm the shitiest friend. If I had known what he did then I wouldn't have done any of that. I should have known- why didn't I know?" she mumbled to herself.

"It's not your fault. It's not anyone's except Jacob's." I spit his name.

Angela's guilt written, I can see it all over her face. Something else is bothering her.

"What's wrong?"

She looks away from me and says in a quiet whisper, "I agreed to testify against you at the trial-"

"What?" my face turns an even paler shade of white. That couldn't be. Angela wouldn't. She couldn't! She was my friend- my best friend. It's as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. I was speechless. Tears ran down her cheeks. She stepped toward me forcing me to take two steps back.

"How could you?" I screamed in a strangled voice. "Do you know what it's like to be called a whore? Do you know what it's like to lose everyone you thought you trusted?!"

"Bella-"

"GET OUT!" I couldn't control my anger any longer.

"Please let me explain-!"

Angela gasps. Her head twists to the side as my hand connects with her cheek. She slowly looks up at me with wide eyes. What the fuck did I just do?

"Bella." a voice says from behind me. It's Emmett. He places his hand on my shoulder- a silent warning to behave.

"I think you should leave, Angela. I suggest not coming back anytime soon." his voice was calm and steady but I could feel his anger. He didn't have to tell her twice. Angela gave me one last look before taking off.

**ooOoo**

Jacob was clever and manipulative. He played the innocent boy, claiming that he didn't know any better. He didn't know that I didn't want to have sex because I never said no. He didn't think that qualified as rape. Jacob cried on stand and pleaded for my forgiveness. He stared at me with his big brown eyes- begging me not to ruin his life.

_Mine already was. _

Jacob was just a lost kid who had made a huge mistake. He denied ever having sex at La Push Beach. He said that he never touched me at my birthday party. He said that I was the one that supposedly tried to kiss him in a drunken daze and he tried to stop me. That's why I remember him being in bed with me- because I pulled him into my bed.

_What a load of bull. _

It didn't help that I had almost no memory of the events because I was drunk. All I could do was sit there and listen to his lies. Angela sat across from me but I refused to acknowledge her. You wouldn't have been able to tell that I slapped her yesterday. Everything seemed normal.

They called Angela up to the stand. Emmett had to put his hand on my knee to stop me from going after her. It wouldn't look good for our case if I were to suddenly attack her. She had on a little black dress and her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. She looked everywhere but at me.

"I'm aware that you, Jacob, and Isabella are best friends. Am I correct?" the lawyer asked.

She nodded her head. "We used to be best friends."

"How long?"  
"We met when we were six years old. I'd say about for ten years we were friends." she mumbles and looks down at her lap.

"So it's fair to say that the three of you were very close?"

"We were never apart. We spent almost every day together."

The man hums and paces back and forth with his hand on his chin. "During those ten years of friendship, did you ever witness any negative feelings between Jacob and Isabella? Or predatory behavior?"

Angela pauses and shakes her head side to side. "We were just kids. How could we have known what rape was?"

"I agree but Isabella claims it happened. You must know her better than anyone else. You were at her house the day the first assault allegedly took place. Do you remember any odd behavior from either Jacob or Isabella?"

"We were just studying for our upcoming math quiz. It was like any other day. I was sitting on the ground and Jacob and Bella were on the couch next to each other. We studied for about an hour until I was called home."

"So it was just a normal summer Friday afternoon. The three of you hung out for a bit before leaving to go home."

"Yes sir." she gulps. I can see that she's sweating and her hands are shaking. It looked like she was about to be sick.

"When was the next time you saw Isabella?"

"About three weeks later." she had to think for a moment. "I had tried texting her but she didn't respond."

"What was Isabella like?"

Angela responds in a quieter voice. "She wasn't as talkative. Bella was really distant and all she wore was sweatshirts and long pants. She looked absolutely miserable. I tried to be understanding and not push her but things just seemed to get worse."

"How did they get worse?"

"She started skipping class and would come back the next day looking like a complete wreck. Bella was always the best at school and then all of a sudden she seemed to just be failing everything. I thought it would cheer her up if we went to the party at La Push beach but that's when everything took a turn for the worse."

"What happened?"

"Bella originally wasn't going to go but I convinced her too. I had just started dating this boy and so when we arrived at the party, I went off with him. The last I recalled was Bella sitting by the campfire. I felt guilty for leaving her but she said it was alright."

"Was Jacob at the party by this point?"

"No." she sighs. "I didn't see Bella until an hour later when she was passed out drunk in her brothers car. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Bella wasn't one to drink so I was really worried. I do know that the last person to see her was Jacob. He said that he watched her go off with some guy into the woods. At the time, we all believed him."

The man paused. His eyes flicker from Jacob to me to Angela. He taps his finger against his leg and looks directly at Angela.

_Something wasn't right. _

"We were aware that the two of them went off together, but you're telling me that Mr. Black said a different boy did?"

"Yes, sir." she confidently states. "I remember everything as if it were yesterday. Jacob got all upset when he saw Bella unconscious and Emmett started yelling at him for letting Bella go off with some random guy."

Everyone was silent. Even Jacob looked nervous. Nobody knew quite what to do.

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much to me! I didn't get very many reviews for the last chapter so I'm not sure if you read it but to sum it up the last chapter was the first part of the trial and the jump to junior year. This chapter is the second part. **

**I always want to make aware some reviews from last chapter. Someone said that the chapter was all messed up and confusing, but if anyone ever bothered to read the Author's Notes, you'd know that this fanfic doesn't follow an orderly timeline. It jumps from day to day and month to month and year to year. Not everything is going to line up perfectly with each other. I hope that has cleared up some confusion for some people! **

**I should update again soon and the next chapter will probably be the last day of the trial. I know that this chapter may have seemed kind of repetitive to the last one but there was a reason for that. **

**Thank you all and happy holidays to everyone celebrating! **


	29. Chapter 29

**Bella **

"All you need is for somebody to find you." Rosalie sighed. "I'm glad we found Bella when we did. I don't want to imagine what would've happened if we hadn't gotten there in time." said Rosalie. "Emmett and I had just arrived at the party. We talked to some friends for a few minutes before deciding to put our jackets in the sun room. As we got closer to the room and away from the crowd, we could hear some commotion. It wasn't until we entered the room that we realized what was happening."

"What was your first reaction?" Ms. Waters asked.

"Disgust." Rose sneered at Jacob. "And worry for Bella. She was curled up in a ball, shaking like a scared animal. At first I was afraid that we were too late- Jacob had already assaulted Bella. Emmett quickly subdued Jacob and I called the police. Ten minutes later they arrived and took Bella away. I couldn't ride with her in the ambulance but Emmett did. I met them shortly after at the hospital."

Ms. Waters paces back and forth. "I'm aware that you've had some personal experiences with abuse and sexual assault. From what you saw that night, is it fair to say that Isabella's been through an ordeal?"

My head snaps up. Rosalie looks away from me and at Emmett. They gazed into each others so lovingly that I had to look away. This was their private moment. Emmett gave a brief nod.

"That's right." she sighed. "My dad physically abused my mother for the first ten years of our life. He was constantly drunk and would get angry about the simplest of things. There were times when my mother's face was so badly bruised that she couldn't leave the house for weeks. We played the perfect family in public but in reality it was an actual nightmare. To the world, we had everything we could ever want. My mom was a housewife and my dad was lawyer. They were in a loving relationship and had the two perfect children."

"But that was all a lie." Ms. Waters sighed. "Did you ever tell anybody what was happening?"

"We couldn't. He threatened to kill all of us and if anything ever happened to my mom or brother then I'd never forgive myself." her voice trembled. Her eyes watered with tears but didn't spill over. "My father never put a hand on my brother and I because my mom wouldn't let him. She took all the abuse for us. It was finally on my tenth birthday the police were called. My dad had been drinking during the party and started beating my mom in a blind rage in front of everyone. People stopped him before he could go to far and was arrested. That's when everything came to light. Everyone knew the truth.

We moved from Atlanta to Forks a year later and settled down. My mom went back to college and got a degree in interior design and fell in love with my now- amazing father. I met the Swans and the Cullens and if it wasn't for their love and friendship then I'm not sure if I'd even be here today." a breathy laugh escaped her lips. She was crying happy tears.

"After the party at La Push, Alice Cullen and I brought her back to her house. Bella had thrown up all over herself so we decided to put her in the bath. When we removed her clothes, her skin was covered in bruises. I immediately knew what was going on. I had gotten the feeling that she wasn't as comfortable around me so I told Emmett what we had seen- hoping he could get some information out of her, but she adamantly refused to talk about any of it. I knew what she was feeling. I knew how terrified of retaliation she was. I had been her at one point. She was spiraling out of control and we could do nothing to stop it."

**ooOoo**

"After being in the psychiatric hospital, Bella moved in with the Cullens. Dr. Cullen was trained to take care of her in ways neither my father or myself could. It was the best option at the time." Emmett mumbled.

"Why was she in the psychiatric ward?" asked the lawyer.

"My sister attempted suicide." He lets out a shaky breath. "I didn't know how much pain she was in. Her own brother couldn't even help her. I was supposed to be there for her. She wouldn't even let me visit her at the hospital- that's how embarrassed she was. That's what this _monster _made her feel." Emmett growled at Jacob.

"Having known Jacob for a long time, are you surprised at these accusations?"

"I never liked him." Emmett said. "Bella couldn't see it but Jacob was always possessive of her. He didn't like her talking to anyone else besides him and Angela. He got really jealous whenever she was around Edward Cullen. I tried to tell Bella when we were younger but she wouldn't listen to me. She still never listens to me." Emmett cracked a small smile. "It was my job to look out for her and I failed."

_You didn't fail. You could never fail. _

"Tell us about your family life." Ms. Waters said.

"My parents separated last year. They'd been fighting for years and it was only a matter of time. Sometimes it felt like I was the only adult in the house. My mom wasn't that great with kids and wasn't the type of person to settle down with a family- she was always on the go. My dad was constantly at work and the few times we were together was for dinner. It was always me that looked out for Bella. Don't get me wrong- I love my dad but there was always so much tension and arguments. It was suffocating living with them."

"What about your mom?" the lawyer raised her eyebrows.

Emmett clenched his jaw. "I could care less about her. Mothers are supposed to love and care for their children no matter what but she did the exact opposite. She refused to believe that her own daughter was _raped _and never even attempted to visit her once in the hospital. She didn't even tell her that she and my dad were separating. We've called her several times but have heard nothing back. A good mother would've been on the first plane back." Emmett was shaking in rage. Sue and Charlie gripped onto each other's hands. I didn't dare look at them because we were all thinking the same thing. Only Emmett was brave enough to say it out loud.

"So you feel that there's always been a lack of parental figure in your household- that Bella really didn't have anyone else to turn to besides yourself?"

Emmett nods his head- deliberately avoiding my father's gaze. "Things are a little better now since my dad has gotten together with Sue. Unlike my mother, she cares for us, that much is obvious. Sue has made an effort to get to know us and help Bella in anyway possible. That's what a real mother should be like."

"Thank you Mr. Swan, that'll be all for now."

I grab onto Rosalie's hand and she squeezes back. _I'm not alone. _These people love me. Emmett loves me. _I'm not alone. _

**ooOoo**

"There was nobody Bella could really turn too. As said earlier, all of her friends left her at school and her parents weren't really in the picture. The overwhelming feeling of abandonment and constant threat of abuse clouded her thoughts. She couldn't think clearly and that lead her to believe that she truly had no one she could trust." Victoria said.

"In your experience working with trauma victims, are these behaviors common?" said the lawyer.

"Everybody reacts to trauma differently. Bella has gone through a chronic trauma having been repeatedly assaulted. In Bella's case, she has tried to block out the memories of the abuse by drinking. Drinking and drugs is a common way to numb the mind. The more she did it, the easier it was to appear normal."

"So you're saying her behavior is normal?"

"I-I wouldn't say normal-" Victoria paused. "It's typical. She has PTSD which is most common in victims. That can explain the fear and depression and increased anxiety. People will try anything to be _whole _again that they'll block out the initial problem until they just… explode."

Ms. Waters nods her head and looks down at her notebook. "What about acting out sexually? If she was raped then why would she want to have sex with Edward Cullen?"

"It all goes back to the point of trying to reclaim control of her life." Victoria sighed. "Isabella was taken advantage of in a very vulnerable way and she just wants to be like any other teen. She wants to have that connection with a boy and asserting her dominance in the relationship is one way she can earn back what was taken from her. Many victims want to retain that feeling of _normalcy _in their lives."

"So you're saying that by expressing her sexual desires, it was a… coping mechanism?"

Victoria nodded her head. "Yes, that's correct. It's meant to be a coping mechanism but usually backfires. It's just doing more damage to their health."

"Is that what happened when Isabella had a psychotic break?"

"Exactly." Victoria folds her hands in her lap and sits up straight. "Her body may have healed since the attack but she wasn't mentally ready to be that intimate with another person, even someone she trusted. The level of intimacy became to much for her which caused her to react as if it was Jacob she was with. The very act of lying in bed with Edward Cullen was enough to trigger a panic attack which lead to a full on psychotic break. Her behavior that night over April break was due to the flashbacks and she couldn't tell between what was real and in her mind."

I paled and sunk down in the seat. _Why did they have to bring this up?_ I didn't need everyone to know how crazy I was. Victoria promised it would stay between us- she promised. My hands clenched into fists. I don't understand how Rosalie could be so calm. She sat next to me as still as possible. She never reacted to anything. Her expression was always neutral. It's like nothing affected her.

"Take deep breathes." she whispered in my ear. My chest was rising up and down and my leg wouldn't stop trembling. I was about to combust. Everyone thought that I was crazy. I was an unstable mess.

"No one thinks your crazy-"

_She must have read my mind. _

"I am here for you and so is Emmett and your dad and everyone in this room." she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I leaned into her and released a shaky breathe.

**ooOoo**

Emmett and Rosalie were both able to confirm what Angela had said. Jacob lied about that day on the beach. Even Sam Uley and Jared Cameron turned on Jacob at last second. They had no credible testimonies and their story was falling apart.

I knew Jacob was getting nervous now. The judges were deciding the verdict. It had been two hours of waiting and I could feel my stomach turning. Everyone had gone to a cafe across the street from the courthouse but I couldn't eat. How long was deciding a verdict supposed to take? How much longer would they make us wait?

"Bella you need to eat." Emmett gave me the second half of his sandwich.

"I'm not hungry." I gulped.

Emmett, Rosalie, and I were sitting at one table while Charlie, Sue, Esme, Carlisle, and Victoria were at a different one. Victoria thought that we should all have some space away from each other. _I needed space to calm down. _

"They'll call dad when they want us back. For now, you should try to relax and eat something-"

"Why would it take this long?" I ignore him. "It's been two hours, something must be wrong."

I lean my elbows on the table and cover my face with my hands. I needed to do something. I don't know what but I had to keep my mind occupied or I was going to go crazy.

"I don't know." Rose sighed. "Trials can be tricky sometimes. Some take shorter and others take longer to decide."

"How long did it take with your dad's trial?" I blurt out.

Emmett slams the glass down on the table. My face burns bright red? Rose all but chokes on her cup of coffee. _Why couldn't I ever keep my mouth shut? _

"Isabella!" my brother hisses. "You don't say stuff like that-"

"I'm sorry-!" I don't know what else to say.

"It's alright." she regains her composure. Rose gives Emmett a look with her eyes, telling him- _I'm ok. _

"It took two days at my dad's trial." she sighed. "It was much more big and complicated though so that might have had something to do with it."

_Two days?!_ I couldn't wait two days. I couldn't even wait two hours. How much longer was this gonna be? They've probably already decided and are just torturing us now. They want to make us wait until the last possible moment when they declare Jacob innocent and he walks free. _That's probably what was gonna happen-_

All of our heads snap up at the sound of a phone- it's Charlie's. He motions for us to get up. The jury has reached a verdict.

We make our way back to the courtroom and sit down. My nails dig into my wrist and I look down at my crossed ankles. I close my eyes and count backwards from ten.

_Deep breaths, Bella. Don't freak out. _

I don't hear what happens next. One moment I'm in the chair and the next, Lucy has her arms wrapped around my body. There are cries of anguish and happy tears.

"... we did it Bella!" Lucy exclaims. "We won!"

All I can do is look around in shock. Sue and Charlie are embraced in each others arms. Emmett has the biggest smile I've ever seen and Rosalie gives me a look saying- _we did it- no- I did it. _

I run to the people closest and am suddenly surrounded by the warmth of Carlisle and Esme. I let myself break down and cry. I let myself feel all the anguish and pain and heartbreak and hopelessness. Right now was my time. Nobody was going to take that away from me.

**ooOoo**

Jacob was sentenced to twenty years. I was disappointed at first, hearing the sentence. I wanted longer- he deserved longer. He only has to suffer twenty years while I have to live with his actions the rest of my life. How is that possibly fair? I'm the one with the life sentence.

"Don't let him take away anymore of your life." Esme whispered to me two days ago. "You are free to live your life. I want to see all your dreams come true. I want you to be happy."

Esme was right. I deserved to be happy. I wanted to be happy. For the first time in a while, I felt like I could actually breathe. I didn't have to live in constant fear. By the time he's out of jail, I'll be far away. He won't be able to reach me.

"Were you relieved?" I ask Rose.

We were sitting in her car in my driveway. I didn't want to get out yet. She had taken to picking me up after school. Emmett had just gotten a temporary job teaching youth football so it worked out for all of us. She's only here for another couple days though.

"Relieved about what?" she turned to me.

"When your dad went to jail. Did you feel any different?" I softly ask.

Rose told me everything after the trial. She told me about her abusive father and how she would cry herself to sleep every night, and pray for a guardian angel, which my brother had become for her. She portrayed the perfect popular wealthy girl but was breaking on the inside.

Nobody was as perfect as they seemed. Nobody had a perfect life.

"Not really no." she said after a few moments. "Yes, it was a relief that he was out of our lives but I still had the fear and anxiety. I still had the flashbacks of him hitting my mother. I couldn't even stand the smell of alcohol. I would break down in fright if I saw someone drinking."

"You drink now though." I cocked my head to the side.

"It took a while for me learn that drinking didn't always have to be a bad thing. It was a lot of therapy and support groups." she places her hand on top of mine. "The danger is no longer physically near but it's always on your mind."

"How did you survive? How could you just m-move on?" my voice broke towards the end. Tears burned in my eyes.

"I still struggle with the memories every single day." her voice raises an octave. "The trauma will always be apart of you but you can't let it define you. That is no way to live your life."

My lips quiver and I bite down on my bottom lip. My chest heaved up and down and heart raced to the beat of a drum. I turn my head to the side and press my forehead against the window. A sob caught in my throat and I squeezed my eyes shut. I could feel the pain in my leg- my nails were digging into my skin.

"It's alright to cry Bella. You don't have to pretend around me." she breathed. "You are a survivor and you should be proud of it. Just because you cry doesn't mean you're weak."

**ooOoo**

**Authors Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thank you all for reading and reviewing and I'm so thankful for your support. To all those who celebrated, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Plus Happy Hanukkah to everyone still celebrating! **

**I was literally sobbing throughout this chapter as I've waited and all of you have waited so long for this moment to come! Jacob is finally getting the punishment he deserves! Edward will be coming back soon so don't worry, I didn't forget about him :)**

**Also, i'll be skipping a few months in the next chapter, if anyone gets confused as to the time skip. **

**A last little note- the thing to separate the different sections in the story hasn't been working on fanfiction lately so I'm doing that other separator thing with the circles for now. **

**Anyways, I hope you all had/are having a happy holidays and I will try to update again as soon as possible!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Isabella **

**A few months later: **

I raised my fist to knock on the door. I had only been outside for a few seconds but I'm pretty sure I already had frostbite. It was snowing… on Christmas day… which was a first for Forks. We always got the rainy snowy slush but this was a real snow fall- the kind I had always wished for. I leaned against Emmett, using him for support. My stomach was in knots. I was going to see Edward. He came home three days ago and has already called several times but I was too much of a chicken to pick up the phone.

He probably thought that I was avoiding him- which I kinda was. He thinks I'm a freak. That's why he's been avoiding me. He probably called to tell me to leave him alone. That he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

A moment later Esme opens the door. "Come in, come in! It's too cold to be outside!"

Emmett has to literally push me through the door. I stand to the side as she greets Charlie and Sue. I can hear laughter coming from down the hall and the smell of chicken.

"Oh Bella, you look so pretty in that dress!" Esme gushes over me. She wraps her arms tightly around my body and I allow myself to relax in her arms.

I wasn't close with Sue like this. Yes, she was a fine woman and I'm glad she made Charlie happy but I barely knew her. I know she was disappointed every time Esme hugged me and when I went to her for support. She wanted to be that mother figure for me. She wanted me to trust her.

But I wasn't ready to let someone new in… not after everything that happened.

"Merry Christmas." I whisper.

She lightly kisses my cheek and looks me over in adoration. "How about you go join the kids in the kitchen. I know that Alice has been dying to see you."

I nod my head, slightly blushing and follow the sound of the noise with Emmett trailing behind me.

"Bella!" Alice screeches as I enter the kitchen. She jumps down from the counter top and rushes towards me. I hold my hands up in surrender as she pulls me in for a hug. She was strong for such a tiny thing.

"I… can't… breathe."

Alice giggles and lets me go. She was wearing a short lacy white dress and her bangs were clipped back from her face. It had only been a year yet so much had changed. She looked older- more mature.

"Your fashion sense seems to have improved." She compliments my knee length red dress and black sweater.

"You're not wearing heels." She pouts.

Emmett rolls his eyes and steps out from behind me. "You can play Bella Barbie later, Alice. Do I not get a hello?"

"I was getting to you." She waved her hand. "Merry Christmas." Alice delicately wraps her arms around his neck.

I sigh in relief. Bella Barbie was not at the top of my list of things I wanted to do. In fact, it was the very last thing. We follow her to the living room to find Jasper and Rosalie lounging on the couch.

The christmas tree was situated in the corner of the room with gold tinsel draped over it. The Angel sat on top, watching over us all. The dark ruby shades were pulled back allowing us to see out into the forest. It looked like a winter wonderland. I pressed my hands against the glass wall and stared out into the wilderness. It was beautiful yet ominous. Nobody knew what was out there lurking around.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Rosalie stood to my left. I nod my head and I can't help but smile. I had always wanted it to snow on Christmas. I didn't care how much, I just wanted to play in the white fluffiness. I wished every year for Christmas and it never came.

But this year my wish had come true.

"How have you been?" she asks after a few moments of silence.

"Better." I whisper. I keep my eyes focused on the falling snowflakes. "I've been going to the gym. Victoria recommended it. It helps with stress."

"That's great." She exclaimed.

"And I got a job." I looked at her. "I work at a bookstore. I just categorize and shelve books and sometimes work at the cash register." I blush. Why couldn't I ever stop talking?

"It seems like you're liking it. Have you made any friends?"

I nod my head enthusiastically. "The store is in Henderson. Nobody knows me or about the whole trial or any of that stuff. I'm a completely different person."

"That's great Bella." She smiled. "I'm happy for you."

I blush even harder.

"Have you seen Edward yet?" there's a slight hesitation in her voice. I follow her gaze to the stairs.

I don't respond.

"I think you should go talk to him." She sighs. "You can't keep avoiding each other."

_She sounds like Victoria. _

"Edward doesn't want to see me." I mumble.

"Did he tell you that?"

"Well no-"

"Then you have no reason to believe that." she sighed. "Go talk to him."

**ooOoo**

Should I knock?

_No don't do it. _

I can't keep standing here. It's creepy. There's no noise coming from the other side of the door.

_Maybe he's asleep. _

Or maybe he's not. Maybe he's reading a book or studying or is just being… really quiet today.

_His door is closed. He probably doesn't want to see anyone. Why else would his door be closed?_

Maybe he just wants some privacy. Maybe he's still jet lagged.

_From three days ago? I don't think so. _

I pout my lips and awkwardly stand at his door. I should just leave. I'm setting myself up for embarrassment. He's probably got a really pretty girlfriend and she's studying to be a doctor too and their going to have cute babies. Why would he want to spend time with a girl who's still in high school? There are much more prettier girls than me.

"Bella?"

My head shoots up.

_Fuck. _

His hair is disheveled and stubble covered his face. He stared at me as if he'd seen a ghost.

I take a couple steps back from the door.

"Wha-what are you doing?" He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned against the doorway. He was shirtless. I keep my eyes focused on his face.

_Don't look down. Don't look down. _

"H-hello." I stutter. My face heats up in embarrassment and I look away.

_Really Bella? C'mon! _

"I called you." He said. "You didn't pick up."

_No shit Sherlock. _

I nod my head. "I was busy."

There was no excuse and he knew it. I bite my bottom lip wring my hands around and around. It felt like I was gonna throw up.

_Don't do it, Bella._

"How have you been?"

I gulp and shrug my shoulders. It was cold in the hallway. I hug my arms around my stomach and curl into myself. There's music playing in his room, I focus on the beat.

_One, two, three, four, five- _

"Bella." Edward cups my face in his hands. "Breathe." he simply said

I look up at him and small gasps escape my lips. Was I having a panic attack? It felt like I was. He was beautiful… and I couldn't have him.

"You don't want me." my voice chokes. I step away from him and push myself against the wall.

"That's not true." his voice is incredulous. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I love-"

"Don't say that." my voice is full of hurt and rage. My cheeks are wet with tears and I embarrassingly wipe them away.

_Stop crying Bella. You're not a baby. _

"You left me. I understand that you're probably freaked out after… what happened and I don't blame you for it. But what I don't understand is how you couldn't even say goodbye. All I wanted was a goodbye and you couldn't even give me that." I sobbed. My hands shook and I clenched them into fists.

"I've never regretted anything more. I'm not freaked out by you- far from it-"

I can't hold back a scoff. _Bullshit. _

"I'm angry with myself. I- I hurt you Bella, can't you see that?" his voice broke. "None of what happened was your fault. I knew that us… doing _it,_ wasn't a good idea but we still did it and then all shit went lose. I decided that the only logical thing to do was to stay away. I couldn't hurt you anymore. I wouldn't allow myself to."

"So you left? You left because you thought that you were protecting me?"

He nodded his head. Edward was telling the truth. His eyes watered with tears and he took a step closer. I didn't stop him.

"I know that I didn't go about it the right way-"

_You think? _

"But I'm here now and I want to make things right between us. I love you Bella. There's nothing I've been more sure about."

Everything was so confusing. He said he loved me but then didn't talk to me for several months and it was all because he was, _protecting me. _Rosalie said that men were idiots but I didn't believe her until now. I'm not sure what was going through his mind when he thought that ignoring me would be a remotely good idea.

"You still love me?" I whispered.

"I never stopped loving you."

I wanted to be angry but he had his sad face on. His lips pouted and he continuously ran his fingers through his hair. Tears spill down my cheeks. _He loved me. Edward Cullen loved me. _I wasn't sure whether to hug or slap him. I wanted to do both.

I freeze when he takes a step closer. The muscles in his arms flex but I keep my eyes on his chest. He was standing right in front of me- we were chest to chest.

"Please." I let out a shaky breathe. "Please I need some space. I'm not ready for anything yet..."

I lift my head as he takes a couple of steps back. "I'm sorry…" he trails off and a look of worry is plastered on his face. "We won't do anything until you're ready. I promise."

I nod my head. We'd take to step by step. Day by day.

**ooOoo**

"Merry Christmas, Bella." Carlisle warmly hugged me when Edward and I came down the stairs side by side ten minutes later. He was standing by the open oven and the smell of chicken wafted out.

"It appears that you've managed to wrangle my son down from his room." Carlisle smirked and give his son a look saying- _we'd talk later. _

"Yes, I did." I awkwardly laugh. I sit down at the island in the center of the kitchen and stuff my mouth with dip and chips. Edward and him were having a silent argument and I didn't want to get in the way.

After a few moments of silence, Edward pulls out the chair next to me and slumps down in it. Carlisle sighs and turns back to the oven, taking the chicken out. "Why don't you kids join the others in the living room?"  
"We're perfectly fine here, thank you." Edward replied. I tense when he swings an arm over my chair. Carlisle stills and turns back around. His demeanor is a mixture of annoyance and frustration, aimed at his son.

"I wasn't asking, son." he grits his teeth together.

"I know." Edward shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows, daring Carlisle to say something more.

"Maybe we should just go." I turn to Edward and whisper. "It's not a big deal."

He shakes his head back and forth. Edward and him were both stubborn and that didn't go well together. Whether it was extending curfew and taking the car out, it always turned into a big argument. Edward didn't know how to let things go.

His leg bounces up and down and I rest my hand on his knee, begging him not to start anything. I feel his breathing start to slow and he pushes himself out from the table. He turns to me and says, "C'mon Bella. It seems my father doesn't want our company."

"Edward." sighs Carlisle.

He walks out of the room without another word. I'm frozen in the chair, unsure what to do. Rose said that Edward was always grumpiest when he was hungover… and he reeked of alcohol.

"I'm sorry about him." Carlisle hangs his head back as he pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. He mumbled a few intelligible things to himself.

"He's been in a bad mood since he came back and I just want today be good for Esme. It's the first time in six months the whole family is together again. Edward has been putting off coming back for the longest time."

I nod my head and let out a little sigh. Everyone knew that it was because of me. Yet nobody was willing to say it outloud.

"Is he liking it at Dartmouth?" I pause before asking. It was his dream school. Carlisle wanted him to go to Oxford University in England just like him in England but I just couldn't see it. Edward wasn't the preppy type. He was laid back and moved with the flow of the crowd.

"I believe so." Carlisle said. "He doesn't call very often much to our disappointment. The only time we ever hear anything is through Alice. She keeps track of everything."

I nod my head.

"Perhaps you'll go to Oxford- with a brain like yours, I don't see how they could deny you."

"Oh, no, you can't be serious." my eyes widen in shock.

He was serious.

"I-I'm not even sure I'll pass this year. I'm already doing bad in so many classes and I don't see how I can get my grades up."

"I'll tutor you, Bella! Don't say that you can't do it. If you think like that, you'll never get anything accomplished!"

The joy on his face made it impossible to refuse the offer. Alice was off doing her fashion thing in New York City, Edward was living off the grid in New Hampshire, and then there was me. Carlisle's last hope.

"All I want for Christmas is one thing-"

"What?"

"For you to try." he exclaimed. "I want you to try your damn hardest and make this year count! Don't give up on us now, you've gone so far."

I crack a smile. It was hard to keep a straight face when he was wearing a pink frilly apron.

Nonetheless, I nod my head. I could promise that.

"Now, enough with the pep talk. Go and have fun with the others! I'll deal with Edward."

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note: **

**Hi y'all! Happy New Year to everyone! Thank you so much for your reading and reviewing, I'm so thankful for your support! As promised, Edward is back! I hope y'all are happy because I am!**

**Also, I just wanted to address some reviews from the last chapter. As I said before, I don't know much about the court system so I wasn't aware about that whole probation thing. If people are really annoyed by it, I'll go back and fix it but just be aware I'm not an expert on law. Also, I'm aware that Washington State gets a lot of snow but I just switched it up for this story. **

**Anyways, I should update again soon and I hope that all y'all are having a happy new year! **


	31. Chapter 31

**Isabella **

"I hope you like it." Edward blushed. We were sitting in the living room, everyone having left hours ago. He clasped a silver bracelet around my wrist. There was a white stone in the middle that shimmered in the light.

"I love it, Edward." I gasped.

I wasn't a big fan of receiving gifts. The attention always made me uncomfortable, I didn't deserve to have money spent on me.

But this gift- Edward's gift- made my heart flutter against my chest. My cheeks turned pink and a small smile danced upon my lips. His hand rested on mine for a moment before moving away. I felt the sudden cold. I wanted the warmth back. I wanted him back.

"It was my mother's." He said. "Her mother gave it to her when she got married and now I'm giving it to you."

His gazes into my eyes. For a moment I forget to breathe.

"Th-this isn't a marriage proposal right?" I force myself to laugh. My face burns red and I let out a deep breathe. What was happening to me?

"No. Just something to always remember me by." His lips curve up.

"Esme won't mind?"

"She loves you Bella. She wouldn't give this to anyone else."

I quirk my eyebrow up.

"Not even Alice," he says. "It's not even her style. It looks perfect on you."

Alice liked blingier jewelry that made a statement. This bracelet was vintage and older and looked as if it had lived through many years.

"You don't know how much this means, Edward. It's perfect." I curl up in the corner of the couch and wrap a blanket around myself. We could hear everyone in the dining room. They were laughing loudly at something Alice said.

I rejoiced in the silence. Edward and I didn't need conversation to be comfortable. We were content just being… together. That spoke louder than words. I needed him and he needed me. We needed each other.

Two days later, I was still smiling. I couldn't stop smiling. Everything was going right for once. I was feeling happier than ever before. I never felt like this with Demetri. My heart was only half full. I only had a slight daze in my eyes. But with Edward it felt like my heart was about to burst and there were stars all around. I was Euphoric!

"Where'd you get that bracelet?" Bianca grabbed my wrist all of a sudden. I yank my hand back only for her to hold on tighter. Her thumb grazes over the stone. "It's beautiful. It's so… so vintage!"

Bianca Boticelli was loud, blonde, and beautiful. She had a bubbly personality like Alice but was also quiet and reserved just like me. She was my friend and the first person brave enough to actually come up to talk to me. We worked at Lottie's Bookstore in downtown Henderson. She went to Henderson high school and new nothing of my past or Forks or anything that happened. I was determined to keep it that way.

As far as everyone here knew, I was just Isabella- the painfully shy, socially awkward girl. Yes I had panic attacks and would get that distant look in my eye at time but everyone learned that it was best not to ask about it. Something were better left unsaid.

I yank my arm back and she eventually lets go. I sigh and tell her that "I got it for Christmas from a… friend."

"A friend?" She smirks. "They way you just said it, shows that this _friend _is no friend."

"i-I don't know what you're talking about." I stammer and go back to placing the cart of the books on the shelf. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, nobody was in the store but us.

"You're blushing Isabella. You're seeing somebody, aren't you?" she places her hand on her hip and cocks her head to the side.

I gulp and turn away from her. She never let up. I push the cart over to the next shelf of books and start to stack them. I counted in my head. I had stacked fifteen books but I had twenty more to do. I needed to count them just to make sure I had fifteen because if I didn't make sure then my heart would start to race and panic would take over and I'd have a complete mental break down and Bianca would think I was a freak.

She talks to much. I love her but she stresses me out.

"Don't you have something to do?" I grit my teeth together. I realize how rude that just sounded and immediately regret it. A look of hurt flashes across her face.

"I didn't mean that." I sigh. "I-"

_Ding! _

The sound of the bell grabs our attention and we immediately turn our attention to the front of the store. I almost drop the books in my hands. My heart plummets to my stomach and I stumble back.

"Isabella?" Bianca cocks her head to the side. "What's wrong?"

"I'm- I'm just not feeling well." my face turns a pale white and I bite my bottom lip until I taste blood. Of all bookstores in the state, Edward had to choose this one to come to? The whole point of working in Henderson was to start over. Have no distractions from the past. Edward was part of the past.

Bianca confidently walks up to him and her lips curve up into a smile. This is her flirty face- she uses it on all the guys. I hide behind the bookshelf- my hands clench and unclench into fists.

_Don't see me. Don't see me. _

Edward doesn't see me.

"How can I help you?" Bianca twirls a golden lock around her finger and steps closer. A quick burst of anger flares in my stomache, watching the two of them. She was pretty and tall and popular. She was the kind of girl Edward would date.

_Not that he would. _

He's with me. We're together. I love him.

But why is he smiling at Bianca like that? What does that mean?

_It means nothing. He's being friendly, Bella. _

Actually… wait a minute… it's more of a grimace. His shoulders hunch and he turns to her with a look of reluctance. I peek through the crack of two books. The only sound is the beating of my heart. I was gonna kill him and I was gonna make sure it hurt. He knew not to come here. I specifically told him not to.

The Euphoria has faded. Now I'm just bitter and angry.

_You didn't say why. _

Does that matter? He should've listened. Nobody ever listened to me. There's a reason I have trust issues.

"...Isabella?"

_Fuck. _

Her voice rang throughout the air. She's looking right at me. She knows that I'm behind the bookshelf. I felt the color drain from my already pale face. Everything was shaking. I was shaking. My heart pounded against my chest and and I felt this burning fire in my stomach even stronger than before. I was angry- no scratch that- I was furious.

I come from behind the bookshelf and I swear I see him flinch. _If looks could kill… _He knew I was about ready to murder someone (a.k.a him). He held a book in his hand that I knew for certain he wasn't going to read.

"I-I've got to go." I stumbled back, tripping on my feet. Edward purses his lips like he wants to say something but decides against it at last minute. I don't want to here what he has to say.

"Isabella, your shift isn't done yet!" Bianca yells. I don't respond. I'm already out the back door.

**ooOoo**

How the fuck was I going to get home? I didn't have a car. Emmett drove me here and it would take about three hours to walk back home. The icy air blue against my skin, tinting my cheeks pinks. I kept my head down as I walked around the corner, ignoring the strange looks I was earning. Tears prickled at the back of my eyes which was a combination of the frigid icy air and anger at Edward.

I was so fucking pissed. He didn't listen to me. Nobody listened to me. Everyone would know about Jacob and the trial and every other stupid idiotic thing I had done. They would treat me with pity. They would think I was crazy. I wouldn't be just Isabella.

After a few minutes of standing on the sidewalk, talking to myself like an idiot, I manage to reign in my emotions and bring myself together. I walk through the doors of the building next to me and I'm met by the sweet aroma of hot chocolate. I sit down at the first table I see and let myself sink down into the chair.

"How can I help you?" A man walks through the swinging door behind the counter. He stares at me for a few seconds before I realize he's waiting for a response. I'm the only person in the cafe.

"C-can I just have a hot chocolate?" I say the first thing on my mind.

"Whipped cream?" He grumbles.

I jerk my head up and down and he disappears through the swinging door. I wonder what Bianca knows. Has Edward told her everything about me? Or have they cozied up with each other yet? They looked pretty comfortable together.

The sound of the door ringing catches my frigid air from outside causes the hairs on the back of my kneck to stand up and pull the jacket tighter around my body. My hair covers my face and I turn slightly away, hoping they'll walk right past me.

But they don't.

"Bella?"

_Edward. _My head shoots up and can't help the sneer on my lips. I glare at him, causing him to stutter. He fiddles with the watch on his wrist but doesn't look away from me. His jaw is clenched and it looks like he wants to say something but something is stopping him.

_I have nothing to say to him. _

"I'm sorry." he exhales. His voice is rough and regretful, that much I can tell. He puts his hand on the chair and motions his head asking- _can I sit down?  
_"No." is all I say.

"I bought you a book." he pulls it out of his bag and slides it across the table. I consider ignoring it but the title catches my eye.

_Wuthering Heights. My favorite. _

"I-"

"Yes. you've already read this book, I know." he cut me off and said exactly what I was going to say. "Your copy is all beat up so I thought that you'd enjoy a new one."

I bite my tongue and roll my eyes. He was a conceited, idiot, stupid ass boy. I hated him. I hated him so much I couldn't even describe it. That's how angry I am. But

"You promised. I whispered. "I told you specifically not to show up and you do the exact opposite-"

"I didn't think you'd freak out. I thought you were just embarrassed- I wanted to surprise you."

"Well it didn't work." I snap.

"Yeah, I'm figuring that out now." he whispered- yelled. The man walked back through the swinging door. He had a sour look on his face and didn't even spare Edward a glance.

I take a sip of the hot chocolate and spit it right back out. _This tasted like shit. _

"Look, I understand that you're pissed at me but let me take you home and we can talk about this in the car."

"You don't get to order me around. You are just like Jacob!" I hiss. A look of hurt flashes across his face and I instantly regret what I said. Edward wasn't Jacob- he was far from it. I could trust Edward. I loved Edward more than anything and I always managed to screw everything up with my goddamn stupid mouth!

"I-I'm sorry, Edward." my voice is just above a whisper. Tears stained my cheeks and he reaches his hand out. He cups my face and wipes away the tears with his thumbs. I hold onto his wrists with both hands and lean into his touch.

"Let's go home, Bella. Let me take you home."  
He didn't have to say anything else.

**ooOoo**

Edward drove me home and we didn't exchange more than three words. His face was impassive and revealed nothing about what he was feeling or thinking. I wanted to apologize but something told me to keep my mouth shut.

After twenty minutes he pulled up in front of my house. Neither of us said a word or moved a muscle. Emmett's and Rosalie's car were parked in the driveway. I would have some explaining to do.

"I didn't tell that girl anything in the store." Edward said after a few moments of silence. "I was just another customer buying a book. She knows nothing about us."

"How-" the question lingers on my mouth. How did he know? He couldn't read minds. At least I thought he couldn't read my mind.

"I talked to Rosalie." he sighed. "You ran out of the bookstore and after I bought the book, I called Rose. I wanted to know why you were so upset. It all makes sense now."

"I'm sorry." is all I can say. What else is there to say? I compared him to a _rapist. _I think it's fair to say that I've won the award for the worst girlfriend in the entire world.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You were angry and upset- rightfully so." he added on at the end. "You didn't mean what you said. I know that you didn't."

"I don't how I can make up for everything-" I gulped. "I know that you would never hurt me. You're nothing like Jacob. You are ten times the man."

He's looking out the window, away from me. I rest my hand on top of his but he pulls away.

"Edward?" I whisper. "Talk to me."

"We should take a break, Bella."

All the blood drains from my face. My chest heaves up and down, trying to interpret what he's saying.

"What have you called the past year? That was us taking a break and look what happened. Do you want to be apart for that long again?"

"I love you Bella, you have to understand that but being back here has just reminded me of all the reasons I left in the first place. There's too many things holding me back-!"  
"Like what?" I raised my voice. "ME? Am I holding you back? Just remember that I told you time and time again that you didn't have to stay with me. You could have left long ago, Edward. I gave you an option to get out of this relationship but you never took it."

"This is exactly why I'm doing this Bella." he groaned. Edward humorously laughs and hits his head against the steering wheel. "I wanted to believe that there was some hope for us. I want to believe that we can be something more than we are now but I can't be at college while I'm constantly worrying about you. I love you so much that it hurts when you're not around. I don't want to do this Bella but this has crossed the line."

"If this is what I said earlier than I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I- I am." my body was trembling and tears blurred my vision. This couldn't be happening. Everything was perfect and now it wasn't.

"This has nothing to do with Jacob." He sighs. "I understand that you've been through an ordeal but you can't run away from your problems and lash out at others whenever you're upset. You scared me half to death when you ran from the store today. I didn't know where you went, anything could have happened to you."

I want to scream. I want to shake some sense into him but I can't stop crying. I can't stop feeling. I don't want this pain.

Everything was fine. Everything was perfect.

"Don't do this Ed-ward." I hiccuped. "We can make things work."

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hi y'all! I'm so so sorry that it's been so long! I've been dealing with some personal issues and it hasn't been the best time to write. But I am back and I hope to get back on track with updating! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed! I can't believe that I got to over 300 bookmarks! Thank you to everyone and I'm so grateful that you've given this story a chance! I hope to update again soon but until then, enjoy!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Isabella **

"I just don't understand!" I exclaimed. My head falls back over the arm and I sprawl out on the couch. "He can't just leave!" I scoff. "Wait… can he?" I turn my head towards Victoria, who has patiently listened the entire time, I've ranted about Edward.

"What do you think Bella?" she simply asks.

"What do I think about what?"

"Do you think it was fair of Edward to leave?"

I shrug my shoulders. "He promised that we would always be together- that he'd never leave. I was stupid enough to believe him." I mumble the last part under my breath.

"You didn't answer the question, Bella. Was it fair of him to leave?"

How was I supposed to respond to that? I didn't care about Edward. He could fuck himself in a hole for all I cared.

"Edward means nothing to me. He can do whatever he wants. I'm better off without him." I felt numb as the words poured out of my mouth. I fidgeted with the bracket in my wrist. I couldn't bring myself to take it off. Something was stopping me.

"Can you look me in the eyes and say it to my face?" She gathers my attention. I glance at her and quickly look away. She was doing her weird staring thing again. I couldn't bring myself to speak.

"There's no shame in admitting that you still care about Edward. It's normal for you to feel heartbroken and still have feelings for him. He's always been a huge part of your life."

"I've tried to let him go but every little thing reminds me of him. It's impossible not to think about him."

Victoria nods her head thoughtfully. "You're still wearing the bracelet he gave you."

I shrug and drop my hand. I've been twisting it around my wrist for the past twenty minutes. I tried taking it off but every time I was left feeling cold and empty. I know that this possibly can't be good. Our relationship wasn't the healthiest, I've heard about several times but I never really listened until now.

"You know he sat outside my room at two o' clock in the morning? I woke up to knocking on my window. He had climbed the tree in my backyard. Apparently he thought that was the best way to get my attention."

Edward left three days ago. He tried to say goodbye. He called, texted and of course I didn't respond. I mean… why would I? He's an actual idiot.

Victoria's mouth drops open just a little bit. "Di-did you tell your dad?"

"No." I shrug. "Charlie probably would have shot him. I don't want him dead. Besides… I could sue him for harassment. He claimed that I was holding him back but he doesn't leave me alone. He's a fucking stalker! "

"Isabella-"

"I just don't under-stand!" my voice cracked. "He promised we would always be together. I trusted him. I leaned on him for everything!" I sit up and cover my face with my hands. Snot was dripping down my nose and sobs broke from my chest. "Wha-what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, honey." She moved across the room and sat beside me. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong." She hands me a box of tissues and rubs my back in soothing circles.

"Then why'd he leave?" I mumbled. "I gave him everything he wanted and he still left."

"There's nothing you could have done or said differently. He made this decision completely on his own. Don't ever try to change yourself. You're perfect just the way you are."

"I just want the pain to stop. Why can't somebody love me?" I whimpered in a meek voice. Victoria stares at me as if she's consoling a small child. I hung my head and didn't even attempt to wipe away the fallen tears.

Hours could've passed and I wouldn't have known. I eventually sit up but my body feels drained. It hurts to move, think, or do anything. My heart hurts the most if that's even possible. I didn't think this could get any worse than before.

"How are you feeling now?" Her voice is neutral, showing no emotion. "Sometimes all you need to do is let it out."

I shrug my shoulders. Tired. That's how I felt.

"What am I going to do?" My voice is hoarse. "Everybody's going to know and I-I can't go to school like this. They'll all attack me."

"Do you have anybody you can talk to?" she asks. "Perhaps a friend or your brother?"

Rosalie. I think. Rosalie will understand. She'll help me. She'll know what to do.

"Rosalie left yesterday to go back to school. She told me that I could call her for anything."

"Then how about you give her a call. It sounds like you girls are pretty close. If she meant what she said then I'm sure it's fine to call her."

I shrug my shoulders. I'm sure she was just saying that to be nice. Nobody actually wants to listen to my problems. That's what drove Edward away.

ooOoo

"Are you sure you're alright?" Charlie sighed. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and stared at me as if I was about to fall apart.

I slung my backpack over my shoulders and said, "I'm fine." for the billionth time.

"I can schedule an extra session with Victoria sometime this week if you'd like." he suggested.

I purse my lips and will myself to stay calm. I was going back to school today and Charlie was a nervous wreck. I have been calm- eerily calm and it had everyone on edge. It's like they were waiting for me to explode. I just learned to accept the fact Edward's gone and there's nothing I can do to change it.

"...Bella!" Charlie waved his hand in front of my face, gathering my attention. I spaced out… again.

"I've got to go." I grumbled. "Emmett's waiting for me." I zippered up my jacket and slammed the door shut in Charlie's face.

Why didn't they get it? I don't care about Edward anymore. I couldn't give a bigger fuck.

I hop in Emmett's car and shut the door. He gives me a look but doesn't question my attitude. He realized that it was best not to say anything. Everyone grieves in their own way and this was my way. Not everybody may think it's the healthiest but it's what worked for me.

Five minutes later Emmett pulls up in front of the school. I rest my hand on the handle but don't make any move to get out. Going to school was like being fed to a pack of hungry wolves. I wasn't ready to be eaten alive.

"It's only for six hours." I turn my head towards Emmett. "It's only for six hours and then I'll be here to pick you up at two o'clock." he says.

That's easy for him to say. Everyone loves him. He's practically a god in the eyes of Forks. No one would dare mess with Emmett.

"Edwards a dick. You don't deserve him."

I don't respond. I yank the door open and slam it shut behind me. People stare as I march into school with a blank look on my face. I don't care about Edward. Edward is nothing to me. I'm better off without him. I don't care about Edward.

I walk through the halls to my home room, ignoring all the curious looks. I greet the teacher with a small smile and take a seat in the back of the room. I stick my earphones in my ears and turn up the volume all the way until my ears were bleeding.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

One by one students start to trickle in and I remain mostly invisible. Nobody ever bothered me back here. I scoff to myself, knowing that this was just the beginning. Somebody was bound to say something but I would be ready. I wasn't going to let them tear me down again and again and again.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

By becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

I smiled and laughed and joked around at everyone's snark remarks. They were waiting for me to crumble. My cheeks hurt from the constant smiling but as the day passed, my resolve was slowly being torn down. If I cried then I'd give them what they want and I wouldn't do that. Even if it killed me in the end.

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control

'Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you

"Keep your head up, Bella." I whispered to myself. "Don't let them get to you." I walked into the lunchroom and immediately the comments started. I couldn't hear them but knew what they were. Some people stared at me in pity while others in cruelty. I held my head up high and had almost made it to the front of the room before it happened.

I froze in between the table of cheerleaders and football players and let out a gasp. A big glob of mashed potatoes landed on my face. It dripped from my chin onto my brand new shirt. It stuck in my hair and burned my skin. I clenched my hands into fists and my heart thudded in my chest. People were laughing. Everyone was pointing. I was crying and screaming. Everything hurt. Everything burned. Blood rushed through my ears and everything became blurry. I had to get away but I was frozen in place. I couldn't move. I was blinded by the hot tears running down my cheeks as I wiped away the clumps of potato. I had to get out of here.

Stop crying, Bella. Don't be a baby!

"C'mon Bella." there's a tug on my arm and suddenly I'm being dragged out of the cafeteria. It's not until we get around the corner of the hallway that I finally realize who it was.

Angela.

We enter the bathroom and dump our bags on the ground. She proceeds to wet a paper towel and wipe at the stain on my shirt. We're both silent and can barely look at each other but she continues to do everything she can to help. I don't know how long we spend in the bathroom but she gives me an extra shirt from her backpack and hairbrush. My hair was dripping wet because I just spent the last ten minutes trying to get mashed potatoes out of my hair. I lean against the stall and sink to the ground.

"Why?" is all I can say.

"They were tormenting you. They threw mashed potatoes at you and the look on your face…" she breathed. Her eyes well up with tears and she suddenly looks away. A lone tear falls down her cheek that she hastily wipes away. "I couldn't let them treat you like that. After everything you've been through…"

"I don't need saving-"

"I never said that you did. Everybody needs help sometimes."

"Not from you." I scoff. "When I needed help you weren't there. Whatever you're trying to do now is not gonna work."

"Just let me take you home Bella." she sighed. "We can tell the nurse that you're sick and I can drive you home. I know you must be hurting after what happened with Edward…"

"Just stop!" I roar. "Why can't you understand?" I push myself up off the floor and punch my fists against the wall.

I don't care about Edward. I don't care about Edward.

ooOoo

"R-rose." I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle the sounds of my crying. Emmett and Charlie were downstairs and I managed to escape to my room before they could stop me. I couldn't let them see me like this. I wouldn't.

"Bella?" her voice rang out in concern. The phone shook in my hand as I struggled to gain control.

"What's wrong, Bella." Her voice was firm leaving no room for excuses. There was shuffling in the background before it became quiet.

"E-every-thing." I hiccuped. "He broke up with me! Everyone knows and I just- I just can't go back! I ca-n't Rose-"

"Sweetie, take a breath. I need you to breathe for me. I don't understand what you're saying. You can't go back where?"

"Sc-school." I take a shaky breath before saying. "You don't know what they did to me. I can't go back there."

It's silent on the other end for a moment and I hear a door shut close. "Tell me what they did, Bella." she finally says.

I recount the entire day from start to now. The food incident, the sly remarks in the hallway, and Angela. I went back to class after lunch which was a fucking mistake. Angela said that I should've left. I should've fucking listened to her.

"And you're in your room now? In bed?" she wants to confirm. I humm a yes and snuggle deeper under the covers. The light hurt my head. Everything hurt my head. I wanted to stay in this darkness.

I think she sighs in relief. "Have you talked to your dad or Emmett about this?"

I shake my head no before realizing that she can't see me. "No." I whisper. "I haven't told them about it. I don't want to."

"Bella, they can help you-"

"I can't do it, Rose." I cut her off. My voice was firm and she knew that there was no other way to convince me.

"Then how about talking to Victoria?"

"I just had an appointment though…"

"There's no shame in going back for a second one. Sometimes we need help, Bella." her voice was soft and understanding.

I told everyone that I was fine. I was supposed to be fine. People don't freak out like this after a breakup. I'm unstable and a wreck and a freak and that's why nobody wants to be around me. I have too many problems.

"Bella, are you listening to me?" she huffs. "If you don't want to talk to Victoria just yet or Emmett or Charlie, how about you talk to Esme?"

"I can't tell her about me and Edward!" I cry. "That's w-weird! She's his mother!-"

"I don't mean about the breakup, honey." she tries to calm me down. "I'm talking about what happened at school today. She's always been here for you before, hasn't she?"

Rose was right. She was always right. I could talk to Esme. That wouldn't be weird would it? I'm supposed to go over there tomorrow anyways for tutoring. Carlisle's helping me get back on track with everything.

"I guess I could…" I think out loud.

"I'll always be here for you Bella." she says. "You know that right?"

"Yes." I say unconvincingly.

"Just try to stay… safe." she whispers. "Don't do anything you'll regret. I know that life seems tough right now but it won't always stay this way, alright?"  
I don't believe her but I hum in agreement.

"Call me again in two days? I want to make sure you're alright."

Two days?! That was like a week away! It was almost as though she could feel my panic through the phone. I needed her. I needed her right now. I couldn't wait another two days!

"If it's urgent, then you can call or text me again but I want you to try to work through this with the people around you. You've got to give yourself more credit, Bella. You are one of the strongest people I know."

Strong? I'm not sure if that was the right word to use.

ooOoo

Author's Note:

Hey everyone! Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, your support means so much to me! Going back to last chapter, somebody asked how many chapters I'm planning on doing. Right now my plan is to do about ten chapters for junior year which means I should write about another eight chapters and then ten chapters for junior year. Thats my plan at the moment so if I stick to plan (which I probably won't) the story may end at fifty chapters I believe (but who knows it may go longer or end shorter). Anyways I hope you all enjoy and have a good week! Thanks for reading!


	33. Chapter 33

**Isabella **

I was called down to the office. I was in class, the phone rang, and the next thing I hear is that the principal wanted to speak to me. I went through my mind, trying to think of anything I had done but drew a blank.

I was quiet for the most part. I stayed to myself and took the constant abuse. I didn't fight back. I didn't engage. What did they want from me?

I keep my head bowed and stare at the carpeted rug. People pass by but don't spare me a glance. My leg wouldn't stop trembling. I clenched my sweaty hands into fists and tried to take deep breaths. Rose said to do that. She said to focus on your breathing and tune everything else out then it'd help me concentrate. So that's what I'm doing. I'm concentrating on my breathing.

"Isabella?" My head shoots up as Principal Greene opens the door of his office. He gave a small smile and gestures inside. "I was hoping to speak with you."

I try to gulp down the nerves. _Did I appear nervous? _Nobody pays me a second glance as I force myself up from the chair and take small hesitant steps towards his office. He didn't appear angry. His expression was more… neutral. I didn't know what he was thinking. I step into his room and take a seat in the chair. The door closes behind us and he sits down in front of me. There wasn't much in the room. The walls were painted a boring beige and there were just a couple of pictures of his family on the desk.

"Do you know why you are here today?" he folded his hands in his lap and leaned back in the chair. His mouth formed into a frown as he stared at me.

"N-no." my voice shook. _I don't know why I was here and I'd appreciate if someone would tell me. _

"I was made aware of an incident that occurred yesterday in the lunch room." he sighed.

My face turns a pale white and I stutter, trying to come up with an explanation. "It- it was nothing. Someone accidentally spilt food on me and I got embarrassed and ran out. It was really nothing, Mr. Greene-"

"Isabella." he stopped me. "We have security cameras around the school. I've spoken with several teachers who've witnessed the incident and a student. You don't have to worry, you are not in any trouble."

He didn't understand. This idiot man didn't understand everything. They were going to crucify me. They were all going to burn me alive at the stake. I tugged at my hair and tasted blood in my mouth. I bit through my lip.

"You don't understand…"

"You can't let them do this to you, Isabella. They're all going to be punished severely for their actions. I promise that this is the last time they're going to hurt you like this. There have been previous incidents with the students that I've been made aware of. It's not only you who they've hurt."

"Please…" I whimpered. "This is only going to make it worse. I can handle it fine on my own." I pleaded with him to understand. Tears welled up in my eyes. They were going to think I told on them. All he does is stare at me in pity. He couldn't have cared less. If he cared then he would drop all of this bullshit.

"I'm just trying to help, Isabella." he leans forward in his chair. "I know that you've been through a lot and I just want to help."

"Can you tell me one thing?" I whisper. I look down at my trembling hands. "Who was the student who told?"

It's quiet for a moment. I don't think that he's going to respond. "Angela Webber." he says.

His eyes are on my face as it contorts into an expression of fury. I don't listen to anything else he says. Twenty minutes pass and he lets me go when the bell rings. Without thinking, I storm out of his office, aware of the audience I had gained. I don't even bother going back to get my bag. I run into the parking lot and around the corner. It's pouring rain and I collapse against the wall. My tears mixed into drops of rain, blurring together. I let out a scream and my fists pound against the ground. I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't stay here. I pulled out my phone and dialed the first number I could think of.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice sounded after a few rings. I couldn't speak. I couldn't say much of anything. I let out another cry and heard movement in the background. "What's wrong? Where are you?"

"Sss-school. CarlisleIcantstayhere." I breathed. "Please. Pleasecome"

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." is all he said.

**ooOoo**

It was less than twenty minutes. Probably more like fifteen. He pulls up to the front of the loop and steps out of his car with an umbrella. It only takes a moment for him to notice me as I sprint to his side. I find myself in his arms, holding onto him with all my strength. His arms secure around my waist and we don't let go.

"Get in the car, Bella." he whispers. "You're freezing."

I untangle my arms from around him and allow him to lead me to the passenger side. I slide into the car and welcome the hot air blasting in my face. I lean my head against the window, the fight having left my body, and watch him walk into the school. Ten minutes later he comes out with my backpack and jacket.

We don't say anything on the ride back to the house. I close my eyes and listen to the soft hum of the radio. We finally arrive and he comes around to open the door for me.

"I can take that." I gesture towards my bag and jacket that he's holding.

All he does is shake his head. "You need to rest, Isabella. Let's go inside." his voice is firm and unwavering. I don't question him and I follow him up the stairs and into the house. He places my stuff in the kitchen and I collapse on the couch. I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

The cushion beside me dips down as Carlisle sits beside me and a wool blanket is placed over my shivering body. He pulls my feet up onto his lap and I snuggle deeper into the pillow. It's a comfortable silence for a few moments. I watch the fire place go. I can hear the patter of the rain against the window.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I whisper "no." I wanted to sleep. I wanted to fall into a deep sleep where all of my worries went away.

"I spoke to your father after you called. He's at the station and can't get out early and Emmett's busy with football." he said. "So I decided to call Sue. She's working at the reservation but said that if you want, she can pick you up."

"No." I'm adamant. I didn't want to see Sue. She meant well but at the moment, she is the last thing I needed.

"Alright." Carlisle says. He knows that I'm not going to budge. Everyone always said that I was too stubborn.

"Where's Esme?" I ask. I thought she would be the one to pick up the phone. Her job required that she work from home most days with the exception of going out and meeting clients once in a while. Carlisle was supposed to be at the hospital so when I heard his voice on the phone, I was momentarily surprised.

"She's at the office in Seattle. I was going to go into work today but Alice called, acting awfully suspicious, and suggested that I stay home."

Alice has this weird eerie talent. She has premonitions and most often than not, they've come true. It's almost as if she can see the future, which I know, is crazy to believe. It's either that or Rosalie told her what happened.

"I called her. She'll be home around two o' clock." he said. That's three hours away.

"Did the principal tell you what happened?" I sigh. He was staring at me like he wanted to say something. I've gotten used to that look by now.

He nods his head. "The lunch incident. I don't blame you for running out."

"I hate school." I scoff. "I don't understand how people have it so easy. How come I can't be liked. Do they think I chose to be raped?" I push myself up into a sitting position and stand up. "I hope they all go to hell. I hope they suffer and I hope they never find any happiness in their lives! I jus- I just can't deal with this anymore!" I paced back and forth, screaming at Carlisle and myself. My face was red. I tugged at the ends of my hair wanting- no- needing something to stop the pain. I'm supposed to be doing better. I have Emmett and Victoria and Rose and Esme and Carlisle and everyone I could possibly want. Except Edward. He was my rock. He was my everything. I can't function without him. I can't breathe.

"Isabella." I bury my face in Carlisle's chest. He's hugging me. I'm crying. My chest hurts and sob harder. "It's ok honey," he pats my head, soothingly. His voice was calm and collected. I hug him tighter. "Nobody expects you to be normal. You went through a traumatic event, it's understandable that you're upset."

His shirt is all wet with my tears. I mumble an apology. He cracks a pained smile and softly laughs. "You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetie. What can I do to make this better? I'll do anything you want."

"Don't make me go back to school." I blurt. I pull away and stare at him with unshed tears in my eyes. "I'll do anything. I can't go back there."

Three hours later a car pulls up to the front of the house. "Esme!" I cried. As soon as she stepped through the door, I ran into her arms. She smelt like honey. Her hair was slightly damp from the rain and I just breathed a sigh of relief. _Esme was here._ She wouldn't leave me.

"Oh, sweet girl." she breathed. She gently kissed my forehead and we just stood there for a moment. She clutched her purse in her hand and mumbled something in my ear. We pulled apart, reluctantly, and I almost started crying again. She was almost crying.

"You look pale." Esme put the back of her hand against my forehead. "Have you eaten?" She looks between me and Carlisle. I nod my head.

"I gave her food about an hour ago." Carlisle tried to reassure her.

"Did you-?"

"Yes, I checked her temperature and she's not sick." Carlisle laughed. "I think you're forgetting who's the doctor."

Esme sighs and looks between the two of us. "I'm just making sure." She cupped my face in my hands and smoothed the strands of hair that had fallen in my face. "You look exhausted, sweetie."

I slept for about an hour and Carlisle sat by my side the entire time. He never left. He stayed with me the entire time.

"I'm not tired." I argue. "I'm fine. I don't want to go back to sleep."

_Please don't make me. _

"Besides, Sue is driving over here as we speak. She called a few minutes ago." Carlisle said.

"What?" I turn to him. "I don't want her to come. I don't need her."

"Well she's on her way right now. Lunch is made and I've invited her to stay."

I huff in annoyance and turn to Esme. "I'm actually not feeling well. I think I wanna take a nap."

"Isabella!" Her voice rings throughout the room. I pause at the stairs and reluctantly turn around. "I know that you have your differences with Sue BUT-"

I grumble out loud.

"I'm not going to allow you to hole yourself up in your room. Sue is a guest in our house and she's technically part of your family."

"She is not a part of my family." I bark a laugh. "She's with my father and that is all."

"Well she's coming here specifically for you, so we expect you to be polite." Carlisle says. I clench my jaw and don't argue. "How about you set the table? She should be here any minute."

**ooOoo**

"You have a beautiful home." Sue said. We're all seated around the table. She just came from the _Rez. _I hated that fucking place. They all supported Jacob.

"Thank you" Esme smiled. "You are always welcome here. It gets so lonely sometimes with all the kids gone." She passes me the pasta and I dump some on my plate. I nibbled at the plain bread roll and internally role my eyes. _How much more of this painfully awkward small talk will I have to sit through? _

"Yeah, I know how that feels. After my past husband's death, the house felt bigger and lonelier than ever before. It wasn't until I met Charlie and everyone that I didn't feel so alone anymore." her voice was nostalgic as she spoke. She wasn't sad… just reminiscent. I look away, feeling slightly bad.

"Well, we're happy that you're apart of the family now, isn't that right, Bella?" said Carlisle. I mutter, _yes _under my breathe.

Sue is nervous. Her fingers tap against her leg and her breathing is slightly labored. She was dressed in simple jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Compared to Esme's blouse and pencil skirt and Carlisle's cardigan, she was underdressed. I don't think that I've ever seen Esme wear jeans in her life nor would she want to.

"I'm-" she pauses. "I'm sorry that I couldn't come sooner. I had work to do on the rez and there wasn't anyone available to take over for me."

I open my mouth but Esme silences me with a look. I scowl and stab the pasta with my fork. I didn't care about her fucking job or the fucking rez.

"What do you do for work?" asks Carlisle.

"I'm a personal care aide." there's a hint of embarrassment in her voice. "I help take care of older and disabled people."

"I imagine it can be a tough job." Carlisle said. I internally scoff. _How hard could it be? Especially compared to being a surgeon!_

"Oh, it's nothing being compared to a surgeon!" she awkwardly brushed away the comment and her cheeks turned pink. "It helps pay the bills and I love the people I work with."

"Even if they support a rapist?" I snort. The fork falls from my hand and there's a loud clang in the now silent room. Everyone is staring at me.

I almost feel bad for what I said. _Almost._

"Isabella!" Esme gasps. Her look screams- _apologize this instant!_\- but I don't. She'll never be apart of this family. No matter how hard she tries. Sue froze and I knew I was in a deep shit of trouble.

"May I be excused?" I stare down at my plate. "I'm feeling a bit light headed all of a sudden."

"Yes, you may." Carlisle's voice is clipped. I stand up, take my plate and place it in the sink. I don't stick around to hear whatever else they have to say.

**ooOoo**

"I'm not sure what's gotten into her." Esme apologizes. "I'm so sorry, Bella isn't usually like this."

"She's had a rough few days," Carlisle tries to reason. "Not that it makes up for anything she said but she's going through a lot."

"It's, uhm, it's alright." Sue breathed. "I knew that there would be differences. I knew Bella wouldn't take to me to kindly from what her father told me about her. It's been tough, getting to know her. Every step forward feels like another step back. Of course, I don't condone or support anything Jacob did as well as the majority of the tribe. Everyone is sickened by what happened."

"We understand, Sue. We're not judging you or anyone else for that matter. It's been tough on all of us." said Carlisle. Esme nodded her head and placed her hand on top of Sue's. It was a small but comforting gesture.

"I know that I could never replace her mother or well… you." she looks up at Esme. The bond between her and Bella was so strong that no one would ever be able to break it. Sue wanted that kind of relationship with her but knew it was a far cry from reality. "Would you mind telling me what happened today? How come Bella had to leave school early?"

Carlisle was hesitant to say. He and Esme shared a glance. He was hoping that he could at least tell Emmett or Charlie- somebody that Bella trusted more. He wanted her to open up, not push away.

"Carlisle, please tell me." her voice hardened. "I want to be able to help Bella. I'm not the bad guy here."

"She's being bullied at school." he finally says. "I don't know how long it's been going on for but she called me today in a panic. Apparently, the other day there was an incident at lunch and some kids threw food at her. The principal found out and is punishing the students. Bella's terrified of retaliation."

"I thought it had stopped…" Sue was speechless. Everyone was. Bella had become a master at hiding her emotions. Nobody would have guessed any of this was still happening. She didn't want anyone to know.

"I can tell how much she's hurting and it's been going on for years. I was hoping to talk to both you and Charlie about this but I don't think this can wait."

"What is it, Carlisle?"

"I think Bella should be homeschooled." he sighed."I wouldn't say this if I thought there were other options to help her at school. She's being terrorized. We all know how cruel kids can be and this has been going on for several years now. It's not going to get any better."

"Homeschooling?" Sue is taken aback. "I know nothing about homeschooling and besides Charlie and I both have jobs. Neither of us would be able to do that."

"I could do it myself." said Esme. "I used to be a teacher and have the certification and qualifications."

"But isn't it the child's parents that usually do the homeschooling? How does that work?"

"It is typically the parents but you're allowed to have other people homeschool your children. They just have to have the right qualification and have to be approved by the local superintendent. I work from home most days and we can set up a school schedule that works for all of us."

"Do you really think this is the only option?" Sue whispers. Nobody wanted to pull Bella out of school if it wasn't absolutely necessary.  
"I really believe it is." Carlisle nodded his head. "This if from a professional opinion. I don't know how much longer Bella can cope with all of this stress and anxiety."

"I'll talk to Charlie about it and see what he has to say." Sue had to agree with Esme and Carlisle. The girl was falling apart all over again right in front of their eyes. Nobody wanted her to suffer any longer. "Let's just not mention this to her yet. At least until Charlie agrees to it."

**ooOoo**

**Authors Note: **

**Hey everyone! Thank y'all so much for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much to me! My school is shut down all next week because of Corona, so I'm going to try to write more and possibly update another chapter! I hope y'all are having a great week and stay safe! **


	34. Chapter 34

**Isabella **

_360-816-2754: Bella? Can we talk? I feel awful_

_360-816-2754: Where have you been? Please, just let me apologize _

_360-816-2754: This is Angela… if you didn't know. I don't blame you, if you deleted my number. I want things to be right between us. I wasn't thinking when I told Mr. Greene _

_Angela: Please respond _

"Are you going to answer that?" Emmett gestured to my phone. It wouldn't stop buzzing. Angela wouldn't leave me alone. _I should've blocked her. _I swallow a spoonful of cereal and put my phone on silent. It was Sunday morning. Charlie and Sue had decided to go out fishing. Emmett was left on babysitting duty. I told him I wasn't a baby. He didn't listen.

_Buzzz. _

"What the hell could be so important that she needs you right now?" Emmett grumbled. "Just respond and she'lll drop whatever it is."

"You don't understand." I sigh. "If I respond than that means she wins. It means I forgive her for everything she's done and I'm not going to do that."

I was a stubborn person. Everyone knew I was. People said that my stubbornness would someday get in my way. I think it's done the opposite. Angela treated me like shit so why should I giver her the time of day?

"When are you going to understand that none of this is a game?" Emmett rolled his eyes. "There are no winners or losers. You're just being petty by not responding to her."

My eyebrow quirks up. "Did I ask for your opinion? No, I didn't." my eyes narrow into a glare, daring him to fight me.

"Tell me when you drop this attitude. You are acting like a bitch." He dumps his bowl in the sink and leaves me alone in the kitchen. "We're leaving in ten minutes."

"_Dick."_ I mutter once he's left the room.

_Buzzz. _

"Fuck this!" I grumble. I turn my phone over to see several more messages. She never stopped. _What didn't she get? I hate her for a reason! _

_Bella: Idc what you have to say_

_Bella: Learn to keep ur mouth shut _

_Angela: I was just trying to make things better. I'm sorry. _

_Bella: I don't accept. _

_Angela: Bella, please! _

_Angela: Bella! _

I turned my phone off and head upstairs. I had an appointment with Victoria in twenty minutes. It's already been ten minutes.

"Are you getting ready, Bella?" Emmett knocked on my bedroom door. "We're late leaving."

I collapse back in my bed. "I'm not going! We're already late!" I yell from the other side.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He yanks open the door. "We have to pay a sixty dollar fee for canceling last minute. Dad will be pissed!"

I shrug my shoulders and roll onto my stomach. "I'm not going. You can't force me."

His face turns bright red and he mumbles something to himself. "Why are you always so difficult? We're all trying to help you. This is all for you! I'm still stuck in this dead end town because of you!"

"Well I'm not forcing you to stay. Leave for all I care." I smirked. Tears burned in my eyes. "Get out of my room." I get up and force him back until he's standing in the hall. I slam the door shut in his face.

An hour later there was a knock on the front door. I snuck out of my room and listened from the top of the stairs, hiding around the corner.

"No offense, but you are literally the last person she wants to see at the moment." I heard Emmett say. Angela was at the door. Her grey toyota was parked at the end of our driveway.

"You don't think I know that?" her voice raised. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important. I just want to talk to her."

"Bella isn't in the mood to talk to anyone."

Angela wouldn't give up until she got what she wanted. Did she learn anything from the last time she came here? I was supposedly taking a nap or at least that's what Emmett believed. I hadn't left my room in several hours. We were still fighting. I wasn't one to forgive or forget easily. Angela should know this by now.

"I'd leave if I were you-"

"No. I want to explain myself." she pressed. It could have only been about forty degrees outside. She was wearing a crop top and a jean skirt. She looked ridiculous. She was going to get frostbite and I won't care when all her fingers and toes fall off.

"I think you should just leave!" He gritted his teeth together and blocked her from coming in. "Right now is really not the time."

"Well can you at least tell her that I'm sorry… for everything.?" Her voice softens to a whisper. "I only meant to help her. I know I haven't been the best friend."

Emmett hesitates before nodding his head up and down. Angela mumbles a goodbye and the door shuts close.

"I assume you heard everything." Emmett's standing at the bottom the staircase. I come out from behind the corner.

"Thank you."

He nods his head in acknowledgement. He sighs and says, "I'm sorry. I was a jerk before." He runs his hand fingers through his curly hair and grimaces. He could be a big softy when he wanted to.

"I know you are." I said. "I don't want to force you to stay here if you don't want. You can leave whenever you want, I'd understand-"

"I'm not leaving, Bella." he said. He walks up the stairs to me and sits down on the top step. I sit beside him and lean my head on his shoulder. "I was being an idiot before. I'm never going to leave you."

I laugh out loud, unable to help myself. I've heard that so many times now that I'm not sure what to believe anymore. Emmett was too kind for his own good. I don't understand how he's put up with me for so long. I don't know how long we sat there for but it was just what we needed. It was just what I needed.

**ooOoo**

"I'm… sorry." I gulped. Sue stood at the front door, having just walked inside from the fishing trip. She stared at me wearily. I had seen that look too many times before. "It, uhm, it wasn't fair of me to say that, uhm stuff the other day. I apologize."

I sucked on my upper lip and looked away, awkwardly. Usually this was the point where the person would forgive and you'd move on. Sue is silent. Emmett told me to say sorry because I apparently really hurt her. I may not like her but my father does and I don't want to ruin the one happy thing in his life.

"I've tried and tried to be here for you and give you what you want." Sue said. My eyes flash up to her face. "I know that I'll never be that mother figure for you and I've accepted that. My hope was that we could at least try to form some sort of friendship."

"Sue…"

"No, Isabella let me speak." she stopped me. "I understand that you've been through a lot and are dealing with a lot of emotions, but that is no excuse to be disrespectful towards me. I'm not sure that you understand that your words hurt a lot." she held her hand up to her heart and stared at me with the most pained expression. I had to look away.

"I love your father and you and Emmett. I'm a one hundred percent committed to being apart of this family and being your friend if you'd let me. But we can never become friends if you don't at least make an effort."

I scoff and shake my head. "I've been trying-"

"You are not trying." she steps towards me. "I'd like to be your friend but first and foremost, I'm the adult in this household and I demand your respect. I'm not going to ground you or take away your phone but I want you to think about your actions. Think about how much they've hurt your father. Don't apologize until you sincerely mean it."

She leaves me standing at the door, dumbfounded, and goes back outside to help Charlie at the car. _I try! _I don't know what she's talking about! Of course, I respect her. I allowed her to be with my father. Yes, I was upset at first but I've accepted it. It's not like I'm trying to kick her out of the house! She does her thing and I stay out of her way. That's just how it worked. Maybe I was kind of rude the other day but it's not like I meant anything I said. I respect her.

If my dad thought I wasn't being nice then he for sure would have said something by now. I'd never purposely hurt him so I don't know what she's going off about!

Maybe I should have gone to Victoria today. _Why'd I always fuck up? _

**ooOoo**

"I'm sorry about Sunday, that was kind of… unplanned. Thanks for fitting me in now."

"Thank you for the apology. It means a lot." Victoria said. "I'd like to talk about what happened two days ago. Emmett wouldn't give me very many details."

"I've just been having a bad few days" I shrug my shoulders.

"Well let's start from the beginning. Your father told me an incident occurred at school. I'd like to hear more about that from you."

I explain everything in detail, from school to Sue. I've come to realize over the past few days, what a shitty person I actually am. Maybe I was being kind of a bitch to Sue. Maybe she was right.

"And do you want to be homeschooled? It'll be very different than public school."

That was the one thing I was certain on. I eagerly nod my head and look her straight in the eyes. "I'm going to fall apart if I have to go back to that damn school. I got several of the cheerleaders and footballers suspended. Everyone knows that they rule the school. I'm as good as dead if I show up back there." my voice trembled and I tried to keep my composure. _Did it make me weak for not going back? Did that mean that they won? _

"If you believe that homeschooling is the best option than I'm one hundred percent behind you on this. You are in charge of your future, Bella. Don't ever let anyone tell you different."

She was right. I was in control. I couldn't let anyone tell me different. I had to be strong. I couldn't cry every single time something went wrong. "I've decided to turn over a new leaf."

Victoria raises her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't been trying." I whisper. "I think it's pretty obvious to anyone's who's been watching. Every time something goes right, something else goes wrong and I completely break down. Don't lie to me, Victoria. Can you honestly tell me that I've tried my hardest?"  
She purses her lips and slightly smiles. "I was wondering when you were going to figure that out for yourself."

"What…" I shake my head. She wasn't making any sense.

"I can only give you the tools and guidance to help you recover. I can't control how hard you try at recovering. It's up to you to put in the effort." she smiled. "Do you really think you would have listened, if I told you how to behave and what you should do?"

"Maybe-"

_No. I wouldn't have listened. _Just like I didn't listen to the doctor at the hospital. Just like I haven't been listening to anyone in the past three years.

"You had to see it for yourself. You had to come to this conclusion on your own. I'm proud of you, Isabella. This is a big step in improvement."

_Why didn't it feel like an improvement? Why did I feel even more shitty than before? _

"I want to make things right with Sue. I need to show her how sorry I really am. Every time I hurt her, I hurt my dad and I never wanted to do that."

"How about we brainstorm some ideas?" she suggests.

"I already know what I want to do." I said. "Did you know she has a son? His name is Seth. He goes to college in California and after his father died, he stopped coming home. Sue hasn't seen him in over a year."

"You want to contact him?"

"Yes." I nod my head. "I want to convince him to come back at least for a little bit. Charlie told me how heartbroken Sue is. I want to do something right for once."

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thank you so much everyone for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much! I'm so happy that I actually updated this soon! My school is now closed down until April 6 so I have a lot more time to write and update! It was a struggle to even get my school closed! Four students tested positive for corona and our superintendent still didn't view that as a big enough reason to close! We had to have a big walk out and protest and she was finally forced to close our school. I just hope now that everyone is doing ok and staying safe! I should update again sometime next week (hopefully)! **


	35. Chapter 35

**Isabella **

"My name is Bella." the phone shook in my hand. I wondered if I he could hear my nerves. _This wasn't weird, was it? Just calling him out of the blue? _"I got your number from my father, Charlie Swan?" It's quiet on the other side. I think he hung up. "Hello-?"

"I know who you are." he cuts me off. "You were Jacob's friend."

"Yes, I was." I let out a nervous breathe.

"Just because I'm gone doesn't mean I don't keep in touch. Your dad and my mom are dating. You and Jacob had a… _falling _out." he emphasizes the last part. I nod my head before realizing he can't see me.

"I-I know that you don't want to come home but I really think you should. Your mother really misses you. She talks about you all the time."

"You don't understand, Bella." he laughs. "I can't go back to Forks, there are to many memories of _him…" _

"I know how you feel, trust me. When someone you love is gone, _nothing _makes sense anymore. I struggle being here everyday." I sit on my bed and lean back against the wall and close my eyes and whisper, "but there are people here that miss you and that are worth staying for. It hurts a whole lot more when you're gone. Don't you miss your mother?"

It's silent on the other end. I know what he's thinking. She's found someone else- another family to love more than her other one.

"You are the most important thing in her life." I stress. "I- I haven't been very nice to her but I know that she's a good woman and she misses you."

"I'm sorry, Bella." his voice is rough. "I love my mother but I'm just not ready yet. I need more time. My father died so suddenly and I just couldn't deal with it. I left as soon as I could and I'm finally doing better."

"Well if you can't do it for your mom than at least do it for me?" I whisper. "Please, do it for me."

"_Yo, Seth! Are you coming?" _I hear from the other side of line.

"Listen, I've got to go." he sighs. "Thanks for the call but I've got to pass for now-"

"Please, just think about it!" I rush to say before he hangs up on me. "You don't have to decide right now but it would mean a lot to many people."

I wait a few seconds but the lines goes dead. He hung up. _Well that was an utter waste of time. _

There was still more I needed to do though and more people I needed to see. I quickly got dressed and rushed downstairs and into the living room. Emmett was in the middle of watching a football game. I stand in front of the tv, blocking his view. I wasn't going to get his attention any other way. I roll my eyes and grab the remote away from him, turning the tv off.

"What the hell was that for?" he throws his hands up in the air and groans.

"I need you to drive me to Angela's house." I squeeze the remote in my hands, slightly shaking. _Why was I doing this? _

"You can walk. Her house only ten minutes away!" he grumbles.

I shake my head back and forth and scoff. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? It's pouring outside! I'll get wet!"

"Why do you wanna go to her house any way?" he questioned. "You fucking attacked her before."

"I have some stuff to say." I didn't elaborate any further. This was between me and her and I didn't want Emmett getting in the middle of everything.

"You're not gonna go psycho again?"

"God no." I roll my eyes. "Can we just go?"

"We'll go in ten minutes. I've got to finish the game."

Twenty minutes later, I was standing at her front door while Emmett waited in the driveway. I contemplated whether to ring the doorbell or knock. _Why the fuck was this so hard? Just chose, goddamnit! _Her dogs got scared by the doorbell but they didn't always hear when I knocked. Before I would just walk right into her house. We were best friends. We were sisters and sisters didn't need to ring the doorbell or knock on the door when going to each others houses.

I deciding just to ring the doorbell. I wait a few seconds and hear her dogs, a voice, and then the door swings opens. It's Angela.

"Umm, hi." she stutters. Her eyes were wide and she looked me up and down as if I wasn't real or something. "What are you doing here?"

I take in a nervous breathe and look at the ground. _This was so much easier to do in my head! _"I, um, I had some things I needed to say to you." I mumble. _Just do it, Bella. Be strong. Don't be afraid. _"Don't be afraid." I whisper to myself. I hold my head up high and look her in the face. "I don't hate you, Angela. Do I strongly dislike you? Yes. But I don't hate you."

She grips onto the door as if she's about to fall over.

"You were my best friend and I trusted you more than anyone. You were my sister and I needed you. I'm not going to stand here and lie about not wanting you back because some crazy part of me does. I want everything to go back to normal but that's just not possible. I can't just ignore ten years of friendship and throw it away like it was nothing because our friendship meant everything to me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." she cries. "I'm so so sorry…" Angela covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stop herself from crying.

"I've had to deal with a lot of shit and still am dealing with shit. I understand why you told Principal Greene what happened and I'm thanking you for trying but I want you to know that I don't need your help. I know that you are trying to make up for everything that has happened but nothing is going to change the past or my feelings. Too much damage has been done, Angela."

"Please forgive me, Bella." she whimpers. "Please-"

I shake my head side to side and she cries harder. "I can't forgive you now and I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to. I just thought that you should have an answer to everything. But, I can't forgive you."

**ooOoo**

"Are you ok?" Emmett broke the silence. I don't know why but I was crying. I told myself that I wasn't going to cry. Angela wasn't worth my tears. Nobody was.

"Just drive, please." I mutter. I duck my head to the side, discreetly trying to wipe away the tears.I wasn't ok. Angela and I were supposed to be best friends forever. We were gonna name our kids after each other and were going to be each other's maids of honors at our weddings because we had no other sisters. We had our whole life planned together. But not all friendships last. A lot of them fall apart but we never could have imagined that ours would. Breaking things off just makes it all so much more real.

"You did the right thing." he whispered. "I couldn't have done what you just did. It took guts, Bells." I crack a smile. _Bells. _He hasn't called me that in years.

I smile and my Emmett puts his hand on top of mine, gently squeezing. "You know that I love you right? You're the best brother anyone could ask for."

"Well you're the best sister." he grinned. "I'll stay here for as long as you want me too. I'll even stay next year if I have to-"

"No!" I instantly say. "You committed to the school so you're going to go! I'll be fine for a year on my own- It's just a year." I whisper more to myself. "I have dad and Esme and Carlisle. Besides, you can call all the time."

"You're right." he begrudgingly admitted. "Boston is so far away though. We don't know anyone out there."

"Edward's only two hours away, so you could always go and see him." I force myself to say his name.

Emmett grumbles in response and I give him a sideways glance. "I'm gonna beat the bloody fuck out of him the next time I see him!"

"Emmett-!"

"He fucking hurt you. I'm never allowing him near you again! Do you know what it was like to watch you suffer? He did that to you so I have a right to be pissed at him!"

"Well you don't have to go and beat him up." I roll my eyes. "Carlisle and Esme won't be very pleased."

"I'm sure they'll understand." he says.

_I'm sure they won't. _

"Besides, I can take care of myself. You don't have to protect me from Edward. He's an idiot that's not worth fussing about." I mostly try to convince myself. My heart hurts every time I hear his name.

"Well, I'm your big brother and I'll do whatever it takes to protect you. Any boy that comes will have to go through me."

_Oh Jesus! What have I gotten myself into?!_

"While I appreciate the sentiment, I don't want to have to bail you out of jail. Then you really won't be able to protect anyone."

We take a left and then a right and soon we're back home. I get out of the car, feeling much better than I did getting in. We walk into the house and are greeted by the sight of Sue and Charlie gushing over something in the living room.

"Dad?" Emmett calls. I follow him into the living and freeze in place. On Sue's finger is a fat shining diamond.

"I should have told you before but I couldn't wait." Charlie nervously said. "I proposed! Sue and I are getting married!"

"That's great!" Emmett exclaimed. "I'm happy for you guys, truly." Emmett patted Charlie on the back and gave Sue one of his infamous bear hugs. I escape upstairs before anyone can notice and silently cry in my room.

**ooOoo**

**Friday, April 12**

"Ahhh, Bella!" Esme was ecstatic. She stared at the screen, almost in tears, bursting in happiness. "You got almost a near perfect SAT score! You doubted yourself for no reason!" she playfully hits me in the arm. The result just came back and I'm frozen in shock. I took the test two weeks ago and just got it back today. They must have made a mistake. This must be someone else's test that they mixed up with mine. I couldn't have gotten a 1530 out of 1600, _I just- I just couldn't have! _

"I told you that all of this studying was worth it and you wouldn't believe me! You have to give yourself more credit! You are smarter than you believe!"

"I-I- this can't be true!" I sit down in the chair and stare at the computer. None of this was real. I'm waiting for someone to pinch me so I can wake up from this wonder dream. Nobody does.

"It is true." Esme rests her hand on my knee. "You put in all of this hard work the past several months and look at this!" she points at the screen. "It's paid off!"

I smile and cry and laugh. This was unreal- I never did this well! The old, pre-high school Bella- wouldn't of batted an eye. These types of grades were normal… but the current high school Bella was shocked into oblivion (in a good way).

"Do you want to call your dad?" Esme asked. "Or I can drive you home right now and you can show him yourself!"

"That's, um, that's alright." I feigned a laugh. "Charlie and Sue are busy planning for the wedding. They're meeting with the wedding planner, right now, I think."

"Well, I'm sure they won't mind if you interrupt them. This is big news to share!" Esme tried to sound encouraging but ultimately failed. "Bella, talk to me. I know that you're stressed about the wedding." Esme softly said.

If it wasn't obvious, I was less than thrilled. I wanted to be happy for them, I truly did, but I couldn't help but think about my mother. Yes, she's an awful woman and I hate her but she's still my mother. I can't help but think… what if Charlie had tried harder. What if they had both tried harder to save the relationship? Where would we be today?

My parents divorced a month ago and it was something we had all been expecting. Charlie earned sole custody of me after the judge learned of the neglect and trauma Renee had put me under. She didn't even try to fight Charlie for parental rights. If I had any hope that she loved me, it was gone now.

"Have you talked to your father about any of this?" she asked. I shake my head. I hadn't even talked to weren't getting married until September so it was still a ways away.

"Well I think it would really be beneficial. He understands more than you think. One thing that I know about your father is that he cares about what you have to think. He wants to know what you're thinking about."

"I dunno. I"ll think about it." I shrug my answer wasn't good enough for her but she knew not to push it any further.

"I- um- I think that I'm actually going to call Emmett. He'll want to know."

"Alright." Esme is still concerned. "Well, I'm going to get started on dinner. Why don't you also ask if Emmett, Charlie, and Sue want to eat over? Carlisle should be home any minute."

"Ye-yeah." I stammer. "I can do that."

**ooOoo**

**Thursday, June 25 **

"It's summer!" Victoria exclaimed. "You're done with Junior year. How do you feel?"

I shrug my shoulders and slightly smile. "Relieved?" is that the right word? I actually made it through nine months of hell… and survived. I'm not sure anyone thought that was gonna happen. I didn't believe so myself.

Almost as if Victoria read my mind, she says, "I believed in you this whole time. I knew that you were a fighter. I never doubted you for a moment."  
I bark a laugh. _That had to be a complete and utter lie. _I had more mental breakdowns than I could count.

"I'm serious, Bella. I've never seen another person put up as much as a fight as you. I knew from the very beginning that you were headstrong, _stubborn _girl who wouldn't take no for an answer."  
"Stubborn," I smirk. _That was one way to describe me. _"Well… thank you. You honestly helped so much this year. I'm not sure what would have happened without you."

"What are your plans for this summer?" she tries to lighten up the atmosphere.

"Me, my dad, and Sue are going to Boston with Emmett in August to help him move in to his dorm." I sigh. "That should be fun."

"What do you think about him moving away?"

"I know that it's so selfish of me to say but I don't want him to go. I know that he can't stay in Forks forever nor does anyone want to but he's my brother." I gulped. "I don't know what i'll do without him."

"Have you tried telling him this?" she suggested.

I sigh and shake my head. "If I tell him then he'll actually stay. I don't want to him to give up on the school of his dreams because of me. He deserves to be happy and have a good life. Emmett's had to deal with my shit for too long now. This isn't about me or my happiness anymore."

"That's a very noble thing of you to say, but you don't know how he'll respond if you never tell him."

And I'm never going to. I can't rely on him for everything and I won't make him suffer with me. The whole point of this year is about forgiveness and healing and moving on. That was my New Years Resolution. i would be a better me this year. I'm not sure that it was really fulfilled but I'd like to think that I'm trying now.

"Well what else are you doing this summer?"

"Not much. I'm going to work at the bookstore and then the others are coming back in a couple of weeks." my mind goes over all the bad things that could happen.

"Are you ready to see Edward?" she asks.

My stomach's queasy as I think about him. I didn't want to see him but at the same time, it was inevitable that we could stay apart. Forks was so small that we were bound to cross points at some point.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready." I scoff. "I don't want to think about him anymore. Sometimes I wished that he was dead. Does that make me a bad person?" I cock my head to the side and stare at Victoria.

"I…" she ponders. "I don't think that it makes you a bad person. You're still grieving whether you want to admit it or not. Remember the five stages of grief?"

"Please, don't bring that up." I rolled my eyes and slightly laughed. "Haven't I been stuck in the anger phase like forever? I don't buy that whole thing."

"I know you don't." she said amused. "But maybe, you can try journaling or talking more with Esme or Rose about how you're feeling if you can't talk to Emmett?"

"I dunno." I said nonchalantly. "We'll see."

**ooOoo**

**Saturday, July 4th **

I shriek and whip around when I hear a voice whisper in my ear, "Bellaboo." Jasper stands there proud and tall and I fling myself into his arms.

"Jasper!" I squeal. I wrap my arms around his neck and he swings me around. "Oh my god it's been forever! I thought you weren't arriving until tomorrow!"

"That was originally the plan but I didn't want to miss the barbecue!" Jasper laughed. I slap him in the arm, bursting with excitement.

It was the the fourth of the July and everyone always came to my house for the annual barbecue. It had become a tradition over the years with the Hales, Cullens, Jacob's, and Angela's families coming. It was an event everyone looked forward to but this year we were down a couple of families.

"Does Alice know that you are here yet?" I smirk.

"Nope." he pops the p. "And don't tell her. It's a surprise!"

I smile wide, know that Alice was going to freak. They hadn't seen each other in forever and I knew she had to be going insane.

A moment later the screen door opens and Rose comes running into the backyard with Emmett trailing. "Bella!" we both stumble back as we tightly hug each other. It had only been seven months but Rose already looked older and if possible, even more beautiful.

Rose lets go and just stares at me with a big smile. "You let your hair grow out!" she exclaims.

I giggle and nod my head, twirling the ends of my hair. "Yeah, I felt like I needed a change."  
"Well you look amazing!"

"Thank you!" we both giggled.

A few minutes later, their parents, Kelly and Whit came outside with Charlie. Emmett and Jasper had started the grill and our parents went to sit down at the picnic table. We talked a little bit more about random stuff until the Cullens arrived. Esme brought her infamous potato salad and before a word could even be said, Alice came flying out of the house, screaming Jasper's name. Not caring who was watching, they start making out. All of us were used to it by now. _This was Alice we were talking about. _I smile at the two of them before realizing that Edward wasn't here. Carlisle and Esme had taken a seat at the table and I gave them a questioning look.

"Edward didn't come home." Carlisle announced. It falls silent and everyone's thinking the same thing. _It's because of me. _

"Well, where is he?" Emmett all but growled.

"In Alaska." said Esme.

"Alaska?" I burst out laughing. "What in the actual fuck!"

"That's what I said." Alice huffed in annoyance. "He said that he wanted to connect with nature and find his true self- whatever the hell that meant."

That was a load of bull. He could've just come back here. There was plenty of nature in Forks- oh wait- he's too embarrassed to face me. That's how much of a coward he was.

"Well we don't need him." Rose playfully nudged me, noticing my angry expression.

"You're right," I say. "We don't need him."

_I don't need him. _

The day goes on and the sun goes down. I'm sitting between Alice and Rose and are listening to Alice as she describes the fashion line she's creating. "I named it, _Bella Italia." _Alice looks at me as she says. I almost choke on my food.

"Alice… I- I don't know what to say." My face was as red as a tomato.

She places her hand on top of my mind and softly giggles. "You were the inspiration. I wanted to do something meaningful and that meant something to me."

"Thank you." I say and sincerely mean it.

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note: **

**Hey y'all! Thank you so much for reading and all of the reviews, your support means so much to me! I'm pretty sure that this chapter is much longer than my others and I'm really excited about that! I also wanted to mention a few things and answer a question from the last chapter. **

**The question was about whether we knew the tribes reaction to the rape: I never really did talk much about the tribe's reaction to the rape but that will all be explained more clearly in the upcoming chapters and it will all be more clear**

**I also wanted to say that Seth still is in the story and this is not the end of him. In this chapter I talked about divorce and parental rights and be aware that I'm not an expert on the topics and I probably did get stuff wrong! This is a fiction story so not everything is going to be accurate! **

**That should be it for now and I'm gonna try to update again sometime next week! I hope you are all having a good week and stay safe!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Isabella**

"I'm gonna miss this." Rose said. We sat on the rock, staring out into the thick wilderness. It had only been two weeks and already Alice and Rose were leaving. Alice was leaving tomorrow for Italy and Rose had some friends in Georgia she was going to see. We decided that the three of us should do one last girls trip. Alice suggested going to the Fashion Museum in Seattle but neither Rose or I wanted to drive four hours.

We eventually decided on a hike at Olympia National Park. It wasn't mine or Alice's first choice but Rosalie could be very persuasive when she wanted to. I don't like hiking. In fact I hate hiking. But Rose loves it and I love Rose. I had just needed a little liquid energy to help me through the day because soon they would be abandoning me and I couldn't trust myself not to cry.

"When do you think you guys will be back?" I ask. Everyone was leaving and I literally had no other friends. I mean, I had the bookstore but those people weren't really my friends. They were more like acquaintances.

"September." Alice says. "For the wedding."

I scowl and throw a pebble as hard as I can into the rushing river in front of us. I was sick of hearing about this wedding. It was sickening how much love was in the air. Rose and Emmett. Jasper and Alice. My dad and Sue. It's like god decided to make me the most miserable person on earth!

"Don't be so down." laughed Rose. "You think you'll hate it but it'll be the most beautiful day. It's impossible not to love a wedding-"

"But I hate love! It's pointless and stupid and you shouldn't need a man to be happy! We are strong independent woman, don't you agree?!" I dramatically exclaimed. I push myself to my feet, slightly wobbling but catching my balance. I snicker and ask, "Do you know what kind of women pine after men?"

They've been shocked into silence. Alice shakes her head.

"Whores!" a growls rumbles from my chest. "Fucking whores with peasized brains that think they need a man to complete their lives. I refuse to be a whore!" My voice echos for miles and miles. On an impulse, I jump down from the rock and race towards the river.

"Bella, stop! What the hell are you talking about?" Rose yells as she chases after me. I stop at the edge of the river, watching the water rush by in utter fascination. She puts her hand on my shoulder and yanks me back from the river. I stumble and fall on my butt, pulling her down with me. She grunts when we hit the ground. Alice is standing in front of us with a slight frown on her face.

"Why are you so sad, Ali?" I pout. I'm overcome with this urge to just hug her and keeping hugging her. Maybe my hugs will make her stay. The idea goes through my mind. I try to get up but Rose holds me down.

"She's drunk." Alice takes a closer look at me. I hear Rosalie mutter something under her breathe but can't quite make out what was said.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" I look all around but at her. Alice crouches down in front of us and calls out my name several times. Eventually, I turn my attention to her. She asks how many drinks I had.

"Only three." my voice is certain. I only had about three drinks… and then a couple more. If you haven't noticed, I'm not good with dealing with stress. I don't normally drink, in fact I hate drinking but today I needed one.

"Bella-"

"I still love Edward. I hate him but if he came back and wanted to be together again then I would go back to him. I'm not going to lie, I hate him so much. But I would still go back to him-"

"Bella, please-"

"I'd move to Alaska with him-"

"Can you shut your mouth for one second!" Alice freaked. She finally broke. I knew that it would happen one of these days. A person can't be this cheery all of the time.

"Where'd you get the alcohol?" she asks.

"Where do you think?"

I don't think that I would call myself super drunk. Maybe like medium to smallish drunk. I wanted to finish the hike but Rose and Alice weren't any fun. They brought me back to the car where I fell asleep for the remainder of the ride. When I woke, two hours later, my head was on Alice's lap and Rose and Emmett were arguing in the driveway.

_We're home. _

"You're leaving." my voice is full of disappointment. I look up at Alice with unshed tears. She nods her head. She didn't approve of my drunkness. Neither did Rose. Emmett's face is beat red as her voice gets louder and louder. I hear my name a couple of times.

"You don't have to be sad about it." Alice sighed. She stared at me like how you'd stare at a little kid- in sympathy. "There will be plenty of opportunities for us to see each other again! Plus you have my number so you can text and call me whenever you want!"

"Not the same." I mumbled.

Alice didn't respond. She knew too it was not the same.

"I ruined the hike." I say, feeling kinda guilty. Today was supposed to be a fun day and I ruined it.

"You don't ruin it, Bella. We hiked a good hour." she tries to console me before I start crying. Her voice sounded like bells. It made me feel a little better.

**ooOoo**

**August**

**Edward**

You know how you know that you've screwed up? It's when everything around you makes absolutely no sense and you've become a day drinker. It's been eight fucking months and Bella was on my mind 24/7 and nothing I did could make her go away. I tried to forget about her, I truly did but her smile and laugh and the way she bit her lip drove me crazy. It was impossible to forget about Isabella fucking Swan. I'd run back to her if I could. I'd pick her up by her waist and spin her around and around like we were the only two people left on earth. I would love her with everything I had because she was worth it. There wasn't any other girl like her.

I was already on my fifth glass of Vodka and it was only ten o' clock in the morning. The bartender probably thought that I was just another lowlife bum. After coming to this pub for the third time in a row, he had my order down. We never said anything to each other. I showed him my fake ID and he poured the alcohol.

"I need another." I pushed my glass towards him and leaned back in the chair.

"I can't do that." he takes the glass from me.

"But-!"

"Dude, you've had too much to drink. I don't want you getting hurt."

I want to curse this idiot out. I want to make him give me that fucking drink or else I'll punch his teeth out. I want to forget everything. I want to forget about her.

"I'll get you some water." he said. The guy's name tag said Garrett. He was skinny. tall and had shaggy brown hair. He didn't look like he should be a bartender. He looked more like he should be one of those skater dudes. He slides a glass of water in front of me and I take a reluctant sip. Water wasn't going to help me forget about her. Nothing was going to make me forget.

"What brings you to Alaska?" he leaned against the counter, watching me as I drank the ice cold fucking water.

"I needed to get away." I shrugged. There wasn't much else to it.

"Who broke your heart?" he asked as if I wasn't the first person to stumble in here. Her name falls off my lips so perfectly and soft, my heart hurts even more. I want to cry. I want to scream.

"I left her." I cried. "I left her and I want her back now. I'm such a fucking a dick. What the hell was I thinking!" I run my fingers through my hair, trying to calm my racing heart. This wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to be happy together! We were in love! I still am in love! What the hell was I thinking!

"Do you know what I suggest?" the man said. "Sober up and give her a call. If she cares about you as much as you seem to care about her then she'll pick up."

"I- I don't know if I can do that. If she doesn't pick up then I don't know what I'll do. I don't think she wants anything to do with me." my voice is rough and broken. Bella wasn't stupid. She had a mind of her own and would give me hell.

"Tell me about her."

"She's beautiful and awkward and funny and stubborn as hell. She's very opinionated,"I laugh, "she always says what's on her mind. That's what I like most about her. She's not afraid to show how she feels. There's-there's also thing where she bites her lip. It's the goddamn most sexiest thing. She doesn't need to dress up or wear a lot of makeup to look perfect. She already is."

It's quiet for a moment. He stares at me with a look of contemplation on his face. _Did I say too much? Maybe that was a bit much._

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" he whispers. "If I were you then I'd be on the first plane back home this instant! If you wanna win her back, tell her exactly what you told me. Tell her that and even more. She needs to feel your love and regret. She needs to know how much you care!"

Maybe- maybe he was right. I made a fucking mistake. But I could still fix it, right? I needed to try. I would do anything for her. I would die for her.

**ooOoo**

I stepped off the plane with just my backpack, phone, and wallet. I release a breathe that I didn't know I was holding. I told myself that I wasn't coming back. I promised myself that I would never see her again. But here I was breaking all of the rules. I'd get on my knees and beg her to take me back if I could. There's nothing I wouldn't do.

I hailed a cab back and quickly got in. The driver didn't say a word when I gave him the address, seeming to notice that I was in a hurry. My leg wouldn't stop jittering it felt as if I was about to puke. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. We arrived within forty minutes and I handed him a one hundred dollar bill. "Keep the change." is all I said and jumped out of the car.

He drove away and all I could do was stand there outside my house. Nerves took over my body at seeing my parents again. If it wasn't for Alice, they all would have thought that I was dead. I feel awful, don't get me wrong. Maybe now I can make it up to them. I can make it up to everyone.

"Edward!" My mom gasps as she opens the door. She stares at me as if she's seen a ghost. I stand in the driveway, frozen in place. She's crying.

Your mother is crying! Do something!

"Mo-mom…" my voice cracks and I force myself to go to her. My legs are numb as I climb the stairs and suddenly I'm in her arms. She's hugging me and I'm crying. Tears leak from my eyes and I collapse in her arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." I cry into her shoulder. "Mom, I love you. I love you so much, please forgive me." She pulls back and cups my face in her hands, wiping away the tears. I never cried. Why the fuck was I crying?

"Come inside." is all she says. "You look exhausted."

I walk inside overwhelmed with all of this guilt. I missed Easter and Valentines day and my dad's birthday and the barbecue… the fucking barbecue! I sit at the kitchen table and my mom gets me a bowl of pasta and salad. She says nothing as she sits down across from me- just stares. She stares at me as if we haven't seen each other in years.

"Where have you been?"

I don't respond. I had no good answer. I fucked up and we both knew it.

"Edward, answer me this moment!" she raised her voice. I flinch away and stare at her wide eyed. She was angry- hell- she was furious. I had never seen this angry in all of my life. My mom didn't get angry. Yes, she was disappointed and hurt but never angry.

"I needed time. I broke up with Bella, and I thought that I was doing the right thing at the time, but I think I screwed up. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I need her." I couldn't bare to look at mom and see the obvious pain on her face. She was hurt and it was all my fault. Everything was my fault.

"You're right." she said. "You hurt her. Do you know how long I had to hold her in my arms while she cried? You're leaving destroyed her entire life. She was bullied mercilessly at school and it was so bad that she had to drop out. I'm homeschooling her now-"

"I didn't know-"

"Of course you didn't know! You never bothered once, to pick up your damn phone and check in with your family!" her face turned a bright red. "What the hell did you say to that girl to make her break?"

"You don't want to know." I gulp. I push away the plate of food, suddenly not very hungry. If I had known then I would've come back right away. I would've protected her. I would've saved her from everyone.

"I need to see Bella." I pleaded with my mom. "Please, tell me where she is. I want to make things right."

"She's not here, Edward." she sighs. "She, Charlie, Emmett, and Sue left yesterday for Boston. They'll be back in four days."

"Are you kidding me?" I scoff. Are you actually fucking kidding me?! I want to scream. I came back and she's not even here. This was all for nothing.

"I know that you love her but you made a stupid and reckless decision. I'm not letting you see her until your head is screwed on right. I'm not going to let you hurt that poor girl anymore-"

"But mom…!" I groan.

"I'm serious, Edward! You haven't been here the past eight months. You don't know what it's been like!"

**ooOoo**

**Isabella**

_One month ago:_

_Emmett and Rose carried me all the way inside the house. I wanted to sleep but they told me not to. My stomach kind of hurt and I wanted the pain to go away. The pain would go away if I took a nap, but Emmett said that I could get even more hurt if I closed my eyes, and I didn't want that._

_I touch my wet cheeks and cry harder. I ruined the hike. Alice told me that I didn't but I don't believe her. I ruined everything. That's probably why Emmett and Rose were arguing in the other room. I kept hearing my name but it wasn't in the nice voice Rosalie always used with me. She was angry… or she was stressed… or something in between the two. They both come back in the room and Rose kisses me on the cheek like Esme does when I'm sad. I didn't want her to leave… but she did and I was angry._

_"Bella, don't get up!" Emmett tried to keep me down as I stumbled to get to my feet. Everyone did this to me- they tried to keep me down. I didn't want to stay down, I wanted to stand up!_

_"D-d-don't touch me!" I cried as I tried to push him away and go towards the door, she had just walked through._

_"Isabella!" he growled. With a yank on my arm, I fell back on top of him on the couch. He wrapped his arms around my waist and the fight left my body. I couldn't help but weep and Emmett's attempt to calm me down did not do much._

_"What's wrong?" he asked. "What happened?"_

_"Yo-you're leaving!" I finally gave in. I think he stopped breathing because he went awfully still and quiet. "I don't want you to leave! What am I going to do without you?"_

_"You're going to be ok…" he said after a few seconds. "I want to stay with you Bells, I really do. Is that what you want me to do- stay?"_

_"Yes- wait- no- wait, I don't know." I say all in one breathe. "I want you to be the best football player and be famous and rich and have a great life. But I want you to stay with me. I want you to stay forever… will you do that?"_

_"You're drunk Bella." he said. "We'll take later when you've sobered up."_

_"I wanna talk now." I whined. "I'mnotdrunk!"_

_"Of course you're not." he said. "We're just going to stay on the couch for a little while and relax. I think that's what we both need at the moment."_

**ooOoo**

**Boston, present day**

I think I've learned to accept this- accept us being apart. I threw up several times and cried myself to sleep. Emmett didn't leave my side once, he never went away. Dad found out and I was grounded for a week but I didn't care. Emmett, once again offered to stay home another year but I adamantly denied. One year turned into two and two years turned into three and then pretty soon you're stuck in this town with no way out. I wasn't going to let that happen to Emmett. He didn't deserve it. I was unbelievably sad and haven't stopped crying but I think I'm going to be ok. He promised to call everyday and we'll facetime and text and maybe we'll come to Boston for April break next year. That sounded fun, I'm not gonna lie.

"I love you, sis." he whispered into my ear. I was wrapped in his large beefy arms and felt completely content. This wasn't a forever goodbye. It was just temporary. We would see each other again and it'll be like he never left. I'm gonna try to be good this year not only for myself but for my brother. Emmett deserves a little but of effort on my part. Otherwise the past year would have been for nothing.

"I'll see you in Sep-tember." I croaked. I rubbed my eyes, trying- and failing- at getting rid of my red and puffIness. I was a fucking wreck. "Dad is, umm, dad is waiting in the hall. I think we should go."

Emmett nods his head, dejected, but lets me go none the less. His room was bare and empty and his roommate hadn't shown up yet. Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I walk out the door before he can see me cry again. I walk past my dad and down the hall, wanting to get to the furthest place possible. You're ok, Bella. Everything is going to be ok. I repeat into my head over and over again. The more times I say it then I'll start to believe it.

Charlie found me five minutes later standing by the front door of the residence hall. I had stopped crying, thank god, but the overwhelming sadness remained. He didn't say anything about it. Charlie put his arm over my shoulders and I held onto him as we walked out the door. "Are you ready to go home, baby?" he asked. I nodded my head up and down. We had been here for four days and it felt like a lifetime. Sue was still at the hotel making sure everything was all set for the flight home. I think that was just an excuse to give us space. She didn't want to intrude.

"Let's go home." he whispered.

I clutched my stomach as we walked through the crowd of people in Faneuil Hall. Boston was a vibrant young city full of different people and different cultures. Everything was loud and big and chaotic. Emmett would fit in just fine. He had the ability to adapt to any situation no matter how big or how small. He would make friends in no time.

I would be fine. I would survive this because it's not like he was dead. He was just further away then I would have liked. Everything is going to be alright. It has to be.

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note:**

**Hey y'all! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your support means so much to me! I'm trying to make the chapters shorter and you may have noticed that I put in a little pov of Edward! Somebody had asked for that and I thought that it would be fun to do a little change!**

**I don't want to spoil the ending of this story but it is supposed to be a HEA! However I'm not doing it in the way you would think. There are a lot of problems between Edward and Bella that need to be solved before they can be in any type of serious relationship.**

**Also, some of you may be wondering why I chose Boston of all places? I am from Massachusetts and I had to have some representation! That should be it for all and I hope you have a good week! Stay safe! I should update sometime around next week!**


	37. Senior Year

**Senior Year **

* * *

**Isabella **

"Do you take Sue Clearwater to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The minister asked. "If so answer, 'I Do'"

"I Do." Charlie responded in an unwavering voice.

"Do you take Charles Swan to be your lawfully wedded husband? If so answer, 'I Do'"

"I Do." Sue whispered. They held each others hands, looking lovingly into each others exchanged rings and with shaking hands, Charlie slipped the ring on her finger. I swear there were tears in his eyes.

"By the authority vested in me by the State of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Without a second thought they leaned in for the kiss. The room bursts into applause as people cry and cheer and holler. They chose to get married at the town hall and it was a small and intimate wedding. A few people from the tribe and friends from the station had come as well as the Hales, Cullens… and _Edward. _I knew that he was back. He's been here since August but I never saw him.

I gulped and quickly averted my gaze but he saw… Edward saw everything. He was sandwiched in between Alice and Esme and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. I stood to the side, looking everywhere but at my father and Sue. I don't know why Sue chose me to be a bridesmaid. It's not that I didn't like her… I was working on that… I didn't want the attention. Most of all, I couldn't stand these hideous pink dresses she chose. I felt like a five year old. _Pink did not look good on me. _

As the day progressed, I mostly stuck by Emmett and Rose's side. Jasper and Alice couldn't stop sucking faces with each other and had disappeared while Edward sulked in the corner of the room, not looking my way once. I wanted him to leave yet I wanted him to stay. But I promised myself that I wouldn't fall back in his arms. I would let Emmett guard me all day if he had to. I honestly didn't mind it though. He'd been gone for a total of three weeks and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He called everyday and I talked about him all the time to Victoria and now he was back but only for another two days.

I had to admit though, Sue looked beautiful. She was dressed in a simple plain white dress that went down to her knees with lace sleeves. The wedding was nothing grande or extravagant but it was still pretty and most of all… I was having fun… I think.

The three of us were seated at a table, eating when Rose muttered, "heads up." I look up to see Edward heading our way with determination on his face. My heart races against my chest knowing what will happen when he comes over here. I'll freak out at him and the wedding would be ruined… and I don't want that to happen.

But before he can come, there's a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to find myself staring at a tan boy with slicked back jet black hair. "My name is Seth." he said. "You're Isabella."

I blink a few times, wondering if I'm seeing things, and finally stutter, "Ye-yes. I'm Bella. You came."

He forced a smile and nodded his head. "You were right… about what you said before. I couldn't stay away. I couldn't hurt her any more. Especially not today."

"I can take you to her." I said, standing up, I point across the room to where she's talking with a few other people, "she's right over there."

Seth nods hid head and stands up straighter, trying to appear brave. I bring him over and disappear into the small group of people before she could see me. I stood to the side as I watched Sue and Seth embrace. She almost collapsed to the ground when he appeared in front her. She grabbed onto him as if her life depended on it. I didn't think that I would cry. I didn't think that I would feel anything but Victoria told me to never hold back my emotions but here I was, blinking away tears. They exchanged words that I couldn't hear but Sue knew. She knew I did this. She looked up and stared at me as if she was gazing into my soul. She mouthed, _thank you. _All I could do was smile. I was so caught up with them that I hadn't even noticed that Edward was gone.

**ooOoo**

Samantha Uley wouldn't stop staring at me… no, it was more like glaring. She sat next to her brother Sam with Paul and Jared Lahote at the other end of the room. I couldn't stand the Uley's and especially Paul. They were all apart of Jacob's little pack at the reservation. Whatever he said… they did. I was just the outsider that had stolen him away from them and they hated me for that. I wasn't one of them. I could never be. It was no secret that Samantha had a crush on Jacob and I would always be the girl who stole him away.

Sue was blind to the hate I've received on the reservation. She married my father, so of course they wouldn't let it on to her. Jacob's family was an esteemed part of the tribe and they could do no wrong in the their eyes. It was Samantha that started it all. She was fuelled by her hatred for me and love of Jacob. She ignored every accusation and managed to convince the tribe that I was the guilty one. I seduced Jacob and stole him away from their people. I was the outsider who didn't belong.

"I don't know why she invited them." Emmett grumbled. I took small bites of the chocolate cake, trying not to think about the fact that I was being stalked from across the room. I wasn't going to let them ruin this day. I wasn't going to let anyone.

"They're family friends." I responded. "Of course she invited them. Sue doesn't know anything that goes on and she would never believe it. She trusts them too much."

"Why should you have to feel uncomfortable at your own father's wedding?" Emmett questioned. "It doesn't make any sense. They shouldn't be here."

"Well we can't do anything about it. They want a reaction from us so don't give them a reason to come over here." Rose said directly to Emmett. He grumbles, annoyed but drops the conversation. _She was right. They won't do anything. Not here, at least. _

I could feel their eyes pointed at my back and I felt myself start to sweat. I couldn't keep turning around and looking at them. I wouldn't give them that satisfaction. I put down my drink and stand up. My hands were shaking. I think I was gonna be sick.

"You look like you're about to puke." Emmett said. "Are you alright?"

"I just need to get some fresh air." I clutched my stomach, swallowing back bile. The room was spinning and I was dizzy.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I shake my head causing Emmett to frown. "I just need to be myself. I'll be back in a bit."

I stumble away and out of the room, turning the nearest corner. I found the front door and sat down on the steps. My head hangs in between my knees and I pant, trying to make the nausea go away. _Why did I eat so much? Maybe I should see Carlisle. _The warm sunshine made me feel calm and for the first time today, I was able to just take a breathe and relax.

_That didn't last very long. _

"You don't look so hot." A voice said from behind. I whip my head around to see Samantha standing at the doorway with a smirk on her face. She was wearing the same hideous pink dress but she managed to pull it off. Her midnight black hair flowed down her her shoulders and back and her eyes were almost as black as her soul. _That's how I felt about her. She was the devil reincarnated. _

"What do you want?" I gulped.

"You know what I want." she all but growled.

_Jacob. Of course she wants Jacob. _

"After everything you still don't believe me." I scoffed. "How many times do I have to tell you that I never had feelings for him? If rapists are what you like then feel free to him." I sneered as I pushed myself up from the ground to face her. She was a good foot taller but I wouldn't let that intimidate me.

Her face paled and eyes narrowed into slits. She clenched her hands into fists and took a step towards me. I could feel the anger radiating off of her body. She was gonna kill me.

"You don't scare me." I could barely hear myself speak. _I was about to shit my pants. _

She quirked a disbelieving eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. "Jacob's life is ruined all because of your lies. Now he has to suffer because of you. He is the kindest most selfless person there is. He wouldn't even hurt a fly, and you accuse him of rape?1" her voice rose and rose until there were tears in her eyes. She was out for blood- _my blood. _"I always knew that you were mentally challenged but I didn't think you were this crazy."

She was never going to believe me. Nothing I'd say would convince her. Why even bother trying?

"I'm going to make sure that you suffer a hundred times more than him. I'd be careful if I were you." her voice eerily calm. I had no doubt that she would stick to her word.

"There's nothing you can do that hasn't been done to me before. I'm sorry that you're such a pathetic person that you can't even see the truth. I'm sorry for whoever hurt you this much that you have to act this way."

Her brave and cold mask she wore everyday was cracking. I step towards her and she shuffles back. Her bottom lip wobbles and tears fill her eyes. _She wasn't so brave after all. _

"Can I help you?" All of a sudden Edward appears beside me. He glares at Samantha and steps in front of me so I'm behind him.

"We're just having a conversation." she feigned a laugh. "I'll be on my way."

Without a second glance, she turns around and runs back the way we came. I let out a breathe of relief. Edward turns back to me.

"Did she do anything to you?" he reaches out to touch my cheek but I hit his hand away. He pulls his hand back, momentarily stunned.

"Don't touch me!" I spit. He actually had the audacity to show up here? After everything that happened and expected that everything would go back to normal?

"I'm sorry Bella." his voice shook and he ran his fingers through his hair. "I know that i'm an idiot and that I don't deserve you but I'm so so sorry. I thought that us being apart would be best. You would have the chance to get better and focus on yourself. I didn't want to bring anymore problems to your life."

"You thought that you were a problem?" angry tears ran down my cheeks. I stab him in the chest with my index finger and scream, "you were never the problem! You were the best thing to ever happen in my life. You saved me, Edward! I'm still alive and breathing because of you!"

"I never stopped loving you, Bella." he whispered. "I'm never going to stop. I'll do anything for you to take me back. Please, tell me what I can do-"

"Nononono." I wave my hands and shake my head side to side. "You don't get to do that! How many times have you done this now? Whenever life gets hard you leave. I'm done playing this game with you Edward. Once you've figured out your own life then you come back but until then I want no part of you!"

"But I love you Bella!" he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. "I love you so much. Our relationship is no joke. You are the most beautiful girl-"

Before Edward could finish, he was pulled off me and thrown to the ground and Rose pulled me to her side away from both of them.

"Emmett don't!" I screamed. I struggled to get out of Rose's grasp as Edward and my brother fought. They wrestled each other down the stairs all while we watched. Emmett was going to kill him. There was blood on the ground and Edward had red liquid dripping from his nose. It was bent at an odd angle and he grunted in pain. He managed to get one swing in at Emmett before The three of them forced them apart while Alice and Jasper dragged Edward one direction while Rose dragged Emmett the other.

"Stay away from, Bella!" Emmett yelled at Edward who was nearly unconscious. His face was so bloodied up that you could barely recognize him.

"Bella, get our dad!" Alice yelled at me. Jasper's hands were covered in red as he tried to wipe the blood off of Edward's face. "Now!"

**ooOoo**

The wedding only lasted another hour before everyone started to leave. I had run back to the room and didn't even need to explain. Mascara ran down my face and I looked like a hot mess. I lead Carlisle and Esme outside to where everyone was and after some choice words from Carlisle, he took Edward to the hospital. He convinced Esme to stay at the wedding because we didn't want to ruin the day. Charlie still didn't know what had happened and we wanted to keep it that way. Emmett had washed off his hands in the bathroom and by the time he returned, you wouldn't have expect a thing.

Now, I'm pacing back and forth at the hospital waiting for someone to inform us on his condition. It's been thirty minutes and not even Carlisle has come out. That had to mean it was bad, right?

"Bella! Jasper" Alice came from around the corner and into the waiting room where Jasper and I were sitting. She had a look of relief on her face when she saw the two of us. "Edward's ok." she said first to me. "My dad said that it looked worse because of all the blood. All he has is a broken nose. He should start feeling better within a few days and be completely healed in about three weeks."

My chest rose up and down. I couldn't speak, Emmett could have killed him!

"Bella, breathe!" Alice shook me by the shoulders and slightly laughed. "Didn't you hear me? Edward is going to be alright. He's fine!"

"He's fine." I whispered to myself. I sit down beside Jasper and lean against him, feeling faint. "Edward's going to be fine."

_Jesus christ. I was going to kill Emmett. _

"That's right, darling." Jasper said to me. "You don't have to worry."

"Do you wanna see him, Bella? He's been asking for you."

I nod my head and weakly stand up. The three of us walk across the room and through the double doors. There were a line of beds and thin white curtains separating everyone. We stop at the third bed and Carlisle and Esme come out from behind the curtain. Without saying anything, I walk past them and sit down beside his bed. There was no more blood but his nose had swollen up like a balloon. It was black and blue and looked painful as fuck.

"It doesn't hurt as much as it looks." Edward's eyes fluttered open. I placed my hand in his and gently squeezed.

"I'm sorry." is all I can say. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm going to kill Emmett."

He cracks a smile but I can the pain behind his eyes. He acted like everything was ok for me. He didn't want to hurt me because he loved me. "I deserved this. I'm surprised that he didn't do it sooner."

I roll my eyes and softly laugh. _Of course he was being selfless._

"I was a jerk to you. I know that you don't want to hear it but I love you. I love you so much that I'm in pain every time we're apart. Emmett fucking me up was nothing compared to how I feel when you're away."

"I could never stop loving you Edward." I cup his cheek with my hand. "I love you so much and I hate it. I want to be angry with you but I can't. You looked dead, earlier. I thought Emmett killed y-you." I hiccuped. I looked away feeling the tears the return to my eyes.

"I'll stay for as long as you want me to." he said. "I want to be better. I promise that I won't hurt you again. I never want to see you cry."

_Don't take him back! Don't do it, Bella! _

"I-I don't know if I can trust you. How do I know that you're not just going to leave again? How will I know that when times get hard, you won't abandon me?"

"You don't know that." he admits. "That's why I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to show you that I'm worth it. We can't be apart from each other."

"I… I don't know Edward." I sigh. "I need time to think everything through. Don't get me wrong, I love you so much but I'm just getting back up on my feet. I want to be sure you are serious before I commit to anything."

I may not survive a third time. A girl can only handle so many heartbreaks.

**ooOoo**

**Authors Note: **

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your support means so much to me! As you may have noticed, it's senior year now! I believe that I'm going to write about eight or nine more chapters so the story is coming close to the end! I am going to try to make a few more Edward povs so you can see a bit into his mind! As well as Jacob, we are not done with him! Bella is going to get her moment with him, don't worry! I should update sometime next week or sooner but until then, have a good rest of the week and stay safe! **


	38. Chapter 38

**Isabella**

"How stupid could you be!" Charlie raged. He was pissed and rightfully so. Emmett thought that if we told him what happened, he wouldn't be as angry. _We were wrong._ "You can't just go around beating people up!" He yelled at Emmett for a straight twenty minutes as I listened around the corner.

We all felt guilty about what had happened- Emmett especially. It was the day after their wedding and everything was supposed to be happy and joyful! But instead Emmett was being lectured at about appropriate behavior. Charlie even brought out his cuffs, threatening to arrest him next time, something happened. I think Emmett learned his lesson. He was scared shitless.

I came out from behind the corner and into the living room. Emmett sighs in relief when he sees me and all I do is roll my eyes. He still wasn't forgiven. Charlie rushes over and looks me over, concern lingering on his face. "Are you ok, honey? You didn't get hurt at all, did you?"

Emmett's mouth drops open in shock. I wasn't the one that beat someone up. I wrap my arms around my dad and smirk at my brother. "I'm alright, dad. I wasn't hurt at all." I reassured him and he breaths a sigh of relief.

"I went to the hospital yesterday to see Edward." I said. "Only his nose is broken. It's not too bad. He should be fine within a few weeks."

"You broke his nose?!" Charlie fumed and turned back to Emmett.

He jumped to his feet reading to defend himself. He held his hands up in the air and exclaimed, "I didn't know that I broke his fucking nose! I warned him to stay away from Bella and he didn't listen! This wouldn't have happened if he used his fucking brain!"

Charlie's face turned so red that I thought he was going to explode. "That's it you're grounded! You're nineteen years old, Emmett! You should know how to behave by now!"

"That's right, I am nineteen!" he growled. "You can't ground me! I don't even live here anymore!"

"Well as long as you're under my roof, than I can do what I want!"

"Is it so wrong to defend your own sister?" he said. "Edward's an idiot and he deserved everything he got!"

"So you think that violence is ok?" he questioned. "I've arrested people for less than punching someone in the face. Do you want to go to jail?"

"Dad-" I try to intervene. I step in between them, wanting to diffuse the situation before it got worse. I send Emmett a- _shut up_\- look. He didn't want to push Charlie. I had no doubt that he would actually arrest him.

"Not now, Bella! I'm trying to deal with your brother!" I take a step back, silently begging Emmett to stop talking. He was just digging himself a bigger hole by running his mouth.

"I'm sorry." Emmett finally says. His jaw is clenched and he sits back down. I almost laugh. _He wasn't sorry at all._

"I'm not the one you need to apologize too." said Charlie.

"... Oh fuck no!" Emmett scoffs. "Do you actually expect me to apologize to Edward? He can suck my dick!"

"EMMETT!" Charlie roars. That's it, he's had it. _Why didn't Emmett ever listen to me! It's like he had a fucking death wish!_

"If you want to stay in this house, then you will go to the Cullens and apologize to ALL of them for what you have done!"  
Just do it. Don't fight back.

"Well I'm leaving leaving tomorrow. I mind as well just go now." Emmett says and storms out of the room. I chase after him and beg him to listen to me. I pound on his bedroom door, pleading and crying but I'm met with silence.

**ooOoo**

We were all sitting around the dining room table, eating dinner. When I say we, I mean: Charlie, Sue, Seth and I. Emmett left several hours ago, giving no indication as to where he was going. I begged my dad to let him stay but Charlie wouldn't budge. I got a text twenty minutes later from Rose, saying that Emmett was staying at their house.

"So how long are you here for?" Charlie asked Seth. No more than a few words had been exchanged because everyone was on edge. The air was so tense that you could cut it with a knife.

"I leave the twelfth." he said after swallowing food. "So like only another two days."

"Oh that's a shame!" Charlie sighed. "Bella's birthday is the thirteenth. You could have stayed for the party."

_No it actually wasn't a shame. I hate parties. The less people the better._

"You're turning eighteen, right?" Seth asks me.

"Yep… eighteen." I sigh. I didn't get what the big deal was about birthdays. You're just another year older getting closer and closer to death. That wasn't something to celebrate.

"Well the next time you're back, feel free to stay here." Charlie offered. "We've got an extra bedroom you can stay in. This way you won't have to stay at the reservation."

Sue nodded her in agreement. Ever since he came back, Sue hadn't been able to keep her eyes off of him. It was as if she was afraid that he would disappear again.

"Thank you." Seth said. "I'll make sure to remember that."

"Well this is great!" Sue joyfully exclaimed. "We're all together again… a real family!"

"Yes, we are." my dad echoed.

Seth and I share a look. Charlie was forgetting about his real son- the one he just kicked out of the house.

"That's a pretty bracelet." Seth notices the shimmering jewellery on my wrist. I blush and cover it with my sleeve. I couldn't bring myself to take it off. I'm pretty sure Esme noticed but never commented on it.

"Thank you." I mumble. They didn't need to know where it came from. It was for me and only me.

Before he can ask more, Sue interrupts. "What would you like for your birthday, Bella? I know you love to read but you already have so many books. I'm kind of at a loss."

"I don't like presents."

"Oh." her face drops in disappointment. Charlie grumbles and gives me a look. Did he want me to lie?

"Well… I like Barnes and Noble. I'm really fine with anything. I don't want you spending a lot of money on me."

"Nonsense!" she laughed. "I always wished that I could have a daughter to spoil."

"She tends to go overboard when shopping." laughed Seth.

_Just like Alice._

Twenty minutes later, Seth and I were alone in the kitchen cleaning up everything. It was a comfortable silence, neither of us feeling the need to talk. But from the corner of my eye, he kept looking at me. Finally I had enough.

"What is it?" I say as I take the plate from him and stack it in the dishwasher.

"What did Samantha want yesterday?" he asked. "I saw her follow you out of the wedding. She looked really angry."

I stop what I'm doing, taken aback. "She… she just had a few things she wanted to say to me."

"She didn't hurt you, did she?" he stares at me in concern and I shake my head. He nods his head visibly relaxed.

"Are you friends with her?"

"It's… complicated."

I smirk. _Complicated?_ _I knew what that meant._

"It's not what you think." he quickly said. "We were always just friends. I was best friends with Sam and she was his little sister. I didn't notice her at first but she was always this ball of energy. It was impossible not to love her. She's always been a sister to me and I've always been her brother."

I'm silent, not knowing what to say. She was nothing like he described- not even close.

"I know what you're thinking- I sound crazy." he laughed. "She lost her father when she was eight. He died of cancer and she completely changed after that. She clings onto people, Bella. She's afraid of losing everyone so she clings onto them so hard, making sure that they never leave her. Jacob was her best friend. He was everything to her and she loved him and then you came along. He was one of the only people she could trust and be herself with so she was furious with you. In her mind, you took her away from him."

"I-I… I didn't know that." I try to defend myself. "I never wanted to hurt her, she has to know that."

"It's not your fault Bella. You couldn't have known that." he tried to explain but the guilt at away at me. I knew what it was like to lose everything. I knew what it was like to lose your best friend.

"I tried to get her to open up for years but nothing worked. After Jacob… _hurt you_… she completely changed. You guys weren't together anymore so he came back to Samantha. I thought that she would go back to regular self now that you were gone but something was different. Her smile was fake and her laugh was fake and everything about her screamed terrified. She and Jacob began to date and were together almost every second of everyday. I couldn't even talk to her without him being right there."

"No-" I let out a strangled cry. "Don't say it. Please…"

"I think he was hurting her." his hands clenched into fists. "I think he was abusing her and she won't even admit it. She goes to see him at the prison almost everyday. He has his claws hooked into her so deep that she won't even admit the truth."

**ooOoo**

"Thank you." I say as Jasper opens the door. Seth drove me to Jasper and Rose's house after dinner because I needed to see Emmett. I had to knock some sense into him and get him to come home. He was acting ridiculous. I step into their house, immediately taken aback. I've only been here a few times and it shocked me each time.

Their house was bigger than the Cullens. He leads me down a narrow plain white hallway, past a spiral staircase and at the end we take a right into the living room. Emmett and Rose sat cuddled on a cream colored velvet couch, situated in the middle of the room. Their house would be the perfect magazine cover. The windows on each side of the room went all the way up to the ceiling, towering over us, lined with white curtains. The television hung up high on the wall and a movie was quietly playing. There was a painted white brick fireplace and a few family pictures sitting on the mantel. In front of the couch was a glass coffee table and a few white chairs situated in each corner. Everything was clean, orderly, and pristine. Not a thing was out of place.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Emmett stands up and turns around when Jasper clears his throat. Rose gives a small smile and brushes some strands of hair out of her face.

"Come home." is all I said. I wasn't in the mood to argue. I wasn't in the mood to do anything but I needed to be here. _Fighting wasn't good. I didn't like fighting._

"You heard what dad said-!"

"I don't care about what he said!" I growled. "You have to come home. Dad can't force you out."

"He already did."

"Well maybe you should just apologize to Edward!" I exclaimed. "Just get it over with and come home!"

"I don't understand you." he shakes his head. "Edward treated you like crap and you're still defending him."

I have no good response. "I love him."

"You're more like obsessed with him. That's not love." Emmett stands in front of me, shaking me by my shoulders.

Angry tears burn in my eyes and I hit him the chest. "Take that back! You don't know what we have!"  
"I know that he's going to leave you again! I know that you aren't ready to be in a relationship with him!" I go to hit him again but Rose pulls me back. Jasper is standing in between the two of us, trying to diffuse the argument.

"Emmett…" I finally whimpered. "Please come home, I need you. It's only for tonight and you'll be gone tomorrow." A few stray tears fall down my cheeks and I begin to cry harder and harder.

"What happened, Bella?" he pushes past Jasper and hugs me. "Why are you so upset?"

It was everything. I hated Emmett yet I loved him. I hated Edward yet I couldn't stay away from him… and Samantha. Everything was messed up and I had to fix it. Jacob hurt Samantha and who knows who else. I wasn't the only person and there were others. Maybe if I had spoken up sooner… this wouldn't have happened.

"Give her some space," I heard someone whisper. Emmett lets go of me and I immediately feel a coldness wash over my body. Rose takes me by the hand and says, "let's go upstairs, Bella. We can talk up there."

"Seth is waiting for me in the driveway." my throat is raw. "He drove me here."

"I'll go talk to him." says Emmett.

Rose tugs on my hand and I follow her back the way we came. We walk up the spiral staircase to the third floor. Her bedroom is the second door on the left and we both collapse on our backs on her queen size bed. She runs her fingers through my hair and I slowly calm down.

"What's bothering you?" her voice is soft. I close my eyes and whisper, "I wasn't the only one."

Her hand stops and she freezes.

"I… I think Jacob hurt Samantha. I was talking with Seth and he told me that after Jacob… _raped_ me, he started dating her. After everything he told me, I think that Jacob hurt her also."

"Have you told Charlie or Sue?"

I shake my head. "We don't have any solid proof but I need talk to her."

"The tribe hates you, Bella, especially her. I'd be careful if I were you…" she warns me.

"I don't care." I adamantly state. "I need to find out what happened. I need to know if there were others."

**ooOoo**

**Authors Note:**

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your support means so much to me! I have literally nothing else to do so I've been writing all day! I also wanted to mention that I looked back at past chapters and realized I mentioned characters several times as different people and I said that Harry was Jacob's dad but I've made changes and I am in the process of editing past chapters and fixing mistakes. Jacob's dad is Billy btw and Seth's dad and Sue's husband is Harry. I should update sometime next week or sooner but until then enjoy and stay safe!**


	39. Chapter 39

**Isabella **

"Why am I here again?" Edward groaned and pressed the icepack against his nose. We were sitting in his car at Liberty Park. I called him this morning- more like demanding that he came with me to meet Samantha and Seth. I didn't want to do this alone and since Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice had left and Jasper was packing for his flight back to Texas today, the only option left was Edward. I didn't want to tell him that he was my last choice though. I felt bad hurting his feelings.

"You promised that you would make it up to me."

"Yeah but-"

"Stop complaining!" I exclaim. "Your nose is fine!"

He rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breathe. Ever since he returned from Alaska, he's really taken on the whole… _natural look. _I'm not sure when the last was that he washed his hair but he hasn't shaved in several weeks. He's on the way to full on beard and trust me when I say… _it was not a good look. _

"I don't understand why you want to talk to this girl. She looked like she was about to kill you the last time." He stared at me like I had finally lost it.

_Maybe I had._

"I told you why-"

"But why not go to Sue?" he argued. "How about you go to an adult that can actually make a difference-"

"And scare her away?" I scoff.

"No, so she can confide in someone she actually trusts. She hates your guts, Bella. What makes you think she is going to tell you anything?"

"Because I'm right." I say in a matter-of-fact voice. "If I catch her off guard then she'll be more likely to confide in me."

"That's the worst way to go about it!" he shouts incredulous.

"You're here for moral support, so keep quiet!" I snap. I was already stressed enough. I knew my plan was unorthodox, but this was the only way I could get her to talk to me. Seth was bringing her right now from the reservation. She didn't know that we were here.

Edward looked tired and worn down. I knew he was just looking out for me. I couldn't blame him for that. _It's what I would for him. _

"Look, I'm sorry." I finally say. He stares at me in uncertainty, knowing I had a habit of blowing up. "Thank you for coming, I don't take this for granted. Please know that I'm grateful you are here. You're my… you're my-" I struggled to come up with the right word. _I didn't even know what to call us anymore. _

"Friend?" he suggests. "Or is best friend overstepping it?"

"I think maybe more like close friend." I crack a smile. "Or perhaps, close confidant."

"Well then I'm proud to be your close confidant." he said amused. Edward playfully nudged my shoulder causing me to giggle. _This was good. We were good as we were. _I didn't want that to change.

A few minutes pass and then suddenly another car pulls into the park lot. Without looking, I know who it is.

"Do you need me to come with you?" said Edward in a serious manner. He was looking at Samantha in disdain, who could be seen arguing with Seth. Closing my eyes, I shake my head. I had to do this by myself. It had to be just the two of us or else she would never open up.

"I'll be fine." I gulped.

Before he could respond, I got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Samantha was glaring at me and Seth gave her a nudge forward.

_Stay calm, Bella. _She looked like she was about to murder me. _Maybe this wasn't a good idea. _We stood in front of each other, neither of us spoke. _How was I even supposed to start this? _

"What do you want?" she hissed. Her hands were clenched into fists and she hugged herself tighter.

"I wanted to talk." I square my shoulders back, trying to appear unafraid. She couldn't hurt me when we had two witnesses. That would just be plain stupid and this girl was anything but stupid.

"Fine." she shrugged. "You can tell me right here."

I slightly frown and see both Seth and Edward staring at us. "I was hoping we could have a bit more privacy. This is serious, Samantha."

She rolled her eyes but didn't argue any further. With reluctance she said, "we can go over there." she nodded her head at the swing set across the field. I follow behind, trying to keep up as she _deliberately_ walked fast just to annoy me.

_Stop complaining. At least she's giving you a chance. _

We sit on the swing and our sight of Edward and Seth is obstructed by big slide in the middle of the field.

"I-" I pause, "I was talking to Seth yesterday… and we were talking about Jacob and _you…" _

Her face paled considerably and you could see the white of her knuckles as she grasped onto the swing so tightly. "What about us?" her voice remained neutral but I could tell she was startled. "Are you here to gloat?" She refused to meet my gaze.

"No." I frowned and shook my head. "I understand why you don't like me, Seth explained… everything. He was your best friend, I know what it's like to lose… everyone you care about. I know how you feel-"

"You don't know anything." she suddenly looked up at me. Her voice was slightly wobbly as she tried to keep herself together- to keep herself from falling apart.

"You're right." I'm quick to say. "I don't know anything about what you've gone through… but I do know what it's like to lose a parent… to lose your best friend. It hurts… a lot."

She humourlessly laughs, "we didn't come here to talk about our pathetic lives, did we?"

"No-"

"Then why are we here? Cut to the chase. What did Seth tell you, Jacob _supposedly_ did to me?"

I'm taken aback as I try to figure out what to say without scaring her off. "I know…" I gulp, "I know that you believe me. I know that you know, Jacob raped me. I know that he did the same to you-"

"Are you a fucking idiot?!" she barks a laugh. There was no amusement in her eyes… she was angry. "You have no right to make those accusations! Jacob is the kindest-"

"-most selfless person there is." I finally snap. "How many times are you going to say that? How many times did you have to say that for you to trick yourself into believing it?"

She's silent. Her lips are pressed into a thin line and her eyes cloud over with angry tears. "He did the same to me, Samantha. He makes you feel special and wanted. You have no reason to be afraid of him because he's been nothing but a kind friend… then he attacks. You are to afraid say anything because he threatened you… and who would believe us? Who would believe that the kid that everyone loves, could commit a crime so awful?"

"Nobody." she weakly responded. "Nobody would believe us."

"They believed me, Samantha. The court believed me and now he's in jail-"

"But I'm not you! Jacob could do know wrong in the eyes of the tribe. Even if I were to come out and say now that Jacob abused me, they would never believe me." she cried. "Don't you understand? I don't have that privilege. Jacob's father is the chief and nobody would dare go against him! I would be immediately outcast."

"What about, Sue?" I whispered. "She would help you. Sue would believe you."

Samantha looks at me and says in a clear voice, "Sue would be the worst possible person to tell. She may believe me but what happens when she tells my mom and brother- what happens when they disown me for telling, _lies?" _her face was full of disgust.

"Sam-"

"You think you had it bad… " she shakes her head laughing. "You have no idea who he truly is… what he's actually capable of. I basically lived with him. I slept with him every night, went to school with him, spent every moment of every day with him. He was always right there… taunting me… he could do whatever he wanted and get away with it. He knows that no one will ever blame him."

**ooOoo**

We were in the kitchen eating dinner, just Seth and I. Sue and Charlie were out on their _date night, _is literally what my dad said. It was just the two of us and I didn't feel like cooking so Seth made Ramen Noodles- _the only food he can successfully cook. _

"I think you got through to Sammi." said Seth.

"Sammi?' I quirk my eyebrow.

"Samantha is a mouthful."

"Well at least, _Sammi_ didn't murder me." I picked at the food with my fork, not really eating. I'm not sure if she even listened to anything I said, but I mean at least she didn't storm off like we expected her to. We were at the park for about another half an hour before it started to pour. I think I got through to her because she looked less murderous by the end. _That had to mean something right? _

"Shes not an easy person talk to. She actually stayed and listened and that says a lot. If she hated you as much as she claimed she did, she would not have stayed for that long."

"I just hope I did the right thing. Should I have told Sue? Samantha was totally against the idea but it feels like we need to do more." I stressed. "Jacob has been threatening her and that's why she still goes to see him at the prison. He's been saying that if she doesn't come that he'll hurt her once he gets out. He told her to spread those lies about me… she's terrified."

Seth rubs his temple with his middle and index finger, closes his eyes, and leans back in his chair. "Maybe…" he pauses. "Maybe we should tell my mom. Who knows what he can do. He has people at the reservation that will do literally whatever he says. I wouldn't put it past them to actually do something to Sammi."

A wave of cold fear washed over my body and my mind went numb. Jacob was still around and he'd always have power over us for as long as he was alive. None of us were truly free, it was all just an act.

"But if we told my mom, she would tell Sammi's mom-"

"-and she would be disowned, she told me. Her family feels that strongly that Jacob is innocent, they'd never believe her."

I don't know what I would have done if Charlie or Emmett or… Edward had not believed me. I don't know where I would be right now because literally… they are what have kept me alive all of this time.

But Samantha… she doesn't have anyone. Nobody would support her, not even her own family, and that made me furious. Nobody deserves to be treated like that… no one!

"She's in even more danger though because she keeps going back to him. Are you willing to take the risk of damaging her mental wellbeing, even further? He's gonna completely break her and then nobody will be able to do anything."

"She's screwed no matter what we do." he said

"But… but she shouldn't have to go through all of this alone. We should tell your mom." I argued, trying to make him see. He couldn't keep switching his mind.

"Sammi will hate me forever. I promised her that we wouldn't do this."

"Well, sometimes you've got to break promises. I know how she's feeling and it _sucks."_ disgust fills my voice. "I still feel that way almost everyday and I'm just barely getting by. If nobody had spoken up for me and forced me to get help, I'd probably still be in a psychiatric hospital still or worse."

"You really think that this is the best thing to do?" he gulped.

"Yes, I do."

An hour later the front door opened. We were sitting in the living room, anxiously awaiting their arrival. It felt like it had been five hours, I was so anxious that my stomach hurt. I knew that we were doing the right thing but a small part- _really small part_\- was screaming at me to stay silent, not to go through with this.

But I knew I had to. Samantha was fierce and determined and cunning but to see her so vulnerable and… _broken, _forced me to speak up. There's no way I could let this go.

"Hey kids!" Sue greeted us. A pair of black high heels dangled from her hands and she leaned against the doorway. "Did you guys have a good evening? Did you have dinner and everything-"

"Yes, mom we did." Seth cracked a smile at her overbearing attitude.

I heard the shower running from upstairs and let out a tiny breathe. I preferred to talk about this without Charlie. He always got all weird and uncomfortable, never knowing how to deal with emotions.

"We, um, we actually had something that we wanted to talk to you about." Seth said as we both shared a glance. I clutched my stomach, feeling it turn.

"What's wrong?" Sue's face became clouded with worry. She walked into the room, taking a seat in the chair across from us.

"Samantha Uley was, um, she was-" I stammered, unable to say the words.

"- Sammi was abused by Jacob." he placed his hand over my trembling one, silently comforting me. My body sagged back against the couch.

Sue's face turned chalk white and her mouth was frozen open, a look of surprise and disbelief flashed in her eyes. "Sammi?" was all she could say. "Tha-that's impossible. She and Jacob were in love… they were always together, they seemed so… happy."

"He raped her!" I spit. "That is not love. She was too afraid to leave him-he wouldn't let her."

"Did she specifically tell you this, that-that he raped her?" her voice was anxious as she looked between the two of us.

"Well… no, but she heavily implied it. I know what Jacob's like and I know what he can do. Sue, you have to believe to us, we wouldn't make this up." I pleaded with her to understand. "You have to help her."

**ooOoo**

**Authors Note: **

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your support means so much to me! I hope to update again sometime by next week or sooner but until then stay safe!**


	40. Chapter 40

**Isabella **

"You turned eighteen last week. How was your birthday?" asked Victoria.

"Uneventful." I sighed. "It was just me, Charlie, Sue, Esme, and Carlisle. We had cake, I got a few presents and then it was over."

It was more like a family dinner than a party. I was adamant this year, requesting no gifts but of course, nobody listened. Sue and Charlie each gave me a Barnes and Noble gift card while Esme and Carlisle gave me some old medical books. The others said that they were mailing me gifts, even though it completely wasn't necessary.

Both Seth and Edward had left. Seth promised that he would be back for the holidays and Sue couldn't hold back the happy tears.

Edward and I had a surprisingly pleasant goodbye and I wasn't… sad. We ended things on good terms and for the first time, I felt some hope, elation, everything above. Maybe Victoria was right when she said that we needed to take things slow.

I did get a call from Emmett. He was disappointed that he couldn't be here but I convinced him everything was fine- _I was fine. _

"You're an adult now." she smiled. "How does that make you feel?"

"I don't feel like an adult. Besides, what does being an adult even mean? I still live with my dad and Sue. I'm still in high school. I have a curfew and so on. How is that being an adult every aspect of my life is controlled? I thought adults were supposed to have freedoms- I have none."

She pauses, a look of contemplation on her face, and says, "Well, that makes sense. I suppose there is no clear definition of being an adult, everyone does it in their own way."

"I'll be an adult when I can stand up on my own two feet and be able to support myself without help from anyone else."

"Everybody needs help at some point, Bella." she passionately believed. "Nobody is invincible- not even you."

"You don't think I know that?" I grumbled. "I don't want to have to depend on others my entire life… it's not fair to them." I choked on air. "I'm trying to be better for everyone… I tried to help _Samantha."_

"It's not your fault, Bella." she responded with conviction. "Nobody could have seen this coming. You did the right thing by telling Sue."

"Well why does it feel like I made the worst possible decision?" my hands formed into fists. "I knew how the tribe would react and I still told Sue. Samantha told me not to and I didn't listen to her."

"_She's gone." _

_I stared at Sue, feeling my stomach twist and churn, as my scrambled brain tried to decipher the meaning. All the color drained from my face and I tried to speak- I wanted to speak- but nothing came out. I knew this would happen- I made a mistake and now she's gone. _

"_She ran away last night." Sue said. "I didn't think she would go as far as running away. I thought I might be able to talk to her and convince her to stay with us for a while. I thought her family would be more understanding." _

_Rage pumped through my body before dissolving into guilt and tears… I was crying. This was all my fault. _

"_Don't cry, sweetheart." Sue wrapped her arms around my body while I wept. _

_I should've kept my stupid mouth shut and none of this would have happened. Samantha would still be here. I did this. I forced her to leave. _

_I'm so stupid. _

"You are not to blame, Bella."

"But aren't I?" I scoffed.

She left me a letter. Charlie found it on our doorstep after we found out she had run away. It's been sitting in my room unopened- taunting me- driving me insane. I couldn't bring myself to open the damn letter.

_Why me? _

_Of all people why did she have to leave me a letter? _

Does she want me to feel guilty because I already do. It eats me alive at night- the guilt, wondering where she must be? What is she thinking?

The police are looking for her but have had no luck in tracking her down. I know that she won't be found. She left for a reason and I doubt she'd come back… she's too smart. She'll stay hidden for as long as she wants.

"Sue told me that she had everything under control." I glance away, staring at the clock. I felt a tug at my chest as my heart began to race faster and faster. "Sue promised me that everything would be alright and Samantha would be safe. All I wanted was to help. Now everything has gone to hell."

**ooOoo**

The liquid burned my throat going down. I told myself that I wouldn't drink but sometimes you fuck up in life and to drink is the only thing left to do. I wasn't surprised when I found Emmett's stash of beer still hidden under his bed. He was gonna kill me when he came back.

I promised that I wouldn't go into his room.

_I lied. _

The letter sat unopened on my bureau. It was just a thin white envelope. How much damage could an envelope do?

_A lot. _

Perhaps this was punishment for all of my mistakes. An internal kind of punishment where I would agonize for days and weeks and months until I couldn't take it anymore. I was supposed to be brave. I was supposed to be strong.

Samantha made me weak and I hated her for that. I hated everyone that made me small. I wanted to be big and tall. I wanted to hold the world by my hand and command everyone's attention.

I wanted to be normal. _Was that an impossible wish?_ Just to be normal and have normal friends and go to normal school.

Was I dreaming all of this time? I'd like to believe I was. I'd like to believe that I'll wake up to a world where I could go just a day… just a day without a problem occurring.

I'm not sure that will ever happen.

I stand up, swaying side to side before I catching my balance. I chucked the metal can into the trashcan across my room and missed.

The beer spilled out all over the hardwood floor. I didn't bother to clean it up. I'd deal with it later.

I gingerly pick up the envelope, feeling as though it weighed a hundred pounds. I really hated that girl. I try to help and this is how she repays me.

Why should I read her flimsy note when most likely her brother was out to get me. I didn't miss the looks Sam gave me at the wedding. I'm sure him and his posse would find me sooner or later.

Maybe I'd be gone by then. I'll be living some place in Europe- off the grid, where no one can find me.

That sounded like a dream.

With a sigh, I bend down and kneel on the ground. I pull back the corner of the blue rug, revealing a lose floorboard. Slightly creaking, I pull it up and stick the envelope in the empty space. My eyes linger over the cd- Edward's _cd, _Emmett's- _Happy Fartday _Card… _Jacob's bracelet, _and countless of other items.

I don't know why I haven't gotten rid of bracelet. Somethings keeping me chained and I hate it. This was where I kept all of my most valuable items. For so long I was paranoid someone was coming to take them away. I was terrified of losing everything I once had because I had already lost so much. So over the years, I had taken to stocking items in the floorboard, hoping my secret would stay safe.

I wouldn't open the letter until I was ready… and I was no where close to being ready.

_Sammi _could suck it. I wasn't going to let her take me down that long dark spiral of unhappy thoughts and feelings again. I was going to move on with my life because I couldn't dwell on this forever.

I put it away and leaned back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. Sue was cooking pasta- the smell drifted up all the way to the second floor. I put my hand over my stomach, feeling it grumble and closed my eyes.

"_The letter is for you, Bells." Charlie closed the door behind him and stared down at the envelope. Samantha's name was signed in the corner. It had just been recently sealed- the envelope wasn't all the way closed. _

_This could hold the answers to everything. Everything we had been wondering about her and where she may be could be in this very letter… and she left it for me. _

_Why? Why would she do that when she barely trusted me? It made absolutely no sense. _

_Sue wanted me to open the letter. She wanted to bring Samantha home more so than anything else at the moment. Samantha was just like her daughter. _

_Like Esme was my mother. _

_My heart hurt seeing Sue in this much pain. My heart hurt when Esme cried seeing me in the hospital. I would do anything to alleviate Sue's suffering. Because I think… I think I can understand where she's coming from. _

_But Samantha does not want to be found. I don't need to open the envelope to know that and I won't go against her wishes. She deserves to have some happiness in her life and if that means being away then so be it. _

"Honey?" there was a knock on the door. I mumble a response and the handle turns and the door swings open.

"Dinner is done." Sue said. She stood there and her eyes flickered back and forth from the stain on the ground to the empty can of alcohol. I imagine I looked much worse.

"Forget about dinner." she snapped. "Take a shower and when you're sober enough, come down stairs."

_I felt great. In fact, I had never felt any better._

Thirty minutes later I was standing in my bathrobe in the kitchen standing in front of my pissed off father and Sue.

"Are you actually joking?" I rolled my eyes. Charlie held Emmett's six pack of beer and several other containers of his. One by one, they clattered together, hitting the bottom of the trash bag.

"Three nights in a row!" he held up his fingers. "Three nights in a row you've gotten drunk! I don't care if these are Emmett's- I'm getting rid of all the alcohol in this house! You're lucky I haven't charged you with underage drinking! If you were anyone else, you'd be sitting in a jail cell right now!"

_Oh there we go again with the threats! He never meant any of them. _

That's not it though! He made me individually dump out each bottle as _punishment! _Was this meant to discipline me? Charlie was punishing himself more than me. He couldn't go a day without a bottle of beer. Did he think that this was actually going to work?

"It's not like I'm doing anything dangerous!" I throw my hands up in the air. _He was acting ridiculous! _"This is actually so unfair," I scoffed. "You never treated Emmett like this. You let him get away with anything he wanted. Why do I have to be punished? How come you never grounded Emmett or took away his phone or-"

"Don't question me!" he exploded. "I am your father and I have every right to punish you! In fact, I've let a lot of your actions slide. You haven't been punished enough-"

"Oh and what are you going to do now? I'm eighteen years old- I'm an adult! I don't need to stay here, I can go anywhere I want!" I lost it. All the hurt… all the pain I've felt in the past few days came pouring out. I couldn't take it any longer. "I will leave! I will pack my bag right now, leave this house and not come back." I threatened.

"With what money, Isabella?" he crossed his arms over his chest. "And where will you stay? How will you pay your phone bill? How will you get food to eat everyday? Because if you move out, don't expect me to help you. You're eighteen… you're an adult."

"I-I've got the Cullens." I stutter. "They'll take me, I know they will."

All the color drained from his face. He knew that I was dead serious. "Go to your room." his voice was just above a whisper. "I don't want to see you the rest of tonight."

"But I'm hungry-"

"I don't care! Go to your room!"

I stomped up the stairs without another word and slammed my door shut. An hour later there was a timid knock.

"Go away."

"Bella, if you'd please let me in-"

"What don't you get about go away!" I hissed.

Sue just couldn't take a hint. First she ratted me out to Charlie and now she wanted to fucking _talk. _My hands were jittery and droplets of sweat ran down forehead. My mind raced with thoughts I didn't want to think and feelings I didn't want to have.

_I needed more. _

Sue took it all away. Charlie took it all away.

"I'm sorry." her voice faltered. "I know you're hurting over Samantha… we all are."

I curled up in a ball on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest. My wet hair clung to my neck. Sue wouldn't leave me alone.

"I don't blame you for being upset. We all cope in… _different _ways. I spoke to Charlie for you… he feels bad, Bella." she pleaded with me to understand where they were coming from.

_I doubt he does. _

"Charlie is worried about you… we both are." she sighed. "Can you please just try to cooperate with us? Your father doesn't like yelling at you or grounding you- you have to know that. He loves you."

I don't respond.

"I talked to him." she said. "I got him to calm down and he reduced your punishment. You are only grounded for a week and you also have to start seeing Victoria every other week."

I was only going to see her once a month now. She thought that I had progressed enough that we could cut back our time time together. What does this say about me now? Am I broken all over again?

"I'm not the bad guy." said Sue. "I want to be able to talk to you. I'm waiting for whenever you want to talk."

I heard her walk away after a minute. I hung my head and tried not to let the tears fall from my eyes. If Rosalie were here she would be yelling at me to suck it up. _If I'm in the wrong admit, apologize, and move on._ She would want me to talk to Sue or Esme or Victoria- not wallow in my misery.

Maybe, she's right. I don't have to be sad and lonely. I don't have to feel guilty. This is just apart of life and sometimes life sucks. Samantha ran away- what more can I do about it?

**ooOoo**

**Authors Note: **

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Your support means so much to me! I should update again sometime by next week or sooner! **

**Also, you don't have to do this but if any of you have a Wattpad account, I'd love it if you'd give me a follow! I have an original story on their I'm working on and I post my finished stories on Wattpad as well! My account is: Readqueen15!**

**Thank you so much! Stay safe!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Christmas Day **

**Edward **

"I wanted to come sooner." I said. Bella sat on the swing, dragging her feet in the dirt. It was almost forty degrees out and all she wore to keep warm was a thin black jacket. She was shivering, I'm surprised her lips hadn't turned blue.

"You didn't have to come back. We're not together anymore." she looked up at me. There was a look of frustration on her face and she looked away, biting her bottom lip.

"Who cares if we're not together?" I scoff. "You're my… _close acquaintance… _I can't stand seeing you hurt."

I knew that I would find her here at Liberty Park. Everybody… except Bella was at my house for Christmas. I waited three fucking agonizing months to see her again- nobody would tell me what happened. Alice just said that it was best to stay away for a while- to talk to her when I was supposed to come home. It hurt like hell being away for so long but Alice always had a reason behind her madness.

"Alice told me what happened with… _Samantha._" I stuffed my hands in my pocket, trying to brace myself from the frigid air.

"How did Alice find out?"

"My mom."

She hums in response, looking down at the ground. She looked even paler than the last time we saw each other. Her frame had been starting to fill in and for the first time she looked moderately healthy. Now it was as if we'd taken two big steps back.

"Your nose is healed." she comments.

I nod my head. "Your brother seemed annoyed."

"Of course he was." She rolled her eyes. "He hasn't done anything else has he?"

"Rose has been keeping him distracted. He hasn't done anything yet." I couldn't help but smirk. I knew the moment we were alone he wouldn't hesitate to break my nose again.

"But everybody is missing you." I playfully nudged her in the shoulder. "It's Christmas- we should be happy and tearing open presents and singing Christmas Carols-"

"When have you ever heard me sing a Christmas Carol!" she barked.

"Good point." I shrugged. "But most of all, our families are missing us. Emmett is missing you."

"I'm in no mood to celebrate when I know that Samantha is out there… somewhere- god knows where. She should have a roof over her head. She should be with the people who truly care about her. Samantha could be dead for all we know."

"You… are very right about that." I said slowly. "But I don't think she would want you to suffer over her. I think she would want you to enjoy your life to the best of your ability."

Bella doesn't respond. Her teeth chatter together and sighs a little. She knows I'm right.

"I told Charlie that I would come later." she whispered. "My brother was going to come and pick me up."

"Well it's freezing and I can't leave you here." I was adamant. Snowflakes sprinkled her hair as it started to lightly snow. "I'll take you to my house. We're going to have dinner soon."

"If you insist." She grumbles.

We leave the park, get in the warm car and drive away. She looked out the window, lost in thought as the radio softly played.

_I never should've left. _

We arrive at my house in fifteen minutes, just as the food is coming out of the oven. Emmett's eyes narrowed when he saw the two of us walk through the door together. Bella quickly goes to Rose's side as soon as she sees her sitting at the dining room table.

"Thank you Edward." Charlie stopped me before I could enter the room. "Bella's been having issues the past few months. I haven't seen her smile like this in a while."

I gazed at her, watching her laugh with Rose and my mother. She looked better than earlier, as if all the tension had dripped away from her body. When she smiled her eyes crinkled and she sucked on her bottom lip. She ran her fingers around through her hair twirling it at the end. This was how she should always be. This was how it was supposed to be but that monster fucked everything up.

I was determined to make things right.

"I want to hate you, son." Charlie's voice was rough. "I want to hate you for breaking my daughter's heart but I'm giving you one last chance. Just your presence; you being here; brings light back into her eyes and I don't want it to disappear." he placed his hand on my shoulder and whispered to me. "But… if you do anything to make her cry, I can guarantee a restraining order and you'll never see Isabella again. Am I clear?"

"Crystal." I gulped.

He patted me on the back, causing me to jerk forward and walked back into the room with a smile on his face. I stood frozen, hiding behind the corner knowing that Charlie would stick to his word. _When Charlie was angry with you… that's when you knew that you had really fucked up. _

**ooOoo**

**Isabella **

"Do you think that I'm making the right choice?"

"That depends." Rose said.

"On what?" I laid back on Alice's bed and closed my eyes.

I loved Edward, that much was obvious. Victoria told me not to start a relationship until I was sure that I was mentally and physically stable for one. Emmett said that he'd, "_fuck Edward up," _the next time he touched me. Charlie just didn't want me to start drinking again.

Edward kept me grounded. He made me laugh and smile and forget about all the pain. I was happier around him and I wanted that happiness to stay. I could finally breathe again.

"On what you need at the moment." Alice's voice was soft and understanding. She understood my delima and wanted to kick Edward in the dick at the same time. She was furious with Edward but hated seeing my upset even more- at least that's what Esme said.

"Only you can make this decision, Bella." said Rose. "We can't tell you what to do; we can only give you guidance."

"I love Edward." my voice was hard. "I know that I've said this a hundred times before and I'm probably making a huge mistake, but I can't stay away from him. I hate being this far apart. I hate being so dependant on him but I… _I love him." _

"We can all see that, Bella." Alice hummed. "I've never seen my brother beat himself up so much over a girl before. He's made _a lot_ of idiotic choices and I'm in no way trying to defend his behavior but Edward misses you so much. You should hear the way he talks about you."

"Just be careful, Bella." said Rose. "Edward doesn't always… _think. _If you want to try again with Edward, I won't stop you. I just think you should think long and hard about this; remember how much heartache you went through the last time you guys broke up… remember what that felt like. Do you want to feel that again if Edward leaves?"

Of course I didn't want to feel that again. It felt like I was drowning over and over again… only being allowed air for a few seconds each time. I clawed and fought my way to the surface only to be pushed back under again and repeat the whole thing.

_So, of course I didn't want to feel that again. _

"Can we just stay up here the rest of the night?" I sighed. "I don't want to go back downstairs."

"We're opening presents soon though!" Alice whined. "We can't miss that!"

"But Alice…."

"No, she's right." Rose groaned and rolled off the bed. "Besides, I've got to go and make sure that Emmett hasn't murdered Edward. This good behavior can only last for so long."

I bark a laugh, agreeing with that. Emmett still hasn't apologized and as a consequence, Charlie won't let him come home. He's been staying at Jasper's and Rose's this entire week and doesn't feel one ounce of guilt. It's been about three months and it was starting to get a little ridiculous. As much as I love Seth being at the house, I miss my brother- _my actual brother. _

"Do you know what I want for Christmas?"

"What?" asked Alice.

"For Emmett to apologize and forgive Edward. I did so a long time ago so I don't understand why he can't." I rolled my eyes.

"Brothers are protective of their sisters." Alice laughed. "Edward almost blew a casket when Jasper revealed that he loved me. For a whole month, he wouldn't let us be alone and would send Jasper threatening messages not to hurt me… _or else_."

"It all may seem excessive now but Emmett loves you." Rose soothingly responded. "You are his baby sister and it's his job to protect you-"

"Except it's not!" I groaned.

"But it is, Bella. When you were born he made it his job to protect you from all the evil in the world. Even if that means hating one of his best friends."

Why did Rose always have to be right? I never thought what this must be like for Emmett. What he must being going through with Edward. I had never seen them this angry with each other before. Of course they got into fights but they were always small and minuscule and easily forgotten.

_How were they going to recover from this? _

**ooOoo**

**New Years Eve **

**Edward **

"There are a hundred things I wish I could change." I gulped. We sat on the couch staring at the tv, watching the new years celebration in some other state. Confused Bella turned to me and cocked her head to the side.

_Only five minutes until midnight. _

"I don't know how many times I can apologize for leaving you-"

"Edward." she sighed. "I already told you, you don't need to apologize."

"I do, Bella." I stressed. "Do you understand how awful I feel? Maybe if I had been here than none of that stuff would have happened. You wouldn't have been hurt at school and felt the need to drop out. I could have prevented a whole lot of things-"

"Stop!" she raised her voice and moved across the couch, sitting right next to me. "I forgave you a long time ago. I'll never forget how it felt when you left but I can forgive. You were only doing what you thought was best. It wasn't fair of me to put all of this…. _pressure _on you."

_Is that why she thought I left? _She was even more naive than I originally thought. Of course she would blame herself for all of this happening. Bella was too selfless.

"But it wasn't just that." my voice was just above a whisper. "Tanya, my friends, all of the bullying… I could have stopped it all but I didn't. I was a coward and you had to suffer because of that. I could have done so much more…"

She cupped my cheek in her hand and tilted my chin up. I looked her in the eyes only to a see a lit fire that I hadn't seen in a while. "That's in the past, Edward." she whispered. "I don't care about any of that- not anymore. I'm only focused on the present. Like I said, I forgave you a long time ago. There is no point to dwell on the past."

_Three minutes until midnight. _

"I love you Edward." I watched as her hand moved down to my chest and she clenched the fabric of my shirt into her hand. "I've never stopped loving you and I never will."

"Bella…" I let out a ragged breathe. Her lips just inches away from mine, I clenched my jaw, forcing myself not to do it- not to kiss her pink full lips and run my hands through her strawberry scented curls.

"Please take me back." she begged. "I know that I've been a bitch but I-I can't live without you. I love you Edward…"

"D-don't say anymore." I hushed her. "I've been waiting to hear that all this time. You don't know how much I love you-"

Without another word her lips brushed against mine. I rested my hands on her waist and held her close, not wanting to let her go. Her arms snaked around my neck and what started as an innocent enough kiss became full of passion and longing.

"It's midnight." she breathed.

The clock flashed midnight and the two of us melted into the couch. With my arms wrapped around her body, she laid her head upon my chest and her eyes fluttered shut.

"Happy New Years." I whispered. A small smile formed on my lips as I thought, _what the perfect way to start the new year. _

I wasn't going to let her go this time. I would stay by her side until she pushed me away because that's how much I love her.

_That's how much I needed her. _

**ooOoo**

**Two days later **

**Isabella **

_Bella, _

_I know that you are probably wondering why I wrote to you, when I could have written to Sue or Seth or my brother. I'm not going to pretend to be your friend and claim that I like you when that is the furthest from the truth. _

_I respect you, Bella._

_I respect the courage you had to stand up to Jacob. I respect the courage you had to keep fighting all of these years when you could have given up so easily. I respect the courage you had to tell Sue. I don't know your story, and I'm not going to ask you tell it, but I thought you should know that you are one of bravest people I have ever met. _

_Yes- a majority of my life I have hated you. I hated how pretty and smart and perfect you seemed to be. I hated how when you came to the rez, all the boys heads turned towards you. I hated that you attracted all of that unwanted attention. I was blind to see that you wanted it no more than I needed it. _

_However, the hatred turned to envy as my dreams finally came true. Jacob wasn't the man I thought he was. He fooled us all. We were all master manipulators- hiding our true selves and masking the pain and anger we didn't want others to know. I was jealous that you got to live your life free of Jacob. I was jealous that you were… free. _

_But of course none of us could have known. I couldn't have known that you were suffering just the same- perhaps even more than me._

_When Jacob was first arrested- I couldn't believe it. The boy who had tortured and abused me for three years was finally gone. _

_When my family asked what everyone was wondering: did Jacob hurt me? I couldn't say it. It was as if something inside of me had frozen and I had forgotten how to speak. His voice was constantly in my head, telling me what to do; what to say. _

_So I said what everyone wanted to believe and would only believe. I continued the lies that Jacob had started because I knew that one day he would come out and he would find me. _

_I was a coward. I took my anger out on everyone around me, especially you. For that I'm sorry. _

_My parents didn't even give me the chance to explain. Sue tried to reason with them but you have to understand that Jacob's family are practically gods within the tribe. I never would have been believed. _

_My parents kicked me out that night for spreading "lies." I only had a backpack full of clothes, my phone, and two hundred dollars of spending money. I didn't think it would hurt that much. I was never very close with my parents but Sam… Sam was my world. My protector. _

_His rejection hurt the most. _

_I can't tell you where I am going because I am not sure myself. But I'm certain you won't read this letter right away. By the time you have opened us, I should be out of the state. I was going to leave either way so you shouldn't beat yourself up over this. _

_I was never as strong as you. That's why I need you to be strong for the both of us. I want you to live your life to the fullest with no regrets. _

_That's the only way we can beat Jacob. _

_This is the last time that you or anyone else will ever hear from me. If you wouldn't mind, please don't share this with Sue and Seth. Tell them that I am happy. Tell them that I'm on my way to climb the Grand Canyon and will send them a postcard. Tell Sue and Seth that I love them and they are not to blame. _

_Don't fret, Bella. Everything works out for a reason. You'll see in time. Everything is going to be alright._

_Best, _

_Sammi_

I clenched the paper in my trembling hands- my eyes scanned over the words again and again, trying to make sense of it all. Edward convinced me to read it. He told me that I would never fully heal. I had to face all of my demons. Even if that meant opening up this letter. I thought that I would be more upset. I thought that I would be breaking down and sobbing.

But instead I felt… relieved. She was going to be alright. Something in my gut told me not to worry. Samantha was wrong. She was one of the bravest girls that I had ever encountered.

"You were right." I whispered to Edward. "She is going to be just fine. It's me no use just crying all the time about how my life isn't perfect. I can't beat Jacob by being depressed all the time. I have to rise above."

I placed the letter on the table next to my bed and collapsed back into the pillows. Edward's eyes shone in concern but there was no reason. I was fine. I was breathing., I was surviving. That's enough to beat Jacob.

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed, it means so much to me! I had originally said that there will be about eight chapters left but I've narrowed down to at least two-three more chapters. I'm so sad yet excited that the story is coming to an end! I hope to update next week or sooner! Stay safe!**


	42. Chapter 42

**March**

**Isabella**

"Edward and I talk every day." I blushed. "Every night at exactly nine o'clock he calls- well nine o'clock our time- it's twelve o' clock in New Hampshire where Edward is. He'll hum my favorite song over the phone and I promise myself every time that I won't fall asleep but I always do. Edward says I snore but I don't believe him." a soft giggle escaped my lips as I think back to last night. "He makes fun of me because I go to bed so early."

"It seems like you guys are getting along good." Victoria noted. "What do you think you guys are doing differently this time?"

I think for a moment. "Well… well we try to talk to each other more. If something is bothering us, we'll tell each other instead of hiding it away. I don't want to keep any more secrets and I want all the fighting to stop."

"So have you told Edward yet about the offer? From Kent University in the UK… and how you are going to accept it?" she questioned. Her voice was almost judgmental.

I sighed a loud heavy breathe. "Not exactly. I haven't quite gotten to that yet."

"Then what is all this talk about being honest with each other? You found out several weeks ago- I don't see any reason not to tell him."

"I'm afraid!" I blurted. "Is that what you want to hear? I'm afraid!"

Victoria's silent while scribbling something in her damn notebook. There's a reason I've been putting it off. There's a reason why I've only told Carlisle and Esme.

"What are you exactly afraid of?"

"Hurting him." I gulped. "We're finally in a good place right now and I don't want it to end. It's hard enough having a long distance relationship- how are we going to have a relationship when I'm living on a completely different continent?"

"I'll admit that it does seem difficult." said Victoria. "But it's not impossible. However before you even move, you have to tell Edward. That is the first step."

I know that he'd be supportive- there's no question about that; except it's coming at the price of his happiness. He's put everything on hold for me and now I'm gonna stab him in the back. This wasn't fair of me to do. He loved me. I loved him.

"How am I going to do that?" I whisper. "It seems cruel to tell him over the phone. Besides, I haven't even told my brother or Charlie and Sue. I know that they won't let me go. Charlie is terrified whenever I leave the house. He's never going to let me leave the country by myself. Charlie thinks that I'm going to Forks State."

"You don't know that." she sighed. "You haven't even tried to talk to him yet."

"Because I know what he is going to say-"

"No, you don't know what he is going to say!" she cut me off. "Your homework for our next session is tell your family about England. I know that you are nervous about their reaction but you can't keep something this big from them."

"I can't Victoria." I grit my teeth together. "You don't know what my dad is like. He overreacts over everything! I swear he'll arrest me just to prevent me from leaving. That's how crazy he is!"

"Well would you prefer to have a group session next week? It'll be us, your father and Sue. I can lead the discussion and we can talk about it in a calm manner."

My mind flashes back to our very first session- the embarrassment and fear that I felt; the awkward looks and uncomfortable silence. _Carlisle and Esme are saints compared to Charlie!_

"I promise that I won't be as hard as the first time."

It's almost as if she read my mind.

"I'm just here to help break the barrier between you and your family. You have to trust me, Isabella. I know what I'm doing."

An hour later, I stood in the living room facing Charlie and Sue. "Are you guys alright with that?" I bit my lip. They sat on the couch, listening as I asked them to come to the next meeting with Victoria. My dad squirmed uncomfortably on the couch and Sue didn't seem bothered one bit.

"That seems like a great idea!" exclaimed Sue. She turned to Charlie and placed her hand on his knee. "How does that sound?"

"Um, good!" Charlie choked. His eyes shifted around the room, looking everywhere but at me. Neither of us were good with social interaction or sharing our emotions. This would be awkward for the both of us.

"It's next Friday." I shrugged. "There's just some stuff that Victoria thought we should talk about all together."

"What kind of stuff?" Charlie narrowed his eyes.

I groan and hit myself in the forehead with my hand. "It's nothing dad. There's nothing to be concerned about."

"Then how come you won't tell us what it is?"

"Because I think we should wait! You don't need to know now!" I threw up my hands up in the air.

_Good grief! You'd think I was arguing with Emmett!_

"Charlie!" Sue interrupted.

His mustache twitched just a little bit.

"We'll find out next Friday, alright? There's no point to argue about this now." she said.

_Thank you!_ I internally screamed.

**ooOoo**

**Two weeks later**

**April**

"I don't understand." Edward furrowed his eyebrows together. We sat in his bedroom, listening to his vinyls. I thought that now would be a good time to bring it up. I thought that perhaps he'd take it better than my dad.

"You knew this was coming." I sighed and placed my hand on top of his and gently squeezed. "I told you last year that I was applying to schools in the UK. Your dad convinced me to apply to Oxford but I didn't get in- however I was accepted to Kent University and I'm going to go, Edward. I've already made up my mind."

"But…" he sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. "What about us? What's going to happen to us?"

"i-I don't know." I gulped. "I don't want to leave you but I can't stay in Forks. I need a brand new start away from… everything. I don't know how to describe it in a way that'll make sense but there's too much bad history here. There are too many memories that I don't want to remember…"

He interrupts me with a sigh. "I understand." he mumbled. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "I want you to be happy, Love; even if that means being away for a while. I'll support you." he turned his head and gazed at me with his shimmering green eyes. He pulled me closer and I curled up beside him. I felt warm, safe, secure.

"How did Charlie take it?" he asked.

I cringed, remembering back to that session. I thought he was going to blow a casket.

_"Absolutely not!" he roared. "Do you think I'm really going to allow you to move all the way to another continent alone!? You're crazy, Isabella!"_

_"Dad-!"_

_"What if you get hurt? Who are you going to call to help you? What do you know about finances or living on your own? If you're in trouble, I can't just show up and help you! You'll be all by yourself-!"_

_"Mr. Swan!" Victoria raised her voice. She stood up in the middle of us, trying to calm our raging tempers. "I understand that you have worries but I would like to talk about them in a cordial manner."_

_He let out a long sigh and sat back down in the wooden chair with his arms crossed over his chest._

_"Now, Charlie." she sighed. "How about you tell us what has you so worried?"_

_He looks at Victoria, avoiding eye contact with me. "She's eighteen years old- barely an adult. If something happens and she gets hurt- how am I supposed to protect her? What kind of father am I, if I can't protect my own daughter?" his eyes welled with tears. Sue clutches his hand, trying to give some support._

_"You're the best dad in the world." I choked. "Yes- I was raped and sexually assaulted… but that's in the past and you are not to blame. I've grown from that and I'm stronger now. I can protect myself."_

_"Bella-"_

_"I understand where you are coming from. But you are not listening to me! This is a great opportunity for me to explore and see the world and start over again! I can't stay in Forks- you have to understand that. Everywhere I go, I'm just reminded of every single bad thing that has happened. I need to move on."_

"He's still... worried." I slowly said. He's more accepting now than before. Sue has been the only one to get through to him. She's the most levelheaded of us all and for that I'm thankful.

"Emmett was surprisingly calm about everything. I think he knew something like this was going to happen. He said that it was obvious that I was miserable being in Forks." I frowned. "This is my chance to make something more of myself. I can be a completely new person- nobody will know my past."

"I'm happy for you. You'll do great things no matter where you go; and we'll work something out." he said. "This doesn't have to be goodbye."

As the day progressed, we left his home around lunch time to go to Rose's and Jasper's house. They were having a last minute get together as their parents had gone out of town, leaving the house all to themselves.

When Edward and I pulled up, Emmett was in the driveway. He was bent over, working on Rosalie's truck and a her toolbox sat next to him on the ground. A moment later he sat up and turned around, glaring at the two of us.

"I don't think I should get out." Edward gulped while looking back at my brother. He had tried several times to talk to Emmett and each time ended with a threat.

I rolled my eyes. "You can't be afraid of him forever. Sooner or later you're going to have to talk with one another."

"I didn't think that he'd be here!" Edward hissed. His face was almost as red as his hair. I don't know how many times Edward tried to make amends with Emmett but they all ended in failure. Everyone said that Emmett was the most stubborn of the two of us.

"Well what did you expect?" I scoffed. "Of course he's going to be here!"

"I should probably just go. I don't want to start anymore problems."

I shook my head side to side, squeezing his hand tightly. "I'm sick of this fight, the two of you have going! You are going to make up once and for all!"

"Bella, I've tried several times! He doesn't listen to me!" he threw his hands up in the air and sent a heated glare back his way.

"Well, try harder! I'm not going to let you just sit in this car!"

With a long sigh, Edward reluctantly got out of the car. We walked up into the driveway only to be stopped by Emmett.

"Bella." Emmett greeted completely disregarding Edward. "I thought that you were at work." his voice is accusatory- pointed directly at Edward.

I huff in annoyance. "I was this morning but I got out early. Edward ended up picking me up and we went back to his house."

"You could have called me. I would have come-"

"Well Edward was nearby so it was the most convenient." I snapped. "Besides… we had some stuff we had to talk about."

Understanding dawns in his eyes and briefly looked at Edward in contemplation.

"Maybe it'll be good for you to be far away from him. You'll finally be able to see for yourself how much more you deserve-"

"Emmett!"

Edward tensed beside me as my hands clenched into fists.

_I was about to hit him._

"When is this going to stop?!" I growled. "It's been over six months that you've held this- this grudge! Don't you think it's time to apologize and move on? I've forgiven Edward so why can't you?!"

Emmett's face turned beat red and jabbed his index finger in Edward's direction with a sneer on his face. "I'll forgive him when he's apologized! I don't believe that he's sorry at all-"  
"He already has apologized! You're just too stubborn to listen to anything he has to say! Maybe if you gave him a chance to speak, you'd see!"

Taken aback, his mouth opens and closes, trying to figure out an argument.

There was none.

"I'm going to go inside-"

Edward's feet start to move forward.

"Alone."

Edward rolls his eyes and I glare at my brother. "I don't want to see either of you until you've made up. This fight has gone on for too long!"

**ooOoo**

**Edward**

"Bella's right." I gulped. "This has gone on for too long. We've never fought like this before."

Emmett tossed the wrench he was holding into the toolbox.

"Will you say something?" I took a step forward. "I'm trying my best to make up for what I did- it kills me every single day-"

"Then why did you do it?!" he hissed. "You completely destroyed her! If you ever cared about my sister than you never would have abandoned her!"

"I was trying to protect her!" I seethed. "No matter what you think, that's the truth! Yes, I know that I'm an idiot but everything I did was with good intentions! I never meant for any of that to happen-"

"You never mean for anything to happen!" he shook his head side to side and scoffed. "You've always gotten your way and my sister is the one that always ends up hurt."

"Do you think I like seeing her cry?" my jaw clenched. "I beat myself up everyday over what I did. If I could go back and change everything I would!"

Emmett rolled his eyes.

"What is it going to take for you to forgive me? I don't know how many times I can apologize. If Bella can let it go, why can't you?"

"I know you don't like seeing her cry. I know that you never meant to hurt her." he sighed. "But you didn't see how she was after you left. You didn't hear her cry herself to sleep every night. Until you feel the pain that she felt… I will never forgive you."

My eyes flickered up to the window of the house. Alice was watching the both of us with a frown on her lips. She shakes her head and sighs before disappearing from sight. There's no point in arguing with him.

A moment later, Jasper came outside. He stood on the porch, staring at the two of us. "We're heading out on the water." he pointed towards the lake that was directly behind their house. "Are you guys going to come or should we go without you?"

I open my mouth.

"Go without me." Emmett cuts me off. "I wanna finish fixing Rose's truck."

What he really meant was- I don't want to be with Edward.

"I'm-" I sigh. "I'm coming."

I stare at Emmett a few seconds before walking away. He was never going to forgive me. At least not for a very long time.

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note:**

**Hi y'all! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I very much appreciate the support! AHHHH, I can't believe that I have one more chapter left (plus an epilogue)! I'm so sad to be ending this story but at the same time am so grateful for everyone, taking the time to read it! It means so much to me!**

**I've said this a few times before and I don't want to spoil anything but a lot of you may not like the ending and will hate me! It's still an HEA story but my version of it. Some of you may argue that it's not but I've been planning this ending for a while.**

**Also, what do you guys think of Edward and Emmett? Is Emmett in the wrong here? Should he just forgive Edward?**

**I should update by next week or sooner but until then, I hope everyone stays safe and healthy!**


	43. Chapter 43

**Isabella **

**August**

"What's wrong, Bella?" Sue stood at the door of my bedroom.

I was hunched over my suitcase, making sure for the seventh time that I had everything I needed. I was leaving tomorrow. My dad and Emmett tried to act like everything was cool but Charlie looked as if he'd aged ten years. If it wasn't for the constant reassurance from Sue then I'm pretty sure he would have had a heart attack by now.

Emmett just continued on- seemingly unconcerned as if I was just going to Forks State. But I knew better. I could feel his stare on my back when he thought that I wasn't paying attention. The constant, _I love yous'_ was getting to be kind of excessive and he insisted on driving me around everywhere.

Emmett hated driving me. _He detested it._

I was ready to go. I've been ready since the summer before freshman year when everything went to hell. So, I shouldn't have these butterflies in my stomach. I shouldn't be terrified.

What did that say about me- I was weak?

Was this some sign from God- a warning not to go?

I wasn't even religious yet he's got me on my knees praying that I've made the right decision. Suddenly my dream has become a reality and I'm not sure what to do about it. I should be over the moon excited but something was holding me back. Jacob was holding me back.

"Is it normal to be nervous?"

Sue furrowed her eyebrows. "About going to college?"

I nod my head.

"Of course." she breathed. "I don't know anyone who isn't nervous. I was a mess when I left for school in Oregon. I cried nonstop the first three days. The first week of school was brutal, it was the first time I was truly on my own. I had never been without my parents before."

"No… It's not that." I sighed. "I've just been thinking a lot today and I don't want my dad to be upset but there is… there is something I need to do."

"What do you need to do?" Sue walked into my room, stepped over the suitcase and sat down beside me.

"I- um, I've been thinking a lot about Jacob and I- I think I need to see him. I need to know why he did this to me." I crumpled up the shirt in my hands and threw it into the suitcase.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Bella? You've been doing so well lately…"

"I need to do this, Sue." I pleaded with her to understand. "I can't live in fear of him forever. I want answers and only he can tell me them."

"Have you talked to Victoria about this?"

"She's the one that suggested it to me." I said. "It was a few months ago when we first started talking about possibly going to see him. I've been too nervous but I think now… I'm finally ready. I need to do this."

Sue frowned and scratched her head, seemingly lost as to what to say. "I'll talk to your father once he comes home from the station but I can't guarantee anything."

Charlie didn't get home for another hour and I was already dreading this conversation. It took nearly a month before he was able to accept the fact that I was moving to a completely different country… and he still struggled with it!

"Thank you." I sighed. I only had today and tomorrow before the flight, which I wasn't even sure was enough time to schedule this meeting and besides… Jacob may not even want to see me. This all could be for nothing.

"Why don't you continue packing? We've still got a lot left to put together for tomorrow." said Sue before she left the room.

Two hours later is when the arguing started- just as I predicted. I sat in my bedroom, listening as their voices raised louder and louder.

_"Absolutely not!"_

_"Charlie if you could just listen-"_

_"I'm never allowing her near that monster again! He's in jail for a reason-"_

_"Yes! He's in jail! He can't physically touch her! There will be guards and they'll be separated by a screen. He can't touch her Charlie."_

_"Just because he can't touch her doesn't mean that she can't be hurt." his voice broke towards the end._

This was going exactly as I'd imagined. Charlie didn't like to listen to other people once he had an idea in his head. I don't understand why Charlie even had to know. I was eighteen and was legally allowed to go to the prison without an adult but Victoria guilt tripped me into telling them.

And this was the reaction.

Harsh footsteps sounded up the stairs and a moment later my door burst open. Charlie stomped into my room as Sue stood behind trying to reason with him.

"You are not going to see Jacob!" he exploded. "That boy doesn't deserve your time! You have fought too damn hard and suffered too much! Don't spend your last day home with him-"

"It's only for a few hours!" I cried. "Do you think I want to do this? I'd rather be anywhere else but it's something that has to be done. It's something I need to do!"

"Sweetie-" he faltered.

"I've spent the last five years wondering, why me? What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong?"

"You did nothing wrong." he spat.

"I know that but I never got the chance to say what I wanted to say! I never got… closure." I whimpered. "Can't you understand that? I need to see Jacob… I need to end this. I don't want to feel this way forever. I want answers."

"How do you know that he won't lie to you? How do you know that he'll even want to meet you?"

"I don't know." I gulped. "But I at least have to try."

**ooOoo**

I had lost my voice. Yesterday, I had written a long letter of everything I was going to say- everything I wanted to scream at him the first time he raped me. But something inside me froze and all the words on the paper became irrelevant.

I didn't know what I was going to do.

The room was grey and cold. The walls were made of cement and there was a long line of individual booths. I passed by several people before stopping at the eighth booth. Only a thin glass screen stopped the two of us from touching.

I sat down on the metal stool. Jacob stared back through the looking glass, his eyes as dark as the day on the stand. He wore a pale blue t-shirt over a white long-sleeved shirt There were chains around his wrist. His left eye was purple and lip scabbed. His hair was cut down to a buzz cut and his biceps had only gotten larger.

I blinked a couple of times.

Jacob picked up the phone and held it to his ear.

I do the same.

"I didn't think you would ever show up." his voice was low and husky. "I hear you drove Sammi away."

I shuddered in disgust. "I am not here to talk about Sammi."

He quirked an eyebrow and ran his hand along his scruffy chin, seemingly unconcerned by my presence. "Then what do you want to talk about?" he smirked. "Did you come here to gloat? Do you like seeing me in chains?"

_Don't buy into, Bella. He's just trying to goad you._

"I know that you will never tell me the truth and frankly I don't want to hear it." my chest heaved up and down as I came to that realization. I gripped the phone in my hand so tightly my knuckles turned white. "All you do is lie and cause pain and take advantage of others. Our entire friendship was based on jealousy and your sick mind-"

"Now, you listen to m-"

"I'm done listening to you! I'm not your puppet, Jacob, you can't hurt me anymore! I'm… I'm not afraid of you." I roared as my voice cracked and tears clouded over my eyes. "You destroyed me, Jacob. Because of you, I almost died. I almost killed myself because I was terrified of what you would do to me. But I'm not afraid anymore." my voice was full of truth. "Charlie loves me and Sue loves me and my brother loves and Edward loves me; I could go on all day. There are people that love and care for me, I know that now."

"I loved you." he huffed and leaned toward the glass. "I loved-!"

"You were obsessed with me!" I hissed. "That is not love! You used me whenever was convenient. You knowingly hurt me and made me believe that it was all my fault! When are you going to get that through your thick head?!"

I took a deep breathe. Tears were steadily streaming down my face by now and I didn't wipe them away.

"All this time I wanted to understand why you hurt me- why me? I wanted to excuse your actions. I didn't want to believe that my best friend was capable of rapeing me." I clenched my jaw. "But there are no excuses for your actions. I've spent the past five years in constant fear and agony. I questioned my will to live and if there even was a god out there because he sure wasn't there for me."

I rest my hand over my beating heart. "I was prepared to tell you all of the reasons I hated you. I never got a chance to speak before so now was supposed to be my time."

"D'you think I'm a baby? I'm a big boy, Isabella. Lay it on me." he sneered.

I shake my head side to side, slightly smirking. "You'll never take anything I say seriously. I can only hope that someday you come to your senses and realize the mistakes you have made. You weren't always like this, Jacob. I'm not sure if it was after your mom died or what but I can guarantee that she would have been ashamed of you."

"My mother has nothing to do with this… don't you dare talk about her." the phone trembled in his hand and his eyes became glassy. "I don't need your pity."

"Oh, I don't pity you one bit, but I do feel bad that you won't admit the truth of your actions. You are so stuck in denial that you can't see the damage you've caused. The people you've hurt." I said. "I want to move on with my life but in order to do that, I have to forgive you which I really don't want to do."

"I don't need your forgiveness."

"But I do, Jacob. I need to do this." my voice was just above a whisper. "The first time you raped me I was fourteen years old. You took away one of my most sacred things for your own personal gain. You continued to abuse me until my mental health deteriorated and had nothing else to live for. You made my life a living hell and despite all of that… I believe people can change- I believe you can change. I don't know when or how it will happen but I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for assaulting me and everything else."

**ooOoo**

**Isabella**

**Kent, England**

**One Month Later**

"Who do you always talk to this late at night?" my roommate asked.

"Edward." I blushed. I held my phone to my chest, staring up at the ceiling. We now face-timed every single night. It wasn't enough to just hear his voice. I had to see his face, I had to be with him in every way possible. It was addicting.

"You love him."

"I do." my voice was just above a whisper.

Charlotte Harrington had a personality to match Alice- only a little more subdued. Her auburn hair was cut in a short bob with a roundish face, brown eyes, and fair skin. Her smile could cheer up the saddest person when they were down and she was the reason that I didn't hole myself up in our room the entire first week after Emmett, Sue, and Charlie left.

"You talk to him everyday. He must be special." she winked.

I rolled to my side, laying down on my bed, staring at her. I pulled the blankets to my chin and closed my eyes. "He's perfectly imperfect, if that makes sense. I want to spend as much time with him as possible. I don't know how long our relationship will last, this is the furthest we've ever been apart. Long distance relationships usually don't work out."

"You will find a way." her voice is certain. "If you truly love each other then nothing can stop you. Sometimes you just have to have some hope that everything will work out. That's what I always try to do."

I want to believe our love can last through all challenges. I want to believe that in four years time, we'll still be together. But then reality comes to slap me in the face and all the hope is lost. Anything can happen between now and then.

"You sound like my friend." I can't help but laugh. "Her name is Alice- Edward's sister actually. Alice views life as a glass half full. She's always told me to keep my head up and put a smile on my face."

"I'd like to meet this Alice girl." she giggled.

"I think you would get along nicely."

It's quiet for a few moments and I think she has gone to sleep but suddenly I hear her voice. "Have you shagged him yet!?"

"Charlotte!" I burst into laughter. I threw a pillow across the room, hitting her in the face.

"What!" she tried to defend her self. "I'm just asking!"

"Well if you want to know so badly than… yes." I sighed. "A couple of years ago."

"You don't sound happy."

"It- it wasn't the best experience. But we've moved past it and we're happy now." I admitted. "Besides, there is more to a relationship than just sex."

"You're right." she said. "But physical contact is an important factor within a relationship. It just seems like it would be… difficult to abstain for that long of a time. I'm not sure I would be able to do it."

Charlotte always asked a lot of questions. She always wanted to know what everyone was feeling and was able to give damn good advice most of the time. There's a reason she's studying to become a psychologist.

"Well, I was hurt." I whispered. "The person I trusted the most, hurt me in the worst way possible so having sex and being intimate was not my first priority. There are other ways to show your love. Edward understands, he doesn't judge me."

Charlotte doesn't respond and I briefly think I've scared her off. I look at her from across the dark room to see she's staring up at the ceiling- still wide awake. "Do you think you'll ever be ready to be that intimate with someone again?"

Nobody has ever asked me that before. I swallow the lump in my throat, discreetly wiping away a fallen tear. "Eventually." I truthfully responded. "I'm not sure when but I know that I want kids. I want a family to love and care for. I want to have that connection with someone. I want that with Edward."

**ooOoo**

**Edward**

**Two Months Later**

"You know that you're crazy right?!" Alice yelled at me over the phone."We all get that you miss Bella, but you can't just show up at her school and surprise her. Don't you remember, she hates surprises?!"

"I don't care, Alice!" I grumbled. "She's missing Thanksgiving with us so I thought that the least I could do was go to her. We can have our own Thanksgiving."

"They don't even celebrate Thanksgiving in Europe!"

"Well, we can make our own!"

I could sense her rolling her eyes. She thought that I definitely lost my mind this time, for sure. Yes, I had just bought a plane ticket yesterday, Thanksgiving was tomorrow, and Bella didn't know I was coming. I packed a light bag with enough to last me four days. Alice was just about going crazy.

"Dad and mom are going to be so angry! It's been three months, Edward! Three months! They were so excited to have both of us home! Now you're only going to upset them!" Alice exclaimed.

"Well Bella needs some company too! It's unfair to forget about her, somebody needs to be there for her!" I tried to make Alice understand.

There will be other Thanksgivings' and holidays. It's not like I was on my deathbed and this was the last time they were going to see me.

Alice always overreacted.

"It's just four days, Alice. You all will survive without me and I'll be home by next Tuesday for the rest of break. It's not like I'm moving away forever."

I leaned back in the chair, waiting to board the flight while trying to tune out the sound of Alice's screeching voice.

"Ughhh," she groaned. "I can't believe you-!"

_"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 65B to London. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you."_

"Finally." I mumbled under my breathe.

"Edward don't you dare hang up!" she threatened.

"I'm about to board. I'll talk to you later."

"You have ten minutes-!"

I pressed the red button, hanging up the call and messaged my temple. Alice was giving me a fucking headache and knew that my parents would reach out soon once they find out what I've done.

Twenty minutes later, I was seated on the plane. I was tempted to call Bella, just wanting to hear her voice. After four months we would be together in exactly seven hours. We wouldn't have to do those late night calls. I wouldn't have to day dream about her being in my arms. We would be together. Everything would be perfect.

Rosalie called me a love-struck.

I didn't take it as an insult. I was in love with Bella and I wanted the whole world to see. She was mine and I was hers. I'd be by her side until she no longer wanted me.

_Ringgg._

My phone began to vibrate with incoming calls from my parents… and Rose, and Jasper, even Emmett. My eyebrows furrowed. He made it clear that he never wanted to see me again. Nonetheless, I put my phone on silent and stuck it in my pocket. Thirty minutes later we took off. I stuck my headphones in my ears and drifted off to sleep.

Only six hours to go.

The flight landed about twenty-five minutes ago and now I sat in a taxi. Drops of rain pounded against the window and the sky overcast. I had hoped it would be a nicer day. I wanted to take her out but now it was pouring. This messed up everything.

After an hour, we arrived at the university. After mumbling a thanks to the driver and giving a tip, I got out of the car and walked towards the front doors of the dorm. Bella, had briefly mentioned where she lived about a month ago.

"Shit." I muttered. The door was locked. I couldn't call Bella because that would ruin the surprise.

_I should've thought this out better._

I stood there, dumbly, looking around, hoping to find- what? I don't know. My clothes were soaked through. I hadn't thought to bring an umbrella.

"You look lost." a voice said from behind. I spun around to see a tiny girl in a yellow rain jacket, and knee high pink rain boots, smiling at me.

_Alice would like her style._

"My girlfriend lives in the dorm." I sheepishly said. "But I can't get in, the door is locked."

"You're from America." she smirked. "You wouldn't happen to be Edward, would you?"

Taken aback, I stammer, "y-yeah. Did Bella mention me?"

"I'm her roommate." she sticks her hand out towards me. "Call me Charlotte."

"Nice to meet you." I firmly shook her head. My heart fluttered, flattered that Bella even talked about me.

"I'll let you inside. Bella's actually out right now, but she usually comes back to the dorm around 2:30 for a little bit before heading to the library." she said as she unlocked the door with a key card.

She'll be back in ten minutes. I followed her inside, instantly relieved to be out of the rain. I got a visitors pass and signed my name on a piece of paper. She lead me down the hall and around the corner to their room. It was cozy and warm. There were two beds scattered with throw pillows pushed against the wall; a large grey bureau in between; a mini fridge in the corner of the room; one small window, and two signs hanging above their beds with the letters, **B** and **C**. On Bella's side of the room there were a few pictures on her disk: one of her, Charlie, and Emmett from Christmas last year; a photo of everybody at the Fourth of July barbecue- sans me- and a photo of the two us curled up next to each other on the couch last New Years.

"I take it she doesn't know you're here?" Charlotte flopped down on her bed.

Slightly startled, I jump and nod my head. I sit down on the edge of Bella's bed, sinking down into the mattress. "I, um, I wanted to be a surprise. I planned it last minute but I'm beginning to realize that I probably should have planned better."

She smirks as if to tell me- _yeah you should have._

"Where are you planning on staying?"

"My grandparents actually live in Canterbury." I explained.

It took so much convincing just to keep them from telling my parents. We only ever came to England a couple times to visit my grandparents and that was years ago. The most contact we had was calling and skyping them from over the phone. So when I say that they were excited I was coming- they were ecstatic!

"Well, I'm sure she is gonna be bloody excited." she honestly said. "All she does is talk about you and blushes like crazy."

"I really miss her." I felt my cheeks heat up. "It's been a long time."

"Well, I don't want to be a bother. She'll be here any minute and I'm starving!" she announced as she hopped off the bed. "I'm going to get something to eat but it was nice to meet you Edward Cullen."

I can't help but crack a smile at her infectious joy. "It was nice to meet you too."

She exits the room with a slight bounce in her step, softly shutting the door behind her. I lay back on Bella's bed, unable to wipe the grin off my face.

Five minutes later the door opened and I immediately sat up. Bella jumps back, startled and stares at me with wide eyes. She was too stunned to move. She stood at the door with a bag slung over her shoulder and dripping wet umbrella in her left hand. Her mouth slowly dropped open and suddenly… she burst into tears.

_Fuck!_ That was not the reaction I was looking for.

I immediately jumped to my feet as she dropped her bag and umbrella to the ground.

"What's wrong, love?" panic filled my voice.

She covered her mouth with a shaking hand. "Y-you're here." her voice cracked. "Ohmygod, you're here." a moment later she flung herself at me. Her arms wrapped around my neck as she sobbed into my shirt.

I hesitantly hugged her back, afraid that she would cry even harder. She mumbled something intelligible into my shoulder and all I could do was soothingly rub her back in circles.

"You don't have to cry-"

She let out an even louder sob. "These are happy tears!" she exclaimed pulling back from me. Her eyes were red and puffy while mascara ran down her cheeks. "H-how did you get here!? How did you get into my room?!"

"Well, I flew on a plane first then I took a taxi and then I met Charlotte and she let me in."

She playfully slapped me in the arm, sniffling a tiny bit. "I know that, silly. How come you didn't tell me you were coming? I would have met you at the airport!"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." I shrugged. "Besides, you shouldn't have to spend Thanksgiving alone. I'm on break right now so I thought that it would be nice to be together again. I didn't want to wait all the way until Christmas."

"Did your parents approve of this trip?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Well…"

"Edward!" she frowned. "Your parents miss you!"

"Well I miss you more." I grabbed her hips, pulling her close. "I only want to be with you and we've got four days together. I say we make it count."

"I have class though Edward…" she groaned. "As much as I want to spend time with you, I've got work I need to do."

"Well, it's the weekend tomorrow and we have the rest of today- assuming you are done with classes. You said before that you Mondays' off and that's the day I leave-"

"What about all the tests I have to study for?"

"You can find time to study. I'll help you study- what are taking right now? Anatomy?" I pleaded with her. "I took that course last year, it was easy."

A smile played on her lips. "Maybe I'll take up on your offer… Dr. Cullen."

"I'm no doctor yet. I've still got to apply to medical school." I said. "Actually… I was going to apply to the medical school at Oxford University. I figured that since you are here, Oxford is only two hours away and we can see each other all the time. But also I know my grandparents would love to see me more and-"

"Edward!" she cut off my rambling. " .Great! There is no need to convince me."

ooOoo

The first three days passed by faster than I expected. We ended up spending most of our time in London as Bella had barely seen any of the tourist sights. We did everything from riding the Big Ben to seeing Buckingham Palace. My personal favorite was going to Platform 9 ¾ (Cedric was my favorite)! We bought matching wands and I'm pretty sure Bella thinks that I've lost my mind.

_I can't help but love Harry Potter! Who doesn't?!_

I was leaving tomorrow and but first I wanted to do something special… something she wouldn't forget. I raised my fist to knock on her door when it suddenly opened. There she stood in a little black dress and a long Louis Vitton jacket- courtesy of Alice. She wore pale tights and of course flat shoes. Her hair was free, hanging down her back and she had just a touch of makeup.

"Am I too dressed up?" she bit her lip and fidgeted with the bracelet on her wrist.

"You're perfect." I sincerely meant it.

After closing the door behind her, she placed her hand in my mind and we headed out. A black SUV waited for us outside and I opened the door for her to get inside. She gave me an odd glance while he ran around to the other side and hopped in.

"Where are we going?" she asked as the car started to move.

"You'll have to wait and see." was all I said.

The annoyance was plan and clear on her face but she still played along. She leaned over and laid her head on my shoulder, giving me a whiff of her perfume. I placed a kiss on her head and laughed when she asked, "are we there yet?"

"We'll be there in about an hour, love." I reassured her. "I promise that you are going to like it."

She huffed in annoyance but said nothing else. We talked about minuscule stuff as we drove further and further into the countryside. Cows, sheep, and farms surrounded us on all sides. About an hour later we came to a stop. Curiously, Bella sat up and cocked her head to the side. She nodded towards the white cottage and asked, "Where are we?"

"My grandparents vacation home in Collinston. We are just outside of London."

We thanked the driver and get out of the car. With our hands intertwined, I led her up the cobblestone walkway to the wooden brown front door. Pulling the key out of my pocket, I unlocked the door and stepped inside. We took a left entering the kitchen and walked out the back door to the backyard.

We were literally in the middle of nowhere. There wasn't another house for miles and my grandparent's land seemed to go on for forever. This was the definition of peace. We could stay here forever if we wanted to. We could be together forever.

"It's beautiful." she breathed.

"I wanted us to do something special, my last night here."

"A picnic!" her face lit up when she saw the basket and blanket spread out on the grass. Before I could respond, she let go of my hand and raced into the field. I chased after her, collapsing on the blanket beside her. She curled up into my side, her strawberry scented shampoo tickling my nose.

"Your favorite part of the day is the evening because you get to watch the sunset." I softly said. "I figured that since it was my last night here, we could have a proper date."

Bella propped herself up on her elbow. "I couldn't imagine a better date." she leaned towards me, softly placing her lips on mine. I lightly sucked on her bottom lip.

Taking a breathe she whispered, "I'm ready, Edward." she placed her hand on the top button of my shirt, indicating what she was wanting.

"Bella…" I didn't want a repeat of last time. I couldn't hurt her again- I wouldn't hurt her again.

"I want this, Edward." she adamantly stated. "I know that you're worried about last time but I'm older now and I've… I've forgiven Jacob. I'm not going to let the past effect my future anymore. I've had a lot of time to reflect and think about what I want in life and what I want is you… I want every part of you."

"Are you sure, love?"

"I'm positive." she gulped. "You're leaving tomorrow and we won't see each other for another month, and even though it's only a month I don't want to wait that long. We're so far apart from each other and don't get me wrong, I'm glad I came to England but I miss you. I want our last night together to be special."

"We'll always be together, Bella." I tried to reason with her. "No matter how far away or long it feels, we'll always have a piece of each other in our hearts." I rested my hand on her sternum.

"But I want to tonight." she pleaded. "It won't be like last time. I can promise you that."

My heart raced against my chest. Her skin was so soft… like silk; she smelt like strawberries; the way her cheeks turned rosy made my heart skip a beat.

"Edward?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Ok." my voice croaked. "B-but only if you're ready. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you at any point feel uncomfortable then we'll stop, ok?"

A tear rolled down her cheek. "Thank you."  
"I love you." my lips turned up just the tiniest bit.

"Forever?" she whispered.

"Forever."

I fully sat up and gestured to the unopened basket of food. "I don't know about you but I'm starving. How about we eat first? My grandma made your favorite." I pulled a container out of the basket. "Mushroom Ravioli."

**ooOoo**

**The Next Morning**

I blinked several times, waking up, the light shining into my eyes. My arm was wrapped around Bella's waist and her body was half on top of mine. My fingers trailed down her bare spine, memories from last night flashed through my mind.

That's what our first time should have been like.

It was perfect. Bella was perfect. Everything was just… perfect.

Cute little snores sounded from her mouth causing a smile to spread across my face. To this day she still adamantly denied she snored. Leaning over to the bedside table as much as I could without waking her up, I grabbed my phone. The time flashed: _9:00am_. I had two hours to get to the airport- the flight was at two in the afternoon but I didn't want to be late.

"Bella?" I whispered. I rubbed her shoulder, causing her to shift just a little but, still not waking up. "Bella, love?" I tried again. "You've got to wake up."

"Sleepy." she mumbled. "Wanna go back to sleep."

"You can't sweetie." I laughed and placed a soft kiss on her nose. "I have to get ready for the airport and a taxi will be here in an hour."

She let out a little, humph and ever so slowly her eyes fluttered open. She stared up at me with her big doe eyes, her cheeks tinted pink and rested her hand on my bare chest.

"How are you feeling?" I cupped her cheek with the palm of my hand and brushed strands of fallen hair out of her face.

"Perfect." she blushed and collapsed into a fit of giggles. "Last night was perfect!"

"You were perfect." I gave her a peck on the lips. "You were better than perfect- you were amazing."

"That's what our first time should have been." she dreamily responded.

It's as if she read my mind. It was awkward at first but once we were able to let go of all of our fears and insecurities, everything was amazing.

"As much as I'd love to stay in bed, we should get up now." I sighed.

She buried her face in the pillow, groaning before getting out of bed. She held the blanket up to her chest, covering her naked body. "I'll make us a quick breakfast while you take a shower." she said. "Deal?"

"Yes, ma'am!" I saluted her.

Bending down still with the blanket wrapped around her body, she pulled the dress over her head and slipped on underwear. She winked and then turned to leave the room.

_Damn… how'd I get so lucky?_ I shook my head, chuckling.

Without another thought, I slipped on my pants from last night and headed to the bathroom. Ten minutes later I got out of the shower and headed back to the guest bedroom. I quickly change into my Dartmouth sweatpants and a sweatshirt and packed the rest of my bag. Following the smell of bacon and eggs, I found Bella in the kitchen piling food onto plates for the both of us.

"I made them sunny side up." she commented without turning around. "And the bacon is crispy just how you like it."

"You remembered." I sat down on the barstool at the island in the center of the kitchen.

"Of course I did." she laughed as she put the food down on the table, opting to stand on the other side. "After all I'm the one always doing the cooking-"

"Hey it's not my fault!" I held my hands up in surrender. "You know I'm not a good cook!"

"Well, maybe if you'd ever let me teach you-"

"Well maybe I just prefer your cooking." I took a bite of the bacon and sipped the glass of orange juice she had poured for the both of us.

She smirked and dramatically sighed. "Oh, how I love you!"

Twenty minutes later we were all cleaned up and the doorbell rang.

_The driver was early._

Bella and I got into the car as a sad feeling filled my body. The past four days felt like I dream that I wasn't ready to wake up from yet. The drive back to the school felt shorter than it was supposed to be and neither of us were ready to let go.

"Promise that you'll call me once you've gotten to the airport." said Bella with her arms wrapped around my neck. We stood outside the car, saying goodbye.

"I promise."

"And call me when you've landed."

"I promise."

"And call me-"

"Tonight, the same time?"

She sheepishly blushed. I chuckled before placing a kiss on her forehead and hugging her tight. "This isn't goodbye. We're just saying… see you later."

"See you later." she mumbled under her breathe.

_Just until December._ I had to remind myself. _One month._

Finally, I got back in the car, staring straight ahead as we drove away, willing myself not to back. I was about to pull out a book when my phone began to read. Taking it out of my pocket, Emmett's name flashed across the screen.

It was… six o'clock in the morning back home. What was he doing awake so early?

"Hello?" I asked in a surprise voice.

"Edward." he greeted me.

"What's, um, what's up?" I rubbed my jaw and stared out the window.

"I know you weren't expecting a call from me but I've been thinking about this for the past few days and I just wanted to… apologize."

"Th-thanks." my voice cracked. "Dude, I- I know that it must not have been an easy decision to make."

"I've been an idiot." he sighed. "I was so angry with you that I didn't really think about how Bella was feeling now. It took guts to admit what you did and the fact that you're still trying to make things better… I can't be angry with you."

"I really appreciate it, dude."

"And I'm sorry for punching you. I didn't mean to mess up your pretty little face." He snorted.

I barked out in laughter, running my finger over my now permanently crooked nose. "I don't blame you for that. I was a dick- I deserved it. Are we cool now?" I asked.

"We're cool."

"Thanks, dude." I let out a sigh of relief. "I promise not to hurt your sister again. I love her."

"I believe you." he said after a moment. "I know you love her. You wouldn't have flown all the way to England last minute if you didn't love her."

I cracked a smile. "Dude, I'm on my way to the airport right now but once I'm settled, we can talk more. Is that cool?"

"Yeah, Ed." he said. "Sounds good."

We hang up on the best note we've been on in the past, year. Things were finally looking up.

Suddenly, the car swerved to the left. My phone fell to the floor but before I could pick it up, my body jerked forward and the sound of a loud blaring horn echoed through my mind. I felt my skin collide with the window. All of my joints and organs crushed together and my lungs struggled to take in the air that I was afraid they would stop working all together. Car parts spread out throughout the street and I was only briefly aware of the red sticky substance pouring from my forehead. Steam rose from another vehicle and the smell was too intense to describe. I tried to stay awake- to keep myself from walking towards the figurative white light- to be there for Bella- but the crushing pain became too much to handle. My eyes fluttered shut and I reluctantly welcomed the darkness.

**ooOoo**

**Author's Note:**

**Hey everyone! Thank you all for reviewing and reading, your support means so much! AHHHH, I can't believe the story is technically over! ****This has been such an emotional journey writing this story and I thank you all for reading it. I couldn't have done it without all of you! I am writing an Epilogue and that will be the last part of this story.**

**Plus, I think that this is the longest chapter I've written so far! Sorry! That's why it took so long to update, I wanted to make this chapter good.**

**Anyways, I should update by next week or the week after! I hope you all are staying safe!**


	44. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Authors Note!:**

**Hey everyone! I hope everyone that's celebrating is having a good Mothers Day! I know that I said I would update in a couple of weeks but I couldn't help but write it now. Thank you for everyone that has reviewed and read this story. I understand that a lot of you are upset and when I planned the ending of this story a long time ago, it made sense how I was going to go and what the result of his death would be. Now I'm thinking that maybe I overstepped the boundaries- making it a little to unrealistic. Due to that, I've decided to change the ending.**

**Edward stays ALIVE!**

**I really don't want anyone to feel like they've wasted their time reading this story because I've put a lot of hard work into writing this and wanted to make this story great for all of you. I had a plan and everything about how the epilogue would go but I changed to something that I'm honestly more satisfied with as well.**

**I hope you enjoy the epilogue.**

**ooOoo**

**Ten Years Later**

**Isabella**

I never thought that I'd be back to Forks, for my father's funeral, sitting in my childhood bedroom. He died of a sudden heart attack, passing in his sleep. Edward and I got the call early yesterday morning from Emmett. I don't remember what happened after he muttered the words, _"he's dead."_

Charlie and I never had that type of fatherly- daughter relationship that others had. We were both socially-awkward, quick tempered, and stubborn as hell, commonly butting heads. I wondered what would have happened if I had stayed in Forks. Perhaps I could have prevented his death- _I'm a nurse for crying out loud!_

"There's nothing we could have done." said Edward. "His heart had been failing him for the past few years. He didn't tell anyone about this, not even Sue. None of this is your fault."

I mutely nodded my head, having no words to speak. I knew that this wasn't my fault. I was all the way on another continent, how could I have known this was to come? Besides, it would have been too late by the time I came back to help.

His death was inevitable.

There was a knock on the door. Edward muttered, "it's open."

Esme walked in the room, smoothing out her dress, and sat down on the edge of the bed beside us. She gave me a sympathetic smile and placed her arm around my shoulders. A tiny drop fell down my cheek and then the waterworks let loose. She gathered me in her arms, whispering calming words into my ear.

"You're ok, baby." she whispered. "Everything is going to be ok."

I pulled away, anxiously trying to wipe away the tears. Esme blotted under my eyes with a tissue, trying to clean up the smudged mascara. I seemed to be the only one a wreck. I don't understand how Emmett was so calm about all of this. He stood downstairs, greeting guests, putting on a brave face for the both of us. I couldn't stand the condolences and the constant, _I'm sorrys'._ Nobody knew my father like we did. Nobody could ever understand what we were going through.

"Edward, how about you go and stay with the kids." Esme turned to him. "They've been asking for the both of you."

_Shit. The kids. Our children._

"I'll, um, I'll go." I stuttered. "They need me."

I tried to stand up but both Edward and Esme wouldn't let me.

"I have this, love." whispered Edward. "Stay up here and take all of the time you need. There is no rush."

"But Elizabeth and Masen-"

"They'll be fine." reassured Edward. "I'll take care of them. Just focus on yourself and when you're ready you can come down."

I sighed, knowing arguing with him would get me nowhere. "I love you." I mumbled and kissed him on the lips. He left the room, softly shutting the door behind him. I twisted the diamond ring around my finger, trying to focus on anything else but… this.

"I was distraught the day my father died as well." said Esme. "As anyone would be."

I had calmed down enough to the point where I was no longer crying. An uncomfortable feeling just sat in my stomach now. "I just- I just wished we had had more time." I whispered. "Charlie had so many plans. He wanted to teach the kids how to fish. I promised that he could take him out on the boat the next time we came. Elizabeth was so excited about the pink sparkly fishing pole he gave her for her birthday."

I stood up and wandered over to the window. Loud giggles sounded from the backyard as I watched Edward chase our two children. I still can't believe it had already been five years since we had the both of them.

At only three years old, our daughter Elizabeth was the exact copy of Edward from her flaming bronze hair to emerald green eyes. She was outgoing and loved to be the center of everyone's attention. She definitely was a daddy's girl. Edward melted like putty in her hands. She was probably the most spoiled toddler in the world. She enjoyed fashion just as much as Alice enjoyed dressing her in new designer clothing every chance she got.

On the other hand our son Masen was just like me. He was only five years old but had the reading ability of someone years his age. He had a quiet persona and let his sister bask in all her glory. His head was full of thick dark curls just like Emmett and was highly protective of his younger sister. He was like glue, always stuck to me and Edward's side. We called him our little lamb while Elizabeth was the ferocious lion.

"The good thing about this age is that they're young enough that they'll have an easier time dealing with his death. They won't remember much once they're older." said Esme.

I suppose that should have made me feel slightly better. Explaining death to a three and five year old was harder than it sounded. The constant, _"why?"_ questions were enough to drive us both insane.

I can't imagine how I would have explained their father's death to them if he had been killed in that crash. The sight of him when arriving at the hospital made me sick to my stomach. Edward should have died that day. His heart stopped twice on the table and he was placed into an induced coma for nearly a month. His arm had been crushed in the accident and despite doctors telling him to give up on his medical career because his arm would be useless, he persevered proving all of them wrong. He was now a surgical intern at one of the best hospitals in London.

There were definitely times when I felt like giving up but that wouldn't have been fair to Edward. After we had been through so much together and fought so hard to save our relationship, there was no way we could be apart. The accident made us realize how strong our love was and a year later, Edward proposed on my twentieth birthday. We were married two years later, deciding to postpone the wedding until Edward was done with his physical therapy. Some people thought that we were too young to get married but we knew it was the right thing for us.

"I think I'm ready to go back downstairs." I said.

Esme gave me a nod of encouragement and we exited the room together.. Right away strangers and distant relatives that I had never met before began extending their sympathies. Politely smiling, I maneuvered my way through the crowd, walking outside where Rose and Edward played with the kids in the backyard.

Alice- six months pregnant, stood with Jasper and Carlisle on the porch. They flew in from Houston, Texas where they had been living for the past several years due to Jasper being a police officer. Alice had also managed to create a whole business for herself, and was one of the most sought after fashion designers in the country, and was slowly working her way into Europe. Her headquarters ran in New York City and she had enough staff managing the business that she was able to stay in Texas. They were due to to have a baby girl in February.

_Mary Hale._ That was her name.

A moment later I heard, "momma!" Masen took off running towards me, jumping into my arms. Everyone laughed as I stumbled back. He sucked on the tips of his fingers, snuggling into my side.

"Hey baby." I cooed. From his neck to his cheeks turned pink.

_Just like his mother._ Edward always said.

"W-where is Lilian and Henry?" he cupped his hand around his mouth and whispered loudly into my ear.

_Lilian and Henry Swan. His cousins._

"Well, last I saw them they were sitting with Uncle Emmett in the living room. Do you want to go see them?"

He anxiously nodded his head. Despite them living in Seattle and us being in England, they were best friends. All three of them were five years old and birthdays were within a month of each other. Masen quietly admired his uncle, thinking it was so cool how Emmet was was the linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks. Rose took a different approach that none of us expected- she became a social worker. I suppose her love of children and need to help compelled her towards that profession.

Dreading walking back into the house, I forced my feet to move, holding onto Masen tight in my arms. He began to wiggle, wanting to get down once we spotted two mops of curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

Emmett gave me a knowing look, asking- _are you ok?_ I nodded my head and let Masen go running towards the two other children.

As the day progressed, more and and more people began to leave until everyone was gone. All who was left was our family. It was 8:00pm and all of the children were finally asleep, having put them all to bed in mine and Emmett's old room. Finally, we all sat in the living room, silently reflecting on the day.

Sue however broke the silence. "I- I understand that today has been a tough day for everyone." she gulped. Her eyes were red and puffy from having cried for the past several hours. "But there are some things that I'd like to talk about."

Turning to me and Emmett, she said, "your father made it clear that once he died, he wanted the both of you to have the house and his fishing boat and supplies. He didn't want all of his belongings just going to waste."

"Sue-" Emmett started.

The both of us were clearly in shock. We assumed he would leave everything to Sue. We never really considered what would happen once he died.

"I understand that this is a surprise to both of you." she said. "You both have your own separate lives now but I know your father wouldn't want the house to go to waste. You don't have to move back here, he just wished that you wouldn't sell the house."

Edward took my hand, squeezing gently. There was a time when I would have said, _no way in hell_\- not wanting any connection to Forks. But Jacob died in prison two years ago; he was beaten to death by a prisoner. There was no longer the threat of him looming over my head and most of people at the reservation were grown up and had moved on and away from Forks.

I turned to Edward, unsure what to say. We had established a good life for ourselves in England. We lived in Collinston- Edward's grandparents gave us their vacation home. It was a simple way of life that we had both desperately needed. The children got to grow up outdoors, uncaring and free. I wouldn't want to give that up for anything. It was just the normal we needed in our lives.

"What about you, Sue?" I asked. "You live here. You shouldn't have to leave."

She sadly smiled and took Seth's hand. "I'm getting older Bella and it's hard for me to move around. I've made the decision to move to California. I want to be closer to my son."

My heart hurt seeing how close their connection was. _It wasn't an easy decision to make._

"I'm up to doing whatever you want to do, Bella." said Emmett. "Rose and I can't leave Seattle but I agree with dad, we should keep the house within the family."

"I don't think that we could move back here." I shook my head. "You know as much as I love dad, it'll be a lot of work to maintain the home when we're all living so far away. I don't see how this would be possible."

"Well, what if you both kept the house together?" Carlisle thought after a few minutes of tense silence. "You both take half and half. Esme and myself will come check up on it once in a while, making sure it stays in good condition. Think of it as a vacation home you can stay in when you come back to visit."

"I'd be willing to do that." said Emmett.

"And think of it this way," Rose spoke up. "You can pass it onto the kids they're older and they can pass it onto their kids someday."

"That sounds like a great idea." Edward agreed. "What do you think, Bella?"

Emmett seemed on bored and now everyone had turned to me.

"I- I think it sounds like a great idea." I had to admit.

Despite the past, I wanted the kids to have some connection to our lives before. I wanted them to know their grandparents and have a place to call home in this town. I couldn't throw the past away. All we could do was embrace the future.

"I love you." Edward softly whispered, placing a kiss on my cheek.

I leaned into his side, gazing at everyone in the room, amazed at how far we had all come. I could be sad and rage about my father's death but I know he wouldn't that. He'd want us to be happy and celebrate life. Not cry. I stood taller and braver than I had ever felt before. Jacob couldn't beat me. He didn't win. It turned out love really could conquer all.

**The End.**

**ooOo**

**Author's Note (again):**

**I know that I keep adding stories and the deleting them but I'm planning on working, Master of Her Heart now and I'm adding a Harry Potter story that I've been updating on Archive of Our Own under the name: Irishgurl15.**

**When I do another Twilight story, would you prefer to be happier supposed to all of the dark stories I have been doing? I'll really do whatever. Just write your suggestions in the reviews!**


	45. Announcement!

Hi all!

I'm back! I know that this story is technically done ;) but I wanted to let you all know that I created a poll that's on my profile! I have several ideas for what story to do next and put them all in a poll! I was just hoping that some of you might go over and chose which one you would like me to write! I'll write the one with the most votes!

Thank you! Stay Safe!


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